Question for Homeschooling Converts!!

[jodieanneanton]

While growing up, there were a lot of things I said I would NEVER do... Natural birth, "Yeah, right," I'd say. I had the same feelings about breastfeeding and cloth diapering, too. And never did I think I would be a stay at home mom. Somewhere along the way, however, my feelings about those things changed. I would also say the same thing about homeschooling my children... "Yeah, right...NEVER." And now, as my daughter quickly approaches school age (she's already 3!), I am definitely considering it as a viable option.

I am so completely and totally overwhelmed by the whole decision (to home school or send the kids to a private school) that I am going berserk! I have been doing some reading (and would love suggestions for more home schooling titles) but just can't seem to make up my mind. I have a Brother in law who was home schooled and hated every minute, I have family members who home school but seem quite socially inept. At the same time, I sometimes meet home schooling families and am blown away by the maturity, kindness and politeness of the children.

My question is mainly for people who didn't go into their child-rearing with the decision to home school already made or even those who were once against the whole idea... What pushed you over the edge and made you decide on home schooling? Are you doing it year by year, stopping at a certain grade level or going for the long haul? I'd love to hear your story and find out how you became a home schooling convert, so to speak.

TIA.

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by jodieanneanton

What pushed you over the edge and made you decide on home schooling? Are you doing it year by year, stopping at a certain grade level or going for the long haul?

Well, first, there are a ton more experienced mamas on here - I'm just "officially" starting. Growing up, I too knew some of those weird families where the kids just didn't quite fit in, so yeah, I've had that in the back of my head, too. ETA: I never fit in either, no matter how hard I tried, so in the grand scheme of things it's not such a big deal once you're past the teenage years...

What pushed me over the edge? My oldest was 18mo and I was having panic attacks about sending him to Kindy years from then. I knew the challenges/threats MIL had to deal with in regards to hubby even back then, and my oldest is practically hubby's clone. It would've been awful, especially having to juggle the public school and bus schedule with other kids. Ugh.

I'm in it for the long haul, but reserve the right to change my mind or let the kids choose when they're older. I don't necessarily need to be thrilled if they want to go to high school, but I can shape them when I have them so they can face whatever challenges are thrown their way as they get older. I've found that having a set or concrete plan pretty much guarantees something coming along and smashing it to bits. Having end goals and being flexible and rolling with it to aim for that goal (or the general direction) has worked better for me over the years.
For example, I thought I'd be all about the unschooling. Which I kinda am, but we/I needed a bit more structure this year, so I basically got a curriculum in a box so to speak to help me out (although I took this week off and have already set aside a book I didn't jive with - there's that flexibility thing again).

[PGTlatte]

When DS1 was a baby and I was still working, I used to think homeschoolers were really just nuts...overprotective, smothering, etc, or SAHMs who were looking for purpose. Real life teaches lessons better than any lecture ever could.

When DS1 turned 3 (spring bday) and it was time to find a preschool (I was a SAHM then, due to DS1's health problems and adding DS2), he was hyperactive, and still very far from potty independent and still in pullups. I was worried he may not be out of pullups by fall and the preschools all expected them to be completely independent with the potty. He was also allergic to dairy and eggs and I could not find a preschool I trusted that was willing to keep him away from foods that I hadn't brought in for him. I was also extremely turned off by the "we are experts" attitude of some of the preschools. It felt disrespectful. So I decided to just have him take fun park district classes that were only 45 minutes long that allowed pullups and maybe try pre-K the next year.

When he was four, he was doing really well with all his park district activities, still hyperactive, and still having pee accidents. I decided to stick with what we were doing instead of pre-K.

By the time he was five, I had spent a year researching homeschooling and had pretty much made up my mind that the easier and kinder path for him was at home. We started things like phonics and number recognition.

