~*~September Pagan Family Circle ~*~ - Page 9

[Aeress]

Maia- I guess what I was getting at is that all those layers have made him the way he is, and it is going to take a long time to peel back those layers. My dh doesn't have alcoholism to deal with, but he does have a very difficult past that we are just now working on. For me, I just had to accept that those layers can be peeled away but there will always be more to deal with.
Please ignore if it doesn't help you....

[aweynsayl]

maia, huge hugs. you know where i am... xoxox

aubergine, good gracious! and here i am, all that it's "cool enough" to open the house for a tiny bit... maybe 75? i'm sure it will get up to at least 95 today, though...

happy new moon, everyone!


eta: i think i just realized i need to take a pagan thread break til i "get over" this whole problem of mine. i think i'd said before i might need to, but then i guess i felt i didnt need to... well, i do. i adore you all, really i do, but i just cant keep reading about you all doing things *i* was going to be doing. :-( i feel like a poopy poop for it, and really lame for being so overly emotional about my pithy little problems. but i just had a light bulb moment that it's really hurting me, dwelling on it~ and i'm subjecting myself to dwelling by being "here." so i'm going to try staying away and see if that doesnt allow me to heal from my disappointment that we're not living the life i'd so wanted, and see if i cant find a way to really embrace the one we are living. i'll be sending hugs and vibes all the while-- have a wonderful fall! xoxox

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by Maiasaura

You mentioned that before. I will check the library tomorrow. Does it offer any solutions? For conflicts?

yes it does. and how to not start them etc. and how to let go and not nag etc. DH loves that i read that book. wish he would read it too.

Originally Posted by wombatclay

I need more me!

we need to clone you. i could so use one of you here!

Originally Posted by Maiasaura

Lioness, I'm going to order that book today. Is it this one? http://product.half.ebay.com/How-to-...40036QQtgZinfo

yep thats it. i highly reccomend that one!

[witchygrrl]

aewen, take whatever time you need. we'll be here. to you. I hope you find whatever peace you are looking for.

Maia--I'm glad I said something that resonated. I only hope it helps. I'm pretty damaged myself, and I've had to figure out ways to cope.

DH is off to his first meeting with his new boss, and he starts on Friday. I'm so happy!

I started working again yesterday..new semester. I have to teach my students how to interview well. this should be interesting.

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by Aeress

Maia- I guess what I was getting at is that all those layers have made him the way he is, and it is going to take a long time to peel back those layers. My dh doesn't have alcoholism to deal with, but he does have a very difficult past that we are just now working on. For me, I just had to accept that those layers can be peeled away but there will always be more to deal with.
Please ignore if it doesn't help you....

Oh, on the contrary, it does! I'm sorry if I came off otherwise. I just needed some clarity.
Gotcha. Makes more sense now. Thank you.
If you don't mind my asking, or if you'd rather PM about this (or not answer at all-- I would be alright with that-- but you can also tell me, without saying what his particular issues were; I'm used to that from AA), I would like to ask how did his past issues (and not addressing them, or addressing them *his* way, whatever that was) affect both you, and your marriage? You said "just now". How did he choose to deal with his past before now, and is he dealing differently now? What made him decide to change his tactics for dealing? Did it come to an ultimatum between you, and he decided to step up to the plate for your relationship?
Sorry if this is all personal. If you are willing to answer, I'll send you my email addy.

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

maia, huge hugs. you know where i am... xoxox

Thanks, aweyn, and yes, I know where you are. Maybe I'll call you this week. If you want to hear from me Hugs back atcha, lady.

M just called briefly from his lunch break. I asked if he had time this afternoon, and he said "of course, I'm being haved" (as in behaving )". I said, no, not that (he meant he's not drinking today).
I said we need to have The Conversation. He said "what conversation?" and I said "THE conversation. The one that we have to have before we have the rest of our relationship".
And he said "oh, yeah, I am going to sign myself up for something" (meaning alcohol rehab or something).
I said, all well and good but there are things I have to say, and are you willing to hear them? He said of course, yes, and he promised not to say "I can't do this, I don't want to hear this". He agreed totally with me.
We'll see.

[NewMoonMum]

Maia, good luck!!

