Mamas who knew you were going to home birth long before having kids...

[KaylaBeanie]

Did your excitement ever die down?

My SIL announced her pregnancy in July 2006. I was almost 17. She was planning an all natural hospital birth with a CNM (which was successful, and she had a second one in January 2009) and it was so foreign to me! At the same time, I "met" a woman online who is a doula and had home births. The whole subject absolutely fascinated me, and that has continued to grow. I am (slowly) working towards becoming a doula, and eventually I'd like to have a second career as a midwife. I'm in school and several years away from having kids, but whenever I think of having babies someday I just smile to myself. My peers are starting to have babies, and they are all so scared (I don't blame them, hospital births are scary and none of them have had good outcomes!).

I feel like most HB mamas here decided on a HB after a traumatic hospital experience, and while I'm glad that they get to have such an awesome, healing birth, I won't be in that situation ever (since the only way I'd birth in a hospital would be if I was legitimately high risk, necessitating intervention). I do worry though, that I'm going to get pregnant someday and have some sort of mainstream switch go on, suddenly being nervous about home birth. I don't think so, but for those of you who planned home births before ever TTC or having kids, how did it turn out when you actually did have babies?

[miss_nikki]

I didn't really think about it before I got pregnant with DD1 but as soon as I got a positive I knew in my heart I wanted to have her at home. It just felt like the right choice. Unfortunately I didn't know anyone who had actually done it and didn't know where to find support for that choice. I was only 18 when I got pregnant with her. I didn't even know it was really a possibility. I told my dh, my mom, and his mom about my desire. None of them were supportive of it. I was too young. It was too dangerous. Etc... It wasn't until after dd2 was born, when I was 21, that I learned that you really can birth at home and safely at that. Thankfully with my DSs I was able to find that support, info, etc that I needed to feel ready and capable to birth at home. I also found the strength and courage through the support to tell my family "This is what I'm doing. Period. With or without your support."

[*MamaJen*]

I didn't know I wanted to homebirth long before having kids, but fortunately, I had a year or so head start.
It's kind of funny, I actually stumbled across mothering.com when I was 25 or 26 for a newspaper story about breastfeeding I was working on (I'm a journalist). I saw the homebirth forum, thought it must be a total freakshow, and clicked on it. I wound up wasting a ton of time at work reading all these homebirth stories, and they immediately and powerfully resonated with me. I wasn't planning on having kids any time in the next few years, but it opened me up to a whole new world of birth options.
Anyway, when I accidentally got pregnant a year or so later, I knew I wanted a midwife-attended birth. Originally I was thinking birth center. I started researching like crazy, homebirth started looking better and better, and that's what I did.
I had a seriously amazingly good birth. I was prepared for it to be totally painful and sucky and possibly end in transfer, but it was quick, gentle, peaceful, without fear, and while there was some discomfort, it wasn't what I would call significant pain.
So yeah. I decided on a homebirth (I thought) years before I would even think about getting pregnant, and that's what I did. And barring genuine medical complications or other unforeseen circumstances, I'd 100 percent homebirth any future babies.
I feel really blessed that my first birth experience was so positive and transformative.

[cileag]

I got the midwifery bug in high school too and at the time, was unsure if I wanted to be a CNM or CPM. I ultimately decided CNM and now work in Labor and Delivery as a RN, but I've been pro-homebirth for the past 6 years or so when my first nephew was born at home.

When I got pregnant, I immediately started interviewing home birth midwives while doing shadow care with our group of CNMs until 20 weeks and the anatomy u/s. It was exciting to get to "walk the talk" after being so enthusiastic for so long. I actually felt a lot of pressure to have it go smoothly since I was the poster child at work for homebirth. I do think though that a healthy amount of worry and fear is normal and even productive. I can just about guarantee that at some point during your pregnancy, you will have 2nd thoughts and wonder if it's the right choice for you---Birthing from Within talks about it as a self preservation tool for the species---expecting women should be naturally more cautious while pregnant so they don't take undue risks. Also, I think that it's not socially contructed for American women to take such personal responsibility for their birth and that's what you're doing in home birth, and so it's pretty normal to struggle with that decision a little. It would be easier sometimes to just follow your OB's orders and relinquish that control. And most of us educated folks know that in a hospital birth, things are just as likely to "go wrong" or even more so, but that's not the prevailing view.

Btw, I had a lovely picture perfect water birth at 41 and 3 days gestation.

[allisonrose]

I came across MDC through an interest in cloth diapers from before I was even thinking about becoming a mommy. I did start thinking about the option of homebirth before starting to TTC. Hubby and I started trying for our first in fall 2005. Finally in winter 2008, we became pregnant through infertility treatments. Going through infertility shook my confidence in my body and I decided to have a hospital birth with a midwife. I hoped to have a natural birth but GBS+ status and broken waters made that impossible.

