*~*Postpartum Chat Thread Aug 30-Sep 6*~*

[expat-mama]

Hi Mamas!

I thought I would start a new chat thread. It seems many of us have moved into the Life with a Babe forum, but I wanted to keep this one going. The other one seems to be more about our LOs, this one can be more about US!

So how is everyone doing? I can't believe it's almost September! It seems like not so long ago we were all so impatient waiting for July to roll around. I'm excited for the summer to end- we've been trapped inside more than I would like because of the extraordinary heat here. Soon is when the really nice weather starts in the middle east! We'll be going out to the beach and the park more often in a few weeks- and not just after dark.

I am really itching to start some real excercise. I have gone running a couple of times and to the gym a few times too, but I've had a really slow start of it. My joints and ligaments are still all loose and wonky so I've had to slow down. I just want my body back- or however close I can realistically get to what it once was! It's hard exercising though- I'm pretty tired these days and I still find myself nursing DS all. the. time. Anyone else? I thought that was supposed to get a little bit better as time goes on.

Actually I've been a little depressed about breastfeeding lately. I started a thread in the breastfeeding forum about it. We've just had problems from the beginning, and sometimes they get a little better and then they come back and new problems crop up. It just doesn't seem to *really* get better. I am just getting used to the struggle I guess. I remember thinking when I was first struggling with it all that by this time I'd at least feel like I was on the road to better breastfeeding. Definitely not feeling that way.
It seems like DS is always hungry and unsatisfied, he is stressed out at the boob (as am I when we are nursing) and it shouldn't be that way. There are a few times when he does nurse well and he looks so peaceful and happy- I wish it was like that all the time. That's the way it's supposed to be. I kind of feel like nursing is a traumatic and stressful experience for us a lot of the time. For me the realization set in a little while ago that I won't get a break from breastfeeding for a reeeeaally long time. My poor, sore nips will not get a break. That depressed me. But I want to do what's best for DS of course... sometimes it doesn't feel like it's the best for him though and not for me either. Anyway- we are soldiering on. I don't know what else to do but keep hoping it will just get better.

Other than that- really not much going on here. Well except I had my birthday on Saturday- I'm THIRTY! Or 29 and 12 months as I'm thinking of it until I get used to it. That was my line at my birthday dinner for some smiles, but actually I really don't care that much about the number. I really wanted to have a baby before 30 and DS just squeezed by under the line, so I'm happy about that. The cut off for baby #2 is 35. I don't know why I set these timings, but it helps me put my life and goals in perspective on a timeline.

Well mamas, I hope everyone and their LOs are well and enjoying the last bits of summer.

[livelovelaugh]

Expat-mama - Have you contacted a lactation consultant yet? If you haven't, they could really help you to problem solve and figure out what might be causing some of your troubles...there really might be something that you could work to correct, which would make the entire experience so much more wonderful for you! Hope you can find someone!

[YHannahh]

I second the lactation consultant.

In the hospital, I was in excruciating pain while nursing. We had no idea how to latch properly. And why would we? I've never seen it done in person... The hospital lactation consultant helped us a ton. Unfortunately, she didn't begin her shift until we were literally packing to go home. By that time, I was sore constantly and in tears every nursing session after 2 days of bad latching.

On day 6, we had a lactation consultant make a house call. She was amazing. She weighed the baby before and after nursing with a very precise scale to determine how much milk she transferred. (My husband and I thought she was starving and ended up lashing out at each other - turned out she was getting plenty of milk and we had no idea.) She taught us exactly how to get a good latch. She taught me positions to use - in my own chair, bed - where I'd be doing the majority of nursing.

After getting the latch down, the soreness went away. The lactation consultant was a lifesaver.

Then came the mastitis (a mild case) and the pain came back. I cried every time she latched on that breast. I didn't seek treatment for almost 2 weeks. That was stupid. The antibiotics fixed me up right away.