When he was six and didn't go off to first grade on the bus, I felt a bit panicked and freaky because he had not learned to read or write as much as I had hoped before that time. But then over the next six months we learned he was blind in one eye; recovered that eye with patching; learned that he had severe problems using both eyes together and was not really capable of reading or writing until that was resolved; started vision therapy; and ultimately made huge progress. It was quite a year. I am so glad he was at home.

This year is 2nd grade for DS1, who still gets weekly vision therapy and an hour with a reading tutor, and pre-K for DS2, who has only recently become potty independent including dealing with his own clothing, at home. We are going straight on ahead and not looking back.

[Jennifer3141]

Before we had children, I already had their school picked out. Homeschooling wasn't even a blip on my radar - my kids were going to go the classical elementary school and get a GOOD education while I wiled away the day shopping, I guess.

Well, I was half right. They are getting a classical education!

[ema-adama]

What pushed you over the edge and made you decide on home schooling? Are you doing it year by year, stopping at a certain grade level or going for the long haul?

I never thought I would home school. I was sure only 'weirdos' did that! I even remember in the first months someone suggesting that I would not see eye to eye with IL's if I chose to homeschool (the discussion was about differences in opinion on vaccines) and I remember thinking, "yeah right, I'll never do anything that crazy". (as an aside, I never thought I would co-sleep, not vaccinate, use Gentle Discipline, prefer a sling over a stroller etc etc)

Anyway, over two years later I have examined my fears about homeschooling and found them to not be well founded.

Ideas like, "children have to learn to deal with difficult people", "children need to be in kindy to learn how to socialise", "children need to learn to rely on others other than their mothers", "children need other children" and some other points put forward as to why I should be put my son in kindy.

I found that these ideas are not necessarily true, and that it is possible to meet childrens needs for socialisation outside of educational institutions.

I also have observed my son grow into an independent, capable child. He loves other children and the people he knows.

Yes, he is very young still. I would not even consider what I am doing as homeschooling, as he is only 2 1/2. However, I know that homeschooling is a very likely option for us down the road. At the moment I cannot see a reason why we wouldn't - barring me not being able to find social support for homeschooling.

It makes much more sense to me to be able to tailor my childs education to their needs and give them them the attention and support they need, rather than rely on a system that I am often in disagreement with over basic ideas in child development and education.

Also, I will take it as it comes. If it becomes clear to me that it is not working for me or my child, we will adapt to make the best choice, including go to school.

I am sure there are much more experienced mamas here who can speak from years of experience.

I love reading John Holt. His ideas are very accessible to me and have helped me think through reasoning for keeping children at home or sending them to school.

Good luck

[Lisa1970]

I know so many socially inept and morally deplete public schoolers. It is just that because homeschooling can be different in many areas, people like to pick at them.

I always wanted to homeschool. My parents moved from a good school district where everyone learned at their own pace, in a montessori type style, to one where every single child was just a part of the collective and we all had to think the same, learn the same, at the same pace, and the same materials, and so on. I hated it. I had been so far ahead at my old school and now suddenly, I was at a school where when we finished our work, we had to sit with our heads down on the desk. The kids were so mean to each other, probably because they were so bored. I begged, literally, I begged to be allowed to learn more and was told that I needed to concentrate on making friends. Even then, bullies were seen as the socially acceptable people and the smart kids were treated poorly for it.

You need to define weird. I think most people here at mothering could be defined as weird. I mean, who wants to give birth without drugs, or breastfeed past a few weeks, or mess with organic food, or not do every vaccination available on the market, etc etc etc. Really, children are told they all need to be clones of each other in school, and it is made clear that anyone outside of some preset standards of how everyone has to be. Free thought and individualism is not OK. So, maybe your child will feel free to be who he or she is meant to be. Maybe your child will play an instrument, or have a knack for languages, or be the future inventor of the cure for cancer. But many children are so stiffled in to just being a part of the collective, that they do not feel free to follow their passions, or even figure out what those passions might be.

