daycare--I keep getting reports that DS is getting bitten *update post 11

[shanniesue2]

DS has been at this new daycare for 4 weeks (but he was out sick for one of those weeks... so 3 really). In that time, we've gotten 4 or 5 notes at the end of the day that he's been bitten. Twice, the bites have been serious enough to leave marks that lasted for several days (his first day, he came home with a bruise, and once he had and abrasion on his hand).

Anyway, yesterday I had to sign two reports that he had been bitten. And I asked them a little more indepth about it. The first thing I wanted to know was if it's always the same child. They said that it wasn't. I also asked what they do with the biter... if they are talking with the biters' parents. And they said that when a child bites, they have to do a report and the parents of the child have to sign it. So I know they are talking with the other kids parents. And I know that biting is a normal thing to deal with with two year olds... but I don't know... is 4-5 bites in 3 weeks of daycare excessive? I know the whole shadowing thing, but his teachers made it sound like there aren't any chronic biters, that all the incidents have just been random out of the blue things. So could it be that DS has just had the bad luck of always being the one around when another child decides to bite?

Other than the biting, I feel really good about this daycare. DS really loves it. He has only cried once at drop off. He's always happy when I pick him up and very talkative. I have noticed that his play at home has become more involved and his language has just exploded (he's always been very verbal, but suddenly, he's speaking in full sentences and figuring out pronouns) and he just overall seems to be really thriving at this daycare. His teachers say that he is really good about using his words with the other kids... so when something does happen, he doesn't react physically, he tells them to stop and don't do that. So I'm not sure that I want to pull him from this daycare as it was kind of an ordeal getting him in (long story, won't go into details).

But what do you think about the biting?

[gbailey]

I would be concerned about my child being continuosly bitten in daycare and yes, I think 4-5 bites in three weeks is excessive. Are the children biting him older and other than a report to the parents, what are the providers saying to the biters?

I also wasn't aware biting was normal two year old behavior. My daughter has never been bitten and has never bitten another child. I would be bothered about it and wonder if there is something amiss with the day care. Not sure how they can say in one sentence biting is not a problem but your child has been bitten 4-5 times in a short period of time. Just my two cents.

[shanniesue2]

when I say its a normal 2 year old behavior, what I mean is that it is a fairly common behavior problem that you see in 2 year olds. Not that every 2 year old bites, but that it's common. DS is probably the oldest in his room. His room is for younger twos and twos who are potty training. Most of the kids in the room are 2 to 2 1/2. DS is 2 1/2... still not reliable on the potty and needs a diaper during naps. The 2 1/2 to 3's room doesn't have a changing table. Anyway, this may sound strange that it's divided by age, but they really do place children more developmentally than by age... it's just that most of the kids in those rooms fall in those age ranges.

Anyway, as far as what they do with the biters, they have told me that they separate and redirect and work with children on giving them language to say what they want. Anyway, I know that a bite is probably going to happen every once in a while in a 2 year old class room... I'm just starting to question why I've gotten so many bite reports in such a relatively short time.

[4 Butterflies]

Originally Posted by gbailey

I would be concerned about my child being continuosly bitten in daycare and yes, I think 4-5 bites in three weeks is excessive. Are the children biting him older and other than a report to the parents, what are the providers saying to the biters?

I also wasn't aware biting was normal two year old behavior. My daughter has never been bitten and has never bitten another child. I would be bothered about it and wonder if there is something amiss with the day care. Not sure how they can say in one sentence biting is not a problem but your child has been bitten 4-5 times in a short period of time. Just my two cents.

I think it's very excessive. You may want to consider a new place.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

when I say its a normal 2 year old behavior, what I mean is that it is a fairly common behavior problem that you see in 2 year olds. Not that every 2 year old bites, but that it's common. DS is probably the oldest in his room. His room is for younger twos and twos who are potty training. Most of the kids in the room are 2 to 2 1/2. DS is 2 1/2... still not reliable on the potty and needs a diaper during naps. The 2 1/2 to 3's room doesn't have a changing table. Anyway, this may sound strange that it's divided by age, but they really do place children more developmentally than by age... it's just that most of the kids in those rooms fall in those age ranges.

Anyway, as far as what they do with the biters, they have told me that they separate and redirect and work with children on giving them language to say what they want. Anyway, I know that a bite is probably going to happen every once in a while in a 2 year old class room... I'm just starting to question why I've gotten so many bite reports in such a relatively short time.

This is something you should ask the providers and maybe they'll be able to offer a response that sits well with you. In the meantime, I'd look for another child care provider. It makes me wonder if them saying biting doesn't occur often is honest considering how many bites your DS has gotten in such a short span of time.

