Why does my 6 year old need to rule the world?!

[LynnS6]

It's 11:30 am. Dd has been up since 9:15. She's been sent to her room to cool down three times so far this morning. Why? Because she was unable to play with her brother and the 2 neighbor kids without shrieking and crying with indignation. According to her, they're not playing 'fair'. "Fair" by the way means the way dd wants things to run.

Time 1 was when her stuffed animal got disqualified in the Animal Olympics for missing the pool when it dived (note that her brother's animal had just been disqualified for that very same thing, so she wasn't singled out.)

Time 2 was when her brother had 2 stuffed animals in the leader position in the diving competition while she only had one.

Time 3 was when she wanted her brother to make a list of all the events that were going to take place in Animal Olympics and he didn't want to.

In addition, we've had two shorter bouts of whining/crying because (1) she was asked to wait her turn for a game that she arrived late to and (2) they wouldn't let her choose a 15 minute freerun to play on the Wii when everyone else had chosen shorter events. It's not fair apparently to play by the same rules that everyone else does!

Please tell me this is a phase. Please tell me it will pass before she moves out!

ETA: This isn't an attention issue. I've been on break for 2 weeks now and she's had copious amounts of positive attention from me. It's been building for the last month or so, but has recently gotten much much worse.

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

(2) they wouldn't let her choose a 15 minute freerun to play on the Wii when everyone else had chosen shorter events. It's not fair apparently to play by the same rules that everyone else does!

But was the time limit stated up-front? Or did they just not think to choose longer events? Not to defend your dd exactly...my almost 6 yo also wants to rule the world, and I can feel your frustration because we feel it all the damn time. Just on this one thing wondering if maybe the rules were made up by the others after the fact.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

But was the time limit stated up-front? Or did they just not think to choose longer events? Not to defend your dd exactly...my almost 6 yo also wants to rule the world, and I can feel your frustration because we feel it all the damn time. Just on this one thing wondering if maybe the rules were made up by the others after the fact.

Well, it was an 'understood' rule; they knew to choose shorter events so that everyone would get a turn. Dd wanted to choose two activities that would each last 10-15 minutes. In other words, she'd get to use the Wii for 25 minutes. It was the 'letter of the law' but certainly not the spirit. Of course in her black-and-white world, the letter of the law was all that mattered.

Afternoon was better. I made sure she got lunch with a lot of protein. We went blueberry picking, and she got to be the owner of the 'dogs' (ds and his friend), and was OK when they disobeyed the 'owner'.

And now we need to add to the mix the fact that we need to move getting up time earlier.... and ds is currently sitting on the couch having a fit of his own.

[AllisonR]

My take? It is a stage. My DS went through it from 4.5 to 5.5, and still does it with his younger sister, because he can generally get away with being the boss of her. And it is personality. My DD is more social. She wants to get along. My DS is more imaginative. He wants to make a dog house out of boxes, then paint it a specific color, then the dogs and cats can come in in specific order and do XYZ but not PDQ... Because he has all this in his head, he wants everyone else to play along with the theatre in his mind. But it can get a bit bossy.

And an idea - Maybe she needs practice being the younger one? If she plays with some 7,8,9yo, then they will be making up the rules and she will have to practice getting along to join in. My DS has improved as he has had to be with some older kids, who have their own ideas about what is going to be played, how, when....

Funny story - my friends DD has this characteristic to such an extreme, that at daycare she and 3 boys with the same traits have a special "class" twice a week, where they have to do odd assignments, like draw a picture, but they are only given one pencil and they all have to share it!