It is true, your child might not be begging for a cell phone at 8 yrs old and might not mouth off to you to impress his friends and so on. Your child might tell you he would prefer a science kit or new instrument for Christmas instead of whatever is the current trend (which is probably is not interested in but feels like he has to ask for because everyone else at school is). But is that so bad? Plus, there will be that relationship you will have with your children. Most people do not get to know and love their children the way we get to when we are their teachers, their guides, and here with them every step of the way. You are going to LOVE it! You will wonder why everyone does not do this. You will grow to feel bad for those who never experienced this, who does not have this.

SO....have a GREAT time with it!!! Go forth and grow with your children!!!!

(hope I have encouraged you)

[VisionaryMom]

I also never intended to homeschool. For us, the issue is that we just didn't think any of the schools near us could accommodate DS' needs. The advice we got from a developmental psych we saw was that we should use public school because legally (in our state), we can push for accommodation for gifted children in the same way parents of special needs children can. (That is not true everywhere, to be clear.)

The problem we saw was that we would have to expend tremendous energy (this much was clear from our initial inquiries into public school) into making sure DS (and later DD, as she's at roughly the same level as DS) had what he needed. He would be the "odd kid out" all the time at school, so why not homeschool? We know him. We know what it's like to be gifted. We can tailor everything to suit him, and since we would have to exercise constant vigilance if he went to public school, why not just homeschool? It started to make more sense for us, and so here we are!

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by jodieanneanton

What pushed you over the edge and made you decide on home schooling? Are you doing it year by year, stopping at a certain grade level or going for the long haul? I'd love to hear your story and find out how you became a home schooling convert, so to speak.

TIA.

Never once gave hsing a thought. Nor did I think I'd be a sahm--I was definately going back to my career after maternity leave. But things changed once I had my first.

When ds1 became school aged, I hated the idea of sending him away to school, but didn't think I had any options--going to school was the law--I hadn't known or heard of any hsers at that point so even though it felt really wrong, I registered him for school.

When he was in 1st grade, I'd been talking online with some hsers and started considering it for my own kids, but wasn't ready to make the leap. We pulled ds out of school in the 3rd grade, with the idea that "I can't do any worse than school." (How's that for a big goals? ) We had no plans to send him back at any particular grade, but knew it was an option if things changed.

He was so much happier at home. It took some time for him to be interested in learning again but when he was his interests were wide and it was so exciting to see him take off, watch him learn new skills, have conversations with him, and just have the luxury of time to spend (without a bell ringing every 40 minutes to signal a change in subject!) that we never considered a return to school.

Our younger two are also hsed. I think the kids' relationship with each other is stronger having been hsed--due to the age span they wouldn't have spent much time together had they been in school. They love having the freedom to explore whatever interests them. Dd began taking classes at the community college last year and is loving it.

If you'd asked me before kids if I'd ever consider hsing, I would have laughed but it's been a wonderful life for us.

[pigpokey]

Well it started with our attempt at preschool for my oldest. As it turns out, the best (besides montessori -- which might be better) preschools around here are (1) $7+ per hour per child (2) require extensive volunteerism and (3) attempt to recreate a home type learning environment. So let's see, I'm paying a ton of money to have to work an hour to get her ready / packed / there in the AM, a half-hour for pickup, putting the family on a rigid schedule, I'm still parenting all morning (with my baby), would have to pay for sitter on top of it to do my volunteer hours (which were largely, not using my extensive background and education but just me cleaning yet another space), and they are trying to do an imitation of my home. Great.

To the extent I needed a break a couple of mornings a week, hiring someone was a much better value. Not to mention it had a 2:1 teacher to child ratio and if we were all still in our PJs at 9am she would just get them dressed before going off to the park or library.

Then I found out nothing really radical happened at the K level to make private school a better value. What the schools do effectively, I can do myself or contract for cheaper and better -- except public school of course, which is not really free, but would be free to me. However, I was also excited to raise my kids in a large metropolitan area with extensive offerings in arts, sports, and academic mentors at universities. I wanted to keep the academic day short and effective so that they could take advantage of these opportunities.

