How important is a midwife's personality? - Page 2

[kindacrunchymama]

Feel Secure!

A woman's success in labor is highly dependent on how secure, confident, & comfortable she feels. The ease and convenience of the prenatals seem s like a very small part of the equation to me. Go with who ever you feel most confident and comfortable with, which may not be who you most "mesh" with, everything else are minor details. Confidence & trust is key. Good luck.

[sapphire77]

My first midwife said all the right things and was someone who I felt like could be a good friend. However, when there was a complication during labor, she went into hyperactive medical mode and did several interventions without my consent. In spite of her I managed to have a vaginal birth and my son was fine. I have since been told by another birth professional who at the birth that we both would have been fine without the interventions and I truly believe that I would have been better with someone who was more hands-off (I believed she was when I hired her).

During my second pregnancy, I found a group of midwives who all believed in my body's ability to birth naturally. I didn't particularly feel connected to any of them, but there non-medical stance really appealed to me. In the months leading up to my birth I got to know them and became more comfortable with all of them. During labor they would check in with me to make sure things were progressing, but were very hands-off! This was exactly what I needed, someone who was there in case of emergency, but stayed out of my way and let my body do what it needed to.

All in all I would say philosophy of birth is more important than personality, but I would agree that it is nice to have both.

[bandyr]

If this were your first baby or you have had really mixed experiences with your previous births, I would wholeheartedly go with the MW you connect with. However, if you have had really great birth experiences and feel like you're a pro, I think this is less crucial. We moved away from the state where my children were born and have had to find, like you, a new MW for our third baby. This was harder than I expected, as we are in a state with only nine (!) midwives total. There were that many to choose from in the city where our kids were born. For us, it was a choice between the one practice available or a hospital birth. At first, I just didn't like the midwives, but I had a great homebirth with our second, and as I get to know them more, they are growing on me. I think being confident about this goes along way. I really didn't need the midwives a great deal during my last labor, so meshing wasn't even an issue. Go with your gut, but maybe give the more accessible midwife a chance? Returning calls is a big deal!

SAHM to 2 nurslings, and another on the way!

[sattygirl99]

One of the midwives i interviewed didn't call me back... It took 2 or 3 weeks and several calls and messages to get a return call. I was pretty bummed because she's a pretty highly rec'd MW!

My midwife doesn't always return my e-mails... If it's important, I'll call her. I e-mail her the things that aren't as important. Remember that midwives are very busy... Especially in an area where there aren't many options (we have... 4 or 5 MW's here). So they may see the e-mail and think 'I need to respond' and then ahve a birth come up and forget or prolong a response. It happens. It's always possible your email went into spam or her response went into your spam.

Honestly, the midwife I ended up with was one of my top 2 and I didn't go with her first. I battled back and forth between her and a less expensive, more 'holistic' minded MW. Who ended up dropping me with no warning that it was coming mid way through my pregnancy, to where I ended up without prenatal care for several months. It was the hardest choice I had to make and I constantly questioned whether I did the right choice, because I connected greatly with my MW A but held back because she seemed more medically minded. I couldn't be happier with my current MW and really wish I'd saved myself the stress and went with her first. And while she seemed more medically minded, she hasn't been very medical... Even with my elevated BP, swelling and occasional protein in urine, she's been pretty hands off. I'm measuring giant (7 weeks ahead for GA) and she only said we may want to consider an ultrasound once and was fine when we indicated that we would decline it. We did have some disagreement about my blood sugar but that's about it!

My point is to go with who you connect with. Call her and mention to her that you emailed her with no response, tell her how that makes you feel. It takes my midwife forever to e-mail back and sometimes she doesn't. But she's always been there when I called or called me back right away.

Experience and location doesn't make a great midwife. I went from a MW who came to my home for visits to having to drive an hour plus one way for visits. But it's worth it!

Go with who fits you and your needs!

[Twinklefae]

Also keep in mind that once you are in labour somethings may not bother you the way you think they will. My doula was not able to be at my first birth, and we met the backup doula the day before I went into labour. She irritated me. A lot. She had a speech impediment, she seemed very shy.... very different than my upfront doula!

Once I was in labour though, she took charge. She was incredibly supportive, and I didn't notice any problems with her speech at all. I think making sure your philosophies are in line is the most important thing.

