I don't love my new home...

[mamagrigsby]

I am wondering if anybody else has felt this way, and if so, what did you do. We bought our first home about three months. It was a toss up between this one and another house a couple of blocks away. The minute I walked into the other one I fell in love with it. It had a warm, homey feel to it and there was just something about it I loved. I was ready to put an offer on it that day. After talking to my husband (and another friend who buys and sells homes) they both said this house (our current one) was a better home. It was larger and just felt more solid. It also has an attached garage and the other house had no garage. Our washer and dryer is upstairs in a small closet instead of being in a basement like the other house. So, I agreed that this house was a better house. But it was also a lot more than we wanted to spend. This house is $40,000 more than the other one. But again, the other house felt like it had more charm and love in it, despite that it was smaller and had a few less amenities. Now that we have been in this house for almost 4 months, I still don't love it. And things are already needing work. The wonderful washer and dryer that is nicely placed upstairs, we found out that it's hooked into the main bathroom pipes and so when I wash clothes a little of the drain water will come up in to the tub. We were told we need to just take that washer and dryer out of there and put it in the basement. And we are having major plumbing problems. When I wash clothes or use the kitchen sink our whole house wreaks of nasty sewer gas. It's just frustrating to know that we bought a house at our top end price (really above our top end) to have all these issues. And I am constantly "trying" to decorate it and make it feel homier (is that a word) but we are out of money. We don't have money to fix things that are breaking down or for more decorating. It makes me wonder if I would have been happier in the other house.

So, I am really wanting to know if anybody else has been in this place and what they did. How can I change my attitude. How can I change my perspective. Or do we move, which would seem irresponsible since we just moved in here. Help!

[momasana]

I was so excited when DH and I moved in together in our first home, but it only took a couple of weeks for me to realize that I didn't like the house. I hated the house. It needed a lot of work (it was a fixer-upper) but besides that, something about it just seemed "off" to me. I never felt comfortable. I did my best with painting and decorating to make it my own, but something about it was still wrong, even though I couldn't put my finger on it exactly. It wasn't a good fit.

We lived in that house for five years. When we sold the house I cried so hard because I realized how much had happened while we lived there, how many great memories we had made, how much growth and love and life had occured while we lived there. Even now when we talk about that house, I usually shake my head and think "that damn house..." but then laugh because as much as I disliked that house, it was still the place where my life happened.

It is frustrating when you aren't in love with the place you live and you feel like you are always spending money to fix this or fix that. And it sounds like your new house doesn't "fit" you, just like mine didn't fit me. But keep in mind that had you bought that other house, you would probably have just as many repairs, maybe not the washer/dryer, or the water pipes, but something would have broken, something would have needed attention. I know it sounds super hoaky and cliche, but try to focus your energy on what is going on inside the house, rather than the house itself. It's just a house, it's just walls.

[genifer]

I know it sounds super hoaky and cliche, but try to focus your energy on what is going on inside the house, rather than the house itself. It's just a house, it's just walls.

I agree. Now, my story doesnt include the purchase of a house but I think I can relate anyway. When I met my dh we lived in america, Im american, he's british. For reasons that are too many to mention we had to move to the UK. My dh came over here first to set up home for us, and he sent for us, myself and our baby twin girls, after about a 10 month seperation. I arrived in the UK a rather naive but open minded, and optimistic 23 yo. I landed at Gatwick airport and as soon as I heard the accents I had that strange feeling you feel when you know you know no one in the world within a 3000 mile radius. I had made the biggest decision of my life and there was absolutely NO turning back now. I got 'home', my new home, which was my dh's cousin's house, and saw the unfinished walls (needed wallpapering) and my heart sank further. I yearned for things that were familiar so I woke up at the 5 am so my kids could watch some american tv... seseme street. I was so homesick and heartbroken bc of the 'place' I found myself in.....

Saying all that, what momasana says is true. You can either see your glass as half empy or half full. Your life will be what you make of it and there is no time to live with regrets! I pressed on and we moved to a lot of places I would never really feel comfortable in, but I had babies to raise, I had a home to make a happy one, and thats what I attempted to do. I did and still do my best! When we moved into our present home, its rented, we had no washer or dryer. I had to hand wash clothes for a month before we were able to purchase a washer. My hands were raw with wringing wet clothes! In fact we had nothing! I had to leave that house in a hurry, 300 miles away, and left the majority of our stuff back up north. All my treasured belongings as well, my kids doodles thru their early school days (I do still mourn the loss of those I must admit), my journals. I could only take our kids and our cats and what we could fit into the boot of my gracious friends car (our cats peed in her car on the way down, male cat pee stinks man!). We had nothing and no money yet to rebuild. Still two years later, we're still rebuilding. OH! and the house is tiny! Very small compared to where we previously lived. But we look on the positive side of things, always greatful for what we have, never mourning what we dont have. To me thats ungreatful. I have my health (sort of) and my family around me, so honestly, there is no time to mourn any material loss. This is how I got over hating where I lived. Ive been in the UK for 10 years now. I just dont see what I have to gain in mourning what I dont have. Life is for living.

[tinybutterfly]

We've moved a lot. Some of the houses I have lived in I have LOVED and other houses I have lived in were meh.

Since you are now in the house, do what you can to make the best of it, make it a home and make good memories there.

