Would you/did you send your son to Kindergarten at 5? Would you do it differently in hindsight? - Page 3

[Aubergine68]

The more I think about it, the more I see the wisdom in the suggestion to "look to who your child's peers are."

My ds1's very best buddy is the youngest boy in his class, the one born right at the cutoff, who didn't stay home an extra year. He also loves playing with girls of all ages - he has a much older sister, so I think that is why.

Come to think of it, maybe one reason why my ds is so attached to his younger friend because he, like your son, OP, has a younger brother.

Now I'm wondering how birth order fits into all this. I wonder how many oldest sibs (or in my case, first child born in the family in 7 years, so much like an oldest again) are less ready to start school than their little brothers and sisters, who are comfortable with being around older kids through their older sibs and motivated to do what big bro/sis is doing?

[mmhinton]

That is a very good point, Aubergine68, and one I've wondered about! I have, at times, wondered if ds1 seems "younger" than some of his age peers because he IS younger (due to bday) or due to the first born with a younger sibling AND that sibling being the same sex... does that make a difference??? I have no idea! Does it make any difference how far apart (or close together) in age siblings are? (ds1 is 20 months older than ds2...pretty close in age and good playmates - when they're not fighting :eyeroll )
These are all questions I wonder about and have no answers!

I do like the peer idea as maybe a better indicator than age.... given ds1's personality though, he tends to make / have one good friend (who, ironically, has a personality very similar to his little brother!) and I think that is what he'll do whether he is in kindy next yr or in preK another yr!

[Devaskyla]

Interesting thread. I never even considered not sending my July birthday 5 year old to school this year. Well, I considered homeschooling him instead, but not just waiting for kindergarten until next year. Maybe because I was a 4 1/2 year old kindergartener?

I graduated high school when I was 17 1/2 (although I was actually done all the requirements just before I turned 17, I took a few extra classes to graduate with everyone else). I was the youngest in my class because we moved a lot & the cut off was different in different areas. I probably could have been skipped ahead a grade in elementary, but I think they decided I was too young already, so academically it definitely wasn't a problem for me. I was actually bored to tears for most of school & on the honor roll every time.

[newbymom05]

Interesting thread. My June b'day son just started kindy two weeks ago, and I think he's the only 5 y/o boy in his class--all the others are 6 or turning 6 very soon.

Here's what I don't get. OK, you hold them back for social maturity or whatever, but they're still learning that 5th year, whether they're at home or in a structured program. So what are they supposed to learn in kindy? My neighbors held their son back so he's 6. He's much bigger than most of the kids (which might have been the case regardless) He was in a MDO kindy program last year, so he has already passed kindergarten. Over the summer he'd take sidewalk chalk and write 1-40 in front of our house. Now he's in class with my 5 y/o, and today they traced the letter "c" and learned about the color blue. Isn't the 6 y/o going to be incredibly bored? And won't that lead to eventual behavior problems?

I think my 5 y/o is definitely ready for kindy, both emotionally and cognitively, and I have to say it bugs me that he has to compete with 6 y/os, and now this thread has me worried about that being his peer group.

Definitely agree that parenting involves too many tough decisions!!

[marieangela]

My son turned 5 on the second day of school this year. He in only on his 5th day of kindergarten, but I think we made the right choice for him. I was happy to see that not all the boys are being redshirted at his school. My older son has kids that turned 8 before school started in his 2nd grade class, but there are other boys with Aug birthdays who started on time in my younger son's kindergarten class. Ds2 has been playing with ds1's friends for two years now, he is big for his age and he is farther along academically than ds1 was when he started k at 5.5 (lucky to have a January birthday and no issue on when to start). Ds2 definitely seems to take after my dh, in which case he may well be over 6 ft tall by the time he's 12 or 13. Size and sports really don't matter so much to us, though. He has got his own very distinct personality and I highly doubt any behavioral challenges would be any different if I held him back a year.