[Joyster]

I didn't get along with my primary midwife at the start. Funny thing is, post partum, we have really got on. I never really doubted her abilities though, just how well we seemed to click. Anyhow, I fretted for most of my pregnancy, wanting my secondary whom I got on with famously, to be there. During the prenatal care, the clicking was pretty important for me.

During labour, my primary was not actually able to make it and my secondary acted as my primary with another midwife as my secondary. Truth be told, during the delivery, it didn't really matter how much we clicked, I just wanted my birthing choices to be respected and I felt like I would have gotten that from my original primary as well.

My doula choice was crucial though. She and DH were my main supports and so I relied heavily on them to get me through the labour, while the midwives did all the technical stuff.

[mmaramba]

I just wanted to add that for me (in addition to issues already raised), it would depend on what "medically minded" meant. If it meant more interventive, less trusting in birth, more OB-oriented, etc., that might be a problem. If it meant more attached to the scientific method, studies, etc., and less comfortable with herbs and such, that would actually... maybe be my preference.

I'm already going to have my MD mom at my births, so I don't have a problem with someone trained in "Western medicine." I just want a real scientifically-minded person who generally eschews interventions. I want her to be personable and open-minded too, and real knowledge of herbs and such is a plus... But I'm actually (ideally) looking for someone who has read every study she can get her hands on.

[borncrunchy]

I can't give you an answer. My choice unfortunately boiled down to cost. Midwife A doesn't accept Medicaid, Midwife B does. So while we still have to go out of pocket $600 (Travel expenses aren't covered by medicaid and she is 1.5 hours away, plus $100 for her apprentice) for her plus the cost of birth supplies, its better than the $3200 for Midwife A

BUT, while Midwife A has spoken to me many many times, offered advice on things I can do nutritionally, good supplements, coping techniques, etc, and I feel that she is much more laid back, and more willing to trust her gut and "fudge" a bit to the OB when a "physician consult" becomes needed based on SC DHEC laws, about things like when my water actually broke, etc, as long as she doesn't see any warning signs, and she just seems soooooo much more natural in every aspect of birth and has about 10 years more experience than Midwife B, Midwife B is very knowledgable, and we do connect. She is just a bit stoic, and not as warm and "motherly".

I do have a friend who's birth was attended by a midwife who no longer lives here, and she brought Midwife B to my friends birth so she could get to know her for future births, and she said that while Midwife B was more business like, and not as personable or mothering, she was very knowledgable when it came to herbs, positions, etc, and some of the things she suggested her midwife didn't even know about. She is due about 1 month after me and using Midwife B.

If for some reason Midwife B is not available, Midwife A and Midwife C (an RN and very medically minded, we didn't really connect at all) are her backups, so hopefully Midwife A would be the one I got

[Cartesia]

I haven't read all posts, so maybe someone else already said this but....

I was surprised to find how different my midwife was during the birth than during regular visits. It was like her superhero personality came out! I has some issues with her during all the prenatal care but she was absolutely perfect for me during the birth.

Do you know other women who have worked with either MW you are considering? Might be interesting to ask about their "birth personality". I've heard from other mamas that MW often have a birth personality that may or may not match their everyday demeanor.

[camprunner]

I have read lots of stories and met people who have used Midwife B in person and had a hard time finding anyone who has used Midwife A. In the end, I chose Midwife B. I feel that having access to her should I need it is important and her experience and knowledge is important to me. Since she was not horrible and both midwives said she was the more laid back midwife (something I feel that I need). It did bother me that when I called to make my appointment that she never turns anyone away...could there be the potential to take too many clients? In the end though, I think I would be comfortable with any of her backups including Midwife A and another one that I didn't want prenatal care from but would feel 100% comfortable should she show up at my birth....and as much as money was not a factor in the decision...Midwife A just was not worth the extra $600.

[emc03]

for our first, i knew the moment i left the interview. we had that natural connection. but part of what fostered that was her knowledge, her confidence and the fact that she would give me the facts right between the eyes if necessary. we had interview a pair of midwives that worked as a team previously. one was very gentle and while i could get along with that, i knew it wasn't what i needed. the other used the phrase "allow that" a few times, an i was not ok with that viewpoint. nobody "allows" me to do anything, its my body. cara (our previous and current midwife) hit the balance just right. "you need more iron in your diet. get to work" with a great ability to listen and guide, but leave you the room to make your own decision.
i think it's a balance of what you want (the connection) and what you need (depends on your personality)