The reality of my hospital birth gave me the resolve to insist on homebirth this time around. Somehow hubby would still rather a hospital birth but I really don't want to do that again (especially since we've moved and the hospital here is even less conducive to natural birth).

[rad]

I started looking into HB when we started thinking about trying to have kids. I had gotten a copy of Immaculae Deception II in that time and that pretty much sealed the deal that I would for sure be having a HB once we conceived. The thought of hospital birth always terrified me so it was a huge relief to find an option that felt so right. That was several months before TTC and it took us another 18 months to get pg. So I knew for a couple yrs before I actually got the chance to plan a HB. So far it's been a perfect choice for me and 5 of our babies. Looking forward to doing another with #6.

[bec28]

I somehow found mothering before I was pregnant, and started reading. I soaked it all up and decided that I wanted a homebirth When I got pregnant a few years later, I found a midwife who was absolutely wonderful and had an amazing waterbirth. Going to the hospital never really entered my mind. The care I received from the midwife was just above and beyond what I knew I would get from an ob.

[fruitfulmomma]

I was 15 when I heard about homebirth while working in the church nursery and there was a couple of moms in there talking about. (I am pretty sure this mom also used my midwife.) I decided right then that I wanted to birth my babies at home.

I became pregnant with my oldest at 19 and aside from visiting my doctor to confirm the pregnancy (and he only told me that if my home test was positive then I was pregnant) I have done all prenatal care with my midwife. My oldest was born at home after a long but pretty mellow labor. My next two were a non-emergency transport for a malpositioned baby and a transfer of care for AROM induction for a baby we suspected needed NICU. (You can read the long story on #11 here.) The next two babies were born at home with no complications.

My hospital births were good. Not what I wanted, but good as far as they went. Hospital birth, at least with my local hospital, doesn't scare me. But I like birthing at home, not having to move, not having people in and out of the room, being in my own space. I will continue to plan homebirths for any future babies.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie

I do worry though, that I'm going to get pregnant someday and have some sort of mainstream switch go on, suddenly being nervous about home birth.

I can totally understand how you'd have that concern. People sometimes act as though pregnancy= partial lobotomy. - as if your personality is somehow hormonally morphed. They expect your views to change. I've noticed such comments tend to come from people who already have kids. It's rather irritating. I wanted to reply sometimes, "Um, just cuz you didn't have a strong sense of self before becoming a parent, doesn't mean I don't & doesn't mean I will also become a completely different person!"

(DS turned 2 in July & I'm still the same person!)

It sounds to me like you are someone with a 'strong' personality - i.e. educated, opinionated - someone who USES HER BRAIN! I think those are great things. I highly, highly doubt you'll change your view. Of course, you may have some concerns & anxieties, but that is to be expected. Besides, you know that there are no guarantees in birth anyway - so to have a small degree of fear is healthy & normal, IMO.

Personally, I did have a great, fast, natural, positive birth in a hospital with CNMs, but I just realized there was no need for me to have gone there to push the baby out. There was just no point. I'd rather have the MW come to me. Rather not have the other minor inconveniences (uncomfortable bed, bad food, etc.) So I'm planning an HB now (doing some initial shadow care for ultrasounds with the CNM practice just until 20W.)

[KaylaBeanie]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

I can totally understand how you'd have that concern. People sometimes act as though pregnancy= partial lobotomy. - as if your personality is somehow hormonally morphed. They expect your views to change. I've noticed such comments tend to come from people who already have kids. It's rather irritating. I wanted to reply sometimes, "Um, just cuz you didn't have a strong sense of self before becoming a parent, doesn't mean I don't & doesn't mean I will also become a completely different person!"

(DS turned 2 in July & I'm still the same person!)

It sounds to me like you are someone with a 'strong' personality - i.e. educated, opinionated - someone who USES HER BRAIN! I think those are great things. I highly, highly doubt you'll change your view. Of course, you may have some concerns & anxieties, but that is to be expected. Besides, you know that there are no guarantees in birth anyway - so to have a small degree of fear is healthy & normal, IMO.

Personally, I did have a great, fast, natural, positive birth in a hospital with CNMs, but I just realized there was no need for me to have gone there to push the baby out. There was just no point. I'd rather have the MW come to me. Rather not have the other minor inconveniences (uncomfortable bed, bad food, etc.) So I'm planning an HB now (doing some initial shadow care for ultrasounds with the CNM practice just until 20W.)

Thanks for this!

I think my "fear" comes from mainstream birthing. You see most women say how important it is to go natural, they won't get induced, etc. and next thing you know they hit 38 weeks, elect to induce and end up with a c-section. Logically I KNOW that it's society, not the woman herself, but still...it does worry me a little, that something will "happen" and I'll end up like them.

