could this be me??

[sugarpop]

SO I have an 11 month old...I have been feeling overwhelmed for a while. But I figure, being a stay at home mom, one car, no friends and a high needs baby is the reason. But now I am starting to think maybe it is PPD. The anxiety is getting worse, lots worse. The midwife and everyone else keeps telling me that my libido will come back. I am feeling alone and overwhelmed.

I don't see how taking a pill can help. I can't see talking to someone making a difference. I just don't understand, what are they going to say that could make a difference? What if I am not cut out for this? What if I am just not meant to bee a mother?? Don't get me wrong, I am glad I am and wouldn't change it for the world, but what if this planned route for my life, for my future...was the wrong plan? OH and I can't stop now...I mean I want more children...but when will I be happy again?

I called to talk to someone, to set an appointment, but they are on vacation till the 13th. Maybe I am just not happy with life...maybe that is my reality. And shouldn't things, chemicals, balance out on there own?? I mean I have an 11 month old, I thought this was something you deal with early on, not this late!

[LynnS6]

You will be happy again. I remember those feelings of having made a terrible mistake, of wanting to send my son back for just a little while so I could get some sleep, of thinking that these pictures of happy mothers were all a lie.

My kids are 6 and 9 now. I had PPD with my first, prenatal depression with my second, and despite all that, I'm glad I did. Once my depression was treated, I could enjoy motherhood. I remember once things had balanced out after dd's birth (I needed a medication increase after she was born), going for a walk with ds and dd and thinking "Oh, so this is what it's like to feel normal after hour baby is born. OK, I can see how some people can enjoy motherhood from the start." Oh, I don't enjoy all parts of it. Some parts are incredibly hard. But on balance, I like being a mom. I enjoy my kids.

PPD does sometimes get worse rather than better when untreated. It can take a couple of years for your hormones to even out, especially if your body is sensitive to breastfeeding at night (mine was, my cycle never returned until I night weaned). And stress/depression is often self-feeding. If you could 'snap out of it' you would.

How will medications help? SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) increase the amount of serotonin in your brain. Serotonin is necessary for brain messages to get through, and depression seems to be linked to not enough serotonin. The SSRIs help your brain build new connections, which in turn can help you out of depression.

How can talking to someone help? They can first of all help you get a reality check. Am I really in danger of this? Is my perception of the world accurate? Secondly, they can often help teach you new awareness of your mind and body so you can recognize when you're starting to get anxious/depression and you need to do something. Thirdly, they can help you learn new skills to deal with it.

My therapist taught me some meditation techniques. She taught me not to 'fight' the panic attacks, but just to experience them. She helped me understand the biological bases of PPD, the connection between hormones and PPD, and to put the things I was worried about in perspective. I didn't need a lot of therapy.

The chemicals will eventually balance out on their own. Unfortunately, that can take 3 or more years. That's a long time to feel like this. And this level of mental stress will take a toll on you (physically as well as mentally) and your child. Thus, while waiting it out is an option, it's often not the best option.