May DDC PAL Mamas - Page 3

[meander]

I'd like to join in here. I had a loss in February, and I am very much hoping this time will be different. So far I'm doing pretty well with the whole 'staying positive' thing, but I'm only at 4w4d. It's so early... I am thinking as I approach 7 weeks (when I started spotting before) I will become a little more of a basket case.
But...so far, this time feels different somehow. I had a lot more cramping then from the beginning; this time, I have a lot of pulling and pinchingsensations, but no cramping. And yesterday, I woke from my nap with suddenly sore bbs, yay!
I had blood drawn yesterday for quant hcg and progesterone levels, and go back tomorrow for a followup. I'm trying to pretend I'm not nervous about the results: yeah, right!

[kitty waltz]

I am so happy for you Tara!!!

Welcome newbies!

I'm starting to get more paranoid. I'm using the time tested method of distraction to keep my mind off of it. I am 7 wks 5 days today! I wish I could get some kind of medical reassurance but I don't trust any of that well enough anyways.. it would be interventive for no good reason. {Sometimes I pass out from blood draws!}

[xtara2003x]

Hey everyone! How is everyone doing today??

I am 8 weeks 1 day. *ALMOST* past when I first had a miscarriage. I feel this one is sticking. I feel terrible. My cramping is pretty much gone and my boobs are massive. I can't wait for another week or so and I'll be able to hear the heartbeat!

[kitty waltz]

Today I am 8 wks, 6 days. I am past when I miscarried in the past too. I'm puking a lot, having headaches, waking up hungry 3x in the night, etc etc. I feel terrible too - so I am reassured that this one is sticking for me too! Yay!

Tara - How are you planning to hear the heartbeat in a wk? drs appt?

[meander]

I'm stuck in the hospital, with little to do with my time except fiddle with the computer and worry about whether everything is still going fine with the baby. And they've got me slightly freaked out now because they're doing blood cultures for systemic blood infection...I'm sure it's precautionary, but it's worrisome.
I was doing so well managing my worries until I landed in here. I will hit 6 weeks on Sunday, and have an u/s scheduled for Tuesday. I am starting to ponder the merits of having them draw another set of betas while I'm sitting here anyway--I'm having every other sort of test run, what's one more? I'm scared the progesterone is hiding mc symptoms. Heck, I'm scared of just about everything. Maintaining even a semblance of inner peace is getting really hard.

[springmum]

Meander - I hope everything turns out okay for you, it must be really difficult right now ((hugs))

I'd like to pop in too.

I've had 4 losses. 3 early losses (chemical pregnancies) while going through fertility treatments. This includes an IVF transfer of 2 eggs. We had 8 frozen eggs left - all great/good quality. I went through over a month of preparing my body for the transfer only to get a call that morning that all our eggs were gone. No lab error, they just didn't survive. That was the hardest.
We did conceive our son (now 2.5) thankfully.

Here we are surprised that after 6 months of trying we found out we were pregnant on our own, days before we were to see the fertility dr again.

I've also been peeing on as many tests as I have, but trying to just relax.
I have a good feeling about this, and am going to remain positive.
I did have some brown spotting which already seems to be gone (I'm 5 weeks tomorrow)

I hope everyone is doing well.

[lovebeingamomma]

I'm getting mild cramping on and off everyday, especially in the morning and night. It's a little unnerving, even though I think it's normal, but I just can't remember with my two term pregnancies if I felt this. Also I've been feeling sick the last two days so I guess that's a good thing I'm 6w3d and feeling pretty good, already planned my homebirth...I want this baby so bad.

Hugs to all you ladies who are still a little nervous, I know I am.

[Day82110]

When you ladies were spotting what did it look like? Miscarried in my 4th week last time and i went to heavy bleeding right away, friday i had a small amout of light brown spotting. Sat and today Sun no spotting, but the normal light cramping. i am so paranoid running to the bathroom the check my discharge to make sure it is clear, and i have been taking test to make sure the line is darker. i am 6w2d today

[seafox]

tentatively joining in here.

I only had one loss, and before my last pregnancy, but it still evidently really sticks with me, since I waited *forever* to test this time. I guess thinking if I found out for sure I was pregnant, then it would be more of a loss when I m/c, a super heavy period or something might just be that, or something. Though I guess I'd 'know' in some way. I had sort of been temping this cycle, but badly, and w/ my cycles being so wacky with nursing, I wasn't super positive on my ovulation date, so I just waited and waited until morning sickness finally kicked in, and finally DH today was just 'get a test already!'

so I did, and it freaked me out completely since when you wait this long to test, I guess it kind of screws up the control line (it gets super light) and I confused the control and test lines because of it, and immediately thought I'd be m/c soon since the line was so light. Whups. I guess I am almost 6 weeks along now! So less time to wait before the 12 week scan.