Our latest problem is fussing at the breast. This is for 2 reasons I've discovered:

1. She is so curious now that she gets distracted. I figured we can't nurse by the bookshelves because she cranes her neck and won't stay latched. The shelves are black against a yellow wall - so fascinating!

2. My pediatrician also asked how long I keep her on each breast. I told her generally one nursing session is 1 breast. At the beginning, she wasn't getting to the hindmilk if I switched breasts in one session. Well, now that she's an older baby, she can suck more efficiently and drain the breast very quickly. So if I force her to take the same breast, she's not getting enough milk, and THAT'S why she was fussing and nursing constantly. Now she gets both breasts at most sessions.

One problem solved, another one crops up.

Long story short - get help! We can't do this alone!

[expat-mama]

Thanks. I have seen a LC... she helped with our initial problems to some extent. Then basically she said that we just need practice and time. That was when DS was about 3 weeks old, about a month ago. We've had practice and time, and things have gotten a little better. I think the first time I went in she was really focused on getting us good enough to have him gaining weight and didn't focus on all the little problems. Now the little problems remain and are starting to wear me down.
Maybe I'll go back. *shrug* I feel beyond help at this point. I mean I can feed him enough that he is gaining weight, but everything else just sucks. I just don't know what else anyone could do. Maybe I'm just not good at this.
Anyway- don't want to turn this thread into being all about my breastfeeding problems. I've got one of those already in the breastfeeding forum! Thanks for the support though!

How are you mamas doing?

[YHannahh]

Let's see...what else is going on?

Overall, my mood is great. I'm happy with my life and my baby. Things are going well.

I'm just not happy with my appearance. This weekend, my mom had tons of pictures of me and the baby since she was born laid out on her table. All I could think was that I looked sooooo fat. That I was ashamed of myself. How could I gain so much weight? How come I haven't lost it yet? My mood definitely shifted from happy to sad when I saw them.

I'm still 22 pounds over pre-pregnancy weight. Which was about 6 pounds heavier than my ideal weight. So I still have 28 pounds to lose. Ugh.

Feel free to join my pity party.

[homew/two]

With my first it took a good two months to get comfortable, pain free, easy nursing - then we nursed with ease for the next year and a half. Props to Ex-pat for keeping on - it will get easier!

I just got back from dropping DS off for the first day of kindergarten and then DD to the first day of nursery school (2 am/wk). It's DH first day back w/ students (though he's been back 2 weeks now) Just me and little Ada! so we're having a party- well tea and zucchini cake for me, breast milk for her and some down time Well that and every 20 miniutes I look at the clock and think about what DD and DS would be doing in their classrooms

[kosheng]

yhannah, not any consolation, but i am 5lbs under my pre-preg weight. unfortunately, that's still 35lbs higher than my healthy, happy weight. so, i gots some work to do here, and my hip is not co-operating!

soon enough... it really hasn't been long since the arrival of our babes!

[somegirl99]

As of this afternoon, finally free of visiting relatives! We had my MIL for 3 weeks, then my aunt for 4 days. Both very well-intentioned, but ended up causing more work and stress than helping out. No privacy because the cosleeper and changing area are in our bedroom, and lots of attempts to calm him down when upset that really didn't work so well (imagine trying to change diapers while someone stands between you and the diaper pail, getting up close with the baby (her face about 2-3 inches away from his, clucking at and blowing on his face). My MIL thinking she can do a better job calming him than either of us, telling DH what he was doing wrong, and wanting to hold onto him when he was hungry instead of giving him to me right away. Etc.

So happy to have our house back.

[Surfacing]

NAK Hello Mamas!