Rosh Hashanah tonite. A bit late, but today DS and I made a couple of little crafts, one for us and one for family(well, friends of family, but they treat us like family!) that live about an hour away. We'll have dinner with them tommorow.
We used apples as stamps and DS insisted on putting honey pots on them!
So cute.

DH will not stop trying to convince me to start a blog, about all the fun, crafty things DS and I do. It never ceases to amuse me-we make a train out of an old box and construction paper, and he raves about how talented I am. Well at least that degree in fine arts is doing me *some* good!!

Well I am pretty horrible with computers, but I've been thinking it might not be the worst idea...but instead make it more about the day-to-day...being crafty, being at home, being a Pagan veggie tree-hugging Mama, having an interfaith family...if I could figure out how to sort of organize all my ideas, it might be pretty neat, I think (??)

Bright blessings to all!!

[Aubergine68]

aweyn. You do what you need to do. I'm sorry this is so hard, hope you find your balance and peace with everything soonest! ETA I ordered all the Mary Stewart my library has to re-read over our closure -- was thinking of you!

Sounds like you set up your conversation well, Maia. Hope it is productive.

Originally Posted by witchygrrl

I started working again yesterday..new semester. I have to teach my students how to interview well. this should be interesting.

Do you mean job interviews?

Having recently been on an interview committee for a preschool teaching job, I have to say that EVERYONE answered the classic interview question "What is your biggest weakness" with "Perfectionism". It was kind of a joke - I thought that was such a cliche that no one would use that answer anymore? And only one candidate was prepared for what I thought was the classic followup: "What are you doing to improve or compensate for your weakness?" This is only the second time in my life I'd been on the interviewer side - it was interesting.

ETA - I want to read your blog, NewMoonMom. Please write it. And, Happy New Year to you and your family!

[COVegMom]

Hi there! I have been a member of MDC for a while but not very active. I am also just taking up a new spiritual path. I am happy to see this group here.

I love fall and am so relieved to have some cooler weather. And with the equinox approaching, I am trying to get in a frame of mind to appreciate the longer hours of darkness. How do you all find joy as the days grow shorter? What do you love about longer nights? And what are you doing to celebrate these last long days of summer?

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

Maia, good luck!!

Rosh Hashanah tonite.

Well at least that degree in fine arts is doing me *some* good!!

Thanks, NMM.

Happy New Year to your family!

Had to laugh on the degree in fine art-- when I was 17, and then again when I was 18, I got a job teaching crafts to little kids at a town park. I got the job over everybody else because I was entering art school

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

Sounds like you set up your conversation well, Maia. Hope it is productive.

And only one candidate was prepared for what I thought was the classic followup: "What are you doing to improve or compensate for your weakness?"

Yeah, I hope so, too. We did have some of The Talk, and at one point I think he'd had enough because he was getting ready to pull his old trick of hanging up on me, but he didn't. He hung in there. That's a good sign.
I told him, he has to be willing to listen to me even when he's angry or fed up. I told him he'll very likely get VERY angry at me, many times, before this is all said and done. I told him about the "emotional roller coaster" of early sobriety. He's not thrilled.
But I also told him that you have to go to meetings whether you want to or not. That when I first started, I was afraid if I didn't go, I would die. He knows he is going to die of this. So he's right scared, I think. Which is a good thing.

So...what's the dang answer to your question? Don't leave us hanging in the lurch?

Originally Posted by COVegMom

Hi there!

I am trying to get in a frame of mind to appreciate the longer hours of darkness. How do you all find joy as the days grow shorter? What do you love about longer nights? And what are you doing to celebrate these last long days of summer?

Welcome and MM, COveg!
Easy-peasy, for me. I love the shorter days and the longer nights and the darkness
I nest. I hibernate. I make warm, comfy things in the crockpot. I put cinnamon sticks and orange peels in lots of water, in a pot on the stove, and simmer them all day long. I burn candles. I wear snuggy clothes around the house, and huge sweatshirts outside. I put on the flannel sheets-- there's nothing in the world like sleeping nakey in flannel sheets and a ton of comforters! AND I just got a new cape from QVC, or HSN, or one of those TV places. It's supposed to be a winter cape-jacket thingy, but it's very witchy and I'm very short, so it comes down to like my ankles It's this, in black: http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/v...ed-Fleece-Cape

[_ktg_]

Welcome back Clay!!! I second the idea of more you!!