[meemee]

aaah yes. its a phase. the final hurrah before leaving that type of childhood. the world does not revolve around them and its hard to take.

it also could be a hormonal thing - IF she is also on her 'worst' behaviour - hitting, crying and being super upset (all with you and not others).

i really do think its hormonal (perhaps some children are not as deeply affected like my dd was) and when she is out of this stage you will see a subtle sense of maturity that wasnt there before. and a general acceptance of the world and life.

but that not fair will hang for a bit - maybe not so intensely. its a shock to realise the world does not revolve around them.

so in a sense this is what "I" call prepuberty. i wont be surprised if in a couple of years she gets BO too.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

And an idea - Maybe she needs practice being the younger one?

Actually, the problem is that she IS the youngest one. Always. She's the youngest in the group that generally play together. The other kids in the mix are 8, 8, 9 and 11, and sometimes a 6 1/2 year old tags along. When it's just the two 6 year olds, they're usually OK, but even then dd is bothered by the fact that she's younger than the other 6 year old (by 5 1/2 months, but it still bothers her!)

She does better with younger kids, probably because they don't mind letting her lead. But the 8, 9 and 11 year olds really don't like to be bossed around by a 6 year old. Imagine that!

There are a few other 6 year olds in the neighborhood, but they're not allowed to roam as freely as dd is (and they're all boys, and their play interests don't always mesh). Maybe next year when their parents loosen up a bit (I hope), things will get better.

Originally Posted by meemee

aaah yes. its a phase. the final hurrah before leaving that type of childhood. the world does not revolve around them and its hard to take.

it also could be a hormonal thing - IF she is also on her 'worst' behaviour - hitting, crying and being super upset (all with you and not others).

Interesting thought.... I wouldn't be surprised. I hit puberty fairly early (menstruating by 11), so it wouldn't surprise me. I think it's also partly stress -- school starts next week.

It's a little sad to think that it's the last part of early childhood, so maybe I'll try to be sentimental rather than irritated. That might work for a few hours!

Originally Posted by meemee

i really do think its hormonal (perhaps some children are not as deeply affected like my dd was) and when she is out of this stage you will see a subtle sense of maturity that wasnt there before. and a general acceptance of the world and life.

My mom just reminded me that her mother always said that when kids are moving into a new developmental phase, their behavior gets worse for a while. I hope we see the sense of maturity and general acceptance of life, because right now, it's definitely not there!

Praying that this phase passes soon before I send her to live with the neighbors.

[K1329]

My dd just turned 7. I noticed that she AND her friends all usually want things go their way... which makes for some interesting playdates, lol. But it definitely doesn't seem limited to just my dd - I've seen it throughout her social circle this past year. This leads me to believe that it's a phase. Probably hormonally based, as pps have stated. It'll be interesting to see what happens this year...

I'll be checking back to see what others say - I've really wondered about this "bossiness", inflexibility issue for awhile...

[mimim]

This sounds a lot like my DD who is 5. A while back I overheard her telling her 8 yo brother, "I am the queen! You must sit on this chair! NOW! Did you hear me? Sit on this chair! I am the queen!" DS played right along and took orders from the queen until I asked him if sitting in a chair was fun for him and he decided it wasn't.

I was hoping she'd learn to be less bossy and shrill soon. I refuse to follow orders from her and remind her brothers not to do things for her or with her unless she acts considerately and cooperatively, but she gets away with being the "queen" too often with other people.

[The4OfUs]

I am suddenly very, very frightened readin gthis thinking about my now very world-ruling 4-yo getting worse than she is. Hold me!

[pregnant@40]

From what I read in child development books, this is very normal behavior. This age is very self-centered, but they've got to go through it.

[Girlprof]

You know, this is a bit comforting because my 6 year old DS always says he wants to *destroy* the world. Like, "If I don't get to go first, then I'll just have to destroy the world!" Said with a kind of half smile, half grimace.

When we do play games, he spends at least half the time making up elaborate rules that no one, including him, can keep track of. I let him go for it a couple of days ago while we were swimming and eventually even he said, I think only some of these rules apply at a time, since we have so many, LOL.

I think it's a phase. But I didn't realize it might mark the end of little-kid-dom. That is rather sad.