Can anyone give me some ideas?

[betjte]

I don't know what is going on. I could use some advice if anyone has some!

About one year ago we moved to a different state. Until then, my husband, myself, our 3-year-old (who is now almost 4), and our 11-month-old (who is now almost 2) slept in the same room. We were living with my parents so we didn't have a choice. Anyway, when we moved, my oldest daughter was able to have her own room (the baby stayed in our bed). She has done GREAT with it! We had been laying with her to go to sleep, but only after a short time of being in the new house, she started going to sleep by herself. She would stay asleep most of the night and if she did wake up, my husband would give her water or something like that and she would go right back to sleep. However, NOW we are having a problem....

My husband started working third shift and is gone 2 or 3 nights a week. The first time my daughter woke up during the night when my husband was gone, I went in to check on her. She started crying hysterically and the easiest solution at the time (my almost 2-year-old had also woken up when I started to get out of the bed to see what the almost 4-year-old needed) was to have my oldest daughter come into my bed and sleep. From that point on, it has been a struggle every night. She starts the night off by begging to sleep with Mommy in her bed. We eventually get her to fall asleep in her bed, but then she wakes during the night crying hysterically to come to our bed. My husband has been bringing her out to the family room and laying with her on the couch to finish the night, but that is starting to not work anymore. Last night I gave in and let her come to our bed again (even though my husband was home).

I just don't know what to do...she has made so much progress in the last year, but now she has majorly regressed. Do any of you have any suggestions?

Bethany

(By the way, I used to be semi-active on this board, but then we moved to a different state and I haven't been able to be that active anymore. I have forgotten my password (and changed email addresses) so there was no way for me to have it sent to me. So...I just re-registered under a new name.)

[desertsunrise78]

It sounds like she is just having a hard time with some of the transitions your family is going through. I have a 7 year old son who slept with me from day one. When he was 3 I left his father and continued to co-sleep with my boy. Because of all the grief that everyone family & "friends" gave me, we struggled and struggled with seperation at night. I tried to get him to sleep in his own bed, but everytime we went through a change in our life like me getting a new job, schedule changes, relationships, illness, nightmares, trips, starting school, visits from his dad, etc. he would "regress" and be back in my bed.

After being so frustrated and overwhelmed, I finally just had to tell myself that it was okay for him to want to sleep with me. And that when he was ready, that's when he would move to his own bed. Like I said, he's 7 now & he just started consistently sleeping in his own bed about 4-6 months ago. I think it is due in part to the fact that he is now able to read to himself & I cuddle with him a bit & read with him too before he goes to sleep.

I don't really have any ideas, other than that you might want to ask yourself what your motivation is behind getting her to sleep in her own room. Is it because of pressure from other people outside of your family? Or is this something you genuinely want? (and that's okay too) When i asked myself this, I realized that it was NOT something that I wanted and I was able to let it go for it to just happen in it's own time.

hang in there...it's hard, but it will all work itself out! Much love to you and yours!