~*~September Pagan Family Circle ~*~ - Page 8

[NewMoonMum]

DaughterOfKali-I too see nothing wrong with how you're handling the veggie issue. I'd say if the ONLY way people offer nutritious food to their kids is to hide it-that's not good. Obviously you are not, you have been offering them from the beginning and setting a good example. So the next logical step is to find another way to incorporate them into his diet! We don't have such feeding issues, just some picky eating, so he eats some veggies, others we mix into food (his fav is spinach corn muffins). We also have a few simple veggie recipes he can help make, he usually wants to eat it if he helps.

Maia-it definitely sounds like he's struggling with some demons. I obviously don't know much about it, but I know what it's like to have issues of abuse in the past. Sometimes things trigger a depression, sometimes you can't figure out for the life of you why, but you are suddenly stuck in your past and you don't know how to get out. I can't imagine what it's like for my DH when I get like that.
Also we've had some similar issues with expressing intimacy, but we're the opposite-DH is very physical, I tend not to be. I need an emotional connection, while DH shies away from sharing emotions, so we definitely struggle sometimes. I won't want to be sexual if I don't feel emotionally validated, and he pulls away even more emotionally when we are not being physical! It helped us to read "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman-it's about couples who express their feelings of love and intimacy differently and how to come to an understanding about it.


Hmm so excited about making Samhain special( I think it's my fav Sabbat) that I have not thought much about Mabon. I need to come up with a few simple ideas! All I've done so far is make some autumn-y crafts with my son to decorate. It's a start!!

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by _ktg_

we have friends like your SIL. Its always one-up'ing, one up'ing homemade dinners, organic eating, shopping and then its OMG we're so broke ! blarrrgh!!! I feel like this

Sometimes I fantasize about getting all dressed up , setting the table beautifully for dinner, and then announcing,

"Oh, food? Know I forgot something! Hey, let's order pizza!" or even

"Hey, didn't I say it was a guests-cook-dinner challenge? Sorta like a reality show. You get to rummage in my cupboards and freezer and put together a meal for us and I get to rate it! Won't that be fun?"

[_ktg_]

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

Sometimes I fantasize about getting all dressed up , setting the table beautifully for dinner, and then announcing,

"Oh, food? Know I forgot something! Hey, let's order pizza!" or even

"Hey, didn't I say it was a guests-cook-dinner challenge? Sorta like a reality show. You get to rummage in my cupboards and freezer and put together a meal for us and I get to rate it! Won't that be fun?"

Welcome to IRON CHEF!! Aubergine-style!

[mamaofthree]

i love that.
what i would love is having a conversation with her WITHOUT it being some sort of pissing contest about who has it worse. everyone has their days, everyone has stuff that sucks sometimes. i try to validate what goes on with them, but i never feel validated, just "oh you think that is bad, well check this out!" like come on, really? ugh!

i gotta learn to just let this stuff go. i feel like i have this cup inside that can take all this BS and then it over flows and i get mad... well my cup is either getting really small OR it is filling up way too fast. i am finding so much stuff irritating lately. i don't like it.

h

[NewMoonMum]

Oh my Goddess!! I have to update you all!
My test results came back already. Not only NORMAL-but the number they are watching for-my bile acid levels-WENT DOWN since my first test!!
I can hardly believe it!
I know so many Mammas who have had cholestasis with every single pregnancy they've had, this seems to good to be true!!

Thank you so much for all your positive thoughts!

[Brittee]

Happiness for Newmoonmum and the little one to come.

ETA CariOfOz, I have lived lots of places, some very close minded, and some less, courtesy of an army brat and a career in artistic theatre. We've settled fairly close to Atlanta now, and I like how different it is from other areas, like my own crunchy gay friendly alternative haven.

[mamaofthree]

newmoonmum: that is GREAT NEWS!!!

h

[Aeress]

NewMoonMom- This is good news!

[aweynsayl]

hugs and vibes and yay! and boo! and so on for all.

ds and i are both sick. again. i'm trying not to take it personally, but i'm not doing so well with that.

i cant stop longing for fresh air and cooler temps and, well, the life i thought i'd be living now. i'm so frustrated with me for having SUCH a hard time with this adjustment. i'd beg for a heart home thread, but i think that might just about do me in, rather than help. i dont expect any answers, but if anyone has any, by all means, pleaseeeee share. (i think i need to ask the tapping guy for a script for living a displaced life........)

happy almost new moon! (fingers crossed for happy hopeful articles!)

[DaughterOfKali]

Another busy week. Hoping I can be back on here more this Friday.

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

My test results came back already. Not only NORMAL-but the number they are watching for-my bile acid levels-WENT DOWN since my first test!!

Woohoo! Fabulous news!

[Maiasaura]

It's all about Me Me Me (sorry)

Originally Posted by Maiasaura

Personally I think he has been looking for an excuse to drink and hate himself more. He did say he'd already been thinking of it.

