Custody Trial??

[Super~Single~Mama]

Hi, our custody trial is coming up, and I wanted to ask the people here what to expect.

And no, this is not merely an appearance, its an actual trial. 3 Days long (afternoon's only though). I have started some minor prep, and am going to be working with my lawyer to do the major prep starting soon.

What witnesses did you call (if you don't mind sharing), what types of tactics did you use? I am going for full legal and full physical (I don't need to hear that this is impossible - thanks very much for not sharing that feedback). My ex will be getting good visitation - I'm going to make sure of that, but I do not want him to have custody for many reasons. If you know my back story you know why. Please do not judge me for wanting to take custody away from my son's father. I have very very very good reasons.

I don't want to list the specifics of what I have against my ex, since I don't know if he reads this site or not, but if you care to share what your tactics and experiences were I would appreciate it!

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by thyra

Hi, our custody trial is coming up, and I wanted to ask the people here what to expect.

And no, this is not merely an appearance, its an actual trial. 3 Days long (afternoon's only though). I have started some minor prep, and am going to be working with my lawyer to do the major prep starting soon.

What witnesses did you call (if you don't mind sharing), what types of tactics did you use? I am going for full legal and full physical (I don't need to hear that this is impossible - thanks very much for not sharing that feedback). My ex will be getting good visitation - I'm going to make sure of that, but I do not want him to have custody for many reasons. If you know my back story you know why. Please do not judge me for wanting to take custody away from my son's father. I have very very very good reasons.

I don't want to list the specifics of what I have against my ex, since I don't know if he reads this site or not, but if you care to share what your tactics and experiences were I would appreciate it!

No solid advice mama, just wanted to wish you the best of luck! I think you have all the best reasons, and I really see this as having an awesome outcome for you.

[vannienicole]

I have no advice, but I will wish you all the luck I can!

[LoveOhm]

I don't have personal experience with trial since my situation is a bit different but I would consider gathering the following:

Letters on letterhead (and notarized?) from childcare provider, pediatrician, playgroup leader/coordinator really anyone of authority that can speak to your involvement with your child and your abilities as a mother. Also have them comment on his role if any IF you feel that will help your case.

Any proof from Child Support Services that he has not been supporting the child financially

Document of visits and missed visits

Proof of any abuse to you or the child---- pictures, therapist reports, police reports, pediatric records

Proof of any abuse to another child ---- again this needs to be strong proof.

Proof of substance abuse on his part ---- drinking while caring for child, history of drinking while driving, drug use, etc.

One thing I would think about is "how would his having joint custody affect dc?"....... with my ex no decisions would ever be made. He never showed up to tour preschools, never sent the deposit after speaking to the school director, etc. which of course I asked the director to write a letter stating. Ex never saw dd's pediatrician since dd was 2 weeks now dd is almost 4 years......... I would ask dd's pediatrian to write that in a letter.

Can you prove instability? That would also help.

Are there people who will say he is an unfit father to make decisions for the child, etc.

BEST OF LUCK MAMA!!!!!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks everyone.

Has no one actually HAD a custody trial??? Am I going to be the first??

[Halfasianmomma]

Well, I did, but XH never showed, so we proceeded by default.

I did have my journal which listed dates and times of missed visitation, and instances of verbal abuse and anger management problems. This, coupled with my sworn affidavit and XH not being there swung things in my favour considerably.

I did however forget DD`s birth certificate, but the judge was nice enough to let me RUN home to go get it, so that I could have a finalized judgment that same day.

Good luck!!

[Super~Single~Mama]

HAM - thats the thing, I think in your case that would have turned out to be an appearance, but since he didn't show, you got a final judgment. We've had 4 or 5 appearances, but this going to be the first time we are having testimony. I don't know how it works where you are, but here there are many many appearances before a trial - but if one party doesn't show there is a judgment entered against them and then they have to file an appeal.

[Halfasianmomma]

Ok, I understand what you're saying thyra.

Has your X presented himself in court so far?

What is he aiming for?

Is he (well) represented?

If you don't want to share those details, I totally understand.

I think that if you offer "fair" visitation with good reason why you should be given custody, it would go a long way in giving you "legitimacy".