[MyFullHouse]

My oldest was born just before Columbine, and I kind of joked that I was going to homeschool. I never really thought I would, though.

My conversion came about when my 2E child (bright and ASD) was not having his educational needs met on either end of the scale. He was too "smart" for special ed, and too "immature" for acceleration... not that the school was set up for acceleration.

We hoped that a new school district in a new state would be better. It wasn't. In addition to academic crumminess, ds began to buck our parental authority and worship his teachers as the end-all, be-all. And the peers that didn't begin to treat him poorly began to influence him in other ways we didn't approve of.

A year before pulling him out, we decided to keep the youngers home. After seeing how kids get lumped together, I wanted all of my kids to have better. We started ds with a cyber charter school in the 5th grade, and converted to traditional homeschooling in 6th. He's now a 7th/8th grader, probably starting homeschool high school next year.

I completely intend to homeschool to the finish line. I am open to other options, if they prove better, and I know that there could be unforseen circumstances in the future, so I won't say it *will* happen, but that is the plan.

In the past few years, it homeschooling has become much more than just an educational method in our house. It's our lifestyle. It's helped us to identify our family and social goals, and set our priorities. And it's serving us all well.

My biggest academic help has been The Well-Trained Mind, while John Holt and his kind give me a motivational kick in the rear.

[zeldamomma]

Before we had kids, I read an article about homeschooling in Newsweek (the first I'd heard about it), and I thought it was an AWFUL thing to do to kids. My oldest started going to preschool at 18 months, and it was fine until we moved a couple years later. Then we couldn't find a preschool I liked with openings, and we couldn't really afford it anyhow, and so we started looking into what we could do instead, and started reading about homeschooling. Eventually I remembered how incredibly bored I had been in elementary school, and that combined with the fact that my oldest would be among the oldest in her class, motivated me to find a way to make homeschooling work for us.

[alegna]

I planned to use the great magnet programs in our district... until I taught in one. Teaching (and student teaching) was what pushed me to homeschool. (and dh taught in a top private school here- more friendly, but the education issues were still the same)

Fact of the matter is the vast vast majority of our schools are set up for all kids to be the same. Problem is, all kids are NOT the same.

One size fits very few. I didn't want to bet on my kids being the right size.

-Angela

[4Blessings]

I never planned to homeschool. We bought a house just a block from an elementary school. When our oldest was 4 we tried the local preschool through the school district. Horrible experience. I started researching my options and homeschooling sounded great.

Next child has major, life threatening food allergies and sending that one off into the school environment didn't sound great either.

Initially we thought we'd just homeschool for the elementary grades. Now that our oldest is almost middle-school aged, we are planning to homeschool until highschool. It is working so well for us that we just keep pushing it out. As they get older they will have a say in their educational options but for now they want to continue to homeschool.

Last week I went out with a couple of friends that I've known since I was in K. One of them told me that they cannot believe that I'm one of "those moms". The kind that homeschools, cloth diapers, breastfeeds, bakes her own bread, etc. It wasn't said in a hurtful way just that I was so "mainstream" growing up and I really changed having kids. I think it is ok to start thinking and doing differently when kids come into our lives.

As for your BIL or others who grew up homeschooling, know that homeschooling has changed quite a bit over the years. There are lots of support groups and materials that just weren't available 20 years ago. I'm sure your BIL also knows public/private schoolers who "hated every minute of it" too.

Good Luck to the OP

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by alegna

I planned to use the great magnet programs in our district... until I taught in one. Teaching (and student teaching) was what pushed me to homeschool. (and dh taught in a top private school here- more friendly, but the education issues were still the same)

Fact of the matter is the vast vast majority of our schools are set up for all kids to be the same. Problem is, all kids are NOT the same.

One size fits very few. I didn't want to bet on my kids being the right size.

