Going back to work at 12 weeks... have you BTDT?

[LittleBirdy]

Alright I still have half my maternity leave left, but I am starting to freak out a little about going back to work.

I really enjoy my job and I live in an area where finding employment is really difficult, so I'm loathe to give it up even for a few years... not only would I miss it, but it truly may very well not be there when I'm ready to go back to work. Also, DH just started a new sales job and it's going to take a few years to make sure his territory is a lucrative one, so we really need the security of my income for back up at least for a while. So it's not really a question of do I go back to work or not...

What is freaking me out are all the questions running through my mind. What if I can't pump enough milk? How will the DCP (who is like a sister to me, known her since we were toddlers, her mom half raised me) get him to take a nap, cause they only way I can do it is by nursing? Will she be able to learn his cues and know what he needs? What if he misses me? What if he doesn't?

Please share positive stories with me!

[nextcommercial]

I haven't done it, but I am a daycare provider, so I have the 12 week babies here all the time. (I had one start at nine days once)

I've never had a baby who wouldn't sleep. I've had a few who wouldn't take a bottle very well, but they always sleep. I absolutely WORSHIP slings at this age. In all honesty, until about five months, sleep is all they do. Sleep, wake up to eat, look around for a little while and then sleep again.

I've never had one who Missed mommy... but when mommy comes back, they light right up. It makes me feel bad, because I don't get that look and relaxed happy smile because mommy came back. So, Mommy is always the most favorite person in the world. (at least for a while) Oddly, I've never had a dad who picked up with a newborn, so I don't know if dad gets the same reaction mom gets.

The babies are always very happy here. But, they sure do love it when mommy comes to pick them up.

[geekgolightly]

nextcommercial. that is really reassuring to hear. i wish i could give your post kudos because i think a lot of moms are going to get a lot out of it.

[Minxie]

I did it and left my son with his godmother. He was very happy with her but always loved to see me again! It was harder on me than on him.

My schedule was something like this:

Wake up, dress, head to her house
baby nurses at her house
go to work (about 15 min away)
pump at mid-morning break
go to her house at lunch; eat while baby nurses
back to work
pump at mid-afternoon
back to her house
baby nurses
head for home

She used bottles of EBM; I didn't need any bottles 'cause he had me. I was always able to pump plenty for him; at the height of production, I was pumping 11 ozs at one sitting. If you are not pumping enough, there are things you can do like eating oatmeal or taking fenugreek. Drinking water is the single most important thing you can do (besides nursing/pumping frequently.) I was drinking about two GALLONS a day.

Anyway, all of that to say: YOU'LL BE FINE.

[Caryliz]

Let me first say that I had the luxury of not going back to work until DS was 5 months old - but I was worried because he was so bonded with me, was exclusively BF, and would NOT take a bottle. And you know - it all worked out fine.

I second the PP who extolled the wonders of the sling! Our DCP wore DS in a sling all the time - she had never even heard of one until she started wearing mine, but she was sold in a heartbeat! Said she couldn't understand why more mamas, especially urban ones (which I was at the time) didn't use them. DS loved it, and though separation was difficult at first, our DCP would just pop him in the sling, thereby providing him what amounted to a perpetual snuggle with a view while she walked around and got other things done. If he didn't fall asleep in the sling, she would lay him down (still in the sling) on the big bed and lie next to him and sing softly to him, which is what I did with him at night. (We coslept, but obviously he went to be earlier than we did.)

Definitely get yourself the best pump you can afford, and familiarize yourself with it well before you need it. In fact, unless you are in a situation where you can pop home (or to your DCP's) during the day, you should start pumping a little bit every day now (a 4-oz bottle at least) so you have a freezer stash started when you go back to work. Your body will adjust to your needs, so if you are both pumping and nursing, your body will ramp up to meet the demand. I never had a huge supply, but I never had supply issues, either - I guess I was just average. (And, as others have said, just make sure you are drinking literally GALLONS of water, eating your oatmeal, etc.)

Getting DS to take the bottle was the biggest challenge. In desperation I reached out to our local La Leche League, and one of their educators came to our house to coach my DH on bottle feeding (DS was NOT taking the bottle from me when the source was right there! ). i know it may sound odd that LLL educators would help with bottle feeding, but I knew I wanted to BF for a long time, and I also knew that BF would be over for both of us if DS went on a milk strike because he wasn't getting la leche straight from la mama. Two coaching sessions later, he was taking the bottle like a pro - and this turned out to be a lifesaver when I got a promotion about 6 months later and started traveling regularly on business, which meant DH was bottle feeding for sometimes 2-3 days at a stretch when I was out of town. (I should add here that I continue to travel, and I managed to BF DS until he was 4! I pumped until he was 2. Not everyone's choice, I know, but I just wanted to point out that it can be done...)