I don't particularly like the house I am in now, but I really do try to concentrate on its good features and not so much on its shortcomings. I think I would like it more if we could finish the remodelling and drag it from the 70s/80s into the new millenium.

But...I have a GREAT garden area, access to some good shopping when I need to shop, the drive to my house is just beautiful! I really do think "Oh, we live in the SHIRE!" It's all brick. I LOVE brick! We have a detached garage, which I like much better than an attached garage...etc.

I am sorry you wish you had gotten the other house. Been there, done that, but c'est la vie.

[crunchy_mommy]

I have never loved my house -- I didn't even like it when we did the first walk-thru, before I noticed some of its worst features! Honestly I don't even really know why we bought the house (it's our first house). I cried (sad tears) the day we signed the papers. 'Buyer's remorse' is putting it mildly.

But we are slowly making it 'ours'. We've knocked down walls, renovated the kitchen, painted, built closets, landscaped, etc. We spent little money, instead I'd move around rocks in the back yard & refinished furniture we found on the side of the road & used old buckets of paint the previous owners had left in the basement. It has a LONG way to go still (and none of the projects are even close to fully finished). We've lived here 3 or 4 years... and have no intention of moving. DH & I joke about how we don't like the house, how the previous owners MacGyver'ed everything and left the place a mess, etc. We don't have the time/money/resources to finish it any time soon & we can't move even if we wanted to (because of just HOW unfinished it is, & because we've lost 40% of its value due to the recession).

But when DH & I were getting married, and we were questioning whether we could afford being a family, I told him I'd rather live in a cardboard box with him than in a mansion without him. And it's true. And now we have our son & this is the house he first smiled in... the house where he took his first steps, spoke his first words, gave his first hug. The house is just walls. WE, my family, are what makes it a home. It doesn't matter how we decorate it -- or if we even decorate it at all. It doesn't matter if we have to save up for another 10 years before we can fix everything. It doesn't matter if we have exposed subflooring & drywall. It matters that we have a (somewhat!) clean, safe, warm place to grow as a family. The rest will come, in time.

I know it's hard... especially when you thought things would be better than they are. But it's only been a few months. Give it time. Things will work themselves out.

[MPsSweetie]

I don't love our house either, and we've been here 18 months. There are a LOT of problems here, including mold, and it has just all been so overwhelming. We left a perfectly nice house (in an awful town, unfortunately) to move here. I just posted about what to do in TAO a couple weeks ago, when I was a breaking point. But amazingly, with a little (LOT) of hard work over the past month we have taken care of so much! Including getting rid of the mold!! Yay! I think that just digging in and getting my hands dirty here has helped me to appreciate what we have a little more. Moving things around, moving to a more comfortable bedroom, anything to make it feel more right. We worked on our last house all the time. Granted it was cosmetic stuff, compared to serious stuff here, but it really made it home. I was SO attached to that house it wasn't even funny. I don't want to live here forever, but I am dealing with it for now. And you know what, we went back down to our *better* house last week.... it wasn't better!! It was the memories of starting homeschooling, DD being a little girl there, having DS1 and his first two years, etc... I am trying to focus on making some new memories here now.

At least until is starts snowing and I go stir crazy in this tiny little house!!

[mamagrigsby]

Wow...what amazing replies. Thank you all so much for the responses. They have truly helped me put things into perspective. I am going to focus on making wonderful memories with my family in this house and be grateful for what I have. Again, thanks.! I'm so happy for this site!

[MPsSweetie]

Originally Posted by mamagrigsby

Wow...what amazing replies. Thank you all so much for the responses. They have truly helped me put things into perspective. I am going to focus on making wonderful memories with my family in this house and be grateful for what I have. Again, thanks.! I'm so happy for this site!

I love MDC too!

[verde]

I don't love my house. I posted a thread about this awhile ago. We bought this house because it worked for us on several functional levels but I have never loved it. It's not my dream house. I don't hate it and there are parts of it I like, but as a whole I don't love the house. I do love my big yard and I like my neighborhood and have made friends.

As others have said, over time you make it your house and every year I feel better about the house. I'm resigned to staying in it and I'm trying to learn to love it. I don't know if I will ever love it but I like more and more parts of it. For me I consciously decided to make the best of it once I realized we were here, we were staying and that, as they say, was that.

[Dreaming]

I completely understand. Our first house was like that for both DH and I. Don't know what we were thinking. That house had an awful layout and mold issues AND was built in to a hillside that was pushing the foundation over. Anyway, I really miss that house now. My DD was born there in an upstairs bedroom and we brought DS home to that house as well. Had we not sold it, we would be in a much better situation financially.
The next house we purchased we both loved right away, but over time, our feelings changed (go figure ) and we found all kinds of things that were problematic.
Now we have moved across the country and my new city sometimes feels like a home I'm not in love with (yet). Everything is strange. I have no friends here and I'm just learning my way around. It's a yucky ungrounded feeling.
I know eventually I will love it. One day, we'll buy another house (we are renting a house I don't love, but it has a lot of wonderful qualities). If I decide I don't like that one, I'm going to remember this thread.

OH! You can also try things like Feng Shui to improve the energy in your house. My mom is super into it and so is my brother. They both swear by it. I like to do my own intuitive version of energy balancing in our home.