"Oh, are you starting Kindergarten?"

[laohaire]

When adults talk to my (ahem, very cute) little girl, they frequently ask this question after learning her age (she just turned 5).

I haven't directed her answer to that question, and she usually replies, "no, I homeschool."

As you all have experienced yourselves, no doubt, the reaction is usually mixed.

Is there some other answer that might be better? Perhaps she should just say "yes"? She is, after all, being "schooled" for lack of a better word.

Then again, probably everyone will then ask which school and which teacher. It's not a big town, and it's one of those towns where everyone knows each other. Except me. I'm not from here. So I can't even lie. I don't even know the names of the schools much less the K teacher. (I do know, however, that there's 3 Kindergartens in town, wow, that's a lot).

[AFWife]

I totally applaud her honesty and would encourage it. So what if people stare?

[annettemarie]

It's just one of those things people say, I think, like "Is she a good baby?" I don't think people care all that much. I think any variation of "we homeschool" is fine.

[CrazyCatLady]

My daughter always said "no, I'm going to home school!!!" with a big goofy grin on her face. She has never received a negative response from anybody thankfully. In fact most people seem really excited/relieve to hear that she home schools. But she loves home school so much that a cranky response from a stranger wouldn't bother her a bit.

I say let your daughter be honest. Unless the negative attention is bothering her? Then I'd say that teaching her the skill of side stepping a question might be good.

[St. Margaret]

DD (who is only 3 but gets asked about starting school all the time for some reason, I guess preschool is so common here-- don't ask me how, it costs SO much here!) has taken to saying, "I learn everday!" very enthusiastically, which tends to deflect the school questions

[laohaire]

In case I wasn't clear, I wasn't considering dishonesty of any sort. I just wondered if maybe it made it sound more divisive to say "no" rather than "yes." Even if it was "yes, I homeschool" (or perhaps just "yes" and wait for them to ask where, and then reply "home").

Unfortunately a lot of people seem to find a declaration of homeschool to be an attack on the public school system or society in general. It's not my intention, so I was just trying to see if there is a better way to approach this question, to minimize awkwardness or other bad feelings.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Unfortunately a lot of people seem to find a declaration of homeschool to be an attack on the public school system or society in general. It's not my intention, so I was just trying to see if there is a better way to approach this question, to minimize awkwardness or other bad feelings.

If a matter of fact statement like "I homeschool" creates awkwardness or bad feelings it isn't really your fault. "I hate public school" or "God no, I'd NEVER do that" would be. But just to state the facts? That's not your place to worry.

[CrazyCatLady]

I hope you don't think I meant to have her lie! I just mean like you said, saying "yes" to the school question because technically she is schooled or something like that. And that's only if she's uncomfy with the way people are reacting to her home school comments. My dd loves to brag about hs and I think it's cute.

[laohaire]

I've only got a couple of obviously anti-homeschool remarks, but often DD's answer does shut down the conversation very suddenly - what was previously a very friendly conversation with DD would suddenly be ended with "oh."

DD doesn't seem to be upset, that I've noticed anyway. I usually just kind of prompt her to say "goodbye" if the person turns away, and we move on.

[VisionaryMom]

We get "are you in kindergarten" a good bit. Sometimes DS just says "yes," and oddly people usually don't say anything else. If people ask "are you going to school," he says "yes, I homeschool," and we've actually had a fair number of people continue asking then. DD's doctor joked, "so, do you like your teacher," and DS thought that was really funny. He & DH went kayaking, and a girl who was a college student asked, and then she said that she'd homeschooled but now was going to college. DH said they talked a while, and DS seemed relieved to find a "big person" who had homeschooled. In that way, I'm glad he says that he homeschools because I think it does open up the door to conversation. OTOH, we're not in a place where hs is weird or all that unusual. If we were, I might think differently.

[*Jessica*]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

It's just one of those things people say, I think, like "Is she a good baby?" I don't think people care all that much. I think any variation of "we homeschool" is fine.