That's negative though, ha. I actually cannot wait to have babies at home. Obviously there's the small chance of home birth not working out, and I know there's a pretty slim chance of the orgasmic birth I'm hoping for (), but it doesn't make me nervous. I'm actually pretty stoked to see what it's all about. Every home birth video I've watched, the woman gets this look when the baby slips out and they pick it up...it makes me tear up every time I see it.

[kobee]

I don't know if I "knew" I was going to plan a homebirth long before ever getting pregnant, but hearing positive things about natural birth and homebirth throughout my life certainly influenced me. I was born at home and so was my younger sister, back in the late 70's.
For me, it felt like falling into a natural choice and I had a wonderful birth at home with my first (3 years ago) and have another planned for my next baby due within the next couple of weeks (can't wait!).
I find it sort of strange that given our same upbringing, both of my sisters have chosen to birth all their babies in hospital... though they are, of course, supportive of my decision to birth at home. My mom loves that I've chosen homebirth.

[St. Margaret]

I think once you're really, really educated about birth and what goes on at most hospitals, it's hard for the mainstream to draw you back I had a hospital birth with my first b/c I had a very well known OB who is definitely like a midwife, has helped friends VBAC, avoid c/s when even their midwife thought it was time, gave a friend a very necessary and very wonderful c/s (He said, "we're not having a c/s, we're having a BIRTH"), and at my birth I had literally zero interventions, it was very cozy and cave like, everything I wanted, and he came in (to be there by my side for the whole time) even tho he had a death in the family that day. So... midwife who can switch to surgery if necessary, really. I would NEVER have birthed in a hospital with anyone else. BUT he's no longer at the local hospital-- apparently this baby-friendly place has changed a LOT in the last year, and kicking him out was part of that, and everything was fine with our first birth, and we want to be with DD, so... HB!

I think the more you normalize normal birth in your mind, the better off you are. Hypnobabies helped me get over the mainstream view of birth. Once you really know it in your bones and your mind thinks that way automatically, it's just second nature

[Cyllya]

I wanted homebirths before having kids. (I still don't have kids and won't for probably a long time--I'm on MDC to gather info for future reference. This means I'll have lots of time to win my partner over to the idea.)

It was mostly the safety statistics that sold me, but at first I wasn't completely on board. My thought was, "Okay, I know that homebirth is safer, but it's not THAT big of a difference and I'd just feel more comfortable knowing all that hospital equipment is right there--and I should birth where I'm comfortable, right?" But as I read more about birth, the more and more homebirth seemed normal and comfortable and hospital birth seemed weird and scary.

It may have helped that I had bad doctor experiences in the meantime. (The last doctor I saw said sex was normal for sex to hurt for the first couple months. )

[AnneCordelia]

I knew I would homebirth. My mom was a doula and attended many, many births while I was growing up. I went with her occasionally to babysit for older children in the house. My mom also used midwives for her own births, although risking out of homebirth for various reasons. I grew up knowing that homebirth is normal for low risk women.

My first birth was a transfer for some pretty severe mec aspiration. In contrast, my second birth, a beautiful homebirth, seemed so surreal and peaceful. In a way, my hospital experience DID propel me more strongly towards a homebirth than I imagined I would, even though I grew up with it.

I didn't lose my head though, once I got pg, and always worked towards homebirth even through my first pregnancy.

[Monarchgrrl]

I knew I wanted to homebirth probably 3-4 years before deciding to start a family. I even told DW when we were dating and talking about future kids that she has a while to get on board but any babies I'd be birthing would be happening at home. She came around to the idea after a bit.

Like others have said, I don't think you'll completely change just because you get pregnant. I didn't. If anything, DW has gotten even MORE resolved about homebirth and more confident in it. She's very vocal about it with everyone she knows. I am more resolved, now that it's getting closer, to the idea that while we're planning for everything to go our way, if we have to go to the hospital for a true medical emergency it'll be ok if that's what's truly needed. For so long it was always just hypothetical, but I'm finally realizing that there is a little baby in there that I really love, so if her birth story needs to be told in a hospital then we'll deal with that. But in no way will I be thinking of induction or intervention just because it's getting closer. You sound educated and resolved, like I was before getting pregnant. I don't think you'll be changing your mind. I will say, though, that as it gets closer and closer for me I have been having thoughts like "OMG- this is real and not hypothetical. A real baby is going to be coming out of my vagina!! HOLY CRAPOLA! How is that possible!?"

[KaylaBeanie]

Originally Posted by Monarchgrrl

I will say, though, that as it gets closer and closer for me I have been having thoughts like "OMG- this is real and not hypothetical. A real baby is going to be coming out of my vagina!! HOLY CRAPOLA! How is that possible!?"