-Angela

Yes, I taught in our district too. It took away the "mystique" that surrounds the schools. Once you see what is really going on, it is hard to send the children.

[jodieanneanton]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970

I know so many socially inept and morally deplete public schoolers. It is just that because homeschooling can be different in many areas, people like to pick at them.

I always wanted to homeschool. My parents moved from a good school district where everyone learned at their own pace, in a montessori type style, to one where every single child was just a part of the collective and we all had to think the same, learn the same, at the same pace, and the same materials, and so on. I hated it. I had been so far ahead at my old school and now suddenly, I was at a school where when we finished our work, we had to sit with our heads down on the desk. The kids were so mean to each other, probably because they were so bored. I begged, literally, I begged to be allowed to learn more and was told that I needed to concentrate on making friends. Even then, bullies were seen as the socially acceptable people and the smart kids were treated poorly for it.

You need to define weird. I think most people here at mothering could be defined as weird. I mean, who wants to give birth without drugs, or breastfeed past a few weeks, or mess with organic food, or not do every vaccination available on the market, etc etc etc. Really, children are told they all need to be clones of each other in school, and it is made clear that anyone outside of some preset standards of how everyone has to be. Free thought and individualism is not OK. So, maybe your child will feel free to be who he or she is meant to be. Maybe your child will play an instrument, or have a knack for languages, or be the future inventor of the cure for cancer. But many children are so stiffled in to just being a part of the collective, that they do not feel free to follow their passions, or even figure out what those passions might be.

It is true, your child might not be begging for a cell phone at 8 yrs old and might not mouth off to you to impress his friends and so on. Your child might tell you he would prefer a science kit or new instrument for Christmas instead of whatever is the current trend (which is probably is not interested in but feels like he has to ask for because everyone else at school is). But is that so bad? Plus, there will be that relationship you will have with your children. Most people do not get to know and love their children the way we get to when we are their teachers, their guides, and here with them every step of the way. You are going to LOVE it! You will wonder why everyone does not do this. You will grow to feel bad for those who never experienced this, who does not have this.

SO....have a GREAT time with it!!! Go forth and grow with your children!!!!

(hope I have encouraged you)

You make some valid points. Heck! I was considered a bit weird for not going along with the trends. (My mother has a strong set of values and knew how to enforce the standard well.) Now that I think about it, one of the reasons that I want to home school has to do with how many kids are socially immature (thanks to cell phones and incessant texting, video gaming and the like.)

You did make my heart soar a little bit with that encouraging talk.

[cappuccinosmom]

I know so many socially inept and morally deplete public schoolers. It is just that because homeschooling can be different in many areas, people like to pick at them.

Yepper. I went to public highschool. I was surrounded by such kids. It was not fun. It was not a good or healthy social environment. The social argument is complete bunk. There are just too many other factors involved, and homeschooled kids who are socially inept would almost certainly have similar problems if they went to public school.


I always wanted to homeschool. Dh was interested but not convinced. He's not American so from his perspective, to reject a free education provided by the government of one of the world's most powerful nations seemed insane. And then we moved here and he saw the results of American public schooling. He was further convinced when we began meeting homeschoolers who'd been doing it for many years, and he realized that they were intelligent, well-educated people. I think meeting a university professor (mathematics) and a former public highschool teacher who both homeschooled their children clinched it for him. It also helped him a lot to understand that while our oldest is smart and moves ahead quickly in his work, he'd never test into gifted programs (because he's a poor tester) and would probably not be able to skip grades as he has done and would likely not have the opportunities to advance that homeschooling gives him.

[pinky]

I always swore I'd never homeschool, that I just didn't have it in me to be with my kids 24/7.

I'm eating those words now!

As for what "pushed me over the edge," it was the sheer volume of school. It didn't feel right for a 5 year old to go to school for 40 hours a week.

There are so many benefits obvious to me now that I can hardly imagine putting my kids into school.

