pregnant and over 35 tribe - Page 7

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by DaniTall 

danitall 38, 48, 3/17/11,

I made the mistake of getting the quad screen--gave into my husband's desire to do it, thinking, oh, it'll just confirm that everything's alright.  Well, I came out at a higher risk for down's (1 in 58 chance), and they sent me to do the genetic ultrasound.  I had that yesterday and they largely ruled out down's syndrome (to the extent they can without the amnio, which we've declined)--now my odds are 1 in 1046, which is pretty good.  However, the perinatal specialist then asked why the hormonal levels came out the way they did in the blood test, and is saying that he wants to see me every 4 weeks to monitor the growth of the baby.  He says that there may be a problem with the placenta and that he would induce at 39 weeks!  He says the baby may not be getting the nutrition he needs, there's a higher risk of preeclampsia and a higher risk of being a stillborn.  I'm kind of in shock that suddenly I'm in the category of "high risk" pregnancy! 

Anyone have any experience with this or have any suggestions?

Have you talked anymore to the midwife about this? If you are not due until May, it seems he is doing a lot of "this might happen" and not looking at what IS happening. If there is no problem, there is no reason to induce, so I would kindly say something like "I'd like to deal with what is going on now, and not what might happen"
 Are you seeing a midwife or a perinatal specialist? Because I am seeing a midwife with my sonogram at the perinatal specialist, but I listen to NOTHING the perinatal doctor says to me and talk to my midwife first. The perinatal OB also tried to give me the "we will never know if there are definitely any abnormalities unless we do an amnio, there is always a risk there" and the midwife was like - whatever, don't worry about it your odds are good.

If you want, what he is talking about I think can be picked up later during NST when you are like 36-38 weeks. For him to threaten preeclampsia and still born is kind of crazy. Yes it might be higher for a 40 year old, but doesn't mean it WILL happen and it hasn't happened with my pregnancies (dd was 36 when I had her) and you can make changes (like diet and adding high levels of Vit D) now that might help with preeclampsia.

Good luck

[LeeshaB]

DaniTall -- oh gosh, your quad screen results are GOOD compared to mine with my first 2 pregnancies!!  I do the Level II u/s with my pregnancies just because I'd like to know if there's going to be some glaring problem that will require special care for the little guy/gal upon delivery, and to prepare myself mentally.  But minor stuff I just let roll off my back.  If you don't want furhter u/s, just decline them.  Or maybe do one more a few weeks before your due date just to assure yourself everything looks OK.  Try not to let the scare tactics get to you -- as long as you are taking care of yourself, your'e health (and continue to be) and are hearing a nice strong heartbeat when it's checked for, I wouldn't really give the panic-mongers much heed.

Roslyn!!  Oh my gosh, I'm SO happy to meet you!!!  Will you share your blog address with me, I would LOVE to read all about your pregnancy journey!  I keep a blog, but won't start writing about this until after we tell our families (tho no doubt I will write PLENTY when I do!).

Greenmama66, nice to meet you too!  I don't blame you, I would never allow an amnio under any circumstances.  I'll do the Level II ultrasound, but that's it.  (Well, blood tests are fine, they don't do anything to the baby, just to me! LOL)

Ah, so nice to be here!

--Leesha

[DaniTall]

Thanks llilymonster and Leesha!  I have an appointment on Monday with my nurse midwife, so hopefully she can help put things into context.  It was shocking that he went straight to inducing at 39 weeks.  I would be really surprised if I had preeclamsia, though I do have a vague memory of the midwife at my first birth (my daughter was 2 weeks early) saying that the placenta didn't look very healthy, which is probably why she came early.  I didn't think anything of it at the time because of course she was totally healthy!

I did check in with my acupuncturist, who hasn't seen me recently but said that I should take what the perinatal specialist said seriously.  I trust her a lot so that was a little sobering.  She did say there's a lot she can do with Chinese medicine starting at week 36 to make sure I never get to 39 weeks, so that's reassuring. 