[redpajama]

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I'll begin by saying that I'm a former preschool teacher (I taught the age group your child is in), and that my son was a serial biter. So that, no doubt, informs my opinion on this issue.

But.

If you're happy with the center, your child is enjoying it and is happy to be there, you're seeing a positive impact on his development (language and play) since he started attending...I probably wouldn't give all of that up over biting. While I understand that biting is a really upsetting behavior (TRUST ME; I KNOW), it *is* developmentally normal, especially at that particular age. And when kids are inclined to bite, it is very difficult to stop that behavior (in a way that I think is appropriate--I had LOTS of people tell me I just needed to "bite him back" in order to make my son stop, but I don't think it's appropriate for adults to bite children). And, as a childcare provider who is probably licensed for a 1:7-8 ratio, it can be very difficult to prevent it from ever happening in the classroom.

My suggestion would be to talk with your child's teacher and let her know that you're concerned with how frequently your child is being bitten, but I wouldn't "throw the baby out with the bath water," so to speak. It sounds like you've found a pretty good childcare provider, otherwise.

And, again, not to downplay the fact that biting hurts and is very upsetting--just to say that I think all of those positive things you mentioned will have much more far-reaching effects than the biting.

[bella99]

My daughter will be two in two months, and has been doing to the same daycare since she was 3 months old.

She's never been bitten there, in fact, she's never been bitten at all. But she does come home fairly often with bumps, bruises, and scrapes. She's a very active kid and gets banged up at home too. She usually just gets back up and brushes herself off and goes on her way. But we always get reports of when she ends up with a noticeable mark. I don't get concerned at all about the level of supervision she is getting.

I wouldn't necessarily look for a new daycare because of this issue, but I would talk to the staff if you were concerned. Unless the staff are on top of the kids all the time, some of this stuff is bound to happen.

I'm also wondering if other kids are also being bitten? Not that I'm implying that your son did anything to instigate, but it also might be the other kids response to a new kid and them all getting used to playing together. I know that a couple months back, a little boy started at my daughter's daycare, and he had never been in daycare before, and he pushed her and the other younger toddlers around a bit (he was the same age), because he wasn't as used to group play and had a bit of a hard time adjusting to cooperative play. The other kids got more aggressive in response, but everyone settled down after a bit and played great together.

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by bella99

I'm also wondering if other kids are also being bitten? Not that I'm implying that your son did anything to instigate, but it also might be the other kids response to a new kid and them all getting used to playing together. I know that a couple months back, a little boy started at my daughter's daycare, and he had never been in daycare before, and he pushed her and the other younger toddlers around a bit (he was the same age), because he wasn't as used to group play and had a bit of a hard time adjusting to cooperative play. The other kids got more aggressive in response, but everyone settled down after a bit and played great together.

I don't know if other children are getting bitten or not. And as for the new kid thing... the center just transitioned several kids around, and so I know that DS is not the only new kid in the room... I think there are 3-4 newbies to the room. Although, they may not be new to the center and have just been moved up from the toddler room?

Anyway, I think that I might have a conversation with the director about it tomorrow. I don't think that I'm going to pull him, but I would like to know more specifically what they do to prevent bites and how they work with children who are biting. I have also thought about buying the book, "teeth are not for biting." I'm an early childhood teacher myself and I have had some success using these books with children who hit/bite etc. Mostly as a "time in" sort of thing once I have cared for the "victim." I would pull the biter/hitter aside and read the book with them and really talk about options other than hitting/biting. But I don't know if it would be overstepping my bounds to recommend these books to his teachers?

[shanniesue2]

Oh and one concern of mine is that DS will pick up this biting behavior. I mean, he has bitten me before in play... but not very often. And I just get up and walk away saying "don't bite me. I don't like that. I don't want to play anymore." That seems to work with him and is a natural consequence. However, we've never had any reports of him biting other children and I don't want to start getting those kind of reports.

[pbjmama]

I agree, have a good talk with the director. Biting is not uncommon but this many times in such a short period is uncommon. They need to work with you on a plan.

[shanniesue2]

well, yesterday we got ANOTHER report of DS being bitten.. ugh.

Had a really good conversation with one of his teachers about it. Basically, what they have said is that they do have one or two kids who have a stronger tendency to bite... and they shadow those kids and keep them at separate tables for activities and meals. But the teachers said that most of the bites that are happening are pretty well spread out among all the kids (DS hasn't bitten anyone, btw... knock on wood). There are 16 kids in his class and two teachers (this is the DHS regulation for our area, and the only schools with better ratios are NAEYC accredited, and that is a 1:7 ratio). Anyway, so with 16 kids, apparently it isn't like most of the bites are happening by chronic biters. His teacher said that most of the bites are occuring during pottying/diapering time when both teachers aren't available to monitor and be active with the whole group. I get this as I have worked with this age group (well a mixed age group) by myself in a 1:6 ratio... it's hard to be changing a diaper and preventing a conflict between two children who are on the other side of the room at the same time. I get that.