To name a few:
my kids' primary social/culture influence is our family (and other families with similar values)
my kids get to be kids, and are not prematurely thrust into being tweens with pseudo-adult concers
my kids have lots of time to play
my kids spend almost all their time with people who know and love (or at least like) them, and NEVER get the message that they should be someone different than who they are
my kids' love of learning is thriving
our lives are not held hostage by the rules and schedules of an institution
my girls (5 and 9) have a very close relationship
I have a real partnership with my kids in figuring out our family life/schooling together

there are more, just a few off the top of my head

[mom2ponygirl]

Originally Posted by jodieanneanton

My question is mainly for people who didn't go into their child-rearing with the decision to home school already made or even those who were once against the whole idea... What pushed you over the edge and made you decide on home schooling? Are you doing it year by year, stopping at a certain grade level or going for the long haul? I'd love to hear your story and find out how you became a home schooling convert, so to speak.

TIA.

LOL, I never thought I'd breastfeed until dd was almost 2 and certainly didn't think I'd homeschool. I was back at work part-time and dd in daycare part-time before age 1. She was full-time preschool/K while I worked full-time from age 2 to 5.5. I really missed her. Our only time with her was rushing her out the door and getting her fed and in bed, it seemed like. It also became apparent that the school system was not going to be a good fit. The rigidity of school was amazing. She enjoyed her Montessori preschool/K for the most part. However, talking to the local elementary about her moving there was eye opening. There were few private options in our area and they didn't feel right either. We decided to homeschool for a year and try it out. After that first year we really couldn't imagine joining the school system. LOL

We homeschooled for 6 years and it was great. Last year we let her go half-time to a charter school that had been given rave reviews. They were very flexible about letting her radically grade accelerate to course levels that would be appropriate. She quickly learned how to handle school and got along well with her older classmates. However, school in general was way too repetitious and frustrating for her. She received high 'A's but realized how much she really enjoyed homeschooling. We're homeschooling full-time this year and plan to do so until college. She may take some dual enrollment classes at the local U in a couple years, but that has a whole different dynamic than being in public school.

This wasn't the path I had envisioned when she was a toddler, but I'm glad we tried it. She's a great kid and we enjoy our time with her very much. She's growing very independent which is bittersweet. I find myself thrilled to be spending so much time with my adolescent. She's struggling to find her independent voice and dealing with hormones, but despite the occasional irritations this growing can cause I find this my favorite time of life with her so far. She can do so much independently, dig into deep conversations about important issues, etc. I love hs'ing secondary school even more than elementary!

[jodieanneanton]

If I am being perfectly honest, I think my biggest hang up is that I really LOVED high school. I hated school 4th through 8th grade as I was being raised to not "go with the crowd" (ie no fad toys, no unattended mall visits, no dating, etc.). By the time high school rolled around, I was so over wanting to be a part of the cool crowd and was happy to just be me (for the most part). I was super involved in drama, school plays, became class president, etc. The idea of not having that option available to my kids is what gives me pause.

Another one of the things that causes me to stop and think twice is if I could handle the stress...

I am enjoying reading through everyone's replies....Keep em coming!

[zeldamomma]

Originally Posted by jodieanneanton

If I am being perfectly honest, I think my biggest hang up is that I really LOVED high school. I hated school 4th through 8th grade as I was being raised to not "go with the crowd" (ie no fad toys, no unattended mall visits, no dating, etc.). By the time high school rolled around, I was so over wanting to be a part of the cool crowd and was happy to just be me (for the most part). I was super involved in drama, school plays, became class president, etc. The idea of not having that option available to my kids is what gives me pause.

Another one of the things that causes me to stop and think twice is if I could handle the stress...

I am enjoying reading through everyone's replies....Keep em coming!

FWIW, you could homeschool up until high school, and then, if your kid wants to, he/she could go to high school. Or not. There's no reason to feel like homeschooling is a permanent decision, public school will be there for you if you need it.