New Mommy Help

[Masonsmummy]

Hi guys,

Ive been reading through the forum the last day or so and figured I would post and hopefully get some reassurence that i'm doing the right thing,

Im a first time mother, my little guy is a week old today, and we've found that at nighttime he doesnt like to sleep in his bassinet, so i've had him sleeping in one of my arms at night, my DH's family and my friends have all frowned at this when ive mentioned it, telling me its the wrong thing to do they keep telling me to let him CIO in his bassinet, but my DH and I have decided the cons of CIO far outweigh the potential benefits of it, My DH has no issue with DS sleeping in the bed with us, we have both agreed its for the best for him to know both his parents are there if he needs as, and hes only 7 days old, and so little, I had never thought when pregnant that he would end up in the bed with us, just in the same room, but now hes here, it just seems the right thing to do, when i have tried to put him in his bassinet at night i end up just watching him for the small amount of time he will sleep before he wakes, but if hes in bed with us, I get some sleep and he gets about three hours as well.

I move all the blankets and pillows away from us, we have a california king size bed and DH sleeps on one side with his body pillow beside him, then theres a large gap, baby in my arms then me, then only issue i have is being stiff in the morning from laying in one position for hours, but i figure if its better for the baby I can handle it,

also, any reason anyone can think of hes ok at sleeping in his bassinet for naps during the day but not at night? does he sense the change in atmosphere and get scared?

I guess as i said, im just wanting a little reassurance that despite the frowns and tsks from everyone that im doing the right thing for DS and its safer for him than sleeping on his own (Ie: breathing regulation)

[sunflowergal]

Yes, you are doing the right thing for your child and your family .

Most of the world co-sleeps in some form or another; it is totally natural and totally right for many, many millions of folks around the world.

If I have learned *one* thing as a mother (of 11 years) it is this: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS AND YOUR HEART for what is best for your child, NO MATTER WHAT others say or think. In the end, you have to live with your decisions: ask yourself, in 20 years, will I regret sleeping with my sweet baby, or will I regret more not doing it because Aunt Edna thought it was a bad idea?

[karika]

Welcome to MDC!

Many of us cosleep. It is important to do it safely, especially when they are so young. Here is a good place for someone new to the concept to start. This is a sticky at the top of this forum. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=624394

I believe deeply in responding to a baby in the most natural, nurturing way possible. For me this definitely includes cosleeping. With a newborn I do not use a pillow or a blanket on the bed. I am a light sleeper with an exclamation point. As in, I open my eyes every few minutes to look at baby. I slept with baby on my chest most of the time (face to face). If the baby was not on my chest, I put her up high on the bed on her back and kept a hand on her. Once the baby demonstrates they will turn their face if they end up facedown on the mattress, i relax more.

You are absolutely doing the right thing to listen to your baby and your mommy instincts. Personally, I shed all the friendships with people that use CIO and other detachment parenting methods. It was just too much fo rme to bear. Others are stronger and maintain those friendships and hopefully help those other parents learn more about their children in the process. ok dd2 needs me, hope this helps and go to the link above and click on the link to the mothering articles to read, it will help you.

[sillysmile]

Welcome and congratulations!!

I also didn't intend to cosleep at first, but we decided that it worked best for our family. As a PP said, cosleeping is only considered atypical here and perhaps a handful of other places. It can be challenging with the frequent night wakings, but it feels so wonderful to be near your baby at night.. and I'm sure the feelings are reciprocal. As far as the safety is concerned, I do think cosleeping is safer as long as you follow all common sense precautions (which it seems that you are).

[PirateMommy]

Congratulations, Mama!
Please, please, PLEASE don't do anything other that what your instinct tells you to do. Do what feels right to you and what works for your family. That is the best advice for ANY parenting question, though it does help to hear the opinions of other like-minded mommies.

That being said, let me tell you my own experiences. Before my DS was born I had already decided he was going to sleep in his own crib. Not in the "cry yourself to sleep" way (I went to him as soon as I heard him cry, and sat with him until he went back to sleep) but just for safety sake. It lasted maybe two months. It just didn't FEEL right to me. My feeling was that "I can't think of ANY other mammal who leaves their newborn, defenseless young to sleep away from them." So my DS came to bed with us. My ONLY regret thus far is not doing it from the very beginning. I needn't have worried about rolling over on him, or any of that. It's like my mind knew exactly where he was. Also, as far as SIDS, I woke up at even the slightest change in his breath or movement. Made me feel like being that "in touch" and close-by was more a preventative than a posible problem.
I did get some eye-rolling and unwanted advice. You probably will also. Don't let it deter you if this is what you feel the most comfortable with. Heck, I even got "aren't you afraid you will "turn him gay"? Seriously???
Today, he's nearly two, still in our bed, and we all love it. We all sleep well, and know that - like everything else, the time for this will fly by, and we will miss it when it's gone.

[CarricksMom]

Yes! You are doing the right thing! Trust what feels right. DS has been sleeping with us since he was about 2 weeks old (wish it had been from birth, but I didn't know any better!!!!) he will be 4 yrs old next month (oops this month!) and I can't imagine him being anywhere but beside me. Enjoy this special time!

[Masonsmummy]

Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate the reassurance, I cant imagine leaving him to CIO, hes so tiny and little and vulnerable, i don't know how anyone could do it to such a tiny creature that needs you so much. Its a little heart breaking to think of it, Im lucky that my husband sees it this way as well, As long as i have him on my side, it doesnt matter what his family thinks of it.

[bodhitree]

You're doing great, mama. Keep up the good work!

[Tway]

DD slept on my chest for her first 5 weeks, then next to me. I'd put her in a sleep sack (it was winter) and keep the pillows and covers away from her. At 10 1/2 months, she now sleeps 4-5 hours in her crib before cosleeping.

I too thought DD would just sleep away in her bassinette when we brought her home from the hospital. HA!!!!! She needs to be held and to know we're there, and it took me a while to learn to accept that--and to finally come to be at peace with it. And with the tons of unsolicited advice it brings when you mention it to anybody.

[nd01]

I definitely agree with all other posters about not letting your baby cry it out. With older children, I think there can be a place for compassionate, tear-free, sleep conditioning if co-sleeping or all night nursing is becoming burdensome. But I believe that is for a child much older than yours and also definitely not involving crying or unresponsiveness.

As for your other question, a baby as young as yours may have their days and nights mixed up still. He just may be more interested in sleeping during the day so it takes a lot more to get him to sleep at night - that is pretty typical.

As a final thought, I found that with unsupportive family members, it is better just not to discuss sleep issues. My parents are not pro-CIO but I know my mom doesn't agree with the fact that he co-sleeps (or used to - we're transitioning now) so I just don't really discuss it with her. And please don't let anyone convince you that they know better for your child - because someone has had a child does not make them an expert. I like to say that I have owned 3 cars but I am not a mechanic. Having raised a child in general and raising your specific child well are two very different concepts.