I've calmed down, and I am happy with the new odds about down's syndrome. It was just kind of shocking to hear "you have to do this or you are at risk of a stillbirth"!

Thanks!  Danielle

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by DaniTall 

I've calmed down, and I am happy with the new odds about down's syndrome. It was just kind of shocking to hear "you have to do this or you are at risk of a stillbirth"!

Thanks!  Danielle

I just want to tell a story that I found out this weekend because I find it so interesting. A family friends mother passed away this weekend at the age of 92. She didn't start having her kids until she was in her mid 30s (probably around 1940 or so)  She had 8 kids in 11 years, 5-6 of them after she turned 35. She was a nurse, had a masters degree and ended up teaching, so she was in the medical field. She is not the only woman - my grandmother had my mom in 1936 at the age 45. So when OBs act like age is a problem now, I kind of laugh. I don't think anyone got the "dead baby card" back then like they do now, just based on mother's age alone.

[Caryliz]

Originally Posted by lillymonster 

 So when OBs act like age is a problem now, I kind of laugh. I don't think anyone got the "dead baby card" back then like they do now, just based on mother's age alone.

This totally cracked me up! My personal older Mom heroine is my friend Sheila, who conceived twins, naturally - her first pregnancy - at the age of 49! (She and her husband had been trying for years and years and years and had just assumed it would never happen - in fact, were no longer trying as they assumed this period in life had passed - when lo and behold she was with child...!) Her boys were born just a few days before her 50th birthday, and she has this hilarious picture of her tandem nursing the twins, holding up the AARP card she had just received in the mail. It is worth noting that she had a normal, full-term pregnancy (she had a C-section, but only after going into labor on her own and within 3 weeks of her due date), and both boys were completely healthy babies. So - Take heart!

[Mamatoabunch]

It is ridiculous the negativity surrounding older mothers and pregnancy. My friend had her 11th almost a year ago at 45. She had a midwife and did none of the testing. She had another uneventful pregnancy and delivery. Another friend at her 6th at 46. 

[greenmama66]

Originally Posted by Mamatoabunch 

It is ridiculous the negativity surrounding older mothers and pregnancy. My friend had her 11th almost a year ago at 45. She had a midwife and did none of the testing. She had another uneventful pregnancy and delivery. Another friend at her 6th at 46. 

Thanks for this- I am pregnant with my 6th and am 44 and the negativity surrounding this issue makes me crazy! At least the homebirth midwives around here are supportive and even supportive of me having a UC if I want it.

[roslyn]

I haven't really gotten any negative vibes from the medical professional. Both my OB and perinatologist have been very positive. Their primary concerns are the fact that I am insulin resistant and have had two late losses. Even so, my OB keeps pointing out the stats that show that a loss at this point is unlikely. I still giggle when my perinatologist reminds me that I'm "not the worst she's seen." The only negativity I've seen has been on the internet. Even my MIL who I was sure would think we'd lost our minds has been overwhelmingly positive. 

[Hope4six]

Roslyn, that is wonderful that you're getting such positive support.

I feel that we women tend to get more support than the men do, though.  My husband bears the brunt of all the negativity.  His boss is one of the very few he works with that doesn't have issues with our age and number of kids.  I hate all the crap he gets dealt in the workplace.  Once a co-worker who doesn't know him well saw us out as a family, and made a horrible comment about us overpopulating the earth - right there in front of my kids.  I was so insulted, and yet my poor hubby says he gets such comments and worse all the time.  If you think women can say thoughtless, hurtful things, well, men seem to have even fewer guards over their tongues.:-(  And strangely enough, many of them do talk about pregnancy and childbirth as if they were experts on the subject.<sigh>

[lillymonster]

I had my 32 week sonogram today - good news - I was bracing myself when the perinatal specialist asked if I was anticipating a repeat c-section (and the sonogram tech asked me when I was scheduled for my c-section - wtf??) but otherwise, he said "beautiful, perfect, everything is perfect, size, fluid level, everything"

I am hoping now I can press my midwive (another practice) to push back my nst testing and there is NO reason for me to have a scheduled c-section just because of my age

[roslyn]

Originally Posted by roslyn 

I haven't really gotten any negative vibes from the medical professional. Both my OB and perinatologist have been very positive. Their primary concerns are the fact that I am insulin resistant and have had two late losses. Even so, my OB keeps pointing out the stats that show that a loss at this point is unlikely. I still giggle when my perinatologist reminds me that I'm "not the worst she's seen." The only negativity I've seen has been on the internet. Even my MIL who I was sure would think we'd lost our minds has been overwhelmingly positive. 