Finally, I always missed DS terribly, and although it was a big relief to me when separating in the mornings became easier, I was always rewarded with a lit-up little face when I returned at the end of the day - so I KNOW he missed me, too, even on the days he seemed to be perfectly content without me.

There's no question it's hard (confession: I burst into tears the first time I left him with DCP to go to work!) - but I also absolutely believe it will all work out just fine.

Hang in there mama!

[BtotheG]

I officially went back to work when DD was 12 weeks, but due to several weird circumstances wasn't actually "up to speed" until she was 16 weeks.

A few random things that helped:

- I was able to take a few weeks easing us both into me being gone. I left dd wiht the nanny for an hour the first day, then two, then three, etc, until I worked up to 5 hours (which is the longest I'm gone for work). I really recommend doing this if you are able.
- I worked really hard to build up a little freezer stash of milk before going back to work. I would hoard as much as you possible can. There were days, especially in the beginning, where I didn't pump as much milk as I needed for the next day. The freezer stash was a life saver.
- I would practice giving your babe a bottle now. I gave dd a bottle a few times when she was about 6 weeks old, assumed that meant she would always take it, and didn't worry about it again. Bad move. By the time I was going back to work, dd was refusing the bottle, and it took awhile to get her to take it.
- Starting from the very first day, I did not make a big fuss about leaving her (in terms of dramatic good-byes and kisses and tears). I sat with her a bit, let the nanny take over and distract her, and then slipped out (and then bawled like a baby in the car. But DD didn't know that!). At 12 weeks, they're not very aware of you leaving, but it was a good habit to get into. Now at 10 months, dd still handles me leaving pretty well. I *do* make a huge deal about coming back though, and the huge smiles and squeals of delight when she sees me melt my heart every time!

Overall, leaving DD has not been bad. She likes her nanny and the little other little boy she watches (we're doing a nanny share) and the nanny has no problems getting her to eat/sleep/play/whatever. DD is not miserable when I'm gone, but she is sooo happy to see me when I'm back.

[blake201]

I'm in the same boat! I have no choice but to work (though I certainly wish I could have taken longer than 12 weeks!) and just started back three days ago.

I still would NOT choose to work so early, but I'm managing. My mother is taking care of my baby girl and we do quick video chats during lunch so I can see her. I pump three times per day for 10-15 minutes per session with a Pump In Style and so far I am getting 4-6 oz more than she is eating -- I pump a total of 18 oz, she's eating 12-14 oz. But I am also terrified my supply will be affected!

Zora has always nursed to sleep but she's been napping fine (my mother rocks her to sleep). She seems very happy and active with my mom. I've noticed at night she has been nursing straight for 2-3 hours nonstop, which is FINE with me, I want as many snuggles with her as I can get.

[justKate]

It is going to be OKAY. Your baby will take naps, take a bottle, and be fine. But you probably won't be--you'll cry, like lots of us do. That's okay too. A lot (most?) babies don't expect the same things from DCPs as they do from mama. That's good--it makes us extra special!

So now stop thinking about it! Enjoy your mat leave. Get to know your pump a little, and have your Huz give DD a bottle now and again. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want it with you around.

Seriously, enjoy your time. You've made the decision to work, the best decision for your family, and it will work out, so try not to let it stress you. It's going to be fine.

[Lilygoose]

