How much socialization?

[Fujiko]

I need a little perspective.

I'm a particularly introverted mama, so if I had my way, I wouldn't leave the house to socialize all too often. But my dd is seemingly not as introverted as me. She seems about average.

Now that she's 3.5 and everyone else is starting preschool at this age, I find myself having to explain why she's not in preschool, too. And people ask about socialization, or getting to play with other kids.

I explain that she goes to ToddlerTime and BabyTime (for ds but she participates too) at the library every Thursday, and she also plays in the nursery at church every Sunday.

Very soon, she will be transitioning to StoryTime (on Tuesday), still go to BabyTime with us (on Thursday), start Sunday School in lieu of nursery (on Sunday), and is enrolled in swimming lessons every Monday and Wednesday.

I still get raised eyebrows, and I wonder if I'm just making excuses not to go out, since I'm so introverted, and that DD really does need more opportunities.

Is this amount of "out of the house" time okay? What is the range of normal?

[railyuh]

I think it depends on your DD, does it seem like she needs more time socializing? And socializing doesn't have to be with just kids her age either.

[VisionaryMom]

I probably would do some things that are less structured. IME, you don't get a lot of "socialization" at library story time. You get someone who reads to you and teaches you songs and hand gestures more than anything. I think those things are okay, but my DD needs time to just run around, talk, and be a little person with no expectations. We go to local green spaces (the parks, but our city also has lots of just open grassy areas), and it's fun to me to watch the interaction between preschoolers. I think both of my kids have learned more about how to meet new people, solving problems, game play, etc. from those experiences.

They also get tons of socialization from being with large age ranges. We are part of a group of families building a community center on Saturdays, and they've also had a lot of fun helping with projects and just playing with the other children there. I've posted here about a monthly arts exhibit I help coordinate, and they really enjoy speaking to the artists and other organizers. They have their jobs to do monthly when we get there (mostly hanging signs), and it's been a wonderful growth experience. As they get older - and I mature in my parenting philosophy, I think - I see far more value in mixed-age socialization.

Last year, we had soccer on Monday (dd), dance on Tuesday (both), soccer practice on Thursday (ds) and soccer games and/or dance rehearsal on Saturday (both). I *hated* it. They hated it by the end of the year although dd is an extreme extrovert and craves being with others. I realized I'd screwed up and signed up for too many classes. We're not doing that this year but focusing on just places both of them can play with other kids.

They are doing a 2-hour weekly PE class at the Y, and we may sign up for 1 4-week class at a time, but if we don't, I'd be happy. I think too many families sign up for too much and then it's just no fun for anyone.

[frugalmama]

DD is turning 4 and we only go to HS PE once a week. We're debating adding in HS bowling once a week as well.

She would love more, but with everything being at least 30 minutes on city bus away from us, it's just not happening.

[SundayCrepes]

On Tuesday and Thursday from 10 to 2 I provide free babysitting so my 4.5 year old (and 2 year old) will have somebody to play with. It's unstructured time and they have a blast. Their play ranges from painting and drawing to running through the house to cooking at our "bakery" to playing in the wild room (a room filled with foam.) When the weather is nice they play outside for hours.

On Friday we have 1.5 hours of spanish playgroup then several hours of unstructured free play. Lots of pretend play with those kids. On Mon. and Wed. we'll get together with other kids if they are available. Tuesdays is homeschooling park day. We will start going there after my babysittee leaves once the weather cools down.

Pretty soon Parks and Rec will start up for the fall. We'll do a painting class there and my daughter will start musical play as well. I take all 3 kids to storytime on Thursday mornings. All these activities are fun, but they are no where near as important as the free play. Once the weather cools down in a few weeks we'll hit up the parks and see if we can find kids to play with there. As my son is preschool age (he'll be 5 in December) I fear he won't meet many new kids his age. Of course, if he does the chances are great they'll be homeschooled kids.

We are part of a really active unschooling group. However, my kids are younger than most AND I have a toddler that naps during prime get together time so we only get together occasionally with that group.

Maybe you could do some babysitting as well. It would get your child the socialization she needs while letting you stay at home. (I don't charge for my babysitting. I feel the playmate experience for my son is pay enough.)

[Lucy Alden]

The socialization criticism is so irritating. By definition the word socialize (according to www.thefreedictionary.com) means:

1. To place under government or group ownership or control.
2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.
3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.

So yeah, we can accomplish number 2 and 3 quite easily within our family (immediate and extended), friends and community. I think it happens more effectively within a broad range of ages. And number 1 is one of the big reasons we choose to homeschool. Just watching some of the herd dynamics that happen in schools sends a cold chill down my back. We have 2 out of the home activities per week plus Sunday school. That is more than enough for us. I think the right amount of outside activity should be determined by each family. It sounds like your DD has plenty of interaction. You're doing great Mama.

[raelize]

i think there shouldn't be more than 2-3 structured activities per week. and then at least 1 unstructured play time. we will have swimming and climbing with various field trips and weekly playdates during the year. we also go to an open gym so, at least 3 times a week we will have time with other kids.

[OkiMom]

My 3 1/2 year old only has one planned activity a week and that is church nursery, in January she starts Sunday School (which she is excited to get out of the "baby" class although shes upset her little sister can't come with her). I try to get them out to the playground a couple times a week (sometimes its just twice, other times its 5-6 times). I ask if she wants to spend more time playing with other kids and her response is "That is why I have "DD2's name"". Shes totally happy with spending time with Mommy and her sister.
Next year Im planning on starting swimming lessons. Not for socialization but because we live near the ocean and go to the beach regularly, it makes me nervous that the girls don't know how to swim. I might do a tumbling/dance class if I find one that doesn't make a emphasis on recitals and who gets what part. I want my daughter to have fun and enjoy it not worry that this girl got the lead and she didn't. She will be 4, no reason to stress over what part which person gets.

I honestly don't know anyone with a child my daughter's age that isn't in school. A good portion of them are in full day school so getting together with anyone is really hard. Im glad she seems to be just about as social as I am. She does say she can't wait for the baby to be born so she has another playmate.

[astra]

It sounds like more than enough social time. But in my family we tend to be introverted too! I would follow your child's lead, if they seem like they want more time to free play with other kids, maybe go to the local park or something.