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post #21 of 31
im sorry, i'd jump you if you were closer

hang in there mama...
post #22 of 31
I would call my own locksmith and change the locks on the house... but thats just me....then call a cab, take your extra set of keys to his work and take YOUR car back..... but thats just me...

I'm in a mood today, then I would probably tell your mr. wonderful where he could stuff it
post #23 of 31
OP Your H sounds so much like mine... down to the WoW playing. Are you aware of the surviving abuse forum here on mdc? They are great for support.
post #24 of 31
If you have any cash (or credit), you can join AAA online and call them to come out and jump the car.
post #25 of 31
Thread Starter 
Brilliant idea - so I did that and they jumped it but apparently there's something ELSE wrong with the engine so it has to be taken into service immediately before it can be driven. Dangit. I can't do it myself because I have the two kids, and why the hell do I want to be paying money I don't have for STBX's car, anyway, while he drives MY car? This is annoying.

I talked to the divorce lawyer today and it seems like we'll be moving forward with this, as soon as he's out we'll be filing.

Last night he went literally from "don't talk to me, leave me alone" to "you know I'm just going to go back East and never talk to you or see the kids again, and I'll get another girlfriend ASAP" to "hey let's have sex and plan a family trip to Disney, marriages get over all kinds of things, don't you love me enough to get past this?" Makes me crazy.
post #26 of 31
I would recommend interviewing several attorneys - paid and unpaid - to see what the general concensus is about your situation. If most are saying you have a good chance at both sole physical and legal custody then go for it. If most are saying no then you may need to step back.

I found attorneys who only offer paid (or reduced) initial consultations to be much more worthwhile than the free ones. You definitely get what you pay for. I spent nearly $1000 just interviewing, but I feel interviewing a variety of attorneys helped me put my situation into perspective.

You can do customized legal custody - the Ex was open to that. You have final decision making power over education and medical and the burden is on him to take you to court if he ever whole-heartedly disagrees. At least in my state both legal and physical custody can be up for review every year.

Does your state do a conference meeting before anything goes to trial? The case manager at the conference meeting talked A LOT of sense into the Ex He was literally asking for everything and honestly believing he was going to get it!

Does your state offer conciliation services (sp?). It is where one party requests that you both receive (and possibly the children) multiple mental health evaluations. Then this pyschologist sends their report and recommendations to the judge and this carries a lot of weight. This may be good in your situation since your spouse is unstable yet you have little hard evidence. The hope is that professional will be able to recognize his character and pass this on to the judge.

I had more thoughts, but I'm really frazzled right now... sorry.
post #27 of 31
Hugs, OP, I'm a single mom, but I don't have any BTDT advice to offer. I can advise, though, that before you retain any lawyer, you should check with the Bar to see if they have disciplinary history. I think I read you're in CO? Check prospective counsel here.
post #28 of 31
Thread Starter 
*** Deleted this post because I got the answers I needed and I don't want to keep that online definitely.
post #29 of 31
Yes they will help you build a case and from that list I believe you have grounds, but it ultimately comes down to the judge. Some need to see major abuse to withdraw all custody others less so.

When you file for divorce you are assigned a judge. One question to ask lawyers while interviewing is whether or not they are familiar with your judge. Does that judge rarely grant sole custody? What were circumstances of those cases?

If you do end up going all the way to trial just make sure you have Plan B in your back pocket. Like spouse willing to give you final decision over medical and education instead of general joint legal custody. A detailed, tight parenting plan in case the judge allows for visitation. Decide a Plan B with your lawyer ahead of time so if the judge rules no to sole custody your spouse does not get awarded general joint custody.

EDIT: Forgot to add that I had a good shot at sole legal custody. I was assigned to a new, untested judge though. I did not want to risk the judge granting general custody guidelines so I opted for Plan B. Court is like a factory. They want you in and out as fast as possible. I found it to be a bit of a joke in my opinion.

Also the Ex had been quite aggressive in his legal defense - this was not a man willing to go down without a fight.
post #30 of 31
mama, that's all GREAT stuff. Keep it safe and far away from him.

Keep documenting what he says and does right now. He may well slip up and threaten you again. The minute he does, call the cops, file a report. You need an ongoing papertrail and what you've described here is a really good start.

Can you contact that old professor and see about getting a written statement from him detailing what happened?

I don't recall if you've spoken to the shelter recently, but I would continue to call for support and to keep that papertrail going.

You're doing great. As one of the pp's mentioned, consult different lawyers and then decide who you're going with.
post #31 of 31
Thread Starter 
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