anxiety about having another child after having a child with SN

[AbbieB]

I need some support from moms that have BTDT.

I might be pregnant again (I'm in that time between being late and the earliest a home test will show up positive.)

How do you get through the fear, anxiety, the whatever this feeling is, about having another child with special needs?



DH and I have always known that we wanted 2 or 3 kids. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant with our second child and the anxiety over infertility was rough.

After DS's birth (my second child, he has Ds) I decided I did not want to go through that again so we decided to not "try" but also not prevent a third pregnancy. We are open to letting nature take it's course and would welcome a third child, but at the same time we are OK about the fact that our age may just mean that it won't happen. Of course DS's special needs complicated all of those feelings a bit (that's a whole 'nother thread isn't it?).

So here I am, officially "late" and I have felt like I can't breath all day long. My heart has been racing, I can't concentrate on anything, I just feel like one big ball of panic. Based on my last 2 pregnancies I don't expect to test positive on a pregnancy test until Friday at the earliest (and did not this morning.)

All I can hear in my head is my extended family's worries about "what if". It's stupid I know, I don't really share their specific fears but I do worry about going through that awful feel-like-I-am-going-to-die emotional pain if I have a child with SN.

Talk me down mammas.

[2boyzmama]

I don't know. I lived in fear through most of my last pregnancy. I really struggled with the prenatal testing...I was *certain* I wouldn't abort, having Connor really solidified that decision. But did I want to know? I finally decided to allow only a 20 week anatomy scan, with a list of specific soft markers to look for. If those were found, then I would agree to a fetal heart echo. Otherwise, I was adamant from the beginning that I wouldn't allow any other testing.

It did change my pregnancy, I don't enjoy pregnancy anyway, but I really didn't enjoy this one. The stress was always there, the questions from others didn't help (Is this baby healthy?) Also, not doing the prenatal testing led me to have a planned hospital birth instead of a home birth, I just couldn't get past the fears of the baby having Connor's syndrome and needing immediate help at birth (as Connor did).

And that worry didn't go away immediately after birth either. My husband and I agreed only to test the baby if there were signs something was wrong. The Ped cleared him in the hospital, and our private Ped cleared him at 1 week and 2 weeks. But I couldn't relax. I kept looking for markers. Then I found one, a mild palate defect, and I freaked a little. It was nothing, he still appears to be perfectly healthy.

SO...no real advice, just empathy!! It took a lot of soul searching to decide how to manage the pregnancy. I did consider an early term amnio (36 weeks) just so I could go into the birth with a more clear head, less fears. I didn't do it mostly because of insurance issues, but also because I just wanted to see and hold my baby as MY BABY first, not as a diagnosis. If that makes any sense!!!

Early congratulations!!!!!

[Thystle]

You prepare for the worst and hope for the best. If you keep a pregnancy you have no real control over the outcome, so you accept the possibilities and move on with your life.


Each of the children were meant to be for whatever reason.

WE were meant to have them for whatever reason, not someone else.



So if you have another sn kid you will love them and do whats best for them. You have control over THAT.


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