Child Spacing

[mija y mijo]

There is a 5 1/2 year age difference between DD and DS. If I consent to DH's wishes and choose to get pregnant there will be almost 5 years between DS and the new baby. DD will be 10 years old. Does anyone have similar spacing between their children? How does it work out? Do you think a 10 year age difference will inhibit any kind of close relationship? I think I'm probably thinking too much about this...

DH and I both want 4 kids. And he's been so patient waiting for me to be "ready" for more. We had DD when we were young and unmarried and we weren't ready to have another one for quite some time. DS was well planned for and I felt totally ready to add to our family. He was a very fussy baby and we had moved far away from any support network (while I struggled to deal with the death of my father) and the first couple years of his life were very isolating for me. Now that I look back at it all I can see that I was definitely depressed. I've never been completely opposed to adding to our family (we've only used the withdrawal method since DS was born) and figured that if it happens, great. But for some reason the purposeful act of adding to our family makes me second guess myself.

I want more, but then I worry about money, the age difference, how it will change our family dynamics. When I don't think about any of this, the idea of another little person in our family melts my heart. I love being pregnant. I want to have the homebirth I've been dreaming of. I want to nurse another little peanut and hold them close in my arms. But I also remember the stress a fussy baby put on me and my entire family during that rough patch in our lives.

And my time is about up to make a decision... DH is taking the offer off the table within a couple of months.

So I guess I'm just looking for shared experiences... mamas who "appeared" to be done and then decided to add a couple more to the mix. Do you think 10 (or even 12-13 if we go for 2 more!!) years is too much of an age difference? I'm half hoping for twins this time around - then our dream of 4 is complete and I don't have to worry about the increasing gap in age!

[texmati]

my kiddo's aren't spaced that way but I'm the oldest of 3. Me and my sis are 3 years a part, me and little brother are 8 years apart.

There is a difference-- more of a parental feeling towards my brother. In fact, when I had my son, I was shocked at how much I remembered about my brother when he was a baby. That being said, I still think we are close. He is more likely to call my younger sister about clothes and girl advice, but more likely to call me for advice on money, or my parents, or school/career. Admittedly, my sister is a much better dresser.
The closest brother and sister I know have a 10 year age gap; but whethered a lot of struggles together. She used to go to parent teach conference for her brother, and is still involved heavily in his life.


I guess what I'm trying to say, is that with a gap, the relationship can be different, but I don't think that spacing has much to do with how *close* you are to another. Your new baby will be loved. GL with whatever you decide!

[annie2186]

My sister is 10 years older than me and she is by far the one I am the closest too. I didn't really develop that relationship until I was older.....beginning at 15 and then growing I would say.

When I was younger she was more like the "mother hen" as the PP was saying.

I personally wouldn't worry about age gaps that much........my older brother was 5 years older and my younger brother 4 years younger and I got along fine with both of them growing up

[mija y mijo]

Thank you both for getting through that jumbled up mess I originally posted! I started out focusing on child spacing and drifted into a whole mess of things. It appears I had quite a bit more to work through.

Annie - your post is very reassuring. The spacing between you and your siblings is exactly how our family would look if we decide to have more kids. It's great to hear how close you are to your sister, despite the 10 year age difference. I could totally see my dd being a "mother hen" and loving every minute of it.