Mamas who knew you were going to home birth long before having kids... - Page 2

[MrsJewelsRae]

I chose a homebirth for my 2nd after a terrible hospital experience with my first. My sister was 18 and just got engaged when I gave birth to my first baby, she was right outside the room at the hospital. After hearing my horror story and then seeing how awesome my homebirth was for #2 a couple years later, she decided she would have her babies at home too. Several years later, sure enough, she got pg and w/o pause she and her dh chose midwives and excitedly planned a hb. She gave birth at home with her 2 midwives, her best friend acting as doula, and her dh caught the baby while I videotaped and my 3rd baby was there too, napping. Everything went great, she took a while pushing, 3 hrs, but gave birth to a healthy baby girl weighing 9 lbs 1 oz! She just turned a year, still BF, and sis is hoping to get pg again and definitely plans to hb again. So for her, long term plans to some day have a hb came to reality. I could see my youngest sister someday planning a hb too, she's a 'ing, peace-loving, vegan that's into all things natural so it would be right up her ally.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie

Ha, so that doesn't go away when you get pregnant? I mean, I know very specifically the stages of birth, how it works...but HOW does something so big come out?!

Ha! I do think it persists, I guess, to a certain degree. Even DH told me much after the fact that as he watched DS crowning he was thinking, "How's he going to fit out of there?!"

But I remember reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" & a few things in that book really resonated with me & helped me feel better about that issue.

1. She mentioned that men's penises stretch to much larger than flaccid size - and we don't question their ability to stretch without tearing or stretch without damage!
I thought that was an excellent point! The skin DOES stretch quite a bit during an erection & it's obviously not painful. It just gave me confidence that yes, it's a big stretch, but the skin is made to do that, and it'll be fine. Even if it tears, as others have written, it's so vascular that it heals up quickly.

2. Sheela na Gig
Ancient carvings of women found in the UK with large, exaggerated vaginas. Ina May theorized that they were there to give women confidence that their body COULD stretch & they would be OK.
There also happens to be a song by this name by PJ Harvey & it's one of my fav or her songs. It's just really rockin' & high-energy. The song & the carvings were another thing I thought of that gave me confidence.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by mmaramba

As this went on, I couldn't help sharing (and ranting, LOL) to DH, so by now, he's completely on board*-- very supportive.

This cracked me up. This totally describes me as well! To the point where DH can't help but roll his eyes now when I get started because he's heard it all so many times. He's very confident HB is the right decision... he just doesn't want to hear me rant anymore.

Personally, I also ruled out birth center when I learned that there is NOTHING, technology-wise, that an FSBC has that an HB MW doesn't bring with her to your house. The only advantage, from a safety perspective, is if the FSBC is close to a hospital for transfer & your house is far, but our house isn't really far from several hospitals, so FSBC came right off the table for me.

[laohaire]

When I was 20 I found a collection of birth books in my friend's apartment. She wasn't a mom (and still isn't, to this day) but she was a doula-wanna-be. I read them, they made sense, and I decided - long before I was anywhere near having a family - I was birthing at home.

8 years later I did just that.

I did not have second thoughts about going to the hospital.

However, I will say the "holy moley, how is this baby coming OUT?" persisted not just through pregnancy, not just through the birth itself, but even now - 5 years later - I sometimes think about it in amazement (DH too). I think it's natural, not just a product of a fearful culture. It IS amazing. When I was done, I felt like I went through a rite of passage, a true womanhood along with all the rest of my foremothers.

[L J]

When I was 10, a daughter of a close family friend became pregnant. She was only 16. She went to the "best" OBGYN in town, and planned a normal delivery at the local hospital. I assume she was planning a "normal" medical delivery, with an epi and all that, but it was so long ago, I can't remember a lot of details. Anyway, she wound up with a c-section, and a terrible infection afterwards. It was in the summer time and my mom and I would go over to her house every day (her mom worked) and take care of her and her new baby. We did this for two months.

I watched what she went through, and then I listened to the adults talking about it. Turns out, that "best" OBGYN (one of the only two in town) had a c-section rate of nearly 80%. If you didn't show up pushing, you basically got a c-section.

I decided, right then and there, at the age of 10, that it made no sense at all to me to give birth in a hospital with a doctor who would cause more harm than good.

I was 10 in 1996, and home computers and the internet got REALLY BIG right around them. I had gotten one for Christmas, and we had AOL - remember that? Dial up? Anyway, I started researching birth then. And I knew I would birth at home.

My interest in all things related to pregnancy and birth never went away. I've always been fascinated by the whole process, and appalled at how doctors and hospitals manage it. I spent much of my teens researching birth, and pregnancy, and long before I ever became pregnant with my first child I was the "resident expert" to everyone I worked with who became pregnant.

My journey to unassisted childbirth didn't begin until I became pregnant with my first son when I was 20. Midwives are illegal in my state, and the ones that practice underground were all too far away and too expensive for my 20-year-old budget.

