2 year old in separate room; doesn't feel right

[desamom]

Hi mamas,

I will try to keep the background to a minimum, but DD and I have been sleeping in the same bed since she was about 7 months old. Prior to that she slept in a crib beside our bed. DH gets up super early for work and felt the need for his own space so has been sleeping in another room since about the same time. This has been working well for us.

Fast forward to now: I am 35 weeks pregnant and we needed to switch all the rooms around upstairs for various reasons. Although I didn't really see the need, we decided to make DD a room and planned to get a double mattress so that one of us could go and sleep with her if need be, or if it ended up that I couldn't sleep with a baby and toddler in bed with me.

Today when we were moving furniture, we were trying to decide what to do with the crib and I remembered that it turns into a little daybed/toddler bed. I went back and forth but since we haven't bought the double mattress yet, I thought why not try it and see if she likes it.

So we set it up and she is sound asleep in her own room in her own bed. And it feels really sad to me! I have no idea how the night is going to go, but I have told her that if she ever wants to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room, then she can. We are not forcing her to sleep there. But I liked having her sleep with me and I like having her close by.

If she is happy in there, is that okay? I know this may sound silly and maybe I'm just hormonal, but it feels wrong to ME. Oh and I am also totally willing to go back to plan A if plan B doesn't work. I just wanted to make the move before the baby came so it wasn't all happening because the baby was here. But I am fully open to her coming back to our room/bed if that is what she needs.

Thoughts appreciated!

[tangledblue]

I think it is normal to be a little sad when one's child begins to grow up even in small ways like snoozing happily in her own bed. She'll probably come visit you soon anyway! Especially when the baby is born, she might try to come back to stake out "her" territory. If she's happy now, I'd just go with that, assuming that you are comfortable with the toddler-proofing of the room, etc.

If it was an easy transition for her, great; that means she's really ready and I wouldn't second guess it. Of course, it might just be the novelty of it.

[MovnMama]

A similar (yet different issue) happened with my son, where I had to come to terms with his decision even though I wasn't ready for it. It wasn't moving into his own room, it was weaning. He weaned himself way earlier (13 months) than I was planning on (I wanted to nurse through toddlerhood). Ultimately it was his decision and I couldn't force him to nurse (duh) but I was [I]so sad[I] over the whole thing for a long while.

I guess what I'm saying is that, it may be more of an adjustment for you than for your DD. If she's happy, go with it. You may be pleased about it being so easy in the long run as well. It's okay to feel sad, but I think it's an appropriate transition made at an appropriate time.

Good Luck!

[MittensKittens]

I remember feeling like that when DD first slept in her own bed at around the same age, while I was pregnant with DS. If it's any consolation, DS is nearly two now, DD is four, and we're all sleeping in the same bed. DD moved back in as soon as the baby got there .

[desamom]

Thanks for all the replies! I think a huge part of it is me just feeling really sad about her growing up (although 2.5 is still pretty little!!) and all wrapped up in pregnancy emotions. I am also fully prepared for her to want to come back in our bed or room at some point, most likely once the baby comes. But if not, well I will be thankful it was an easy transition. I realize now though that I was definitely not ready for her to be out of my bed! I just felt like we had to have some other option in case all of us sleeping together with the baby didn't work out. And I wanted to do it in advance of the baby. We shall see.

[honeybee]

I felt the same way when ds1 was two and decided to sleep in his own bed just a couple weeks before ds2 arrived.

But then, after baby was born, he ended up in our room more often than not. And then eventually we just moved him back in our room for good. We had five of us in one bedroom until a couple months ago, when the older boys (now ages 6 and 4) decided they'd be fine in their room. They were fine, but I STILL found myself peaking in on them every time I got up to go to the bathroom (which is often since I'm pregnant again). And their bedroom is right next to ours, shares a wall and everything.

If she's happy there, there's nothing wrong with her being in her own room. It sounds like you're more than willing to welcome her back if things change, which is the important part.

[lifeguard]

We switched ds to his own bed in his own room at 18mos. Totally did not expect it to work but he took to it immediately. He does come to our room most nights at some point in the morning (usually around 5).

I totally get that feeing of sadness but if she is happy then it is ok to let her be.

I have to admit once I got used to it I am sleeping sooooo much better with my own space again.