The birth of my twin daughters seems to have awoken some issues that my mother seems to have. She has an irrational over-reaction to the idea that I would be separated from my girls. I believe the over-reaction comes from the fact that her mother died when she was days old and she was passed around the family until my grandpa remarried when she was two. Also, in kindergarten she had what today probably would be considered a separation anxiety disorder -- she threw up virtually every morning after being dropped off.
My grandmother is dying, and my dad wanted to go down to see her before she passed. My mom isn't physically able to go, and there is really no other family, so I wanted to accompany my Dad -- leaving Sunday am and returning Monday night. This was so he didn't have to be alone the first couple of times he was visiting my grandma. I knew when my grandfather had passed that he was in a similar situation and felt very alone, and I wanted to be there and support him.
My husband agreed to take Monday off, and would be taking care of the girls (which he is fully competent to do).
My mother basically decided that, in her words "I had responsibilities to my husband and children" and that I was on no account to go. She worked on my Dad, and worked on my Dad, so that he asked me not to go -- the subtext being that she would make things so difficult for him if I went, that it would be more emotionally difficult if I went than confronting the passing of his mother alone.
I am very upset that she decided to make a choice for my family that absolutely wasn't hers to make. I did not raise the issue before my Dad left as he didn't need any more stress.
Part of me is sympathetic because I see where some of this issue is coming from, and part of me is extremely angry and worried that this might somehow become a trend. Do I push back hard about this at a future date (maybe after my grandma has died) or do I just let this go in acknowledgment of this just being her issue?
Another problem we have been having is that my mom has been a chronic pain sufferer for the past 10 years. The girls have been teething, and she literally can't stand seeing them in pain. She wants to reach for the baby tylenol a couple of times a day when she sees the girls. I keep on pushing back and pushing back (I can see the difference between discomfort and actual distress and have only administered the medicine twice when I felt actual distress had been reached and I could not comfort the girls out of it), but she is making me feel cruel and can't seem to understand my concerns. I want to push back hard on this as well, but she is really getting to me about it.
My grandmother is dying, and my dad wanted to go down to see her before she passed. My mom isn't physically able to go, and there is really no other family, so I wanted to accompany my Dad -- leaving Sunday am and returning Monday night. This was so he didn't have to be alone the first couple of times he was visiting my grandma. I knew when my grandfather had passed that he was in a similar situation and felt very alone, and I wanted to be there and support him.
My husband agreed to take Monday off, and would be taking care of the girls (which he is fully competent to do).
My mother basically decided that, in her words "I had responsibilities to my husband and children" and that I was on no account to go. She worked on my Dad, and worked on my Dad, so that he asked me not to go -- the subtext being that she would make things so difficult for him if I went, that it would be more emotionally difficult if I went than confronting the passing of his mother alone.
I am very upset that she decided to make a choice for my family that absolutely wasn't hers to make. I did not raise the issue before my Dad left as he didn't need any more stress.
Part of me is sympathetic because I see where some of this issue is coming from, and part of me is extremely angry and worried that this might somehow become a trend. Do I push back hard about this at a future date (maybe after my grandma has died) or do I just let this go in acknowledgment of this just being her issue?
Another problem we have been having is that my mom has been a chronic pain sufferer for the past 10 years. The girls have been teething, and she literally can't stand seeing them in pain. She wants to reach for the baby tylenol a couple of times a day when she sees the girls. I keep on pushing back and pushing back (I can see the difference between discomfort and actual distress and have only administered the medicine twice when I felt actual distress had been reached and I could not comfort the girls out of it), but she is making me feel cruel and can't seem to understand my concerns. I want to push back hard on this as well, but she is really getting to me about it.
