Money?

[WifeMomChiro]

I am trying to be understanding, but my husband is driving me crazy about money. He now says that he doesn't think we can afford the daycare for another child. We are both WOHPs. I don't really know what I want by sharing this on this forum. Commiseration? Advice?

I feel like my husband is putting money above family and he is not generally this way.

[SundayCrepes]

Money is a really big consideration when having more kids. Maybe your husband thinks he is putting the family first (the existing family) by making sure there's enough money to live the lifestyle you/he are comfortable with.

Do you have a budget? If not, developing one could help you see if you can afford to bring another child into your family.

[christophersmom]

How old is current child? Have you looked at your budget to see if you can afford daycare for two? If not, can you work part-time and have two part-time daycare slots? How long will the two overlap?

It is hard, we decided to go for another child when DS was 2, I figured that if we were sucessful right away we would have two years of belt-tightening with two in day-care and then things would be better as DS went to K at age 4. Now, we ended up waiting 4+ years for another child so by the time we started paying daycare (this month as her adoption was just finalized) DS is in 2nd grade. I already want another and feel like we can put two in day-care at this point with just a little belt-tightening and would be fine. DH isn't sold on the possibility. He is ok now with the financial aspect, he is worried about time.
I know even with DS all DH had on his mind was $$ and how we could afford it and he has done the same in preps for #2 and all I could think about was the emotional aspect of I want a baby now.

[WifeMomChiro]

Originally Posted by christophersmom

I know even with DS all DH had on his mind was $$ and how we could afford it and he has done the same in preps for #2 and all I could think about was the emotional aspect of I want a baby now.

This is us exactly.

My daughter is 4. She is in a private K this year (same expense as daycare) and she will start public K next year. I am trying to get my husband to understand that it may take us a few years to get a child, and then we won't have the same daycare expense. He wants to wait until DD is in school to start the process. It's driving me batty that he doesn't want to make any decisions.

[christophersmom]

I think with the fact that your DD is starting school next year shoudl make it easier as by the time you fill out home study, paperwork, sign with an agency, etc she will bein school and there won't be an overlap.
Ask him if there are other factors?
My friends have a nightmare going on with adoption number two, the little girl is almost three and still not finalized. When she finally asked her DH why he wasn't gung-ho for the next adoption since they had agreed before marriage they would adopt four he finally broke down and said he fears every day the DD will be taken away. They finally decided to go for another adoption. So maybe there is more to his fears and you just need to discuss.

[WifeMomChiro]

I think there has to be more to his fears, but he is not fessing up at the moment. I'm trying not to push, but I'm really ready to grow our family.