Its fine, great actually, if you do not want to yell or punish (you shouldn't yell, and you do not need to punish) but you certainly should not be rewarding which is exactly what your husband is doing. When they get out bed just calmly turn them around and march them back there even if you have to do it 100 times (you may want to move their bedtime up because this could go on a while 
) No talking, reasoning, pleading, apologizing for your actions, no giving in to whining (this includes most crying. they are seven. they will live. you aren't a million miles away. you are right there. there will be hissy fits but they will live through them. you take deep breaths and don't let it bother you. no manipulation. ) Just calmly turn them around and put them back in bed. Or even sit right by their bed. if they start to get up, lay them back down. The second they sit up. Plan to spend six solid hours doing this (I would put them to bed around 7 or 8 oclock...this could take a while, you will want a head start). Grab a book, a snack and something tasty to drink. you are on duty. If they are sound asleep in a hour you get off early. yeehaw. but by planning to be working for six hours you will not feel frustrated if it takes forever. Because you are not wasting time or getting interrupted. You are doing exactly what you planned to be doing. Each time they challenge you is an opportunity! You have one more chance to drive home this lesson, to reinforce this boundary, to teach them discipline. Each time you put them back in bed is one step closer to the finish line. If they challenge you 200 times the first night hallelujah!! You have proven to them 200 times that you are serious, not backing down, that you are strong, unflappable, not emotionally sabotaged and nothing they can do will disturb your calm. As soon as you start to get frustrated and lose your calm though they will begin regaining ground. They will know they are wearing you down. They day I stopped letting my kids get to me was the day the tide changed. The gave up. There was no button to push. They knew they could not annoy me into bending my will. When I decided to stop being annoyed I reminded myself and my kids that I was the grown up and I would eventually win. and there was no point trying to push buttons because I wasn't going to freak out or yell. There was the rule and there was the consequence . And I was not going to allow myself to take it personally.
As for feeling punished....if you decide ahead of time "I am not going to be able to go out with my friends for the next 4 to 6 months" you will not feel as punished. I will still suck. Not gonna sugar coat it. anytime you do make it out will be bonus though. Plan time for your husband to watch them while you go get some you time, go to the shopping, take the baby out whatever (by the way start teaching the baby this stuff now as well. What you want from your kids....something a child should be capable of by their third birthday.) whatever. Invite friends over to your house. Arrange for a babysitter to come watch the one that is not cooperating (if that is possible. I know it is not likely but it is highly effective and keeps everyone else from losing out.) These things are not perfect but they will help get you by while you are helping your boys learn to cooperate. This is in their best interest. Once things are simple and fun they will benefit so much!!!
) No talking, reasoning, pleading, apologizing for your actions, no giving in to whining (this includes most crying. they are seven. they will live. you aren't a million miles away. you are right there. there will be hissy fits but they will live through them. you take deep breaths and don't let it bother you. no manipulation. ) Just calmly turn them around and put them back in bed. Or even sit right by their bed. if they start to get up, lay them back down. The second they sit up. Plan to spend six solid hours doing this (I would put them to bed around 7 or 8 oclock...this could take a while, you will want a head start). Grab a book, a snack and something tasty to drink. you are on duty. If they are sound asleep in a hour you get off early. yeehaw. but by planning to be working for six hours you will not feel frustrated if it takes forever. Because you are not wasting time or getting interrupted. You are doing exactly what you planned to be doing. Each time they challenge you is an opportunity! You have one more chance to drive home this lesson, to reinforce this boundary, to teach them discipline. Each time you put them back in bed is one step closer to the finish line. If they challenge you 200 times the first night hallelujah!! You have proven to them 200 times that you are serious, not backing down, that you are strong, unflappable, not emotionally sabotaged and nothing they can do will disturb your calm. As soon as you start to get frustrated and lose your calm though they will begin regaining ground. They will know they are wearing you down. They day I stopped letting my kids get to me was the day the tide changed. The gave up. There was no button to push. They knew they could not annoy me into bending my will. When I decided to stop being annoyed I reminded myself and my kids that I was the grown up and I would eventually win. and there was no point trying to push buttons because I wasn't going to freak out or yell. There was the rule and there was the consequence . And I was not going to allow myself to take it personally.As for feeling punished....if you decide ahead of time "I am not going to be able to go out with my friends for the next 4 to 6 months" you will not feel as punished. I will still suck. Not gonna sugar coat it. anytime you do make it out will be bonus though. Plan time for your husband to watch them while you go get some you time, go to the shopping, take the baby out whatever (by the way start teaching the baby this stuff now as well. What you want from your kids....something a child should be capable of by their third birthday.) whatever. Invite friends over to your house. Arrange for a babysitter to come watch the one that is not cooperating (if that is possible. I know it is not likely but it is highly effective and keeps everyone else from losing out.) These things are not perfect but they will help get you by while you are helping your boys learn to cooperate. This is in their best interest. Once things are simple and fun they will benefit so much!!!