Originally Posted by NewMoonMum

Maia, good luck!!

Rosh Hashanah tonite. A bit late, but today DS and I made a couple of little crafts, one for us and one for family(well, friends of family, but they treat us like family!) that live about an hour away. We'll have dinner with them tommorow.

Happy New Year!!! And I would definitely subscribe if you did a blog! woohoo!

Originally Posted by aweynsayl

eta: i think i just realized i need to take a pagan thread break

Aweyn - s and we're here for you when you are ready!! I will miss you map twin!!!

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

Having recently been on an interview committee for a preschool teaching job, I have to say that EVERYONE answered the classic interview question "What is your biggest weakness" with "Perfectionism". It was kind of a joke - I thought that was such a cliche that no one would use that answer anymore? And only one candidate was prepared for what I thought was the classic followup: "What are you doing to improve or compensate for your weakness?" This is only the second time in my life I'd been on the interviewer side - it was interesting.

I'm totally curious on how people addressed that... because it can be a weakness, especially if you have limited resources you have to just make the best out of what you have.

Originally Posted by Maiasaura

Yeah, I hope so, too. We did have some of The Talk, and at one point I think he'd had enough because he was getting ready to pull his old trick of hanging up on me, but he didn't. He hung in there. That's a good sign.
I told him, he has to be willing to listen to me even when he's angry or fed up. I told him he'll very likely get VERY angry at me, many times, before this is all said and done. I told him about the "emotional roller coaster" of early sobriety. He's not thrilled.
But I also told him that you have to go to meetings whether you want to or not. That when I first started, I was afraid if I didn't go, I would die. He knows he is going to die of this. So he's right scared, I think. Which is a good thing.

Yay! I'm glad the Conversation (even part of it) seemed to go pretty good. Witchy summed up the words I could not even say.... strength to you.

Courtsey of Jack please find the following smilies to brighten your night!!

:nana

[wombatclay]

An autumnal day here.... rainy, cloudy, and cool! Huzzah!

welcome CoVegMom! We're a chatty bunch, especially this time of year, so jump on in as you feel ready... what spiritual path are you exploring? I think autumn is far and away my favorite time of year so I tend to enjoy all the bits... and I also sort of look at it backwards a bit. Instead of feeling like the days are closing in and the summer is ending, I guess I feel like the nights are blooming and the world opening up a bit more? Almost as if the summer heat/lush vegetation/hectic "get up and go" activities are a weight that sits on me... and the autumnal energy is lifting that burden, opening up the opportunity to reflect on my own little space?

I'm not explaining it well... but I'll think a bit more and try again!

Aweyn- hugs chica. Like the scene in Labyrinth... If you need me, just call.

Maia- good luck! I hope you two are able to find a balance. I know how hard it must be to feel like time/health is slipping away but don't forget that relationships are built on itty bitty little things as well as great big heart sweeping emotions. I lived a long distance relationship for two years and know how much those brief visits count, and how much it can hurt if real life means the visit wasn't everything I'd hoped or needed but... real life is real life. Given the extra challenge of his diseases, sharing space (without physicality) may not have felt like a distancing from his perspective. I may be way off base, but maybe what you experienced as being ignored might have been (from his perspective) a letting you in? I know that for a very long time my own history made it very very hard for me to simply "be" around someone I liked... I felt like I had to "perform" my affection (physically in some way or another). Therapy helped me with that.

Anyway, I'm not saying that is what was happening there, but maybe? And no matter what, you've got my admiration... you're going through a lot in a very short time!