[MJB]

I think birth order definitely factors in. My oldest son homeschooled for K because he wasn't ready (at 5y7m). My younger son (4y8m) is in K almost a full year earlier than his brother would have started, and doing great. He's been playing with older kids his whole life, though. He also has a lot lower sleep needs which is one of the big pitfalls of full-day K for some kids, IMO.

[mommy2maya]

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

I hadn't seen that naeyc article before, but found it interesting. It didn't change my satisfaction with our decision to wait a year before sending our ds. I used to tell everyone not "we're holding him back!" but "we're treating ourselves to another year home together!". We had such a wonderful year, during which we did lots of fun/educational things as a family and tried some preschool programming we wouldn't otherwise have had a chance to do, and he has had such a wonderful school experience so far with the delayed entry.

Here the kindy cutoff is 4 by March 1 of that year, so much younger than you all are talking about. I don't believe in early academics at all -- red shirting has nothing to do with it - I'd love to see the school age pushed back to 6 or 7 for everyone. ETA - to me, there are two different issues with this question - 1) what age *should* formal schooling start for children? and 2) is the program I want to send my kid to optimally able to support him or her at this age/stage and in the future?

My dd was 5.5 when she started school and was more than ready.

ETA We have always planned to enroll our kids into a French Immersion program, which is almost too structured for my taste and would require a good level of verbal development.

I just did not see my son being ready emotionally or ready physically for a structured program -- he was too active, too much separation anxiety... At around his fifth birthday, I finally saw him as ready - that's the age that most of your children are when you are wondering if they are old enough, interestingly.

I recently read in Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys that there is a testosterone surge in little boys around age 4 that diminishes by age 5. This surge makes kids more active and adventure-seeking, and less compatible with the classroom! I would love to use this to argue that kindergarten entry should be delayed by another six months, at least, here where I live.

I also came across this article recently and found it interesting. My dh was labeled "hyperactive" as a kid and I don't want either of my ds to be in the same boat:

http://www.cchrint.org/2010/08/17/us...n-their-class/

Where are you located? I wish we lived there! My 4.5yo will be 5 in January, and she is SO SO SO ready for kindergarten NOW, I wish she had the option to go.

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

Where are you located? I wish we lived there! My 4.5yo will be 5 in January, and she is SO SO SO ready for kindergarten NOW, I wish she had the option to go.

Alberta - I think we may have the youngest kindy cutoff age in North America, which didn't make me happy, personally, though I wish your dd had the option!

[Girlprof]

We're in CT with the youngest KG cutoff in the US. You have to be 5 by Dec 31. We sent our DS, the older of our two kids, *on time*, which for us means that he was 4 years, 9 months. It's been great, or rather, any issues have not been linked to his age. He tends to find school a bit boring and I would toy with the idea of skipping him, though I don't think he's quite ready for that. My DH was insistent that he start on time despite my worries and I have to say, thank goodness we did. If today were the first day of first grade, instead of 2nd grade, he would be beyond bored.

We are lucky that our son is the send-him side of the divide and our daughter (January birthday) is on the don't-send-her side. For us, DS is definitely physically, verbally, academically, etc, more mature at a particular age than DD. DD is getting an extra year in the infant/toddler room of her preschool, which will be great for her.

Our PS teacher used to recommend as an ideal solution a mid-year start. That would make the teachers nuts, but it might be right for many kids. An awful lot happens in a year.

Eepster always has good things to say about this topic. I think she once wrote something like, this is an area where instinct and research disagree. Instinct tells many of us to hold our kids back. Research says, send 'em.

It was very helpful to us that DH and I both have late fall birthdays and both started KG at age four. As my DH said at the time, he himself had some maturity issues. He cried a fair amount, more than average. But he did that until he was in 3rd grade. It would have made no sense at all to wait that long to start KG. DH and DS are both sensitive guys, a trait I really value in both of them. But getting older is not going to make DS any less sensitive (I hope). Starting later would definitely have made him really really bored.

