hate bf'ing....help

[suddenlyamama]

I am a terrible mum. I can't stand to bf. I tear myself up over this every day. Babe and I have really had a tough go at it from the beginning. I had post-delivery complications and had to be wisked away to the ER for a few hours after her birth. I didn't even see her for hours after she was born. There was no latching, or eating the first 10 hours. Then, the nurses would come in and shove my boob in her mouth forcefully and neither her nor I would benefit from this. We checked out of the hospital early just so that we could go home and start bonding and feeding. We came home and the first night was fine, but the days following were horrible. I should have researched bf'ing more than I did, as no one in my family (can you believe this?) has breastfed. I didn't know she had a bad latch.
While in the hospital I rented a machine and pumped but she obviously was bottle-fed. I returned home, only to find that she would still take my breast, and the pain had gone away. I was amazed. However, a week or so passed and soon we were having different issues. I had too fast of a let down and an oversupply. Babe was practically drowning in her supper. She would latch on and latch off constantly. This is so painful. Our days are stressful. Sometimes I find myself super frustrated with her when she "clicks" on my nipple (please don't judge me)
I have been pumping to avoid nighttime stress, but I want so badly to love this time together.
To top it all off, we have developed a mean case of thrush.
This is just not the walk in the park I imagined.
Do you have any recommendations for me? Supportive books or websites?
I really want to keep going with this, but I need my girl to have a happy mommy and I am getting depressed.

[rayna74]

Oh Jamie!!

My heart goes out to you. First of all, you are not a terrible mum. You are going through some serious bfing challenges, but you are an awesome mum for trying so hard, for bfing at all, and for reaching out when you need help!

Two websites I can recommend to you are Kelly Mom and the La Leche League website. Here are the links:
http://www.llli.org/resources.html
www.kellymom.com

The La Leche League has an excellent book available called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - I love this book. It's an excellent resource tool.

However, I feel like you are really in crisis mode, so you might want to utilize some other resources above and beyond books and websites right now. I would recommend that you locate the La Leche League leader in your area. Use their site, this link specifically: http://www.llli.org/webindex.html

This person will be able to help you, and even direct you to a La Leche League group that meets near you so you can get some help in person. You'll also be able to just hang out with other breastfeeding moms who are all experiencing their own challenges and supporting each other through them.

I suggest the LLL because often you can get help for free or low cost. Another option that can be a bit more expensive is to contact a Lactation Consultant (LC) in your area who can meet with you privately. Obviously the hospital and even doctor's offices work with LC's, but it sounds like the folks who were trying to help you at the hospital were not helping you the way you needed to be helped. I would recommend doing some research in your area and finding doulas (birth assistants/coaches) and/or midwives who can direct you to more natural and holistically minded LC's.

I hope this helps. Hang in there! You are going to get through this and have that sweet breastfeeding relationship with your baby that you crave. You just need a little support! I honestly don't know what I would have done without my LC who came to visit me two days after my daughter was born to make sure we were bfing okay. She got me through my challenges. The perfect person is out there just waiting to help you, and with a little research, you will find her!

hugs hugs hugs,
Rayna (mom to 12 mo old girl)

[Maine Mama Doula]

Are there any bf support groups in your area? LLL or local hospitals / mom's groups? I didn't have any family members who breastfed either and it is hard without support. It does get easier as they get bigger. Formula/bottle feeding just brings new and different challenges.

[ElliesMomma]

how old is your baby?

my suggestions would be to start sleeping *with* her if possible and instead of pumping, just nurse her directly. this will build your supply, let you get more sleep, and your baby will probably latch better in the overnight hours, when she is half asleep.

what about positions? have you tried lying in bed with her during the day? you can lay on one side, her facing your breast, let her latch at her leisure, nurse to sleep for her naps. to switch sides, just move her over to the other side, and/or pull the other breast down from the top. this can give you FOUR different angles for her latches, all while nursing with YOU laying down. and you can also take a nap when she does. (if that's possible, didn't notice if you have other kids or not.)

football hold worked well for me in the early months. sit in a comfy chair, baby is next to you, but her feet are where your back is, you are looking at each other. just hold her under one arm and present your breast straight into her mouth. good position for sore nipples. helps with latch too i think.

if you can just keep going it WILL get easier. nursing is more important than pumping. nurse as often as you possibly can.