DoK- hope you and the Roo are doing well... stay healthy!

redveg- yes, we got 5 hens back in May. One was eaten by the neighbor's dog (dh built a fort knox style enclosed coop/yard and this dog managed to rip it's way through the chicken wire) but the other 4 started laying a few weeks ago. Three are golden comets, one an easter egger. DD1 named the comets after comets (Ikeya, Sekis, Hale, and Bopp... Ikeya is no more) and the easter egger is named Tulip-rose (of course ). She named the roster Asteroid... a big glossy black/green Australorp who may or may not end up in a pot. He's gorgeous, and the same age as our ladies, and gets along with them but dear lords... he crows non-stop from 5:30am-7pm!

busy life- so, today was dd1's first day of 1st grade. Tomorrow is our first preschool playgroup and I need to pick up some things SUPER fast tomorrow morning for the Caterpillar craft. I've been canning beets, drying tomatoes, and prepping veggies from our CSA in between the homeschool lessons (I'm loving the math program which is hard for me to believe). But I think it's going pretty well... I'm committed to keeping our food budget below 100/week and I'm usually within a few dollars of that by the end of the week.

Oh, the earth scout group we're forming here sounds fab, and I'm looking forward to it, but it looks like the annual fee will be $60 per child! And that doesn't include all the extras, like admission to parks for hiking or apple picking fees or the cost of the uniform/badges. Sigh. I really think earth scouts sounds great, but compared to GS at 12 dollars a year? A hard choice.

[braidmama]

hello!

Hi there! I'm new to this thread! This is funny to say but I've gotten so caught up insome of the other posting areas on the site that I've never even scrolled to the bottom of the page and I had no idea this section was here! Thrilled! I'm Liz, DS is 5 months. I was raised in a household that didn't talk about religion or any kind of spirituality. EVER. Oddly enough, we did celebrate May Day and Winter Solstice- our neighbors were also pagan and they would suually have big get togethers that we would attend. We really didn't have any soltice-specific traditions growing up. We had a "Christmas tree" and santa decorations, milk and cookies for Santa, red and green, stockings, the whole thing. The difference is we had those traditions on December 21st. We always went to my grandmother's house for Christmas. For May Day we had a May Pole dance with the neighbors (not as much as I got older) and got "May Day Baskets" which were really just like Easter baskets. A lot of kids in the school I attended were Catholic and I would always ask my mom why we didn't have ccd or anything like that, kids were always talking about it in school. Her response was always "Just tell them we believe the way Native Americans believe." That was never enough for me. My dad's family was Jewish. Quite a mix here, haha.

Anyway, DP was raised in a Christian home and we have decided to be very open about this because I want DS to make his own choices in life. I am really excited to begin our own holiday traditions. SO EXCITED! I've been thinking about it constantly, the closer we get into fall, harvest time. For solstive I'm thinking about making a feast and an apple spice cake I made last year that seemed very seasonally appropriate. I was also thinking of mama-made jammies and spending the day outdoors as much as possible, bundling up and going on a nature walk. I know he's going to be too young to appreciate it this year but I'm hoping to continue this for years to come.

What do you all do to celebrate the holidays? Spring, Summer, and Fall holidays too! I want to know what your traditions are like? Any particular meals, decorations, etc? I think we will have a blessing basket and a nature table as well (can you tell I've been reading The Creative Family lately?). Thanks, ladies!

[NewMoonMum]

Welcome Liz! I only joined MDC a couple weeks ago, and this little circle maybe a week ago.
Everybody is so friendly and chatty!

We're interfaith here, I am Wiccan, DH is Jewish, and we will be inviting our little ones to participate in our traditions, but they will choose their own path when the time comes. DS is 2.5, and we have a girl due in early November. He loves to hold my daily incense(with my help of course) and walk it to his room to "bless his bedroom". It's cute.

Hard as I try do do special things for the Holidays, we're just so busy, it often isn't much more than lighting an extra candle and incense, and if I'm lucky spending a chunk of time outside! But since DS is getting older, I am trying hard to plan better. We make decorations together and talk about the Sabbats, and if I can't put together a great meal, I at least try to make a yummy sweet treat. This time of year I tend to make pumpkinbread pudding...but I'm looking into all sorts of cute ideas for Samhain treats from a Halloween magazine I picked up.
Yeah, I need to get on planning for Mabon, so far we just have a few scarecrow decorations and a paper pumpkin!

[witchygrrl]

NewMoonMum, I hope your family is having a happy new year! My DH was raised Jewish, but for many reasons he is no longer practicing but has become Pagan instead. We hope to raise our daughter knowing her roots, definitely, and we'll probably take her to a UU church for religious ed.