Originally Posted by xtara2003x

Yep..sounds very much like mine. I thought my baby was fine because the spotting stopped (but I was also put on progesterone) so the progesterone made the spotting stopped and made it a missed miscarriage. We mamas just KNOW...especially watching the body language and not seeing any heart beating. It was terribly traumatic. In fact, I am actually getting so angry about it again that I want to call and put a complaint down that that shouldn't be allowed. I mean I guess I understand that doctors are so busy so they need someone to do the other stuff..but the techs should be allowed to say something then!!!

I had the *exact* same experience, but no spotting even, so I was really blindsided. I had a 'bad' feeling, but it was my first pregnancy, so I wasn't really sure what was normal.

then later on in the pregnancy, I was in the ER due to abdominal pain (turned out to be appendicitis) and I had the same experience - a tech, making sure the babe was fine, since that'd be the first thing they check, didn't say a WORD for like 5min while she looked around. Since I had no idea if things were fine or not, I was 20wks, but hadn't felt movement yet (placenta in front) I had no idea. All I knew was that I didn't hear any heartbeat! but since it was the ER u/s machine, i guess it doesn't do that. I was sitting there crying for a while before she finally said 'do you want to see?' (screen was away from us) and I was sadly too upset to say what went through my head, 'well f**&, you tell me, do I WANT to see?' ugh. That was super super awful.

I have been nauseous, so that's good. That was one thing w/ my m/c, the nausea stopped in week 8 or so (though my body held on to it until 12 wks) so I guess Ill be paying close attention to that.

[meander]

I posted a lot of this elsewhere, but it was a deeply painful experience for me, and I need to write more of it out.

They did an ultrasound on me yesterday, at 5w6d. It was...pretty terrible for me. Since I'm in the hospital already, they took me down to the ER U/S dept...and then took me into the exact same room in which I found out the last pregnancy had failed. The tears started immediately, but couldn't find the words to ask for another room--there were others free--I just had this terrible depression suddenly.
Then the tech looked around for a few minutes, looking confused. She said she needed to get another tech to help her 'find' things. I was convinced the news was bad, just the way she said it. They looked around a lot, like they couldn't find anything in there...well, then there was a blob, but they couldn't make things out well. Then they started whispering to each other, and I just started sobbing. I tried to figure things out myself, but I just couldn't...and they said confusing things.
'It's so small!' 'Could that be a heartbeat?' 'No, not if it's that small. And it's too slow.' 'Isn't it supposed to be slower?' 'I don't know.' 'I can't see a pole, that can't be a heartbeat.' I just kept sobbing, nothing they said sounded even slightly positive. They pretty much ignored me until the end. Then one of them said 'It may just be that your dates are off, and you should have another scan in a week, and it'll all be fine. I measured small at my first ultrasound, and I have a beautiful boy at home.' I know she was trying to reassure me...but it's only reassuring if your dates COULD be off. And mine really can't, not more than a day or two.
So I left convinced I was measuring behind by at least a week or maybe even two, that there was no sign of any fetal pole as there should have been, no clear yolk sac even, that the baby must have stopped developing before 5 weeks and I was destined to miscarry again.
I cried for a while, but then decided I couldn't give up on this one, not yet. I didn't feel like it was time.
Later: My OB looked at the scans herself, and said I was measuring about right, but they didn't measure quite correctly so she wasn't sure...but that the fetal pole and yolk sac were clearly visible, and while they *probably* didn't see a heartbeat, it was possible, and it would be quite slow now, and we might see a lot more when her tech does my scan Tuesday, because these ladies just had almost no experience with pregnancies this early, and they weren't quite sure how to find what they were looking for. I wanted to ask her, why then did we even do this scan? If there are no techs who know what to look for?
It was a lot of emotional roller coaster. I think we ended up that day on a good note, but I'm never going to feel 'safe', am I? I think it's good for me to really know that.

[xtara2003x]

Originally Posted by kitty waltz

Today I am 8 wks, 6 days. I am past when I miscarried in the past too. I'm puking a lot, having headaches, waking up hungry 3x in the night, etc etc. I feel terrible too - so I am reassured that this one is sticking for me too! Yay!

Tara - How are you planning to hear the heartbeat in a wk? drs appt?

Yah for being past when you miscarried!! That is SUCH a great feeling isn't it!?!?!?