It's good to see you started a new weekly thread, Expat-Mama, I've been MIA a bit due to crazy busyness. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much with bfing and not enjoying it. It was like that with my first dd. It can truly be hell when you're struggling with pain and disappointment for weeks and weeks on end. Sounds like this struggle is affecting how you feel from day to day. It would be nice to be able to enjoy your baby and feel good about yourself as a mother. Having a smoother bfing relationship would help that. Please consider checking in with an LC again. Your baby's mouth has grown, maybe there's something small to change that would make a big difference. How is your milk supply? Maybe I'd better go over to the bfing forum and check out your thread there. You are a great Mom.

Somegirl99 - phew, it's tough when those relatives come and they're more of a nuisance than a help. It's tough when your parenting philosophies are different (i.e., you would rather respond to your crying hungry baby right away than leave him to cry). This is one of those things where you just have to go out on a limb and do your own thing at the risk of disapproval from others. This is your baby, you have the right and responsibility to make decisions about his care, to enjoy the benefits or suffer the consequences of your decisions!

Sorry, I'm stepping away from the computer lots ATM because of various pee accidents, poo explosions, etc. with ds.

Mamas with some extra weight - I hear ya. We have time to trim down again, we don't have to do it all at once. Turning on some good tunes and dancing around is a fun way to sweat!

Over here life has been hectic with all three kiddos. I am having fun but its exhausting. Some days my mom takes the older two on outings and I'm positively BORED with the silence. Ds is starting to socially interact a little more now, he likes to look at us, makes smiles on occassion. He likes to bat at colourful things and wiggle his limbs a lot. We cant wait until his personality show more.

I am considering taking an online course to work towards applying for midwifery again. Its Anatomy & Physiology and quite a commitment. I think you have one year to complete it. Can I commit given all the other pulls on my timeÉ I think I should do it, it will feel good to work toward my goal some more.

Gotta go, poo explosion (babies, not mine)

[majazama]

my boy is doing good. I, however am at a very difficult time in my life. My kids dad has decided to leave me at this time, after my baby is 6 weeks old, how considerate. He met someone "that he can talk to", and they have "such a good connection" and "seems like he's known her for a long time".. but he won't actually leave my house. I tried throwing all of his stuff out, and he put it back inside. I'm just numb. He says he's looking for a suitable place, but I just can't stand looking at him anymore. He stays out with his friends all night and then sleeps in till 10 or 11 am. some help that is, with the kids (his reason for staying here).I don't have a vehicle because I sold my old van a few months ago (sure regret that!) but I'm looking for a new vehicle, and hopefully I can get one soon and get out of here. he says I'm dumb, crazy, a bad mother.. Im almost about to call the cops to have him removed. But hopefully some of his friends can convince him to go stay with them or something. It was like this all during my pregnancy.. me telling him to leave, and he wouldn't.. im so tired of being disrespected. I just want to get on with my life, and heal from this relationship.

[somegirl99]

Oh majazama, I'm so sorry, that is terrible. I hope you can get a new car and get free of him soon.

[majazama]

thank-you..i hope so too. i shouldn't have to deal w/ this postpartum

[Surfacing]

Majazama do you have friends or family near you that can help you? Seems like your relationship was breaking down already over a long period of time. Still, this is an unpleasant state of affairs. Is he paying any of the bills, staying there while he looks for other lodgings? Do the kids know he's going?

[Terrilein]

Majazama I'm so sorry that he's being such a pig-headed jerk. Sending you much energy to deal with him while taking care of your babes. Hang in there, mama.

[expat-mama]

Majazama- I hope you can work things out for yourself. I can't imagine how difficult it all must be for your especially with 2 LOs and a newborn. You sound like a strong woman and I really hope that your partner gets himself together and either leaves you alone or cleans up his act.

Thanks again for the breastfeeding encouragement, mamas. Things are still chugging along. Some days are better than others. I try to focus on the positive- at least DS is growing and gaining weight and he really is generally happy. And I love him to bits, and so must keep trying!

Surfacing - good luck taking on that course. Sounds challenging! You can do it! I can't wait for DS's personality to start blossoming either- it's so exciting! All the new sounds he's making - they really change every day, don't they???

