Managing 2.5 year-old and newborn/6 week old

[slgt]

We have 2 daughters, 2.5 and 6 weeks. We are in a very fortunate situation right now that I have 12 full weeks of maternity leave and my husband is a SAHD, so we are having a really blessed time adjusting to our new family.

I'm trying to give him several hours a day to work on projects around the house, but here it is - I'm having a hard time figuring out how to manage both girls at once. DD#2 of course is in arms, and is often not thrilled with being in a sling/moby/bjorn (and still too small for the angelpack). DD#1 is of course rather demanding of time. I feel like all I'm capable of doing with both is reading books, coloring, going for walks, or going out to places where DD#1 can be more self-entertained (e.g. playground, playgroup).

When I try to do a morning at home with both, I'm exhausted & overwhelmed, and it shows as DD#1's behaviour deteriorates as the morning goes on. I feel like DD#2 is just along for the ride, and I'm just sort of carting her around to whatever DD#1 is doing, and she's not getting much 1:1 time. I end up feeling like I'm not being a very good Mom to either girl - and forget about being an effective wife and taking care of the house. Gack! How do I do this?!?!?!?!?

I know thousands of people do this - what tips, tricks, advice to you have for helping things go more smoothly? I know it will get easier and harder, but I'd love to have some experience under my belt so that I can pass some wisdom on to DH when he (gulp) is a SAHD dad to 2 once i go back to work! And should I give up on getting things done around the house until DD#2 is older? Will all of this change a lot once she's 3-4 months old and is more entertained by watching the world go on around her and playing a little bit?

[lach]

I know that this is probably not the answer that you're looking for, but I relied on TV like never before and never since from about the 6 week period to the 4 month period. TV and junk food.

My DD was younger than yours, but she was also even more high needs at 2.5 than she was at 1.5 (when DS was born) so I'm positive I would have done the same thing. Newborn (and 6 weeks is the height of fussiness for most babies) and 2.5 are both pretty difficult ages. I guess all ages are difficult in their own way, but 2.5 year olds tend to be very clingy and very independent all at the same time, and it can be frustrating. It can be frustrating for everyone. The baby takes 30 minutes to feed, which is about 20 minutes more than the toddler has patience for. And then there's the very important mathematical theorem: "the amount of time it takes to put the baby down for a nap is exactly equal to the amount of time that the toddler can play quietly, plus one minute." Read that one over until you get it. DS's eyes would be s-l-o-w-l-y shutting, rolling back, quiet, heavy breathing when suddenly an ear-piercing shriek from the other room "MOMMEEEEEEEE!" as though a pack of wild coyotes were attacking (really, she just couldn't fit the puzzle piece in correctly) and DS's eyes would fly open and he'd unlatch and start crying. That was where the bowl of junk food (Annie's bunny crackers were the treat of choice, but really anything would do) came in.

Also, reciting "this too shall pass. this too shall pass. this too shall pass."

And it does. And we went back to virtually no TV and DD no longer goes through a box of crackers every day and both kids are mobile now.

I do want to add that the list of "all you're capable of" is a pretty reasonable and impressive list. Right now you really can't expect to be able to do more. In the newborn stage, you just gotta take everything hour by hour and do the best you can.

[lisalu100]

Is DD2 indicating that she is not happy being toted around to DD1's activities? If not, I would try to keep DD1 happy and stimulated, and not worry about the 1:1 time with DD2. She won't get that, like DD1 did, but she gets an older sibling instead !

Remember that things change week by week, and the weeks fly by. It probably won't be long until DD2 likes to be worn, and then things will be easier.

Good luck!

[ellairiesmom]

i was in the exact spot back in march. i read books while nursing & a friend gave us these cute flashcard type things that i could do with dd1 while nursing dd2.

but i'm going to be honest about what made it all easier & kept everyone happy...TV. since we were stuck inside more then, we did lots of bernstain bears, caillou, dora, dragon tales.

and when spring came, dd2 loved being dragged around & taking it all in. they do change so much, so fast.

you are doing great. don't worry!