I actually have a doppler that we bought with my first pregnancy this year. I never got to use it. I don't plan to use it much really...though there is just no way I can wait until 20 weeks to hear the HB with a fetoscope. I will be buying a fetoscope though. I will listen to the heartbeat with the doppler a few times before I feel movement. I really feel like once I can hear the HB...I will be "in the clear" since your chance of miscarriage drops dramatically after you can hear the HB!

Originally Posted by springmum

I'd like to pop in too.

I've had 4 losses. 3 early losses (chemical pregnancies) while going through fertility treatments. This includes an IVF transfer of 2 eggs. We had 8 frozen eggs left - all great/good quality. I went through over a month of preparing my body for the transfer only to get a call that morning that all our eggs were gone. No lab error, they just didn't survive. That was the hardest.
We did conceive our son (now 2.5) thankfully.

Here we are surprised that after 6 months of trying we found out we were pregnant on our own, days before we were to see the fertility dr again.

I've also been peeing on as many tests as I have, but trying to just relax.
I have a good feeling about this, and am going to remain positive.
I did have some brown spotting which already seems to be gone (I'm 5 weeks tomorrow)

I hope everyone is doing well.

Oh I am so happy for you!!!!! Definitely join us here and get any feelings out you need to!! Hang in there! I know how much we all wish we could just fast forward the first tri!!!

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma

I'm getting mild cramping on and off everyday, especially in the morning and night. It's a little unnerving, even though I think it's normal, but I just can't remember with my two term pregnancies if I felt this. Also I've been feeling sick the last two days so I guess that's a good thing I'm 6w3d and feeling pretty good, already planned my homebirth...I want this baby so bad.

Hugs to all you ladies who are still a little nervous, I know I am.

I am going on 9 weeks and definitely had cramping up until maybe 7 weeks off and on? It is SO unnerving and every little twinge I would try to analyze. Yah for being sick too!!! I am so excited for you sweetie!!!!!!! We both (we all) deserve to be mamas (again)!!!!

Originally Posted by Day82110

When you ladies were spotting what did it look like? Miscarried in my 4th week last time and i went to heavy bleeding right away, friday i had a small amout of light brown spotting. Sat and today Sun no spotting, but the normal light cramping. i am so paranoid running to the bathroom the check my discharge to make sure it is clear, and i have been taking test to make sure the line is darker. i am 6w2d today

With my first, I had slight brown spotting in the 5th week. I then ended up getting put on progesterone and again with the brown spotting in the 8th week then turning pink, and then finally full out bleeding.

With my second, I had brown spotting in the 5th week as well, and then the day after I started full out bleeding. Hang in there. The first trimester is so so scary and then throw a little spotting in there and it's terrible!! s I am thinking and praying for you!!!

Originally Posted by seafox

tentatively joining in here.

I only had one loss, and before my last pregnancy, but it still evidently really sticks with me, since I waited *forever* to test this time. I guess thinking if I found out for sure I was pregnant, then it would be more of a loss when I m/c, a super heavy period or something might just be that, or something. Though I guess I'd 'know' in some way. I had sort of been temping this cycle, but badly, and w/ my cycles being so wacky with nursing, I wasn't super positive on my ovulation date, so I just waited and waited until morning sickness finally kicked in, and finally DH today was just 'get a test already!'

so I did, and it freaked me out completely since when you wait this long to test, I guess it kind of screws up the control line (it gets super light) and I confused the control and test lines because of it, and immediately thought I'd be m/c soon since the line was so light. Whups. I guess I am almost 6 weeks along now! So less time to wait before the 12 week scan.



I had the *exact* same experience, but no spotting even, so I was really blindsided. I had a 'bad' feeling, but it was my first pregnancy, so I wasn't really sure what was normal.

then later on in the pregnancy, I was in the ER due to abdominal pain (turned out to be appendicitis) and I had the same experience - a tech, making sure the babe was fine, since that'd be the first thing they check, didn't say a WORD for like 5min while she looked around. Since I had no idea if things were fine or not, I was 20wks, but hadn't felt movement yet (placenta in front) I had no idea. All I knew was that I didn't hear any heartbeat! but since it was the ER u/s machine, i guess it doesn't do that. I was sitting there crying for a while before she finally said 'do you want to see?' (screen was away from us) and I was sadly too upset to say what went through my head, 'well f**&, you tell me, do I WANT to see?' ugh. That was super super awful.

I have been nauseous, so that's good. That was one thing w/ my m/c, the nausea stopped in week 8 or so (though my body held on to it until 12 wks) so I guess Ill be paying close attention to that.