Ha, so that doesn't go away when you get pregnant? I mean, I know very specifically the stages of birth, how it works...but HOW does something so big come out?! I look, I think, I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm guessing I won't be able to wrap my head around it until it's happening

[Lisalee2]

I was first introduced to home birth when I was 17. My SIL (who wasn't my SIL just yet at that point) had her babies at home and I was lucky enough to be invited to her third home birth. It was just amazing. She loaned me a copy of Spiritual Midwifery and I was interested in learning more and more after that. You can imagine my high school friend's thoughts on that...haha But jump ahead a few years and at 21 I had my first home birth. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to have my babies at home. I felt very educated. Now we're going on number 3 and I can't wait!

[bonamarq]

I studied to be doula and midwife LONG before my dd was born and I knew there was no way I'd consider the hospital unless my midwife said there was a medical reason to do so...never waivered

I even had PROM for five days and while my midwife (and friend) was calm and never put me on a time clock (but she did KNOW I would follow the advice of no baths/sex or ANYTHING up my vagina AND I would take my temp every 4 hours) - she later confided she was very uneasy. I don't know why, but I was totally relaxed about it even when others were freaking out a bit - finally went into labor (dd MOVED abruptly, and suddenly I was in labor) and about five hours later I had a beautiful water birth - I was totally relaxed the whole time and can honestly say I had NO FEAR - and without the fear the birth really progressed beautifully once dd was in the right position

Same situation in hospital would have very likely ended in a c-section....

[gemasita]

I have been a doula for 5 years and that whole time, knew I would have a homebirth if we were able to get pregnant.

I didn't read the other responses but as far as the excitement...I'd say, it does feel different when you are actually pregnant. There are things we think about now that we didn't think about when we were thinking of homebirth hypothetically. But most stuff is, "thank God we are having a homebirth with midwives!" So it IS exciting but it also feels different when you are making those decisions for yourself. Not sure if that makes sense. I guess it's just that I spent SO long trying to figure out how I would feel when it was my turn to make the decisions about my own pregnancy.

[mmaramba]

Originally Posted by Cyllya

It was mostly the safety statistics that sold me, but at first I wasn't completely on board. My thought was, "Okay, I know that homebirth is safer, but it's not THAT big of a difference and I'd just feel more comfortable knowing all that hospital equipment is right there--and I should birth where I'm comfortable, right?" But as I read more about birth, the more and more homebirth seemed normal and comfortable and hospital birth seemed weird and scary.

This is exactly what happened with me.

Great topic, OP!

I've been a member here since 2005 or so-- a time when I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at all, but that if I did have them, I'd have homebirths. I'm still not even thinking about TTC for another year.

My mom (an MD) had two unmedicated hospital births, so that part was normalized for me, but it was when I was at two of my nieces births (mostly in the waiting room) and certain hospital procedures seemed odd to me, that I started looking into what I might want someday for my own birth, and the state of birth in general. I'm talking automatic pit and episiotomies, catheters, rushing my SIL into the OR for an emergent C/S (canceled when they realized "the monitor had just slipped")-- that kind of thing. I know my SIL is happy with her births (both vaginal, unlike most of her friends "emergent" C/S), but... Not for me.

Luckily Dr. Mom instilled a healthy scientific skepticism in me. At first, as I researched and read up, it was NCB in a hospital, then I warmed to the idea of a birth center birth, and eventually it was "why bother getting in the car at all?"

As this went on, I couldn't help sharing (and ranting, LOL) to DH, so by now, he's completely on board*-- very supportive. A year or so ago, I was watching some HB vids and DH looked over my shoulder. He actually got all teary-eyed and excited-- "Look-- the father is right there!!" Plus, we've run two VERY slow marathons together, so he has that sort of faith in me, too.

Dr. Mom was always super-pro-unmedicated birth, but I had to get her up to speed on the state of hospital birth (in some respects, it wasn't nearly as bad 30 years ago) before she came around to HB. She supports it now, though-- because she's all about evidence-based medicine. She'll be there at my birth, too.

But yes, I wonder too how I'll feel when I'm actually PG! I'm very stubborn, but I'm also pretty sensitive, so I'm less worried about changing my mind than wanting to flee the room and/or throttle people when they accost me with horror stories and/or wax rhapsodic about the "husband's knot."




*Although I'm occasionally reminded that he doesn't know as much as I do. Someone who knows I am pro-homebirth asked me something that assumed I'd have an OB, and when I complained to DH, he said, "Maybe she meant for your prenatal appointments." And I had to tell him, "Uh, the midwife does those too, you know." In his defense, he knows all about C/S rates, "the cascade of interventions" and birth pools, LOL.