Starting over after a divorce

[chicmom]

I am currently going through a divorce. I have 3 children under 5, and my middle DS is autistic. We are currently living with my parents. I have my temporary hearing tomorrow. Looks like I should be receiving about $1600 in child support. I am just starting a WAH job for West. I will be making $7.25/hr and working as a customer service agent for a retail store from my home. I am planning on working about 20/hrs a week while my children nap or are asleep @ night.

I am also looking for a place to live. Maybe renting or my parents may buy a place for me and I will pay rent to them.At least $1000/mo Other expenses will be the basics (utilities, car, car insurance, food). My DD preschool tuition is $120/month. I think that is going to be my responsibility. My DS goes to speech therapy once a week, so $200/month. I think my DH is going to be covering that.

I am really scared about being able to provide for my children.

Anyone have any good tips for someone on their own, starting over. Right now I have nothing. No furniture, no car, and no savings for me and the children.

Forgot to mention, my school loan is almost $500/month. It is being deferred until November, but after that I would like to start paying on it.

[PJJ]

suggestion...

Could your parents hold off on purchasing a home for you. Even if you pay them the rent, it costs everyone more.
Could you try to stay with them at least a year, as it would cushion a lot of your expenses since you are sharing housing, utilities, etc.

Good luck mama!

[chicmom]

Not really an option...we have already been here 2 months...we all need our own space.

[EmsMom]

I am getting a bit more than yours in chld and spousal support. My rent is $1000 and I am working part-time in a clerical job which brings in another 900 or so a month. We are actually doing pretty damn good. I have managed to save about $5000 in the year since I left. Now, my rent includes heat which makes it a very good deal for this area. But the house is only about 450 sq feet. But really, it works because we keep it very simple and very neat. Electric runs about $40 a month. We live without air conditioning because it was too pricey to run. I would have lived without cable or internet if I could, but I started grad school so I needed the internet. Right now my cable part is only $12 a month, so I leave it. If things were tighter I would keep the landline or the cell but not both. I may switch to a prepaid cell in January to save quite a bit.

I literally bought virtually everything we needed used from yard sales. I knew I was leaving so I spent a couple of months hitting up the sales and left everything packed up until I moved. And I mean everything from knives to the couch, lamps, air conditioner (which I won't use!), dressers, bathmat, etc. If you just ask around I bet you would get a bunch of stuff. I swear, even my nice stainless steel measuing spoons and cups came from yard sales and my expensive knives I got for $.25! I bought new cheap beds and shelving units from Ikea and that was about it for new. I do have a car payment because I bought a used car a couple months before I left. But someone it all works out.

I tend to get quite a few extra jobs, summer stuff, tutoring, etc. I take everything I can manage.

My kids dad pays for most of their activities, that would really, really be a stretch. I buy cheap clothes only when they really need them. My only indulgence is a twice monthly violin lesson.

You will probably be eligible for some kind of assistance. I just barely miss the cut off myself. TAKE EVERYTHING YOU CAN GET!!!! APPLY NOW!!!! You might be eligible for rental assistance (section 8). If you can get it and your parents are your landlords, that would be a great thing for all of you. Sectino 8 and food stamps would be even better.

If you can hold out at your parents for even a couple of months to have some emergency fund you will feel alot more secure. If you have no debt other than the student loan, you should be able to make it. And just defer the student loans as much as possible and just don't worry about it right now.

If you can figure out a way to live without a car, so much the better. Look for housing near stores and./or a bus line. Make a deal with your parents to take you shopping once a week. Or maybe you can borrow their car occasionally instead.

If you can get even $50 or $100 extra a month in child support, go for it. At least ask, worst you will hear is no. Seems like you could get spousal support as well?

PM if you have questions. I was sooooo scared and freaked out at first, but it has been a year and things are really very good. I think that living without a man is really much less expensive. And know that it is not forever. When your kids start school, you will have more work. Lots of moms get jobs at their kids schools which really helps with the scheduling.

[pbjmama]

Your ds is probably eligible for services through your state, perhaps you could work it out with your ex that if you take care of that process he will give you X amount more in support.

[MyTwoAs]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

Your ds is probably eligible for services through your state, perhaps you could work it out with your ex that if you take care of that process he will give you X amount more in support.

Ditto the state services recommendation. I have two children on the autism spectrum and although I know services vary by state, both qualify for a certain level of support through the state. Also, how old is the child on that is on the spectrum? If the child is school age are there services being rendered at school? I know that with budget cuts (at least in my state), school-based therapy is functional at best and not really designed to help the child move forward. We supplemented with private therapy for several months while we were going through the state approval process.

I don't have any BTDT advice on your other questions but if the private speech therapy could be replaced by state-funded services, that is $200 in your budget.