Oh you poor thing!! I am so sorry your emotions are so all over the place. US are SO scary for me because of my experience. Being sick is definitely a good thing but also remember every pregnancy is different! I didn't feel sick at all until 8 weeks with DD, and with this one I started feeling sick around 5 weeks and now that I am past 8 weeks I am starting to feel better!

I just think I'm having a boy because I can't stop burping!!

Originally Posted by meander

I posted a lot of this elsewhere, but it was a deeply painful experience for me, and I need to write more of it out.

They did an ultrasound on me yesterday, at 5w6d. It was...pretty terrible for me. Since I'm in the hospital already, they took me down to the ER U/S dept...and then took me into the exact same room in which I found out the last pregnancy had failed. The tears started immediately, but couldn't find the words to ask for another room--there were others free--I just had this terrible depression suddenly.
Then the tech looked around for a few minutes, looking confused. She said she needed to get another tech to help her 'find' things. I was convinced the news was bad, just the way she said it. They looked around a lot, like they couldn't find anything in there...well, then there was a blob, but they couldn't make things out well. Then they started whispering to each other, and I just started sobbing. I tried to figure things out myself, but I just couldn't...and they said confusing things.
'It's so small!' 'Could that be a heartbeat?' 'No, not if it's that small. And it's too slow.' 'Isn't it supposed to be slower?' 'I don't know.' 'I can't see a pole, that can't be a heartbeat.' I just kept sobbing, nothing they said sounded even slightly positive. They pretty much ignored me until the end. Then one of them said 'It may just be that your dates are off, and you should have another scan in a week, and it'll all be fine. I measured small at my first ultrasound, and I have a beautiful boy at home.' I know she was trying to reassure me...but it's only reassuring if your dates COULD be off. And mine really can't, not more than a day or two.
So I left convinced I was measuring behind by at least a week or maybe even two, that there was no sign of any fetal pole as there should have been, no clear yolk sac even, that the baby must have stopped developing before 5 weeks and I was destined to miscarry again.
I cried for a while, but then decided I couldn't give up on this one, not yet. I didn't feel like it was time.
Later: My OB looked at the scans herself, and said I was measuring about right, but they didn't measure quite correctly so she wasn't sure...but that the fetal pole and yolk sac were clearly visible, and while they *probably* didn't see a heartbeat, it was possible, and it would be quite slow now, and we might see a lot more when her tech does my scan Tuesday, because these ladies just had almost no experience with pregnancies this early, and they weren't quite sure how to find what they were looking for. I wanted to ask her, why then did we even do this scan? If there are no techs who know what to look for?
It was a lot of emotional roller coaster. I think we ended up that day on a good note, but I'm never going to feel 'safe', am I? I think it's good for me to really know that.

BIG BIG BIG s I am so so sorry you are in the hospital and dealing with all of this stuff. That is just so not fair! I wish that you could know FOR SURE what is going on...but a lot of time with US's...the dates really ARE off! Just keep that in mind and hang in there until you can get another one! I am thinking and praying for you!!

[springmum]

Meander - I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now

Thank you for the welcome.

I think we may be headed in the wrong direction to be honest

I had my Beta's tested at 17 dpo (99% sure of ovulation date) it was 88, then only 158 at 19 dpo. Doubling time of 2.3 days. So still in the range of normal, but the very low end.
I started spotting brown again today (had spotted at the beginning for about 4-5 days) with some cramping. Nausea, tiredness and sore boobs are all getting better not worse. Even my bloating is a little better.

I know there are great stories out there, and I will cling to that for now and hope to be one of those stories.

[lovebeingamomma]

sorry haven't read all the updates just quickly posting that I'm FREAKING OUT I've been having so much cramping/back ache that I'm just giving up hope. I get an u/s on Friday. My first pregnancy 5 years ago the 7 week u/s revealed no heartbeat so I'm just imagining the same thing again. I mean maybe it's fine...but I'm SO ANXIOUS.

[seafox]

Originally Posted by meander

I posted a lot of this elsewhere, but it was a deeply painful experience for me, and I need to write more of it out.

