Surprised with a c-phone - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by ItsAllGood

And this phone had internet, apps, full access, etc etc. All the bells and whistles. We have already gotten four calls from people none of us knew, including stx.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! now it all makes sense. yes absolutely you are right. and yes a precedence needs to be set. a 3G type of phone is i agree way over the top.

i am shocked - no safety talk. or internet talk. can she surf the net if she wants to? is it turned on.

[lilyka]

Oh yay. This is what xh got my dd. And I did fight that battle. Everything but the phone is shut off now. He has also taken her expensive phone for himself and gotten her a new simpler one. After I repeatedly made it clear that I am not babysitting the phone or making sure she has it. And he quickly saw that once all the bells and whistles were shut off she wasn't all that interested. I would pick your battles carefully..."stx, it is fine if you want dd to have a phone but can you please get x,y, and z shut off. I think that is a bit much for her." She had a bells and whistles blackberry pearl and it only took a few seconds for the store to shut EVERYTHING but the phone off.

[BunnyMcFluff]

I got my kids a cell phone to share when they were 8 and 6. It never occurred to me to ask their dad what he thought about it. I wanted them to have it, so I got it.

We've found it very useful. I don't have to go through xh to talk to the kids nor he I. That's how we like it And it has allowed everyone, including grandparents, step grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and step cousins, better access to the kids. I'm all for that!

There are lots of practical reasons we like the kids to have a phone, as well, but they're not really relevant to this thread. I will say, however, that we live in a moderate income school district and most kids in the 4-5-6th grade range have phones.

[lilyka]

I live in the hood and almost all the kids have phones. No one has computers or internet or TVs or cars but everyone has a phone I don't think most people have land lines though.

[vannienicole]

Yeah, everyone has cell phones here too....but, like lilyka said, no one has most of the other luxuries everyone else considers "needs". I haven't had cable in almost 2 years, just got internet after a year (and mainly because I "needed" it for school) and have a car that is falling apart.

[ItsAllGood]

Originally Posted by BunnyMcFluff

I got my kids a cell phone to share when they were 8 and 6. It never occurred to me to ask their dad what he thought about it. I wanted them to have it, so I got it.

We've found it very useful. I don't have to go through xh to talk to the kids nor he I. That's how we like it And it has allowed everyone, including grandparents, step grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and step cousins, better access to the kids. I'm all for that!

There are lots of practical reasons we like the kids to have a phone, as well, but they're not really relevant to this thread. I will say, however, that we live in a moderate income school district and most kids in the 4-5-6th grade range have phones.

Bunny did you find (at their younger age of 8) that you kids became the "go-between" for you and your x, or were you able to establish that as a no-no beforehand. Did it get into any of the "promises made over the phone" that you were not aware of, or activities planned that you were not aware of that conflict with schedules? I want to hope for the best and plan for the worst I guess.

[ItsAllGood]

Originally Posted by meemee

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! now it all makes sense. yes absolutely you are right. and yes a precedence needs to be set. a 3G type of phone is i agree way over the top.

i am shocked - no safety talk. or internet talk. can she surf the net if she wants to? is it turned on.

None at all, and he didn't really even know how to use it, he has a different phone. So alas, I will take it to a phone store or someone more knowledgeable and learn about it. And get some of these things turned off. My c-phone only does calling. I did figure out how to delete the now 12 phone calls we received that we do not recognize the number. And I think there is something call a "call block" feature. I worry that if she types in the wrong number, they will see her number and yeesh if she gets into a phone conversation with the wrong person, etc etc etc.
I just was not prepared for this and now it is something else to handle and worry about. Right now I have asked dc not to make calls from it while we are at home and to use our regular line. She did find the game feature, are these rated "E" for everyone.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by ItsAllGood

Bunny did you find (at their younger age of 8) that you kids became the "go-between" for you and your x, or were you able to establish that as a no-no beforehand. Did it get into any of the "promises made over the phone" that you were not aware of, or activities planned that you were not aware of that conflict with schedules? I want to hope for the best and plan for the worst I guess.

My ex isn't around much, but he still does this on my phone. I don't think it is an issue of what phone the child has. If a parent is going to do this they will do it.

[VocalMinority]

Cell phones are increasingly common for even young children, in divorce. I understand you have concerns, but you should be measured and judicious in your response. If you are in a contested custody situation, the court may not look favorably on you "interfering" with your daughter's ability to contact her father on a phone he provided.

But certainly, having the phone in your home gives you the ability to check it, to see who she's talking to, when and how long she's talking, etc. If there are problems, you're capable of physically separating her from it at bedtime, during school hours or at other times it's inappropriate for her to use it (dinnertime, church...) Also, most phones have a way to block specific callers, if you need to.

Does your ex feel there are problems with him being able to reach your daughter, or being able to talk for reasonable periods of time? Or do you think he was merely indulging her with a "new toy" she liked? OR do you think he was mostly trying to needle you, to point out you're not in control of everything? If so, needle him back by not getting bent out of shape about it. It's common for NCPs to feel like the CP has total control and to resent it and feel passive-aggressive about it. Is it necessary to "win" this particular battle?

My husband gave his son a cell at age 6. He got him a Firefly phone, which can only call numbers parents program in, online. Unfortunately, no one makes phones like that anymore, to my knowledge. In his case, there was a legitimate problem with phone contact - i.e., his ex allowed none. She also confiscated the cell phone. She also lost custody 2 years later and one reason cited in the 30-page ruling was her refusal to let DSS use the cell phone his Dad provided. Curiously, ever since the custody change, she will only use DSS's cell phone, to contact him. It appears that it really is nicer, more flexible and feels more private, for the NCP.

[BunnyMcFluff]

Originally Posted by ItsAllGood

Bunny did you find (at their younger age of 8) that you kids became the "go-between" for you and your x, or were you able to establish that as a no-no beforehand. Did it get into any of the "promises made over the phone" that you were not aware of, or activities planned that you were not aware of that conflict with schedules? I want to hope for the best and plan for the worst I guess.

In our situation and even at that age, the phone was/is used just to contact the kids (good night calls, sharing good news, informing dad of events that they'd like him to attend, sending silly pictures, etc.). All coodination of pick ups/drop offs/activities/etc, were and continue to be between their dad and me on our own lines. There has never been subversion of any kind, never been an issue with inappropriately timed calls, no power struggles related to use or phone rules, and the kids have never been go-betweens.

Honestly, the phone has been nothing but positive for all of us.

[Bad Mama Jama]

i would set rules just like everyone else has said. Maybe she can call him during her normal call times specifically from that phone if it is that big a deal. otherwise, i would see it somewhere plugged in quietly with little usage.

[lilyka]

honestly I wouldn't waste your time worrying about it. Take it to the phone store and have them lock the apps, the internet etc. let her play with the camera, talk to her dad and what not. if he is the sort of guy to make promises he doesn't keep he will do this without you. You can't protect her from this and having a cell won't make it better or worse. Let it go. My kids know that nothing daddy says is official until he talks to me about it.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by BunnyMcFluff

In our situation and even at that age, the phone was/is used just to contact the kids (good night calls, sharing good news, informing dad of events that they'd like him to attend, sending silly pictures, etc.). All coodination of pick ups/drop offs/activities/etc, were and continue to be between their dad and me on our own lines. There has never been subversion of any kind, never been an issue with inappropriately timed calls, no power struggles related to use or phone rules, and the kids have never been go-betweens.

Honestly, the phone has been nothing but positive for all of us.

ditto for us too. this has been our experience too.