Somegirl99- Totally feel you on the being free of relatives too! That sounds rough with MIL and aunt telling you what's what. Grrrrrrrrr!
My MIL was a PITA too- I had to wrestle DS away from her while she complained "you have to feed him AGAIN, ALREADY?" because she wanted to hold him all.the.time. Supposedly to "give me a break" I don't really WANT a break- I love every second with him. And I HATE having an audience while breastfeeding. Come one, come all! Watch the amazing duo struggle again and again- crying and screaming, leaking and spraying. NO FUN.

Yhannah- yeah, trying to work on the weight loss/getting in shape over here- I'm so motivated but don't have the time or energy to focus on it at all. I've lost a bunch weight but I've got some serious sag and flab going on that could use a lot of toning. Right now I'm trying to remember to EAT during the day- I go from one thing to the next, just managing to grab little things along the way. I need to get it all under control!

Yeah...I need to get things under control in general! Every day is such a blur of nursings and changings and laundry and bouncing... eek! We're AP around here and we don't schedule feedings but I feel like I am lacking structure.
BUT- I'm really loving being a mama! I love DS, I love DH, I LOVE my family! I knew there would be challenges along the way, I also knew it would be worth it.

[lrgs]

majazama.......I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with such a sucky situation.....especially at 6 weeks pp Hugs and best wishes to you.

I am having such a hard time with A at night........getting so frustrated and tired. After every wake up it takes hours to get her back to sleep and it's been like that pretty much since she was born. I'm beyond tired, Mya doesn't nap and I'm getting seriously sleep deprived. We were co-sleeping but that was actually worse.....she actually sleeps better in her crib then with me. I try all the time to bring her in bed with me to help get her back to sleep but it doesn't work. She hates nursing side lying and just fusses. I nurse or rock her to sleep and then she wakes up the minute I put her down.....whether she's beside me or in her crib......we do this over and over again. I've pumped a bottle for dh to give her a couple times at night so I can get more then 2 hours of sleep at once and he can get her fed and back down in about 20 minutes

[mamakaikai]

Originally Posted by majazama

thank-you..i hope so too. i shouldn't have to deal w/ this postpartum

Hugs mama, from across the country. No, you should not be having to deal with this postpartum. NOT FAIR. Not that you should need to deal with it ever, but esp not now...and with 2 older children too. I wish for you that he gets it together some, at least to offer support in some way.

I'm sending you some healthy healing vibes. You are a strong mama. You will get through this.

[majazama]

thank-you mamakaikai

[carliec76]

I had sore nips with number one. I would have rather been in labor again then endure that pain. I found my nips were just dry. After each feeding I would slap on some olive oil..within three days I was in a world of relief. My first nursed for over 2 years. I never had the problem again but with each child I have anxiety in the first week worrying if it will happen.

Baby wakes alot...do you swaddle? My kids would never sleep if I didn't strap their arms down.

Ahole Father of your child, I would make life at home very uncomfortable for him so he was more motivated to leave. i.e hide the toothpaste, oil in his comb, oh the things I could think of.

Life here is fine. Moments of stress, but mostly peaceful. Rosen is doing the nighttime fuss for the last couple weeks. Can't wait for that stage to end. She is about 12 1/2 lbs at 5 weeks. A real chunker. She and Cadan could have been twins. I was looking at his baby pics and it is shocking the resemblance. Other then the nighttime fussy she is really gel and likes to lay on the floor and check out her siblings. She is full of smiles. Managing four is sometimes hard but mostly flows well. The two youngest sleep from noonish tell 2ish together so that's nice. Cadan is in school so sibling battles are non existent in the daytime. School is lame for Cadan. The stuff they teach he knew by the time he started Kindergarten. I was hoping 1st grade would be more challenging but it is a joke. Oh well I will continue to teach him at home so he gets the socializing at school and an education at home...lol