Custody Trial??

[Super~Single~Mama]

x-posted in single parenting - I'm also posting here b/c I thought maybe more people would have some personal experiences (I don't know why I thought that, but I'm looking for some different perspectives anyway)

My custody trial is set for a few weeks from now (NOT an appearance, a 3-day trial), and I'm looking for some BTDT advice. I don't want to go into all of my back story here, its long and very arduous to explain. I'm pursuing full physical and full legal custody, with a good visitation schedule for my ex (I have my reasons for wanting full legal, I'm not going into it right now but please no advice about how its impossible).

What happened while you were in trial? Who testified? How long? How many days? What type of evidence was presented? I'm interested in experiences from both sides - the custodial parent and the non-custodial parent. I'm also interested in which arguments you though "won" the case or "lost" the case. What was the non-custodial parent asking for? What was the custodial parent asking for?

Anyone BTDT???

[aricha]

The advice we got that seemed to hold true was that anything negative you say about the other parent can easily be seen by a judge or custody evaluator as an indicator that you will be less likely to foster a positive and ongoing relationship with the other parent. We were advised to be VERY careful about saying anything that would indicate that we think the other parent's time or access should be limited in any way, even if it was based on legitimate concerns. This advice seemed to be right-on, as any indication by a parent that they thought the other parent's time should be monitored or limited was frowned upon. Even documentation was seen as a negative for the person who was expressing concern about the other parent, and things that had no documentation (like private conversations) really seemed to do no favors for the person who wanted to use them to show cause.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks. Yeah, I've been concerned about this, but I also have well documented proof that I have been facilitating a positive relationship between ex and ds. I want them to have a positive relationship, what I don't want is for me and my ex to be fighting constantly about every major decision that needs to be made - and we really can't agree on anything.

I'm not talking about what food ds should be eating - he eats what my ex feeds him during visitation, seems to like it, has no allergies and thats all fine. I'm not even too concerned about the fact that ex doesn't do bedtimes (although this makes me hesitant to do overnights on daycare/school nights since ds needs to go to bed at a reasonable time in order to have a good day).

I'm going to be working with my lawyer to come up with ways to go about this, but different perspectives are always really good too!! thanks!

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by thyra

I'm not even too concerned about the fact that ex doesn't do bedtimes (although this makes me hesitant to do overnights on daycare/school nights since ds needs to go to bed at a reasonable time in order to have a good day).

"I do think that DS needs a relatively consistent schedule, and I hope that Dad and I can reach a compromise that suits each of our lifestyles, but ultimately benefits <kiddo>."

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by mtiger

"I do think that DS needs a relatively consistent schedule, and I hope that Dad and I can reach a compromise that suits each of our lifestyles, but ultimately benefits <kiddo>."

Yes, I've tried this, but it never works b/c ALL of ex's visitation time is spent with his mom (ds's paternal grandma) who doesn't believe babies need to go to bed early. She used to accuse me of not being interested in my ds b/c I wanted him to go to bed before me

[myra_mcgray]

My DH tried to get shared legal with his ex having primary physical. This request was denied in OH (juvenile court) which means they were not married b/c in my opinion she was really difficult and the court determined that they could not make decisions jointly. I think that if you actually can't make decisions together you could achieve this by showing that you are unable to make decisions together. In my DH's case I think this was insincere but the court fell for it. They now are actually really good at making decisions together oh well.