By the way, DH and I both started college at 17 and it was totally fine. My brother was also a late fall birthday, eventually held back. Maybe my parents should have held him back and started him a year later. On the other hand, my brother is evidence that high school as a 19 year old is a big bummer. His own daughter started KG and got halfway through before they pulled her and started her again the next year.

All of that is to say, remember that these decisions are not made in stone. It seems really hard to pull your kid from KG but it is ultimately not that bad. It's probably harder to arrange a grade skip, but that's not impossible either. My brother repeated 4th grade and had that rather yucky senior year of HS. He still attended an ivy league college, has a good job, a marvelous wife, and two fantastic kids.

This KG decision seems so very tough at the time, but there is an awful lot of life after KG that ultimately matters way more than KG.

[cchrissyy]

My "baby" turns 5 next september and I can't imagine sending him to a 3rd year of preschool. He's absolutely going to kindergarten on time.

[TiredX2]

I would encourage everyone considering this issue to do what you feel is right, right now. You can't know what will happen 10 years from now, and making a decision that leads to a poor fit for the next few years in the hopes that it works out when your child is older, doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I definately have experience in the age for grade issue DD was ready academically for kinder years in advance Socially, though, that was a no go. She tested in early (8/31 cut-off, she has a 1/2 birthday) but we decided to homeschool her. She then entered a full-time gifted program in 2nd grade when she was 6. It has been a good fit for her. If anything, though, she needs to be further ahead She brought up at the end of last year that she is really hoping for some academic challenge this year because she loves the social fit of the grade she is in, but it has been several years of NO academic challenge so if it's not better this year she may want to skip a grade.

DS has an 8/31 birthday. He was academically and socially ready for kinder and did great. Started really not paying attention in 1st grade (combination of boredom and ???). Ended up in the full time gifted program for 2nd grade which was a HORRIBLE FIT. I am seriously anti-redshirting (I think that if everyone just sent "on time" the schools would eventually adjust their standard) but we decided to have him repeat 2nd grade. Now, that has introduced a whole new set of problems (his math skills can no longer be accomidated w/in the classroom and his last teacher was willing for him to just do his own work but this one does not seem as open). That said, he was having major anxiety attacks, and was actually diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder so we felt something fairly extreme was in order (he felt a much stronger connection to the younger grade, he was in a 1/2 split. Also, two of the 1st grade boys were older than him and most of the 2nd grade boys were at least 6 months older than him (one was 3 months older, one was 6, the rest were significantly older)).

Anyway, we have always made clear to both of our kids that changes happen. You might change schools, classes, grades... whatever. What we, as parents, need to do is find the best fit for right now and worry about the future as it comes. If DS is ready for college after 10th grade, I have no issue with him doing that. If he wants to go to high school and then community college, not starting university until close to 20 then that will be fine too.

[Aubergine68]

Great posts, Girlprof and Tiredx2. I agree that it is better to make the right decisions for one's child right now than to try to predict what they will need many years in the future.

I'll have to remember to link back to this discussion next time I read a thread on this subject. Many fine points are being made here.

Given the early kindy cutoff where I live, there are plenty of 17 year olds starting college and university here. It is also not unusual for kids to take a gap year or to take an extra semester of high school to upgrade marks and start post-secondary at 19 or older. I don't really see a problem either way, except that I think it is most important that whatever his or her age, the student be ready to make the commitment to getting the most out of his or her post-secondary education, rather than just going on to college to party or because it is expected of him/her to do so.

And there are always mature students --not everyone in a college class is going to be your age anyway, or even your generation, necessarily.

[limabean]

DS started on time at 4 years 10 months and it was the right decision for him. He's entering 1st grade next week and I can't imagine having him just now starting kindergarten -- he's sooooo a 1st grader.

From 3rd grade on, I was comparatively even younger than my DS (skipped 2nd grade, with a March birthday), and it was no big deal at all, ever. The whole "they'll get their driver's license later" thing was just not even on my radar as something to be sad about.