[PatioGardener]

sounds like you need a good ibclc. where do you live, mama? hang in there - these issues can be sorted, and it does get better.

[Mrs.Music]

I'm sure you'll get through it. You just need some help. There's no shame in that. You're not a horrible mom. I've hated it a few times... I had some PPD with my second that made me hate feeding him until I got it under control. And with my first... when she was a toddler, I hated every second of it for the last 6 months we nursed. Sometimes you just fight through it. It'll be worth it. Also, there is no shame in pumping if she just doesn't latch. Breastmilk is breastmilk. And it's better if you enjoy feeding her. But don't give up just yet. Everyone has given you some good advice.

[suddenlyamama]

Unfortunately, the mother's meeting isn't until the 3rd weekend of September around here.
We live in Berkeley, CA and it is hard to find support here that you don't have to pay an arm and a leg for. However, I will be getting in touch with a LLI consultant.
We are working on thrush and I am going to return my pump to it's owner (rented) so as to encourage us to be together.
Thank you so much for your support and suggestions.

[TanyaS]

This link might be helpful for you:

Are mothers supposed to love breastfeeding 24 hours a day?

Hugs, mama. It sounds like you are really overwhelmed in general with all that happened after the birth and your breastfeeding difficulties. Get some support. Talk to the LLL leader and get to the next LLL meeting. You need real life support from other mothers.

Also, set yourself small goals and set new ones when you reach them. Even though you might have difficulties, you will feel good about yourself each time you reach your goal. Your first goal might be to keep breastfeeding until the next LLL meeting. When you get to that point, make yourself another goal...one week, two weeks, four weeks...whatever it takes to help you get through it. Heck, take it one day at a time if you have to!

[koalove]

hello to a fellow bay area mama!! as the others have said, you arent a terrible mom but i understand feeling that way. i hated breastfeeding too. i hung in there for 14 months and i dont think i ever came to a place of enjoying it. i dont htink you should give up. i just want you to know you arent alone. not everyone gets the warm fuzzies when baby nurses. even when there werent any problems, i still had a verry anxious annoyed feeling, like i wanted to push ds off. and the clicking....rrrrrrrrrrr. so i do think you can get through it but dont be hard on yourself for feeling what you do. i wish i knew of some resourses down there! here in sonoma theres lots and my neighbor is a LC and FWIW, even she is having a very hard time with her newborn and breastfeeding. your supply will even out over time. you wont always have a babe drowning in milk. i think its a great idea to return the pump. just take a deep breath and rememeber that thigs will change. this wont last forever! hang in there!

[MeepyCat]

The best thing anyone ever did for my breast feeding relationship was tell me that I did not have to nurse the baby.

With my son, my first, knowing that I didn't *have* to, that I could stop if it got to be too much, got me past an awful stretch at 9 months, when he was teething and biting and it just hurt like crazy. Being able to tell myself, well, just one more try, and if it doesn't work, we've got some formula got me through enough "one more tries" to get past the bad part entirely. Lucky us.

With my daughter, I knew that I didn't have to nurse, and for a variety of reasons (mostly my mental health), we cut fairly far back. She gets some breast milk, but she also gets some formula. I did what I could, but pumping was making me cry, and eliminating it has helped me to bond with her and enjoy her babyhood in ways that I just couldn't while I was pumping. Again, lucky us.

There are a lot of parts to parenting. Infant feeding methods are only one piece.

I am strongly in favor of babies receiving the best available food, but it turns out that maternal sanity is much more strongly linked to positive outcomes for children than anything else, including infant nutrition. If you can find a way to nurse, great! (btw, I found that Kellymom.com had very helpful suggestions for oversupply, and I have received very valuable help from LLL volunteers who take calls at home) But if not, it is okay.

[rayna74]

Wow - really great wisdom from everyone! Reading all your entries made me want to amend my original post a bit. Yes, you may never get your "dream" ideal nursing relationship with your baby, and that is OK. Whatever happens, trust that you will find the best way to nurture and nourish your baby, as there are various options. I agree that your happiness and sanity are crucial for your baby, so definitely take it easy on yourself.