Welcome Liz!

[witchygrrl]

Originally Posted by Aubergine68

Do you mean job interviews?

Having recently been on an interview committee for a preschool teaching job, I have to say that EVERYONE answered the classic interview question "What is your biggest weakness" with "Perfectionism". It was kind of a joke - I thought that was such a cliche that no one would use that answer anymore? And only one candidate was prepared for what I thought was the classic followup: "What are you doing to improve or compensate for your weakness?" This is only the second time in my life I'd been on the interviewer side - it was interesting.

I do mean job interviews. And this is an fascinating insight. I've never interviewed anyone, so my task was a bit harder than I had hoped. But I'll definitely talk about this...either today or Tuesday. I'm devoting two days to it. My students are ESL (English as a Second Language), so they have an additional burden.

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by Liz.Furtado

Hi there! I'm new to this thread!

Welcome!!

[wombatclay]

Welcome Liz! Glad you found us!

There are a couple HUGE threads linked from the Pagan Resources Thread that have page after page after page of holiday ideas. Seriously, a never ending river of ideas!

Let's see... it's ummmm.... grrrr... I can never find things when I'm in a rush (and this week is non-stop rushing that would put the Red Queen to shame).

I've got to run, but welcome welcome welcome to all the women riding the autumnal energies into community!

[Aeress]

Maia- My dh has an addictive personality, most things he did were minor in his younger years but he has to be careful with pretty much anything, even video games can be a problem, which is part of his past but not the whole. He has found some balance now, but it took him a long time to see that he would get to where he needed smoking, or social drinking or gaming or xyz. On top of that he has many anxiety issues, which are mostly irrational things like the kids getting seriously hurt in a propane explosion or other things like that. His Mom has many phobias that she tried her best not to push on him but some ended up affecting him without her knowledge. Then she was in several "bad" relationships that were the kind of pack and sneak out type. He had two dogs that "just disappeared" and things like that. He is very insecure about relationships, doesn't express himself well and tends to keep stuff in but becomes rigid in his routine and gets on the kids case to compensate for any of the above bothering him. Now, I learned some of this within the last year, and for that to have happened something major happened in our relationship and I totally lost it with him. Add on to that the ADHD and grad stress and yes, we had THE Talk. We had the open up and tell me everything now or I was done. He had hidden things from me, or "forgotten" to tell me very important things. I was ready to walk and did for one night, cause I just couldn't take all of his "sh**" anymore.
Did it work? Kind of. He finally got into therapy, got the ADHD diagnosis and started talking to me. It was awful, horrible and we are still working our way back. My trust in him was broken, my feelings were greatly hurt and I wasn't ready to move on and begin healing for a long time. I was very angry.
Dh likes to "move on" and "forget" about the hurt and I told him that I couldn't just move on and forget- it took almost 4 months to even begin to forgive and work through my own feelings.
We need to continue to work and understand each other. We did a marriage counseling course that was online, marriage builders, that helped a lot, but I can see now that we need to continue to use the marriage builders coursework. It really helped us understand each other and our needs. (marriage builders is christian based but I didn't find the relationship help biblical based)

Sorry for the novel. Oh, dh also started searching his spiritual needs and is continuing to do so. One thing we realized is that he had very little to fall back on, use to guide him or lean on besides me, which was hard.

[_ktg_]

Welcome Liz & CoVeg!

Ladies I'm totally under the weather today with some sort of nasty stomach bug ugh... that's how I feel. Today will be filled with water, homemade broth and ... yes sleep

Yay for the new Moon too!! Can you feel the change in the air??

Clay - the name of the chicks! How inspired

Aeress that's a lot of be dealing with

I'll be back later ... after more sleep

[Valerie.Qc]

Hi all!

Welcome to the new people!

Aweynsayl - big hug dear! I'll miss you but I understand your need!


I need hugs...

The brakes broke just has I was coming to a red light yesterday... I was able to manage not to hit the car in front of me and the upcoming trafic on the other street then ended up in a yard not to go down the hill. The kids were with me. Big stress! DH picked up the kids and I came back home in the towing truck.

Between the adrenalin rush I got and the sleepless night that followed, I'm K.O.