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ex has been at every appearance so far, but so far its been pretty laughable - his atty argued one time that he should have custody b/c I don't want my kid. Ummm....YEAH RIGHT - thats why i'm a single, in law school, mom 3,000 miles away from my family, supporting us both with very little help from him (he's required to pay now, but its really not much) in a very high COL area.

Ugh.

I'm really just looking for some experiences from people who've been through a trial - what was it like? Did you feel like throwing up afterwards (knowing some of the arguments my ex will use I'm expecting that feeling)., etc.

Thanks all for the good wishes, once its over (in a few weeks) I'll let you all know!

[Soul-O]

My trial was almost 6 years ago, in California, so YMMV..

The only witnesses were exDH, me, the custody evaluator, and one person who was referenced in the custody eval as a witness to my oldest DS getting a black eye while in DH's care. The trial itself was to make a final determination of custody & visitation based on the custody evaluator's recommendations, and for final resolution of marital property matters (marital home had already been sold and $$$ were held in account at my atty's office). My testimony was mostly centered around a few financial transactions, and my reasoning for requesting veto power on education and health care matters. Ex was there to cross-examine the custody evaluator on his recommendations and fight for more custody on bogus accusations that weren't proven. In the end, I got pretty much everything I wanted, and a final decree of divorce as well. Being on trial was very stressful in general - didn't want to face ex, didn't like what was said about me, didn't sleep for the entire week of the trial etc. The judge limited testimony for the most part, and 3rd party character witnesses were not allowed. OP, I would suggest that you speak with your atty and perhaps your professors about how to give testimony prior to entering the courtroom. The last thing you want to do is give away more info than is required. Also, make sure that all of your evidential docs are in order, and that you have multiple copies. Judges hate waiting for litigants to fumble around for docs.

Good luck!

[Halfasianmomma]

I just remembered that I had to testify at both my custody and divorce hearings. The first time, I forgot to stand. Oops. The second time, the judge had to ask me to look at her instead of at my attorney. Oops again. I was nervous.

And yes, bring extra copies of everything!

[nikkiejean]

My custody trial is coming up in November and I'm interested in the same questions. I did find a website under the single mother resources forum that contained tips for going to trial - most of them mentioned here. Look the judge in the eye, be organized, be respectful, etc....

My lawyer is suggesting I take 2.5 yr-old DS to a child psychologist to talk about the developmental/emotional effects of having his father visit intensely for a few months, then disappear.

[Avani]

Not for custody but for the restraining order. The witnesses included police officers, witnesses some were friends, the kids teachers, the mediators report, the managers of my apartment complex. I would try to get daycare providers, doctors, teachers, anyone who can vouch for your participation or any evidence to your ex's inability to have custody. I really wish this forum was private. It can be difficult getting advice due to our circumstances. Good luck!

[VocalMinority]

Originally Posted by thyra

Has no one actually HAD a custody trial??? Am I going to be the first??

I have been through three custody trials with my husband. Although it wasn't over my child, I was very involved and actually helped him write several of his pleadings. He also employed a few tactics that are not "standard practice" and for which he had to overcome his attorney's objections, but which proved quite successful. At the third trial, he won sole legal and physical custody. If a father can do this, it's certainly possible for a mother.

I would be very happy to discuss this with you in more detail, if you PM me. Otherwise, I know how you feel about married people posting here and being long-winded about their personal experiences.

[hillymum]

You might be the first and I will be the second. I'm interested in any advice given to you and your experiences. sbx has the boys every other weekend at the moment but wants 50/50 physical and 100% legal. I've been reasured there is no way he's getting it as he has eow at the moment and has been away 4 days a week for the last 3 1/2 years. I'm scared though!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Jeannine

I have been through three custody trials with my husband. Although it wasn't over my child, I was very involved and actually helped him write several of his pleadings. He also employed a few tactics that are not "standard practice" and for which he had to overcome his attorney's objections, but which proved quite successful. At the third trial, he won sole legal and physical custody. If a father can do this, it's certainly possible for a mother.

I would be very happy to discuss this with you in more detail, if you PM me. Otherwise, I know how you feel about married people posting here and being long-winded about their personal experiences.

Hi! Thanks for posting. I don't mind married people coming here to post - I x-posted in blended b/c I figured there would be experiences there as well. But, I will pm you about the tactics you used!! I'm all ears!