GD handling of this situation please...

[triscuitsmom]

OK. I will admit I am almost 39 weeks pregnant and about at the end of my patience rope. My son turned four this week and he is (has always been) more. More everything, good emotions and not so great ones. I'm just very done right now, but I want to do the right thing by him. I want to be the gentle, conscious parent that I used to be.

So I am asking for perspective and help on this situation from tonight. We decided that we were going to go to a family swim at the Y. My Mom offered to drop us off there and pick us up afterwords. Both kids really wanted to go, and DP and I wanted the break from being in the house.

So my Mom gets here and Toad takes off. No amount of please come back to the car, or we are leaving right now... friendly or annoyed (I was both as the conversation went on) brought him back. DP had to chase him down and put him in the car. Where he proceeded to kick the back of my seat and hit his brother through half of the car ride. I knew he was trying to release energy and the pool would help with that and finally with us talking about swimming he stopped.

The swim was wonderful. We all had a great time. Then it was time to go and that even went relatively smoothly. Once we were outside though waiting for my Mom things got bad again. He was sitting beside me having a snack but then was having a really hard time staying still, so I gave him permission to play in the grass until she got there. I asked him to stay within a certain boundary, which he did no problem. Then my Mom pulled up and he took off. Not near the road, still on the grass, but he would not come to the car. DP buckled the baby in and I put our bags in the car and it took two of us chasing him down to get him to come. My Mom told us we should not chase him, we should just drive away. *sigh*

Once I caught him he screamed and kicked and cried that I was hurting him. Before I caught him I told him that we couldn't come swimming next time if he wasn't going to listen/behave properly. After he stopped screaming he kept saying that he was going to behave and he wanted to come swimming again.

I hate the power struggles. This is one example of many in our day. I really want to go swimming and have fun together but I don't have it in me to fight him every step of the way getting there and home. And always it's "I will not do xyz next time"... but then he does. Whether it is running away from us at the Y, or hitting his brother because he's annoyed, or throwing toys (balls are fine, toys that can get broken are not... he knows this) or what have you.

So I guess I need general help for the overall problem, but also specific help for the pool incident because now I don't know what to do about the next swim. If we all stay home it doesn't really teach him anything because we will all be miserable but he won't really connect it to him specifically. So do we all go and I've now made an empty threat or do I sent DP and Frog and make Toad stay home and deal with the massive meltdown that will come with that?

I'm finding parenting really much harder than I'd like to admit right now

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by triscuitsmom

...do I sent DP and Frog and make Toad stay home and deal with the massive meltdown that will come with that?

I'm finding parenting really much harder than I'd like to admit right now

I would do this, so that he understands that his behaviour is what kept him from being able to go and have fun.

Parenting isn't always as fun or glamorous as shown in the movies...

[simple life]

I second what Minxie said. I would not let him go, or just not go at all. I know it's hard, and I can honestly say that I have been horrid at following through with these things myself, but it's starting to bite us in the butt now, and starting to see the problem we have created. So I totally understand and can put myself in your place. That is our son too, almost to a tee! We are trying very hard to set and KEEP boundries and follow through. It's so hard, especially when it's something that you really want to do.

I too am finding it hard to parent lately.

[RoViMama]

I would put the plan into place within the next two days so it's fresh in his mind. Or it sounds like your mom is on board with him missing out on something. Let him know you want to "start over" from the swimming night. Do the event over and see if he can do it differently. If not, he goes home with grandma and/or a parent and baby goes swimming with other parents. my 4 yr old loves to "start over".

Also he may need some reassurance from you that he will always be your baby even with this new one coming. maybe after the non swim, he can have a chill out time with both parents without baby and almost baby. Just a thought

[carmel23]

Good advice! And mama I know what it is like to lack patience at this point in pregnancy. It will be better after awhile (after baby is born, and you settle into everything).

And I just wanted to add that my (especially boys) had a difficult time from about 4.5 until 5.5. It was just this crazy developmental time for them where they had to challenge *everything* just to do it. I think just just knowing about it helps... so you don't wonder what happened to your sweet little boy. He's there, and he'll be back at 5.5

[spmamma]

You mention that your DS is "more" of everything. My DD is like that: extremely intense, energetic, sensitive, etc. I really got a lot out of Raising Your Spirited Child. It really changed the way I parent DD and helped me deal with the day-to-day craziness of living with a child who is "more".

I've found that with DD some situations are simply too stimulating for her to handle independently for very long (walking alongside the grocery cart is a perfect example). And as much as I'd like to give her freedom of movement it's just not possible because she'll either take off running, start screeching, or generally start bouncing off the walls. Perhaps next time avoid letting him run around on the grass unless you or DP are available to run with him. Then you'd already be right behind him and ready to scoop him into the car when it came time to leave.