I was right. It was this. Mostly, plus his long-abiding self hatred My flight was at 3pm. He got out of work at 3:30. I landed at 5pm and called him; he didn't call me back for at least a half hour from that. And yep, he'd already been drinking.
Told me I should just let him go, let him die. That we tried, but it's not working, and yep, he's beaten by alcohol and it's going to kill him just like his parents and grandparents and there's nothing to be done for it, and yep, alcohol wins over me. Of course a few minutes after that he said, when I said "so are we not going to talk anymore, then?" he said "YES, of course we are!"
I can never tell just how drunk he is...but I am so freaking depressed and confused, I don't know what to do.

Originally Posted by Aeress

Maia- My own experience with my hubby who I have been with for over 13 years has shown me the really, my hubby is an onion with so many layers and he doesn't show his layers all at once, so I am constantly peeling them away. I am not trying to change the layers but trying my best to understand how many there are, and what is in them.

I'm not clear on what you're saying? In my case, I mean.

Originally Posted by _ktg_

Oh Maia! I think there are many things afoot and swirling inside M which are not about you, but him instead... I had a long response typed out, but it didn't feel right, too raw and not clear. So all I have this ...

All love comes from love - you must forgive & love yourself, before you can give love fully to someone else.

I know...sigh. Neither of us is fully capable, if that's the criteria. We're far too damaged. Nobody gets out unscathed, I think.

Originally Posted by LionessMom

read the book :how to improve your marriage without talking about it". it explains very well why he doesnt want to talk about it and why he pulls away when you want to talk about it, and why he doesnt understand your need for connection.

You mentioned that before. I will check the library tomorrow. Does it offer any solutions? For conflicts?

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

Maia-it definitely sounds like he's struggling with some demons.

Ya think?

I obviously don't know much about it, but I know what it's like to have issues of abuse in the past. Sometimes things trigger a depression, sometimes you can't figure out for the life of you why, but you are suddenly stuck in your past and you don't know how to get out. I can't imagine what it's like for my DH when I get like that.

He's definitely got some horrors. Unbelievable horrors. He's only scratched the surface of telling me about some of them, I think. It's just heartbreaking, and...and horrible. I can't even begin to imagine that he's even lived through all that he has, let alone not imploding with stress. It's way worse than I hear vets coming back with from wars. I'm trying so hard to be compassionate. Trying so hard to understand, but I know I never will.
And it's SO hard to balance that, with my own needs-- which, I have to admit, are tremendous, I think.

Sorry it's been all about me, mamas. I'm just so distraught. Should I stay with him? I love him. I really, really do. And I know he loves me. I can't leave him. I can't live like this, either. He's my true love, I know he is...but this s*cks. This part is just awful.
Yes, I know in hindsight he resented me for messing up his drinking time. Or also I was a mirror, I don't know. Not consciously, probably.
I don't know what to do about it, though.

[wombatclay]

Yay for health and hope and happiness!

My internet was iffy for a few days and this week is set to be crazy so.... mea culpa!

We put down a floor, got a rooster, rebuilt the chicken coop, organized an Earth Scout troop, picked tomatoes... first grade starts tomorrow, preschool playgroup the day after, and gramma's grammar school on Friday. All day RE teacher training Sat, Dh's birthday, first day of UU for the season, and flooring another room this weekend. Also school applications to fill out, letters to collect, homeschool projects to complete. And my mom's bday today. Dear gods, I'm swamped! Oh, and emails/fb/messages from people I haven't spoken with in years, all in the last 72 hrs or so.

I need more me!

[wombatclay]

Maia- can you talk with a therapist? Maybe even a therapist /there/? Like a monthly (every other monthly?) couples session with his regular person?

Big hugs... I wish there was an easy answer or magic wand but you know there isn't. It sounds stupid, but maybe this is the stereotypical "the honeymoon is over" phase? So a period of breakdown/disorganization while moving into a new pattern?

[witchygrrl]

What Clay said...I've been thinking the same thing, Maia. The honeymoon doesn't last forever, no matter how good things are. But then it turns into something new...I hope that this can be a period of growth for you two, instead of a breakup. I think that to breakup now would bring devestation for both of you, leaving you both more damaged than before.

But he has got to figure out whether he wants to live or die. He knows what he has to do, and if he's been through so much already, then he has the strength to do it. Now to get the confidence to make that choice....

And yes, Maia, I would say to find a therapist for yourself. Not that we aren't here for you, but someone schooled in alcoholism issues might be able to help you work out this impasse better than we can.

to you

[redveg]

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

Oh my Goddess!! I have to update you all!
My test results came back already. Not only NORMAL-but the number they are watching for-my bile acid levels-WENT DOWN since my first test!!
I can hardly believe it!
I know so many Mammas who have had cholestasis with every single pregnancy they've had, this seems to good to be true!!

Thank you so much for all your positive thoughts!

Maia, Hugs. I wish I had answers sometimes it just stinks! I hope things work out for you both. I will be thinking about you .

for chickens Clay. Do you have hens?