I've enjoyed breastfeeding overall, but man I have had my major ups and downs. It was so painful at the beginning! Recently, I have gone through such an intense several months with my daughter, now 12 mo, BITING me. I read about and tried so many different things, and so many things did not work. I had to find my own way through it, and even now, it still occasionally happens. Breastfeeding is not always fun! Kudos to all of you moms who did not enjoy it and did it anyway, and to those of you who took care of your own needs and made necessary changes to feeding your little ones to keep yourselves and your babies happy and healthy. We are all just doing the best we can.

You're doing a great job Jamie! I hope you find the support you need through LLL and online. Sending you lots of support for your journey!

~Rayna - 36 (also a Sonoma county mom)
dd 12 mo
dh 38 yrs

[ewe+lamb]

First of all; you are NOT a bad mother, everyone can struggle in the beginning and we just need the support and friendship that we deserve to get us through the difficult times, don't panic - you can sort everything out, there is a solution.

I too, would thoroughly recommend the new edition of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - I'm reading it at the moment - what a wonderful book.

Oversupply and OAL - wow, this is unfair and not nice - I had these as well, in fact my milk would spray out across the room and hit the wall at the other side - so BTDT, anyway, try block nursing, nursing on the same breast 2, 3 or even 4 times, express off the other breast for comfort - but not too much that you increase your supply!

When the let-down is too fast and hard, take baby off the breast and soak it up in a towel or catch it up in a bottle to store up for future use - if so required. Some babies do really well sitting up astride your thigh so that they can cope better with the flow of milk, there is also the website www.biologicialnurturing.com run by Susan Colston a LLL Leader and IBCLC - worthwhile having a look. Certainly taking your baby into your bed can ease the sleeplessness and help with supply issues as well - this is a very good suggestion.

For thrush what works for some folk are oregano capsules - it's an anti-fungal, and personally I find it works well. Apple Cider Vinegar works well as well, and then finally try a week or so of www.thecandidadiet.com - it's hard, there's no doubt about it but well worth the trouble if can manage it - it really eliminates all gluten and carbohydrate from your diet.

Finally, you can get through this and you've found MDC which is a wonderful starter network for you, maybe go onto Finding your tribe Forum and see if there are any other MDCers out there willing to meet up for an afternoon in the park or if you see another nursing mother in the park smile and you never know - there is always a solidarity with breastfeeding mothers the world over, a hidden knowledge that we can share with just a smile. Good luck and keep posting.

PS goodness me I forgot to mention www.drjacknewman.com great website, you should have a look at that too - sorry!

[suddenlyamama]

all of the websites are awesome and a big help.
But, I had a similar experience as MeepyCat, realizing what I had to do, and what I didn't have to do.
The other night I purchased formula at the store. I had no reservations about it.
However, when I got home, I suddenly felt a very strong feeling to remain feeding her my milk. I sat us both down, and we had a long talk (more for my benefit then hers I suppose), she latched, the thrush was painful, but whatever; postpartum pain is worse, lots of things are worse.
But, it was as if I knew there was another option right there in my kitchen and I felt I didn't need it.
I didn't "have" to bf her, but I wanted to.
Anyways, it is a small victory for us, as this weekend has gone pretty smooth.
All of the sudden I couldn't imagine giving it up.

I suppose being a mummy is all about small victories.

Thank you all for sharing your personal accounts and challenges, so helpful and encouraging.

plus, I loved that KellyMom article.

[blimbrick]

Not sure if you ran across this in your readings, but if you have an oversupply like I did, as soon as you have letdown unlatch your babe and let some of the milk flow into a burp cloth then latch back on. Also, you can pump for a few minutes before feeding and that helps with the choking and gagging as well. I had some of the same issues, I came home from the hospital with a cracked, bleeding left nipple and I was feeding only from the right side and pumping from the left. DS was a very demanding nurser and he fed every 1-2 hours until he was about 6 months old. My supply didn't regulate until about 9 months. But, he is 2 weeks shy of one year and we have made it this far with only a bottle or 2 of formula. So hang in there it will get easier! Now my issues are with nightfeedings, we are still sleep sharing and most nights he wakes every hour and a half to graze and I have to be up at 5 AM for work. And, it things get too bad for you to continue with the nursing, try pumping and bottlefeeding exclusively. My friend did it for 9 months and it worked pretty well. She had a few supply issues with growth spurts and etc. but with some fenugreek and medication from the doc she was able to get through the whole year! Good luck!

