You know you're in the 3rd trimester when....

[Metasequoia]

(Shamelessly stealing this fantastic idea from September's DDC)

1) You go to the bathroom and exactly 60 seconds later have a coughing attack and still manage to pee in your pants (how is that possible??)

2) Rolling over in bed leaves you breathless.

3) Your DP has to carry the pot of soup to the fridge because your belly sticks out to far for you to carry it.

4) Your 4 year old exclaims "Turkey's growing hair!" because none of your bottoms stay up far enough and none of your tops reach past your belly button.

5) You automatically say "Not until Thanksgiving" before people can even ask - followed by "It's just one baby."

Mine don't seem so funny to me - let's hear yours!

[~Demeter~]

LOL Meta! I chuckled a bit...


How about,

1. You pee, stand up and pee your pants. I've been dealing with this for weeks now.

2. Your crotch makes crackling sounds if you lean forward.

3. It's a huge effort to pick anything up from the ground, it's usually weighed by how important the item is and who's around to actually grab it for you.

4. Sex is a myth that happened many moons ago.

I'm sure I have more, those are the ones that immediately came to mind. lol And I can totally relate to almost all of yours.

[kittywitty]

If you rock back and forth and side to side lifting your belly up a little right after you pee, it helps prevent the peeing when you stand up bit. I figured that out with #4, thank the gods.

I'll add some...

1. You have to put considerable thought into bending or squatting to pick up something from the floor.

2. You can't reach into your cabinets because your stomach is in the way from getting too close.

3. You almost cry at the thought of a free massage.

4. You're so swollen you have cankles.

5. You get all excited and show off to your kids that you're not as swollen as yesterday.

6. Your hands swell so much that you feel like you're wearing gloves when you try to pick up nails and screws.

7. The thought of having your vagina stretch out to accommodate a 15" head sounds more like relief than torture.

8. You're frantically cleaning your house and getting baby stuff together when you realize you still have 3 more months until the baby actually comes.

9. You wake up at least 3 times a night to go pee and it takes you 15 minutes or more to get comfortable enough again.

10. You have so many pillows surrounding your body at night that you look like a giant mountainous blob.

11. You can't go anywhere more than a 2 minute walk from a bathroom for fear you'll pee your pants.

12. You've been heard saying "OMG my vagina, kid, stop punching it!" or "Please leave my cervix alone".

[rachwms]

You worry about overdosing on Tums or Rolaids.

Men have completely stopped stairing at your chest, pretty much try not to look at you at all, and all the old women have started staring at your belly.

[Ellen Griswold]

You have become a pro at picking up small things, particularly Legos, with your toes rather than bending over.

[~Demeter~]

kittywitty... the rocking back and forth while lifting the belly thing worked with #4... but not this one, sadly. hahaha I just have to change my panties frequently (i need to finish making those liners!!)

[Metasequoia]

Originally Posted by kittywitty

If you rock back and forth and side to side lifting your belly up a little right after you pee, it helps prevent the peeing when you stand up bit. I figured that out with #4, thank the gods.

When I went pee first thing this morning, I leaned forward to pick something up off the floor and suddenly more pee just kept dribbling out. I actually had to LOOK to see if I wasn't just hearing things. And then I worried that my water had broken from all of the coughing.

Originally Posted by kittywitty

7. The thought of having your vagina stretch out to accommodate a 15" head sounds more like relief than torture.

This is fun!

[ILoveMySofie]

Originally Posted by kittywitty

3. You almost cry at the thought of a free massage.

ooohh this is soooo true

[StoriesInTheSoil]

You think that food sounds really good but then are full after half a meal.

Your nursing toddler gets irritated with your cumbersome size and hautily says to your belly "you move, baby!"

[my kidlets and me]

I love these! How about:

- your kids can no longer sit on your lap because there isn't enough room. And if there is enough room, they tend to lean back on your stomach, making your heartburn worse, so you don't want them there anyways.

- a due date 3 months away seems further away than 9 months did way back at the beginning. (I'd happily have this baby tomorrow!)

- you kick objects on the floor out of your way rather than bend down to pick them up. Or, you commandeer the kids to pick them up for you.

- going up and down your stairs is your exercise for the day.

[my kidlets and me]

Originally Posted by rachwms

You worry about overdosing on Tums or Rolaids.

Men have completely stopped stairing at your chest, pretty much try not to look at you at all, and all the old women have started staring at your belly.

Ha! Love this one!

[my kidlets and me]

Here's one that dh has volunteered:

"You know you're in the 3rd trimester when you complain all the time." Gee, thanks honey.

[pomegranate]

Originally Posted by my kidlets and me

- you kick objects on the floor out of your way rather than bend down to pick them up. Or, you commandeer the kids to pick them up for you.

-you are crippled with exhaustion...again

[HeatherB]

- when you pick up your 2yo, you have to swing his legs OVER your belly, because you have no waist left.

- you lay down on your back and realize you can no longer breathe (so much for the traction table at the chiro!).

- you sit for too long and then are too stiff to move.

- you end up walking like you're in labor when you've still got 3 months to go.

- you constantly think it's 2 months further along than it really is, gleaning strange reactions from friends when you talk about anything related to dates (because it IS still August, not Sept/Oct/Nov!).

- you stay up all night searching for new birth stories to read because you can.NOT. wait to have your own!

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by my kidlets and me

Here's one that dh has volunteered:

"You know you're in the 3rd trimester when you complain all the time." Gee, thanks honey.

[BirdMum]

- Your three year old points out that "Penguins walk like mummy!"
- You start seriously weighing the likelihood of wetting the bed against getting up for the 5th time that night.
- You eagerly look forward to the day where contractions are a good thing
- You've folded the diapers twenty times, but are still convinced they need to be straightened one last time.
- The shower needs to be washed again. Right. This. Minute.
- Vacuuming at 2am is perfectly reasonable.
- Waking up your husband to give you a backrub at 2:30 is also perfectly reasonable.
- Your toddler looks at the lotion and when asked what it is for, says "For fixing mummy's feet."
- Crying at a car commercial is a perfectly valid exercise of your emotional range.
- Screaming at the oven because you forgot to turn it on is also perfectly reasonable.
- You swear you will never love your husband more than when he mops.

[Ellen Griswold]

Originally Posted by BirdMum

- You swear you will never love your husband more than when he mops.

Yes!

[kittywitty]

Your husband mops?

And the crying thing. Oh my. I have been getting all teary eyed at the most utterly ridiculous non-cry worthy things. Hormones!

[BirdMum]

Originally Posted by kittywitty

Your husband mops?

And the crying thing. Oh my. I have been getting all teary eyed at the most utterly ridiculous non-cry worthy things. Hormones!

Yep, does dishes too. I've been considering renting him out.

[MamaFern]

Mopping is good! .. but I would happily do all of the housework for a week for one of DP's massages.. My hip had been so sore and DP gave me a massage with Arnica massage oil (is there a drool smilie?) the other night and it hasn't been nearly as sore since. Im hoping for another one tonight, if im really lucky!
and he is installing our new bathtub