[redveg]

Morning

It's a bit sticky here today. This morning got off to a bumpy start, kids forgetting lunches, running late because they need gas and forgot to do it last night, forgot picture money and getting snippy with each other. Sometimes I am glad they go to school, if they were here today it would be horrible.

My DH turns 49 today

My pup Forseti (Seti) is on his way to Maine for neck surgery This is his first time alone, without family. My stomach is in knots.

I hope everyone has a great day

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Dear gods, I'm swamped!

No! Not you! Say it ain't so!

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Maia- can you talk with a therapist? Maybe even a therapist /there/? Like a monthly (every other monthly?) couples session with his regular person?

Big hugs... I wish there was an easy answer or magic wand but you know there isn't. It sounds stupid, but maybe this is the stereotypical "the honeymoon is over" phase? So a period of breakdown/disorganization while moving into a new pattern?

I have thought about that. I have to find one that is free, or on a sliding scale or something. And yeah, I thought about that honeymoon-over thing, too which would suck, as it's only been visiting so far, and not even me living there.
Something has to be done, though-- it's only going to get worse. He will resent me as an "object in the way", eventually. I know this. No matter how much he loves me. And I will not stand for that. Not to mention I don't want to watch him die, and then be stuck in a city I moved to, to be with him, and have him be gone

Originally Posted by witchygrrl

What Clay said...I've been thinking the same thing, Maia. The honeymoon doesn't last forever, no matter how good things are. But then it turns into something new...I hope that this can be a period of growth for you two, instead of a breakup. I think that to breakup now would bring devestation for both of you, leaving you both more damaged than before.

I agree. And I hope so, too

But he has got to figure out whether he wants to live or die. He knows what he has to do, and if he's been through so much already, then he has the strength to do it. Now to get the confidence to make that choice....

OMG. This is brilliant. YES! Thank you! See? This is what I come to you guys for. OMG, thank you so much. I can't wait to tell him this.

Originally Posted by redveg

My DH turns 49 today

My pup Forseti (Seti) is on his way to Maine for neck surgery This is his first time alone, without family. My stomach is in knots.

Aww. Hugs, redveg. And happy birthday to your DH! I hope everything works out just fine for your doggy.

So M did call me this morning, six minutes till he had to be at work. He said "I'm an idiot" and I said "Yes, you are. And I love you anyway".
So I had to hang up to get ds ready for school, but I said call me later. I have every intention of having The Conversation and not letting him slide by about it.

He did not remember saying to me to just let him die. So I guess he was drunker than I thought. I am going to tell him everything he said. People tend to have loose lips when they're drunk; I remember not being able to keep hushed about my true feelings when I was drinking.

I am in a quandary, I do not want to be mistreated again. He didn't really DO anything other than find things to do that didn't involve me, like download software, like he didn't call me names or berate me or anything, but I still consider it mistreatment, and I'm not going to put up with it. It's too old...BTDT. Own the Tshirt factory. Like he says: get bit once, it's the dog's fault. Again, and it's mine. And I'm going to remind him of that, too.

Thanks for all your support, mamas. Lioness, I'm going to order that book today. Is it this one? http://product.half.ebay.com/How-to-...40036QQtgZinfo

[Aubergine68]

NewMoonMom!

Hope you and yours feel better soon, aweyn. I am still dealing with my own cold and am getting plenty tired of cough drops. And I didn't even knock myself out stressfully moving. I heard once that a move is equal to a house fire and just less than a death or divorce in terms of stress on a mom. No wonder you're feeling knackered.


Thinking good thoughts for Seti, Ingrid. May he be fully healed and back home asap. Hey, my dh is just a year younger than yours.

Maia. Wytchy your response was well said. Words of wisdom indeed. I've lost someone I loved to booze, and I know you know better than I do what that's all about, Maia. I'm pulling for you to work this out and be happy, but you can't do it all and you can't do it alone. Sending vibes for strength and clarity ...

Today, I'm going to a homeschool park day, my first one. It is chilly, just a few degrees above freezing, so I should dig out my layers. And have some breakfast. Oops. Better get some oatmeal going!

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

It is chilly, just a few degrees above freezing

!!!!!
It's still in the 80s, here, and no end in sight

Thanks for your kind words, Aubergine. Alcoholism is a nasty disease, no lie. I hate it. I am grateful that I got sober, but I am tired of watching people I love die. I'm tired of watching people die, period. I've had lots and I'm done. And my ds is still only 9. He has two alkie parents and the stats for his chances of being addicted are 50/50.
The stats for an alkie getting and staying sober are very grim, something like 1%. I am praying and hoping for M to be one of them.

[femme_rouge]

Good Morning.

Just wanted to say a quick Hi and offer some hugs to those in need ((Maia))

I'm adjusting to new schedules which are conflicting with my usual computer time. DS starts preschool today. He's SO excited.

Love, peace and clarity to all.