When a bite or a hit does occur, the teachers seem to be giving appropriate attention to the victim. And they tell me that their strategy with the biter is to redirect them to another area and then to work with them on developing language skills that will help decrease their instinct to bite... so for example teaching them to say "STOP!" if another child is bothering them. They also say that when they are working with a child who has bitten, they will talk about appropriate ways to use their teeth... i.e. "you can use your teeth for chewing food." Basically, it sounds like they are handling the bites well enough... just that they are having difficulty preventing the bites from happening. And since the bites are occuring when both teachers aren't readily available to the whole class, I'm not exactly sure what to suggest. I did suggest that they get a copy of "teeth are not for biting" and "hands are not for hurting" to add to their class library. I also suggested that they look into Becky Bailey and Conscious Discipline for a really structured/uniform way of teaching children what words to use to deal with conflict. But aside from that, I'm not sure I have other ideas. I think a big part of the problem is that there are probably too many kids in this age group together... the center that I worked at used mixed age groups and we didn't see as much biting. I don't know what it's like at other centers that have classes divided by age/developmental stage. It may come down to it that we ask to have DS moved up to the next class... he's not quite there on potty training, yet... but if being with children who are a little older and a little more verbal keeps him from getting bitten all the time... it might be the best solution. I don't know... we're going to give it some thought... b/c he really loves his room and seems very happy. Like I said in my OP, he never cries at drop off and doesn't ever seem to want to leave when we pick him up. He is always very talkative at the end of the day and just overall seems very happy. And his teachers always talk about how well he is doing there... how well he verbalizes his needs to them and to the other kids... and how much fun he is having during the day. So I'm not going to make any decisions lightly... I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things continue... this is a new group in this room b/c they just transitioned everyone for the "school year"

[aramat]

This is definitely excessive. I'd pitch a SERIOUS fit, personally. My middle daughter has been in 3 different schools (due to moving) from age 12 mos to now 38 mos, and she has NEVER been bitten. Sometimes a biting epidemic can start, I know. I don't know how to tell you to handlle it; it sounds like you're being proactive already; but I would NOT be okay with this.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

But what do you think about the biting?

Yikes, five times in three weeks. DD, 18 mos., is a biter. She's in FT daycare. Two days ago, she bit one child FOUR TIMES. I was horrified. I'm so embarrassed I can barely look the other parents in the eye. We talk about it with DD. We do time ins and time outs at home and at daycare. We talk about how it hurts, how it makes people not want to play with you.

I find that when new kids come to the classroom or when they get a new teacher (both happened this week), stress and biting increase. Add teething, lack of sleep, change in routine, only children (like DD) to the mix, and you have a recipie for disaster. I also find that biting goes in spurts. One child is teething/frustrated and bites everyone, then they all start doing it.

TBH, I find it hard to believe that any child in daycare with two year olds can go month or more without being on one side or the other of a bite report. I would be really pleased to have that kind of center available for my kid. I take it as a good sign that they are alerting you to each bite (yes, I know its required, but still...) and that they're communicating with you about it. If you feel comfortable giving it some time, I would do that. I know its hard to see your LO hurt by others when you're trying to teach not to hurt, but there are biters everywhere, and it sounds like you and DS both like this school.

There's a Yo Gabba Gabba song (and book) called "Don't Bite Your Friends." I asked our DCP if she'd heard of it, and they had it readily available. I get the song stuck in my head all the time.

Good luck with your decision. You might look through the threads in Working and Student Parents if you haven't already. There are some threads there on daycare biting too, like this one and this one that might make you feel better about whatever you ultimately decide.

[Mal85]

I do daycare in my home and my daughter is going through a biting phase right now. I only have one daycare child right now and I feel so bad when I send her home with a bite. Last week, DD bit her (hard enough to leave a mark) 3 times... in one week. It was a particularly bad week for her. We had just gotten her out of a biting phase when we went on vacation and she started getting teeth while we were gone, been teething ever since.

I shadow the girls and watch them constantly, as much as possible anyway. There are just times when she bites that I wasn't expecting it and wasn't able to intervene in time. I talk to the parents everytime their daughter gets a new bite and luckily they've been very understanding and patient with the situation. I'd say if the teachers are being up front and honest with you and you're pleased with the way they're handling it, then there isn't much else you can do. Just cross your fingers your son doesn't pick up the behavior (luckily, my daycare girl hasn't started biting.)