But no, I don't think my excitement about homebirth has ever really faded. As the years went on, I craved more and more knowledge about the process, and I've always just considered it a hobby. I don't think I am called to be a midwife or a nurse or anything like that, but I love the topic and I love to learn more. I trust in our bodies ability to give birth without intervention. Even now, less than two weeks after my second son's death, I trust my body.

I never, during my first labor (at 42 weeks) considered going to the hospital. There were no freak out moments during the pregnancy or labor where I thought I needed a doctor. I did give birth to my second son in the parking lot of a hospital, but the only reason we were headed that way way because I wasn't 37 weeks (I was 35&5). I always said before 37 weeks, I would go in. And, even though the outcome of his birth was tragic (he had been gone for several days before labor began, he did NOT die during labor, and there was no way a doctor could have "saved" him at any point) the birth was still beautiful, and I am thankful that I was in my car instead of in the hospital, being poked and prodded.

[ashleybrook]

Laura--thank you for sharing your beautiful story, i am sorry for your loss. but i truly understand you being grateful for not being in the hospital when you gave birth.

KaylaBeanie--It was about 5 years before we started for our family when i saw my first homebirth and knew it was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen...and it changed forever my family plans and i was single at the time! i knew then i wanted a homebirth...and so when i met my future husband many years later, it was about a month into it that i mentioned i wanted kids and a homebirth!

having two previous hospital born kids, he thought i was crazy! but i just kept an open discussion and letting him know all the reasons why it was so important to me, and eventually he started parroting my words to others though he's still a bit nervous, i think that's pretty normal, i am too, but not about home birth. but i know where we're going, and tell him, it's going to be the most beautiful experience, you'll love it. because that's truly what i believe.

last year we experienced two miscarriages, one early, one at 12 weeks. it was an intense, birth-like experience. and i'm so glad we did it just the two of us at the house. i came away with a deep sense of trust in how miraculous the body is and how we are together... i always wondered if i'd be one of those women to scream in labor, but i just gently moved his hands wherever i wanted them and expressed my needs. he assisted in getting water, or whatever i was requesting... and i expect our birth in february to go the same way.

when you know what you want, i think you stick to it. we might have differing variations, and of course emergencies can come up. but even an emergency doesn't really change what we want or who we really are. it's so great to see how the journey unfolds! congrats for knowing where you want to go. i think this is one of the biggest hurdles to get past...

[Altair]

I wanted a homebirth 10 years before I got pregnant! To the extent that I became a doula and helped many women through their HBs during those 10 years.

So, i REALLY had to fight PPD when my 42 week, 60 hour long active labor, 15 hour long pushing ended in a hospital transfer and c-section. I KNEW that some labors ended in transfer, and that's what the hospital is for (when it's needed)... but it was still very, very hard to come to terms with that when I was one of those women. (Who had amazing support, a fantastic angel of a HB midwife who stayed through my whole c-section and immediate PP period, a world famous doula, incredible partner, acupuncturist at home, etc.)

BUT it did help in that I was able to have the transfer on my terms-- I could very clearly tell them what I wanted and advocate for myself the entire stay. Baby never left my side and I have fond memories of our 2 days of uninterrupted snuggling at the hospital.

And my amazing support team was just as amazing supporting me emotionally when I came home. Although not every NCB advocate is created equal, some were quite nasty to me and implied it was my fault. So even though my HB became a c-sec, having studied natural birth and having worked in the field for so long really helped me make the best of our needed medical intervention.

[aloneinid]

I decided not to give birth in a hospital two years before our first was born. I had three friends who ended up with c-sections after perfectly normal pregnancies and labors (cascade of interventions) and I KNEW that I did not want a c-section. I also then met a woman whose 21 year old daughter lost her uterus after a botched c-section (normal pregnancy, healthy young mom, too) and it really sealed the deal for me. I had a fabulous first birth in a freestanding birth center after compromising with my husband on a home birth. It was essentially a HB, but not at my home. Our second was born at home with no complications and we are expecting our third at home any day now. Never once have I wavered in my decision to not go the hospital unless there is a TRUE emergency. I have been grateful for normal pregnancies each time and have done everything in my power to make sure that I can give birth at home (staying fit, eating right, positioning baby properly before labor, etc.) There is no reason to think that actually becoming pregnant will change your mind on what you KNOW to be the best choice for you!

[BtotheG]

I knew I wanted a homebirth before I knew I wanted kids!

I always assumed I wouldn't have children. I wasn't completely adamantly opposed, I just didn't really *get* children, and never felt the desire to have any of my own. So I never really though too much about birth, never really questioned the conventional wisdom of birth as a medical emergency. At least, not on a conscious level. It did always seem vaguely weird to me that perfectly healthy women would go to the hospital for birth - you know, where the sick and injured people go.

I also remember hearing about more and more women I knew ending up with crazy complicated births and c-sections, and wondering how the human race ever survived if so many women couldn't birth their babies vaginally. That too seemed weird.

