I'm not sure if this is the right forum, feel free to move if need be. 
For over 6 years now DH has no relationship with his mother for various reasons that would take a millennium to explain. However, we agreed that although he doesn't want to see his mom, it doesn't mean that our children should not be able to see her, so I've had contact with her and so have the children.
Here is the scenario: We used to live about 20 minutes away from MIL. I used to go every week and take the children over to her and dh's step-father as well as other family that would stop by. Even though DH wants nothing to do with his family, I extended myself and my children to them because both DH and I both thought that it wasn't fair that the children would not be able to see their grandparents because of his issues with his mother.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago... we moved about 4 hours away, for me to finish school, and for DH to get a better job. For the first year, MIL came a few times to see the children, as well as her sister that lives in the area. The last time we saw MIL was last October at Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgving
) Since then, she has not contacted the children. We were not able to see her at X-Mas, as we went to NYC to visit some family. I think she was offended that we couldn't see her then, but I mean, we have the right to see other family as well!
Since we've moved here she has never once called the children on the phone, emailed etc. She did visit a few times, but a phone call or letter would be nice for the children too. I used to constantly email her updates about the children, how they were doing etc. and sometimes she would respond a short little blurb, but other times, nothing at all. Eventually, I stopped emailing, because its a waste of my time to put out this effort, with little to nothing in return. My oldest ds sent her TONS of mail last summer, paintings, letters and pictures and she NEVER wrote him back. It was heartbreaking to see him checking the mail every morning, and seeing the look of disappointment on his face when nothing came was just... ugh
Just this past May I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She congratulated me on FB, but has not asked to see him, never asks about the baby or the other two children. I emailed her about the new baby, just some tidbits about him - how he is nursing well, growing, etc. Her responses are VERY short, generic and she is really portraying an image of not really caring too much. Both my children have asked why their grandmother does not call them, or email, send letters. Its heartbreaking because they were once quite close. My eldest even went as far as to ask: "Does grandma like me anymore?" Furthermore, I am ALWAYS posting pics of the children on FB for family to see, including her, so its not like I don't "let her see them".
So, I find out that she wants to see us in October for Thanksgiving. Part of me thinks "yeah, the kids will be thrilled!". But the other part of me is thinking that I shouldn't give her the pleasure of seeing my children. She has not attempted any communication for the past year, the little communication we've had has been just small talk. I'm really starting to resent her and I can REALLY see why DH has decided not to talk to her anymore (amongst other reasons as well). MIL is VERY manipulative. She will act like the doting grandmother, when in reality she is far from it. She has a VERY close relationship with her step-grandchildren, which is fine, but DH is her ONLY biological child, and I figured that she'd want to have contact with her son's children.
I feel like if the children see her they'll be thrilled, but then, feel abandoned later when she doesn't communicate all year. I mean, she can't just pop in their lives once a year, its not right. I'm not really sure if I should confront her, which I have in the past about other things, but she cries hysterically and somehow turns everything into my fault.
I'm at a loss... part of me is thinking that I should do what DH does and just put her in the past. The other part of me is thinking that its not really mature on my part to just "cut her off". BAH! I'm just really frustrated with this whole thing.
Sorry for the novel.
For over 6 years now DH has no relationship with his mother for various reasons that would take a millennium to explain. However, we agreed that although he doesn't want to see his mom, it doesn't mean that our children should not be able to see her, so I've had contact with her and so have the children.
Here is the scenario: We used to live about 20 minutes away from MIL. I used to go every week and take the children over to her and dh's step-father as well as other family that would stop by. Even though DH wants nothing to do with his family, I extended myself and my children to them because both DH and I both thought that it wasn't fair that the children would not be able to see their grandparents because of his issues with his mother.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago... we moved about 4 hours away, for me to finish school, and for DH to get a better job. For the first year, MIL came a few times to see the children, as well as her sister that lives in the area. The last time we saw MIL was last October at Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgving
) Since then, she has not contacted the children. We were not able to see her at X-Mas, as we went to NYC to visit some family. I think she was offended that we couldn't see her then, but I mean, we have the right to see other family as well!Since we've moved here she has never once called the children on the phone, emailed etc. She did visit a few times, but a phone call or letter would be nice for the children too. I used to constantly email her updates about the children, how they were doing etc. and sometimes she would respond a short little blurb, but other times, nothing at all. Eventually, I stopped emailing, because its a waste of my time to put out this effort, with little to nothing in return. My oldest ds sent her TONS of mail last summer, paintings, letters and pictures and she NEVER wrote him back. It was heartbreaking to see him checking the mail every morning, and seeing the look of disappointment on his face when nothing came was just... ugh
Just this past May I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She congratulated me on FB, but has not asked to see him, never asks about the baby or the other two children. I emailed her about the new baby, just some tidbits about him - how he is nursing well, growing, etc. Her responses are VERY short, generic and she is really portraying an image of not really caring too much. Both my children have asked why their grandmother does not call them, or email, send letters. Its heartbreaking because they were once quite close. My eldest even went as far as to ask: "Does grandma like me anymore?"
Furthermore, I am ALWAYS posting pics of the children on FB for family to see, including her, so its not like I don't "let her see them".So, I find out that she wants to see us in October for Thanksgiving. Part of me thinks "yeah, the kids will be thrilled!". But the other part of me is thinking that I shouldn't give her the pleasure of seeing my children. She has not attempted any communication for the past year, the little communication we've had has been just small talk. I'm really starting to resent her and I can REALLY see why DH has decided not to talk to her anymore (amongst other reasons as well). MIL is VERY manipulative. She will act like the doting grandmother, when in reality she is far from it. She has a VERY close relationship with her step-grandchildren, which is fine, but DH is her ONLY biological child, and I figured that she'd want to have contact with her son's children.
I feel like if the children see her they'll be thrilled, but then, feel abandoned later when she doesn't communicate all year. I mean, she can't just pop in their lives once a year, its not right. I'm not really sure if I should confront her, which I have in the past about other things, but she cries hysterically and somehow turns everything into my fault.
I'm at a loss... part of me is thinking that I should do what DH does and just put her in the past. The other part of me is thinking that its not really mature on my part to just "cut her off". BAH! I'm just really frustrated with this whole thing.
Sorry for the novel.