[pumpkinhead]

First of all, it's ok to hate breastfeeding. It's even normal in many situations. It's ok for you to stop.

That said, if you could fix your problems, do you think that you would want to continue? Because if that answer is yes, it's probably possible to fix them.

Breastfeeding can become a "walk in the park" but it doesn't generally start out that way. There are usually some humps to be gotten over.

Are you still experiencing oversupply and overactive letdown issues? If so, try offering only one breast per feeding and offer that same breast for at least 2 feedings before switching to the other side. You can express a little milk into a cup or face cloth just before latching your baby on so the letdown won't be so strong as well. Think around 2-3 tbsp.

For the thrush, see your doctor and ask for a perscription for all purpose nipple ointment (APNO). The recipe is here: http://www.pregnancy.org/article/all...-ointment-apno


It will get better. It almost always does, but this isn't something you *have* to do if you don't want to. At the same time, there may be some relatively easy solutions to your problems. At the very least, you need to get rid of the thrush. APNO works almost always and right away. All you need is the script and a compounding pharmacist to make it.

I wish you the very best of luck and I hope this gets better for you soon if you wish to continue .

[ShwarmaQueen]

With both of my kiddos, BFing hasn't been easy in the beginning. Even now, at 9 mos, we still have our challenges. It's ok to express your feelings of frustration and doesn't make you a bad mom.

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen

With both of my kiddos, BFing hasn't been easy in the beginning. Even now, at 9 mos, we still have our challenges. It's ok to express your feelings of frustration and doesn't make you a bad mom.

This.

Edited by Mulvah - 10/16/11 at 2:54pm

[TX Mama]

As you can see you are NOT alone! My little one is 3 1/2 months and I too come up against trial after trial. Pain (cracked and bleeding nipples), frustration, desperation, fear, anxiety, over supply, under supply, and it goes on. In the beginning I remember thinking, "If I can just get through this feeding" and then getting so upset when I realized I would have to do it again in 2 hours. I was literally in tears during feedings. I was determined and now things are much better. You need to do what's right for and your babe. My LLL saved me. They have a 24 hour line to call and get help, info, and support and I'm sure your group has something similar. Also I have had group leaders offer to meet with me to try to fix whatever issue I was facing. Another thing that helped my nips was a product called Lansinoh. It helps them heal and keeps them soft.

You are totally "normal" and have nothing to be ashamed of. Hope you heal up quickly and things start to smooth out for you.

[rhiOrion]

I agree with everything the PPs have said.

I remember kicking my legs to keep from screaming during the night for the first month or so. I

And, just so you know you're not alone, the "clicking" noise made me want to scream, too. We eventually got her tongue out more (time, chiropractor, exercises), and things are much better now. But even now when the milk lets down she tends to do little clicks of air, and it makes me nuts.

[mt_gooseberry]

I'm going to talk a little bit about thrush. I have had it for 5 of the 7 months I have been nursing. You must get it under control early or it will invade your system and you will really have to struggle to get rid of it. I have researched it and tried everything from special diets to extended courses of prescription medication. Some things I have learned:
That clicking noise is a classic sign of thrush, so get rid of the thrush and you get rid of that awful clicking.
Diets are almost impossible to stick to and only work with mild cases.
Thrush becomes resistant to medications like diflucan, so when the dr prescribes you one or two pills again and again, you'll never get rid of the thrush that way.
You must treat both mother and baby even if one does not show symptoms.
If you don't get rid of it quick, you'll develop a systemic yeast infection (which is what I have). Aside from the breast troubles, you'll notice a vaginal infection, and digestive irritation in both you and the poor baby. I have talked to other mothers who ended up having the infection for YEARS. You must wage all-out war to get rid of thrush, it can affect so many different areas of your and baby's health. One of the best sources for thrush info is here on MDC. There is an article called "Good News for Breastfeeding Moms." Right now I am taking a high-potency probiotic in hopes of finally defeating our infection. I would like to encourage you to continue breastfeeding, even if you hate it (like I do most days). I'm still hanging in there at 7 months, even after many, many problems, so it can be done!