Then I was present for my nephews' births, and while they were perfectly fine hospital births, so many things just seemed so nonsensical. Being tied to a bed, all the monitoring, no eating or drinking, no changing positions. And the biggest kicker for me: whisking the baby away immediately after birth to do all sorts of *things* to them. That felt so intuitively wrong.

So when I stumbled across an article on homebirth, it all just clicked for me. Birth was NOT a medical emergency, hospitals were contributing to the ridiculously high c-section rate (women generally *were* capable of birthing vaginally, if left alone. Clearly there are times when c-sections are needed, of course. Just not in the numbers they are happening.) Women didn't *have* to be tied down to bed and monitored, babies *shouldn't* be separated from their mothers. There was another way. It all made so much sense.

I decided then that if I ever did have children, they would be born at home. I think "discovering" homebirth and then AP was actually a big factor in me deciding I would like to have children afterall. So much of mainstream birthing and parenting practices seemed so....distasteful to me. Realizing there is another way made the entire idea of birth and parenting seem like something I could do.

Getting pregnant only strengthened my resolve to birth at home. And I am so glad I did. I had an amazing, empowering, peaceful, beautiful birth at home that would have been an absolute disaster had I been in the hospital.

[Brown Lioness]

I decided i wanted to homebirth in early 2006 and we are still kidless. It didnt take much to get hubby on board (in fact he's already long ago told his family of our plans lol), but i sometimes get nervous thinking that when we finally do get pregnant that he might all the sudden become super protective and want me to go to the hospital instead.

We shall see.

[limette]

I wanted a homebirth for years before wanting kids but after 3 failed attempts I'll be planning hospital births if we decide to have more.

[esg]

I'm expecting my first right now so I haven't done it yet but I have always wanted to. I can't even think of how many years I've been interested in birth and midwives and doulas. I'm not any less interested or excited now. I do get nervous thinking about it though! Before it wasn't real, I wasn't pregnant and having to really plan for it but now its really going to happen so I'm nervous cause I don't get a 'dress rehearsal' or anything like that. I just have to do all my prep and go for it. Still excited but yeah a little bit of nerves coming in. That's all.

[borncrunchy]

I knew I wanted a natural birth, without an epidural or meds, but didn't really think HB was an option with DS1. My mom had me and my brother at the hospital with a CNM, and had completely natural births (I was born 24 days late, mom refused induction and U/S, leaving with me unnamed after 8 hours and threatening to call the cops if the nursery wouldn't hand me over, because we were perfectly healthy, lol), and I knew thats what I wanted. I had a CNM at the hospital with DS1, which began with PROM (37w5d), and ended with pit and an epi.

With DS2, I begged DH to look at HB, but he flat out refused. I hired a doula, and my CNM talked the hospital into letting me bring in an aqua doula, and I was so excited. But his birth began with PROM (38w1d) and mech and ended with pit and an epi. This time I believe it was because my midwife was stuck out of state after Thanksgiving and the Dr on call was NOT supportive of natural birth let alone the tub.

With DS3 (due around Thanksgiving), I told DH before I got pregnant, I was having a homebirth with or without him. He has waivered in his support, but has just recently come to me saying he is in 100%, he wants me to be happy and I have been miserable for the last few months fighting him on this.

I am nervous and scared about many things, not my ability to do it, but more the thought (or more likelihood) of my water breaking again before the onset of labor, but my mw has assured me that if I stay healthy, and think positive all will be okay.... and she has plenty of ways to naturally induce and has never had to transfer for the reason I am scared of, only when there are real warning signs associated, and I am fine with that. While it can still happen, her confidence really helps. I also worry about my ability to handle a completely natural labor and delivery after pit and epis, but I am pretty confident in my body

[Engineering_Mama]

I knew I wanted a natural birth long before I had children. Since I was a teenager. The concept of an epidural just seemed strange to me. I wanted to feel my children being born. Some how between then and meeting my DH that desire morphed into wanting a homebirth. When we were talking about getting married I told him that when we had kids I wanted to give birth at home. My DH being the brilliant man that he is said it was my body so we'd do it my way. My first birth ended in a transfer to the hospital and a vaginal birth (with a little pitocin help). I was very fortunate that my midwife's OB back up took me as a transfer. Any other doctor would have been pushing for a section. If we'd planned a hospital birth I am sure DD would have been a C-section. If we have another we'll definitely be planning a homebirth again.

[LaurenS]

When I was 19 and in college, I entered a lecture in my developmental psychology class one morning, and 50 minutes later, was convinced that I would never have a hospital birth. Our guest lecturer was a homebirth midwife and she just convinced me so easily. I had never thought or even heard of a homebirth before that lecture. This was 8 years before I met DH and almost 10 years before we had our first child. I have had 2 homebirths and am about to have another in about 7 weeks. DH didn't take much convincing so that wasn't difficult.