My 5 y/o is always angry

[awindes]

My 5 y/o son always seems to be in a really bad mood. The DH and I are generally happy people, and although we argue like most couples we don't argue in front of our DS. I can't figure out where all his anger and hostility comes from. He just started kindergarten, and doesn't get in trouble there his teacher says he seems happy there. So why is it he is constantly yelling at us and slamming doors, he tells us he hates us. We do discipline him for yelling and slamming doors by giving him a timeout but, i cant force him to have a better attitude can anyone please help me out i would really appreciate any and all input.

[Nansense]

I read somewhere (here?) that kids go through a frustration phase when they're 5-6yo. My ds has lots of anger too - not all the time but frequently. I've talked to him about if he feels things are confusing, if he's worried about something. Also, when we have fun, I say what fun we had and isn't it more fun when he's nice than him being mean & angry and then nobody has fun. He gets it. I've noticed it spikes when we're in-between activities and he doesn't have a direction, or if he's tired or hungry. Is he getting enough exercise to let off the steam? hth.

[~cassie]

My 5 yr old is an angry dude as well, has been for about 9 months maybe. I am waiting for it to go away, but my 7 yr old neice has also been in the angry phase for a few years now.

[madskye]

Food and sugar? My DD was having huge tantrums last year, I cracked down on sugar. Things evened out. This summer, things have been crazy again, lots of temper tantrums and bad attitude, and I realized that she wasn't eating anything at camp all day. This past week, I've been giving her high protein or higher fat snacks/less carby snacks and meals all week and she is much more even tempered.

She went from pre-k where they supervised their snacks and lunch, to camp where they didn't and we start kindy next week.

[klt]

5 yo son has gotten bossy, mean, sassy and angry. I am shocked by some of the nasty comments that come from his mouth. I think it is an age-phase thing (eyes turned up to heaven, praying.) Last week I had to explain to him how his talk hurt my feelings. I went as far as to tell him that when he is nasty and mean, then people don't want to be friends with him and mommies won't want to take care of him or be nice to him either. I went pretty heavy on the "mommies won't do things for them anymore" bit as he went over board on helping me at the grocery store.

I am really wanting to know how to talk with a 5 yo about "attitude" and giving lip. The only angle I know is that hurt people's feelings and is disrespectful. I don't think he understands what being respectful means. Anyone care to share thoughts on teaching child manners, respect, and boundaries?

[Mackenzie]

OMG... I am sorry for you guys but sooooo happy its not just me. My son is 6.5 and this is basically him. I don't know what to do because he hasnt always been this way. In fact an old friend would call him the mellowest toddler in the world. We eat pretty good but as well as we used to so that is likely a factor but he is just so upset frequently. He has many happy, loving moments but they are overturned soooo quickly. sigh

[GuildJenn]

I'm just going to ramble. My son is just turning 5 so take it with a grain of salt, although I've known a lot of kids that age.

I think the developmental task in the 5-7/8 age range is partly to stop thinking the world revolves around you (lifelong process but I mean in fundamental ways).

And I think for some kids that is really scary-making and they get fearful and shy, and for some kids they sort of ride it out, and other kids get really angry and defensive.

For me when I had close contact with a nephew that was being mean and rude I found what helped was a kind of 3-prong approach. When he was mean or rude I would say sternly but not mean/mad: "I do not want to be spoken to in that way. It hurts my feelings/annoys me." With prolonged eye contact. Then I would repeat whatever in a polite way. If he continued, I would walk away.

I did not personally find punishment helped with attitude issues because it more escalated the stakes. Although I have to admit slamming doors probably would get me tempted.

Second I would give him a chance to be the king for the 5 minutes or whatever when he was NOT being rude. Like choosing the dessert or - this sounds dumb - having the fancy plate/spoon. I think Playful Parenting has a lot about this but we did it in concrete ways 'cause well, hadn't read it yet.

Third I tried to help him express his very real lack of control in his life (his parents were divorcing etc.). With my son we generally try to avoid bad language but when he had appendicitis we told him "appendicitis SUCKS." And we let him say that as much as he wanted. I was amazed at how much that helped him. Now when he has a bad day at school I don't try to help him see the sunny side. I say "sometimes it is really hard to be in school." Maybe you are doing this but we find it helps.

I agree food and sugar could contribute too.

[awindes]

Thank you all for replying to my post make me better that its not just my son. I think I'm going to try and cut out sugar (talked to my mom last night she said my sister was the same way and a sugar free diet helped). I have tried talking to him and he just gets mad and gives me a dirty look the whole time. As far as letting him be king for a min. He king all the time hes our only child so he pretty much gets whatever he wants. That may be contributing to his attitude his is spoiled. hm-mm i will have to try some new things and see what happens. Thank you guys for all your advice I'm so glad i found this site.