Rant: DH blames nursing for today's am meltdown

[pantrygirl]

My daughter had a very very major meltdown today and I believe it was because I had to work from home today and my attention wasn't given to her. That and she was hungry.
DH thinks it's because she wanted to breastfeed and that when she sees me she associates breastmilk and bedtime.
"You really need to stop this. She's 2. She's too old. I can only imagine what goes through her head while she's nursing at such an old age."
Honestly, I really think that it was seeing me at home but not having my attention that caused the meltdown.
She only asked for milk and bed because she knows that she has my attention when we do either of the two.
It's such a mess right now. I think DH is embarrassed that TG is still nursing. We only nurse at home. Ok, if it's just TG and myself and she asks, I won't say no if we are outside.
I just think she's going through a clingy mommy stage and knows my attention is being pulled away from her so she goes for the things that she knows require my attention: sleep and nursing.
I know whatever I say to my husband he will still believe what he believes so I shut down and just try to settle our daughter, without nursing or bed and try to give her some attention. I sat her down on my lap and explained Mommy has to work for a little while. You can sit here quietly next to me. She sat next to me and ate an entire egg (wolfed it down). Then she became a little antsy again. Again, once I give her attention (play trains with her, playdough, read a book), she's calm and cool.
I know if I avoid talking about this with my husband it will only be worse but I feel like he's so stubborn and I'm just as stubborn. I'm proud of our nursing and do not feel it is a detriment to our child's welfare. I believe it has helped her ward off a nasty case of Coxsackie that was passing around the neighbhorhood during the summer and has also allowed her to be more expressive and communciative.
I'm just ranting here. I know we are not going to agree but as she gets older, I know nursing and nighttime parenting will become more and more the reason for 'x,y'z' to my husband.

[Astraia]

I think this is one of the hardest things we can go through as a parent- not having our partners back us up, especially about decisions that are a bit different from the norm. When most women are weaning at 6 months, it's really hard to be the odd one out ... especially when you've got your own personal critic at home, on top of the critics out and about!

This may be too late for you, but I've found (through happy coincidence, more than anything) that talking about x, y, z long before they're going to happen helps them get their heads around it as a normal thing, they have time to process the harm and benefits, and time to think that it was their idea all along (in true man fashion).

When my husband and I first started dating, he was deadset against homebirth as unsafe, believed school was a necessity for both socialization and learning, didn't like coseelping, believed children should be weaned the second they can ask for it, etc. Now we've either done or are considering doing all of these things he hated, and he's the first to tell people about it. I"m always reading about them and I would tell him things I learned, "geeze, did you know the WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2? Did you know that extended breastfeeding can help children be more independent when they're older?" I present it in a VERY biased way (to support my opinion :P) and let him draw his own conclusions.

I don't have links or resources, but I'm sure you have an idea of how your child feels. Safe, secure, loved, connected. I think there's something to be said for children when everything in their world is changing so rapidly to have one thing constant and unchanging.

And my kid has DEFINITELY asked to go to bed sometimes when she's feeling ignored or having a rough day. We lay down and cuddle and she nurses, then she's ready to give this being awake business another try.

[porcelina]

I also know what you mean about not having partner support you in EBF. Mine has gotten a bit better, and I think he has grown to understand the benefits, as our nursing relationship with DS (2.5) has just continued. Every time we've tried to eliminate things he's not ready for, he responds with behavior like hitting and pushing and being defiant. DH now sees that nursing is one of the few things that will always automatically make him calmer and feel better. He also went along with it until age 2 because of the WHO recommendations and even the AAP (at least a year and beyond if mutually enjoyable). He was coming from another culture where literally everyone stops at 6 months, but he saw that as a bit ridiculous. He still questions it sometimes now, but he also still goes along with it and is much more understanding.

Hang in there. Bring up the benefits. Point out how it helps rather than hinders things most of the time. And, even in those tough moments when it seems to do the opposite and even you are frustrated, follow your heart. You'll know what's best. Ultimately, it's the relationship between you and your LO, and you have to do what works best for the two of you.