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by slgt

I feel like all I'm capable of doing with both is reading books, coloring, going for walks, or going out to places where DD#1 can be more self-entertained (e.g. playground, playgroup).

I think you're doing a great job - that's more than most new moms can give. You should be congratulated for doing so much with such a young babe in tow!

DD was 28 MO when DS was born. We are virtually TV-free here (def. none for the kiddos), so we did a lot of the same things you did: reading, coloring, crafts, etc. Mostly, I tried to do things with DD that would allow me to nurse DS at the same time.

Give yourself permission to let go. There's nothing wrong with playing in your DD's room while the baby sleeps in your arms. Put a pile of dress-up clothes next to you while you nurse, or set yourself up near the play kitchen so you can help "cook" while the baby sleeps on you. DD1 will get the attention she needs while the baby gets the snuggly time with mama that she needs.

As to things deteriorating by mid-morning, I think it goes with the territory. 2.5 was a very difficult age for DD - lots of tantrums, etc. I tried my best to make sure she was always well fed and well rested. Those two things helped keep her behavior as best as it could be. It wasn't perfect, but we managed to make it through!

[happysmileylady]

I am confused, if your DH is a SAHD, what is he doing while you are dealing with both children at once?

[namaste_mom]

I have two that are now 21 months and 4 months. I did wear and still wear the little one a lot because that allows me to do things with the toddler. My fav activity is going to the children's museum or to the playground. But, i wore the little one so that made things much easier.

[lach]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

I am confused, if your DH is a SAHD, what is he doing while you are dealing with both children at once?

She said he is working on his own projects.

OP, I also wanted to add... since you are usually at work, it's entirely possible that your older child is more out of sorts about having you at home than she even is about the new baby. The minds of small children work in strange ways sometimes, and depending on just how high-needs the baby is, she may just be a blip on the radar for your older child. I think my DD considered the new baby to be more like a doll she could ignore when she felt like it than anything else.

I am an at-home parent, and when DH is home (even on weekends, and also for longer periods like when he was laid off last year) my DD is just in 7th heaven. She just spends less time with him, so it makes sense that she is over the moon when he is around. And, being 2-3, she shows this by being clingy, needy, tantrumning at every turn, and just generally high strung I know that it drives DH crazy and he constantly says "how do you put up with this all day?" but the truth is that she's much more mellow when he's not around. She's just so very excited to spend time with him that it's overwhelming to her. (And it's not as though he's never around, either... but the time he's gone is an awfully long time for a little kid with only a tenuous grasp of time).

I would get your DH's opinion on this, because it might not be the case. But toddlers thrive on routine, and breaks in routine cause their whole world to kind of spin out of control... and, for some reason, this is especially true when the change is GOOD (like having both parents at home all the time, instead of just one). It's entirely possible that once things kind of return to the old routine for her, she will calm down a bit.

I know that this doesn't help you now, but it is something to consider for when you do go back to work and DH is left all alone.

[Elismum]

I could have written this post. We're in nearly the same position. I appreciate all the helpful responses. I've been trying to get out of the house to do one thing DS (#1) will enjoy - even if it's a walk to the mailbox a couple of blocks away. I feel bad for leaving DD (#2) to cry sometimes (e.g., when DS is crying or needing to be put down or getting DS's lunch together and he's clearly about to lose it . . .). But I figure it will all be ok.

And to the notion that Annie's bunnies are junk food. Oops - my son eats some almost everyday, new baby or no.

[lach]

Originally Posted by Elismum

I could have written this post. We're in nearly the same position. I appreciate all the helpful responses. I've been trying to get out of the house to do one thing DS (#1) will enjoy - even if it's a walk to the mailbox a couple of blocks away. I feel bad for leaving DD (#2) to cry sometimes (e.g., when DS is crying or needing to be put down or getting DS's lunch together and he's clearly about to lose it . . .). But I figure it will all be ok.

And to the notion that Annie's bunnies are junk food. Oops - my son eats some almost everyday, new baby or no.

I didn't mean to sound crazy-nutritious... but seriously, she was going through about a box a day to keep her happy and quiet while I had to deal with the baby! In that quantity, I definitely count them as junk food