They did an ultrasound on me yesterday, at 5w6d. It was...pretty terrible for me. Since I'm in the hospital already, they took me down to the ER U/S dept...and then took me into the exact same room in which I found out the last pregnancy had failed. The tears started immediately, but couldn't find the words to ask for another room--there were others free--I just had this terrible depression suddenly.
Then the tech looked around for a few minutes, looking confused. She said she needed to get another tech to help her 'find' things. I was convinced the news was bad, just the way she said it. They looked around a lot, like they couldn't find anything in there...well, then there was a blob, but they couldn't make things out well. Then they started whispering to each other, and I just started sobbing. I tried to figure things out myself, but I just couldn't...and they said confusing things.
'It's so small!' 'Could that be a heartbeat?' 'No, not if it's that small. And it's too slow.' 'Isn't it supposed to be slower?' 'I don't know.' 'I can't see a pole, that can't be a heartbeat.' I just kept sobbing, nothing they said sounded even slightly positive. They pretty much ignored me until the end. Then one of them said 'It may just be that your dates are off, and you should have another scan in a week, and it'll all be fine. I measured small at my first ultrasound, and I have a beautiful boy at home.' I know she was trying to reassure me...but it's only reassuring if your dates COULD be off. And mine really can't, not more than a day or two.
So I left convinced I was measuring behind by at least a week or maybe even two, that there was no sign of any fetal pole as there should have been, no clear yolk sac even, that the baby must have stopped developing before 5 weeks and I was destined to miscarry again.
I cried for a while, but then decided I couldn't give up on this one, not yet. I didn't feel like it was time.
Later: My OB looked at the scans herself, and said I was measuring about right, but they didn't measure quite correctly so she wasn't sure...but that the fetal pole and yolk sac were clearly visible, and while they *probably* didn't see a heartbeat, it was possible, and it would be quite slow now, and we might see a lot more when her tech does my scan Tuesday, because these ladies just had almost no experience with pregnancies this early, and they weren't quite sure how to find what they were looking for. I wanted to ask her, why then did we even do this scan? If there are no techs who know what to look for?
It was a lot of emotional roller coaster. I think we ended up that day on a good note, but I'm never going to feel 'safe', am I? I think it's good for me to really know that.

I honestly don't understand how u/s techs can be so so unsympathetic to what they are doing and how they are making their patient feel! My second pregnancy, an actual doctor did my u/s, I told her about my previous loss, and she was *so awesome* and made sure she told me right away that things were fine, etc. I hope to get that doc again this time.

[seafox]

ugh, so now I am freaking out since my nausea today seems so nonexistant. I was dry heaving a bit yesterday, and today I feel almost normal, and I'm even hungry (usually when its worst) I am trying to remember how much this ebbs and flows. It sucks to be looking forward to feeling ill again but I hope I do soon!

[lovebeingamomma]

I went for an u/s and heartbeat yeah!!! Most amazing thing ever to see such a little tiny heartbeat and knowing it's beating inside of me right now!

Prayers for all of you for healthy pregnancies

[geekgolightly]

Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma

I went for an u/s and heartbeat yeah!!! Most amazing thing ever to see such a little tiny heartbeat and knowing it's beating inside of me right now!

Prayers for all of you for healthy pregnancies

!!!


I am thrilled for you. I know how that feels to be able to see the heart beating and knowing the bebe is snuggled in there safe.

As I have been catching up with this thread this evening, I got an overwhelming urge to meditate and send healing thoughts to everyone here. We need a break, ladies! I hope and pray that all of us experiences a very uneventful pregnancy and we all come home with babies in our arms.

[Day82110]

spotting hasen't come back YAY. I am just taking it one day at a time. I currently have an appt 10/14 to see the heartbeat but i am touring birth center on tues so if i switch to them i may not even attend that appt. It is reassuring to hear the heartbeat. I know there is nothing i can do to take away anyones worries or even mine. I just am happy each day i make it without bleeding.

[EARB]

I'm so glad to have found this thread! It's such a comfort to know there are others out there in the same boat and who really "get" it.

I had a missed miscarriage in May and am also very, very nervous for my first appointment and US the middle of October. It's so incredibly difficult - it's biologically impossible not to be just a little bit happy about being pregnant, but then there is the very real fear that things may not work out again. And this fear is always there... always lurking right behind every happy thought.

That's the curse of having miscarried - you are forever tarnished. There will be no careless & joyful pregnancy. The reality of having a miscarriage will always be a part of you. I find myself hyperanalyzing every symptom. Even all the lack of symptoms!

The only thing that has been helping me through the past weeks has been the understanding that it is all out of my hands. It will be or it won't be, but there is really nothing I can do to control it. I'm trying hard to focus on the only thing I do know right now: I am pregnant. And until I'm told otherwise, that is really all I know. Probably sounds cheesy.

Sending all of you happy, positive thoughts to help get through the uncertainty!

[xtara2003x]

Oh how right you are. I hate how miscarriages take the innocense and joy out of the first trimester especially. Not to mention...make you over analyze EVERYTHING and anything. It's really not fair.

This time..when I found out I was pregnant..I was happy....yet....I didn't feel like I could run around and jump and scream with excitement...because of the fear.

Maybe when I carry this baby to term...next time I'll feel a little less anxiety? I'm not sure. I hope so.