I went back to work when my DD was 8 weeks old. My doctor put me out of work 2 weeks before my Due date b/c I had bad edema and was just huge, unwieldy and really uncomfortable. I drive alot for work so I couldn't put my feet up very much. Then my DD was two weeks "late" so I ended up using 4 weeks before she was born. My in-laws watched her for 3 months and my DH was only working part-time. Even knowing she was getting loving family care it was hard to be away from her. I started out pumping, but my DD would drink alot (like 40-60 oz a day). My job involves appts. to meet with Developmentally Disabled adults who live independently over a 35 mile radius, so finding time and a place to pump was really stressful. Between actual time at the breast and constantly pumping on top of being at work it was too much for me. I never just spent any time with my DD that was not BF (which I enjoyed) it was all the other on top of that was rough. So at 6 months I supplemented with formula. I continued to breastfeed her until she was a year old, just not exclusively. Not that I'm recommending that to you, its just the choice I made. At 5 months my hubby was back to work full time and my in-laws could not watch her everyday anymore. So we found a good daycare center around the corner. I also wondered how she would sleep. She was still exclusively sleeping on my or hubby's chest at this point (or in MIL's arms). And the teacher reassured me that she would sleep and be happy etc. And she was. She actually loved it there! I was able to stop in and see her most days for about 20 minutes as some of my appts. were nearby. They welcomed me and I got to know them really well, as well as getting see DD. Honestly, as a baby my DD was very happy at her daycare and loved being around all the people, and they played with her and even took care of things that as a first time mom I wasn't sure about. I had difficulty cutting DD's nails, but they were pros and used to do it for me-and they never cut her. DD also had recurring cradle cap and one of the teachers volunteered to rub oil in it and massage it out. Not that I didnt do this at home, but I was nervous about touching her head. Another would put DD's hair in ponytails-which DD enjoyed because she liked to touch the end of it b/c it felt cool. And none of this was done before asking me about it first, which is really important.

[hakeber]

I went back at 10 weeks with DS, but DH was the DCP.

I pumped and he took a bottle. He took it like a champ. I was pumping upwards of 48 oz a day and he was ripping through all of it and nursing all evening.

He had no probelms napping though. He was super happy and was just happier when I got home. When we did finally transition to a nanny and then a day care later on he made each transition as smoothly as can be.

Babies are way more adaptable than we give them credit for. It's us mommies that need the hand holding and reassurance that everything will be okay.

[nursekk]

I went back to work with my first child when she was 3 months old. I started pumping almost immediately after she was born due to engorgement and then at about 6 weeks, I religiously pumped on one breast while feeding her on the other, during the first feeding of the morning. Your milk supply is usually greatest during the morning hours and as others have mentioned, your body will adjust. Also, when you're nursing on one side, your let down is better, thus making pumping more efficient. Not to mention that you're already confined to the couch! I only worked 3-4 days a week, so I continued this practice on my days off, after going back to work. I nursed or pumped before work around 5:45 am, pumped at work at 9, 12, 3 and then nursed at home around 7-8. My daughter would basically nurse until she went to bed and since we co-slept, she ate a good majority of the night, too. Nighttime feedings definitely helped keep my milk production up. By the time she was over a year, I had to throw milk away because I had so much saved up and she never got a drop of formula.

Good luck!

[_betsy_]

First off, there is NO NEED to explain why you need to go back to work, here in the Working Mothers forum especially. Hopefully, this is a place where we can all feel like our choices are immediately accepted and do not need to be validated!

I went back full time, nights, when DD1 was 7 weeks old, and at 12 weeks PP with DD2. They both did FINE. I left them (and still do, at 4 and 1.5) with Daddy/DH for most of the time I'm at work, but they go to his mother's two afternoons a week when our schedules overlap.

Pumping at work is SO MUCH DIFFERENT than pumping at home. So different. Because you're not pumping right after or right before a nursing session, there's more milk available, and it wants to come out! And because there's no baby who wants your attention or whom you're worried might want to nurse right away and might not get anything, it's way easier to pump.

Take a "brag book" of photos - people will want to see them anyways! - and look at them while you're pumping. Drink tons of water. Think about the baby often while at work - it helps! And I know it sounds totally corny, but look at and think good things about your pump while you are nursing the baby - it helps your brain associate the two things.

Get a good double electric pump and know how to use it before you start. Talk to your HR dept. now (if you haven't already) about what is in place for working mothers. I had no idea my company had a lactation room, but sure enough, they do! Couch, table, mini fridge, locking door, etc. I never would have known if I didn't ask where I should pump.

I work nights, and when my girls were tiny I would pump 2 times during work, and once right after (since my pump was all set up in the lactation room anyways, I usually did it at the office but sometimes went home and pumped). If that wasn't or didn't seem like enough, I'd pump one more time the next day (for day shift people, you'd probably pump again in the evening, my schedule is upside down from most people's!).

You trust your DCP and know her intimately - your son will be fine. Sounds like a person who would be a prominent figure in his life even if you were staying home, or even if he was being cared for by someone else. Speak to her honestly and openly about what you hope she will be able to provide for him, and how you hope he is treated/cared for/etc.

I worked full time and pumped until DD1 was 20 months old (and I was 2 months PG with DD2) and I'm still pumping once a shift for DD2, who is 21 months old and shows no sign of weaning anytime soon. It can be done!