Child Schedules with a Toddler

[ZoeyZoo]

I'm working on drafting an agreement up with ex-h about child exchanges. We have a 2 year old dd. Can anyone share their schedules and offer any advice on what did/didn't work?

[DeerMother]

I'm on my phone and can't link right now, but I got some good responses to a similiar question last week.

[LoveOhm]

I suggest planning a step by step visitation that would gradually result in all exchanges taking place at school once your child is in school / daycare.

[meemee]

at 2 i had returned to work. so dd was in dc. ex and i were not on good terms. however we both had the best for our dd in view. ex also had v. flexible hours. so i would drop dd to school and he would pick her up. and i would pick her up from him. he never kept her overnight. so 5 days a week i picked up dd from ex's place and then kept her from frid even to monday morn when i dropped her at dc. once dd turned 3 he started taking her overnights. since then our usual week looks like this.

monday i pick her up from dc/school keep her overnight
tuesday i drop her to dc or school - her dad picks her up from dc/school and keeps her overnight
wednesday - repeat of monday
thursday - repeat of tuesday
friday - i pick her up and keep her till sunday evening when i drop her over to her dads.

we have been doing this for the last 5 years. and it still works v. well for us.

we dotn live too far from each other. 10 mins away.

this works for us for a few reason
1. ex can only handle parenting well in small doses. yet he wants dd with him
2. he doesnt really like doing social stuff with her so the weekends are great for me as we do a lot of stuff together.
3. having her gone two nights a week allows me great flexibility in choosing classes at school.

however during our summer holidays things go all over the place. dd is with me more. so she might go over to her dads for a couple of nights and spend a week with me. because we have the flexibility - our basic structure stays the same anytime but it always changes depending on what dd wants to do.

[Phoenix~Mama]

The only thing STBX would go for right now is EOW. (when he isn't cancelling parts or all of it ) He does come and visit every Friday for an hour or two as well, if he's not taking her overnight. If he is taking her overnight he is to pick her up from daycare and have her for the weekend. This has actually only happened twice in the past 4 months.

I've been trying to get him to visit twice a week instead of once, since it never fails by Wednesday DD is asking about him. But I've been met with the same answer everytime how gas isn't getting any cheaper. ( STBX only lives 30 minutes away).

I guess a lot depends on your ex and how cooperative they are willing to be to work with you. Sometimes best interest of the child doesn't always work because unfortunately the other parent can't think past themselves. *sighs*

Good Luck!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Phoenix~Mama

The only thing STBX would go for right now is EOW. (when he isn't cancelling parts or all of it ) He does come and visit every Friday for an hour or two as well, if he's not taking her overnight. If he is taking her overnight he is to pick her up from daycare and have her for the weekend. This has actually only happened twice in the past 4 months.

I've been trying to get him to visit twice a week instead of once, since it never fails by Wednesday DD is asking about him. But I've been met with the same answer everytime how gas isn't getting any cheaper. ( STBX only lives 30 minutes away).

I guess a lot depends on your ex and how cooperative they are willing to be to work with you. Sometimes best interest of the child doesn't always work because unfortunately the other parent can't think past themselves. *sighs*

Good Luck!

Sorry to thread-jack, but I just had a thought about PM's situation. PM - I know your ex has always really wanted a boy, and I know you're preggo with one. Have you thought about the possibility of your ex favoring his son over the dd you share with him? I wonder if you can make it so that he can't take ds overnight unless he's also taking dd overnight? You can allow him to take dd w/o ds (b/c you want a progressive schedule with the new babe anyway). Just a thought.

OP - we will have a final schedule in the next month or so, but I'll post it when we have it. Right now its just not stable enough to share.

[ZoeyZoo]

Thank you everyone for the feedback. Right now we are going one mid-week overnight, one weekend day overnight, and he's been picking her up from preschool early and spending several hours per day with her until I get home from work. He's complaining he wants to get it more to the 50/50 mark.

We are planning to work up to EOW with some weekdays thrown in. I was hoping to find a way to keep the days consistent (i.e., every monday) so I could get involved with some activites on a consistent basis. But I don't want hime to have more than 2 overnights in a row with her due to her age. Even though he was the SAHD she is much more bonded with me and it's much harder for her to leave me than him.