Originally Posted by Hope4six 

Roslyn, that is wonderful that you're getting such positive support.

I feel that we women tend to get more support than the men do, though.  My husband bears the brunt of all the negativity.  His boss is one of the very few he works with that doesn't have issues with our age and number of kids.  I hate all the crap he gets dealt in the workplace.  Once a co-worker who doesn't know him well saw us out as a family, and made a horrible comment about us overpopulating the earth - right there in front of my kids.  I was so insulted, and yet my poor hubby says he gets such comments and worse all the time.  If you think women can say thoughtless, hurtful things, well, men seem to have even fewer guards over their tongues.:-(  And strangely enough, many of them do talk about pregnancy and childbirth as if they were experts on the subject.<sigh>

I'm frequently amazed at the obnoxious crap people will say when discussing someone else's lives. How many children you choose to have and at what age is nobody's business but yours. I dunno, I'm sure there are raised brows out there somewhere, but no one dares say anything to me. Apparently I look as though I'd let them have it if they get too cheeky with me. And they're right, I would. 
 

[Caryliz]

I'm frequently amazed at the obnoxious crap people will say when discussing someone else's lives. How many children you choose to have and at what age is nobody's business but yours. I dunno, I'm sure there are raised brows out there somewhere, but no one dares say anything to me. Apparently I look as though I'd let them have it if they get too cheeky with me. And they're right, I would. 
 

LOL! It's funny, I've only gotten flak from two places:

1. Medical professionals (NOT the MW, but the people doing sonograms and such at the hospital) - and really, it's kind of fun to let them have it.   The doc who did my amnio kept referring to this as a "geriatric pregnancy" and finally I told him that, unless he was planning to arrange a senior citizen discount for all the stuff my insurance wasn't going to cover, he was going to have to find a different way to talk about someone who was both pregnant and older than himself! .

2. My own mother, which I have to admit is kind of deflating. She and I have always been close, and she really has been a wonderful mom to me and grandmother to my son. For 20 years - literally, from the time I was in college - she was on me about when I was going to have kids. When we told her I was pregnant with DS1, she literally screamed and cried and jumped up and down - she was happier than I was! Fast forward 5 years to our announcement about DS2 - she was so startled you could have heard a pin drop. The first thing she said was, "Did you do this on purpose?!" (Um, yes.), This was followed by, "Do you know how old you are going to be when this child is born?!" (Yeah, did the math on that one, too, Mom.) At that point she composed herself and smiled and said she was very happy for us. And then proceeded to ask if there was any pie left in the kitchen. Like, subject closed. I was stunned, and when I asked her later why she was so subdued about this (when she'd been so crazy excited the first time), she just loooked at me and said, "Look, when I was your age, I had kids in high school and I was going through menopause. I'm just sayin'." I pointed out the obvious ("I got married at 38, I have a child in kindergarten, and clearly I'm not going through menopause, so I guess my experience is going to be different."), but she has persisted. The difference is, she no longer states anything as if it's her own opinion - rather, she prefers to pass along comments from people I've never met. As in: "My water aerobics instructor thinks you are very brave to be having a child at your age!" And then she'll wait for a response. I try not to rise to the bait, but honestly, I've kind of had it. This child is coming whether she is happy about the timing or not, and it would be really nice to feel like she is on board.
 

