Ex demanding shoes back

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

WWYD?
My 10 yo dd and 16 yo ds spend every summer with me in Mexico. I always buy them school clothing before they return along with clothing when i visit them back in the states several times a year. I buy nice clothes at that. Justice, Gap, etc for my daughter. I have spent...well you know how much clothes are at laces like that. This past summer my daughter brought a suit case full of clothes along with her when she came to visit...some of which i bought for her and some that her father bought. She came with a pair of skechers that have the glitter all over them. She had them for quite some time. They were very warn. Well before she returned home i bought her some converse and about $500 worth of school clothes. She returned home to her father with all of that. She did leave here at my house in Mexico, the clothes that did not fit her anymore along with the pair of shoes. One, we didnt have enough room in her bags, 2 she made a great friend while here who didnt have many clothes and we decided to give the clothes that didnt fit my daughter to her friend. So her friend has had the shoes now for about 2-3 weeks.

So i'm facebooking with my dd just now and she is asking what i did with her skechers. And I didnt say but i asked her why. And she preceeds to tell me that her dad said they cost $50 and he wants them back. I asked her if they still fit her and she said no. Now, what do I do. I know it's her father's way of controlling the situation as he is world famous for. I have no clue what he wants those damn shoes back for. I cant ask for them back form this little girl! They were already warn before i gave them away. What about all the clothes and shoes and things i've bought....should i demand them back? WTF?
I dont know what to do. I did tell her that this is between me and her daddy and he can call me if he needs to talk to me about the shoes.
She has so many clothes in her room that she says most of them dont even fit her and she cant fit them in her closets or drawers. I told her to start putting the things in bags that dont fit her and give it away!
Bless her little heart, i forsee her father turning this into a mole hill. Any thoughts or suggestions. I'm pretty sure he's not going to call over this...but yet again...he never ceases to amaze me with petty things.
But why in the world would he want a pair of worn tennis shoes back?

[PoppyMama]

Control, miserliness... If he contacts you just tell him you got her new clothing and shoes that fit and the old stuff was donated. It's true and there's nothing anyone can do at this point.

[phathui5]

I'm sorry your dd is in the middle of this. There's probably not much you can do. If he calls, I would just say "I'm sorry. They didn't fit her so we gave them away and got new shoes."

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

Just got to vent here...this man even asked for our wedding ring back. He sent me a txt message the day before the kids flew back from spending the summer with me asking me to make sure i send it.
And get this....i paid for it! I paid for my own wedding ring. He is something else. He will not get it...i have planned to give it to my daughter when she turns 18. What in the world does he want with that ring...other than to pawn it, i guess

[PoppyMama]

That sounds irritating. Can you just develop a deafness to unreasonable demands?

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

Yes, i have..it's just amazing really it is!

[2cutiekitties]

Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie

Just got to vent here...this man even asked for our wedding ring back. He sent me a txt message the day before the kids flew back from spending the summer with me asking me to make sure i send it.
And get this....i paid for it! I paid for my own wedding ring. He is something else. He will not get it...i have planned to give it to my daughter when she turns 18. What in the world does he want with that ring...other than to pawn it, i guess

Did you give it to him?

[jstpmm]

Originally Posted by PoppyMama

Control, miserliness... If he contacts you just tell him you got her new clothing and shoes that fit and the old stuff was donated. It's true and there's nothing anyone can do at this point.

I would do this too. And have had to on occasion with DSDs mom.

[greenemami]

It sounds like he has a historty of being controlling and may just be trying to get to you, but honestly? I would be upset if dsd's mom donated things we had bought without asking us first, and I would never donate thing she had bought dsd without her permission. Did I read correctly that these shoes were something he had bought for her? It's obviously too late now, but in the future I would definitley just send back her old things that he bought, even if they are dirty and/or don't fit and he can make a decision about what to do with them. For now of course, I think a simple apology is more than sufficient and I certainly wouldn't let him hold it over your head. I'm glad the clothes/shoes found a good home instead of sitting unused and I bet your dd feels really good about that too!

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie

I dont know what to do. I did tell her that this is between me and her daddy and he can call me if he needs to talk to me about the shoes.

And that was an appropriate response. But then...

Originally Posted by Mamato3wild ponnie

She has so many clothes in her room that she says most of them dont even fit her and she cant fit them in her closets or drawers. I told her to start putting the things in bags that dont fit her and give it away!

This isn't right, IMO. You don't want him to dictate what happens with clothes that she has at your house (even though he purchased them), but have no problem suggesting what happens with the ones she has at his house. You really can't have it both ways, IMO.

He may have plans for the clothes he's purchased. Or some of them may be of some sentimental value that you/your daughter doesn't realize or has forgotten - my kids have put clothes in to discard that I've pulled out because they are either sentimental to *me* or that I suspect they will someday regret discarding (a sweater their grandmother knit, a tshirt their late uncle made for them, etc.). Perhaps Dad doesn't realize how much of what she has doesn't fit! A suggestion that she go through her clothes at Dad's and gather together what doesn't fit and then ask her Dad if he has any plans for them or is it okay to donate them would be the way to go, IMO.

I've had stuff come home from their Dad's, and eventually they're outgrown. My first question to them is if they want to keep any of it for any reason. If not, I inventory them myself and email Dad (usually with no response) as to whether he might want them back for any reason. And then pull out stuff that I think they might regret discarding.