I can understand parents of kids from about September on having some concerns about sending their kids to kindergarten when eligible, especially since many states have a September cut-off anyway. But I know a boy who turned 7 in April and is entering 1st grade with my DS, who will be 5 until late October. That's really stretching it IMO -- I think there should be an upper cut-off limit just like there's a lower cut-off limit. And I know another mom who held back her June-birthday son specifically because their family is really into football and she wants him to be big for his grade.

[meetoo]

Originally Posted by limabean

Iy. But I know a boy who turned 7 in April and is entering 1st grade with my DS, who will be 5 until late October. That's really stretching it IMO -- I think there should be an upper cut-off limit just like there's a lower cut-off limit.

Wouldn't that put him starting exactly when he was eligible? Or did you mean turning 8 in April? I would think at least 1/2 the class would be turning seven at some point during 1st grade...

[limabean]

Originally Posted by meetoo

Wouldn't that put him starting exactly when he was eligible? Or did you mean turning 8 in April? I would think at least 1/2 the class would be turning seven at some point during 1st grade...

No, he turned 7 in April, as in he's been 7 for 5 months already and the school year hasn't even started yet here.

[meetoo]

Originally Posted by limabean

No, he turned 7 in April, as in he's been 7 for 5 months already and the school year hasn't even started yet here.

Ahhh, don't mind me, apparently I can't read.

[MJB]

There was a boy in my oldest's 1st grade class who turned 8 in February.

[SunshineJ]

I think it really depends on the child. DS was born Aug 2. Where we lived at the time, the cutoff date was Aug 1, so he missed it by 35 hours. Even though everyone including his preschool teachers were saying he was ready, the district wouldn't make an exception and he started school at age 6. He was insanely bored in Kindergarten. Then we moved to a state where the cutoff is Sept 1, which is frustrating as there'd have been no question of his starting at 5 had we been here a year earlier. He's just entering 2nd grade and is still waiting for school to be challenging. His playmates are all 2-3 years older than him, and if there were any way to change the past I'd do whatever it took to get him in at age 5. On the other hand, DD was born in the middle of July and started school at age 5, and was one of the least mature in her kindy class last year. She made it through ok and now in 1st grade isn't as obviously one of the youngest, but had she been born on DS's birthday we may well have held her back until she was 6.

[mmhinton]

Ok. So after reading all of the wonderful and thought provoking replies, I've thought alot about this topic and my son. Laying in bed last night it hit me that confidence is one of my main concerns for ds1. He is not confident by nature (at 3 would NOT try to do jumping jacks b/c "I don't know how, so I can't do it" and that is just one example of the many similar statements). DH and I always encourage him and remind him of things that he could not do initially, but b/c he kept trying he now can do (like riding his tricycle, swimming, etc). I would really love for ds1 to have more confidence than he currently has!

If DH goes to kindy at 5 (making the cutoff by a week or two at most) I am concerned that he will always feel like the youngest kid (cuz he would be!) and result in less and less willingness to try things b/c of decreasing confidence due to his personality! I also realized that if we just ask him throughout this preschool yr whether or not he wants to go to kindy next yr, we might get a much better idea of his readiness (rather than just our own perception of it).

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by mmhinton

Ok. So after reading all of the wonderful and thought provoking replies, I've thought alot about this topic and my son. Laying in bed last night it hit me that confidence is one of my main concerns for ds1. He is not confident by nature (at 3 would NOT try to do jumping jacks b/c "I don't know how, so I can't do it" and that is just one example of the many similar statements). DH and I always encourage him and remind him of things that he could not do initially, but b/c he kept trying he now can do (like riding his tricycle, swimming, etc). I would really love for ds1 to have more confidence than he currently has!

My son is in 3rd grade and I met with his teacher the other day. One ongoing issue with my son is his unwillingness to even try something unless he is fairly confident he can do it well. Guess what? Alot of the other 3rd graders in the class have the exact same issue.

If I'd waited to send my kid until he was ready to try something new. We'd still be waiting. However, school has helped him learn to take a few risks and try something he's not 100% confident in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that personality, age appropriate behaviors, and immaturity/maturity can all be a confusing hodgepodge to separate out.