[YummyMummy2010]

Hello! I'd love to join in the over 35's fun! I'm 36 and DH is 34 (scooped up a toy boy!) I'm pregnant with my 3rd EDD April 18th 2011 and I think baby will be a surprise (still trying to convince DH).  (YummyMummy2010  36, 34,  04/18/11)

I had my first DD at 29 and my second DD at 30. Both natural water births in a hospital. Hoping for the same with the 3rd. Having the first two back to back was hectic, so I'm interested to see how it goes with the 5 1/2 year gap!

[Hope4six]

Please update my info to say two boys!

[ZinniaGarden]

I would like to join this tribe.  I am due July 22, 2011, 36 years old and though I am not the oldest momma in the group I bet this baby's daddy is the oldest - DH is in his 60's.  Our oldest, DD is 16.  DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 7.  We told them on Friday when I was 5 weeks.  We are just not good at keeping secrets from them; they are on cloud nine - think it is better than Christmas!  Told my mother on Saturday and she handled it very well - congrats and how exciting, the whole bit.  Not telling our church or community until we hear a heart beat. 

I plan to do an ultrasound, mostly because I have fibroids and that scares me.  I want to see a four chamber heart and two kidneys on the ultrasound - not so worried about down's - it is what it is and we will love the baby anyway, though, we hope everything will be normal. 

I had a tramatic experience with my last child's doctor, so much so that I drove 6.5 hrs to get back to the doctor that had delivered my other two at 39 + 4 weeks.  As a result, I do not want to deal with vag exams and I know that when I walk into my doctor's office not wanting so many procedures, it is going to tick them off.  I don't want a bunch of interventions or tests, I pretty much want to be left alone to grow my baby.  I am afraid I am going to end up fighting to have a healthy normal pregnancy and baby.  On top of several other things, this baby will be a VBAC.  I have been doing a bit of research.  My home state has the lowest VBAC rate in the country - 2.5%  Kinda worried about how the doctors view them around here.  Oh well, will deal with that as it comes!

[ZinniaGarden]

Hope4six - Congrats on the two boys!!!!!!!!!  Hope you are feeling great.

[Hope4six]

Thanks, Zinnia!  I do feel a lot better just knowing that all the extra symptoms, weight, and fatigue are for good reason.:-)  I'm really excited to be having two more boys!

[LeeshaB]

Hi ladies -- sorry to say you can remove me from the rollcalll, I had a miscarraige this weekend.  I knew it was coming -- my ultrasound last week showed abnormal developement (some tissue, but not a fetus).  It's oddly comforting knowing that there wasn't really a "baby" per se in there, it feels more like the loss of a dream than the loss of a child, so I'm grateful that I didn't miscarry until after I knew for sure what the deal was.

Now that we know that pregnancy is a possibility, we're going to try to actively avoid getting pregnant again (it was never our intention to have another baby as we turned 46!), so I don't suspect I'll be checking back in with this group.

I want to wish all of you WONDERFUL pregnancies, beautiful deliveries, and a life of love with your little ones!  My pregnancies with my other two (at ages 35 and 38) were absolutly flawlessly uncomplicated, and I wish each of you the same! :)

Love, Leesha

[samstress]

just thought i'd give this thread a bump

any updates?  i poked around and posted a few new birth announcements from our member list.

26 weeks here.  did the prenatal screening, thinking it would help to set my mind at ease (didn't do any screening with dd -- was nearly 35 when she was born, will be 39 when this baby comes).  first trimester results came back great and i was feeling very confident.  however, second trimester results came back positive for down syndrome.  really struggled with whether or not to get the amnio (what i was trying to avoid by going the screening route).  ended up getting the amnio and baby is fine.  very relieved with the news, but wishing i had just avoided any screening and testing all together.

how's everyone else doing?

[capretta]

Hello! I feel like I'm kind of cheating here. I'm only 34 right now, but I'll be 35 in a couple months and would love to join you! In the OP format:

capretta, 35, 33, 10/1/11, sex unknown obviously

This is my first pregnancy and it was our first cycle trying. So we're thrilled, but also kind of overwhelmed by the whole thing. Looking forward to getting past the initial nerves so that I can just relax and enjoy the pregnancy - that does happen, right?