I agree!

Originally Posted by laohaire

I've only got a couple of obviously anti-homeschool remarks, but often DD's answer does shut down the conversation very suddenly - what was previously a very friendly conversation with DD would suddenly be ended with "oh."

DD doesn't seem to be upset, that I've noticed anyway. I usually just kind of prompt her to say "goodbye" if the person turns away, and we move on.

I would guess that the conversation stops because they were expecting to continue with questions about where and who her teacher is, etc, just to be friendly. Like Annette said, I doubt they really care about the answer, it's just one of those things people ask kids. When they get an unexpected response they are probably scrambling for something else to say and just falter.

[shoefairy3]

i get the
"you homeschool?"
"yes"
"ALL of them???"
"yes"
...mouth agape LOL

[lach]

Originally Posted by *Jessica*

I agree!


I would guess that the conversation stops because they were expecting to continue with questions about where and who her teacher is, etc, just to be friendly. Like Annette said, I doubt they really care about the answer, it's just one of those things people ask kids. When they get an unexpected response they are probably scrambling for something else to say and just falter.

I agree with this. I don't think anyone really cares, any more than they care when they ask me when I'm due. It's just polite conversation, and people like having conversations with cute kids.

I think what your DD says is fine.

[greenbeanmama]

Ha! We're having the opposite problem. My son (who is three and a half, but looks five), gets asked about school and he says that he "home-cool pre-cools" and people say that's nice. But soooo many people have asked if he's going to school that now he's worried we WILL send him to "building school" - he's worried enough that I've stopped saying that something is for "school" because his excitement has been replaced with worry about any school in general. Poor boy!

[kikidee]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

It's just one of those things people say, I think, like "Is she a good baby?" I don't think people care all that much. I think any variation of "we homeschool" is fine.

I love the baby question. I know people are just asking a standard question, but after one Sunday at church when about 10 old ladies asked me this, I thought about coming up with different answers for the next week. "Not really.. I caught her sneaking cigarettes in the backyard last night!" or along those lines.

Anyway - to answer the question at hand: we have the same situation. Since I'm so new to this, I also worry about the awkwardness factor. Because there are times when we get comments about socialization and the like. But I think the more we get into this (and the more you get into it, as well), it will feel less awkward for us and then we either a). won't care what people say, or b). get less awkwardness from people because we are feeling more "in the groove" and comfortable with what we are doing.

[annettemarie]

This thread reminds me of the time we went to the grocery store around 2 PM and the cashier asked my daughter if she had no school today (another annoyin question). Katie Grace looked her in the eye and said, totally deadpan, "I ate my teacher." I was dying laughing. Eventually, I think homeschooled kids get sick of the inane questions as much as homeschool parents.

[StormySar]

My daughter always tells people she doesn't go to school, she's homeschooled! And she says it with such pride and a smile that she's never gotten a mixed response, it's always been positive. She is very proud of our homeschooling and loves to tell anyone about it.

Get her excited about it so when she tells people she homeschools, she says it with such happiness that no one will have the heart to give a mixed response to a 5 year old. :-)

[annettemarie]

Also, wait until they skip right to "Do you like your teacher?" My kids always get a confused look on their face, as if they're wondering if they should tell the truth or not.

[proudmamanow]

My daughter recounted to us the following conversation she had at a birthday party (she was in a homeschool co-op for science at the time). She didn't know anyone but the birthday girl, and all the other kids at the party were in school together.

Girl: Where do you go to school?
Dd: I don't, I homeschool!
Girl: What is homeschooling?
Dd: I do math at home with my parents and I get together with friends to do science experiments!

I loved this.

[LemonPie]

I have a rather cute 5 yo myself and we are getting this question all the time too. She says, "I do home school!" Nearly all the responses have been positive with a few neutrals thrown in. Nothing overtly negative. My favorite was a waiter who lit up like a Christmas tree when my kids told him they were going to HS. He said he had been HSed himself and thought it was great