Intro and discouraged - need to vent

[Musette]

Hi! I hope this is appropriate for the board - I have read a few threads, but definitely haven't looked here a lot yet. I'm just at a loss of where to go at the moment.

I'm currently expecting #2, and am hoping for a VBAC. DS never descended, and at our induction (approx. 42 weeks) he moved off to the side instead of down, so I got a c/s, which, while not the last thing I wanted from my birth experience, was a disappointment. I had my own emotional issues trying to deal with the c/s, and am still trying, frankly.

At the moment, I just feel overwhelmed, sad and frustrated. I live in a fairly small city and there are no birth centers (which I couldn't use in this state for a VBAC anyway...) no practicing midwives in hospitals, I don't want a homebirth, my DH is not on board at the moment for hiring a doula (although there will be more talk, this is just his initial comment on it) and all of the birthing classes that I'm interested in taking don't exist within about 50 miles, which isn't possible with a FT job, two year old and no family around. (the last one is probably a bit petty, but it's what has started the happy less-than-empowered feelings at the moment).

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong/not doing enough to get my VBAC. I haven't changed providers (even my ICAN chapter didn't have any suggestions for VBAC friendly OB's, and mine is fairly hands off, so I've just stuck with her for the moment), I'm not doing a homebirth (just not what my ideal atmosphere is - I really liked the hospital and nurses and even resident Dr. when I had DS), I'm not exercising like I was able to with DS, or eating quite as well, etc, etc, etc. I was just looking at books/at home courses for a birthing method but can't justify the $140+ dollars for that. I'm just overwhelmed, and feel under-supported and prepared. I know part of it is fear of failing in the end - of having the same thing happen with this pregnancy as my last.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed a safe place to let this out. I do hope to learn more from posts here, so despite my whiny first post, I hope to get to know you gals better.

Edit: Had a rather cathartic talk with DH this evening about how I was feeling, and while he is still wary of the dynamic that a doula will bring to what we'd once hoped to share between the two of us (yes, and who knows how many medical professionals) he's 100% supportive of the doula.

[thtr4me]

I am so sorry you are feeling discourage. Not sure which homestudy course you are looking into, but if it is hypnobabies, I know I have seen them from time to time being sold used on Babycenter in the Hypnosis for Childbirth forum, as well as on thebabywearer.com in the FSOT-OT forum. I have also seen them on ebay, but they tend to be pricier there.

And if you cannot afford the whole course even used, I would look into the VBAC Success CD, and just do as much reading and researching online as you can. I have also heard great things about Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, and plan to pick up a copy of that next.

Hang in there mama, and have faith in yourself that you can do that. Sometimes I think believing in ourselves is half the battle, and if we can succeed there, we are in a much better position to make the rest of what we need work.

[CookAMH]

I'm glad you posted here, and I hope you stick around. Many of us have been &/or are in your shoes with a disappointing first labor and trying to find good options for your next birth.

My first thought, with all of your options, was keep working on your DH about a doula. That is probably THE best investment you could make, especially since homebirth is not an option. It sounds like you are probably where you should be with your OB and hospital, unless you learn of a different one. I would have open discussions with your OB about certain things that really concern you for this next birth.

Can you see a chiropractor this pregnancy, maybe starting late 2nd trimester? That can help with positioning.

Your situation is FAR from hopeless, and I know you can do it.

[coraljean]

I'm sorry about your discouragement. You can do it though! As far as home study courses, you can order the Pink Kit Method for Birthing Better for about $80, so cheaper than some of the other ones out there http://www.thepinkkit.com/-the-pink-...ge-p29778.html . You can also look for used copies on EBay too. I am just starting that method and I like it a lot.

I'm glad your husband has changed his mind about the doula! So, will your current OB attend VBACs? I like that he is hands off. Some people who don't want to homebirth hire a midwife as a monitrice, to just monitor you and the baby while you labor at home, so that you can keep an eye on things but wait as long as possible until you go to the hospital. It might be another option to consider.

I certainly feel for your situation. I am also expecting #2 with a 20 month old at home, and no family nearby. For exercise lately I have been checking out prenatal yoga dvds from the library and netflix, and I put them on and try to do some with my toddler. He thinks it is funny, copies sometimes and mostly makes a big mess while I do that, haha. I still haven't been able to get him to let me do a whole video, but I feel like every little bit helps! Walking is also great! Can you pop your little one in a stroller and at least take some walks around the neighborhood?

Regardless of what you are able to do to prepare, you CAN have your VBAC! You are alive because your ancestors all successfully gave birth to babies, long before c-sections and childbirth preparation classes existed.

Good luck!
Coral Jean
Mama to Dylan c/s 12/08
Expecting #2 in December - planning HBAC!

[MNHall]

I'm glad that you're here! Welcome...I hope we can support you and encourage you along your journey!

For starters, so glad that your DH is now on board with the idea of a doula. Include him in the meetings for sure! I know my DH was very very hesitant of a doula, mostly because we met one in particular back when we were pregnant the first time and she was what put a stereotype in our head of a crazy birthing lady! LOL! But, when he met our doula for our daughter, he was very relieved to hear what her thoughts about birth were and how she was there to support us and help us obtain OUR goals...they were not her goals! He met with her a couple of the times that idea and really got an understanding of her role...which was basically set by what WE wanted! That's what's so great, they are working for you! So, tell your doula what your idea birth is and she's there to support you to get that birth!

As for prep and course studies and such, I did not do anything formal for my first VBAC either. I would love to this time, but DH is not so on board with that...he thinks been there done that (***insert eye roll***) But, what I did for my first VBAC was a LOT LOT LOT of reading to get myself emotionally prepared. When DS's nap time came around like 2, 3, maybe even 4-5 days a week, i would! Either books like Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth, forums like this one, or this time I've actually borrowed the home study course for hypnobabies! Maybe you can find a used copy of the hypnobabies homestudy that someone will sell to you cheaper, or a if a friend has it, FREE!

I think the main this is to have support around on now and on the big day. Have serious talks with your provider now about their support for a VBAC. Get a good feel for if this is conditional support (like, "if" you go into labor before your scheduled c/s at 39 weeks) or is this a doctor that believes in women's ability to vaginally birth babies!?!

Then, what about contacting some labor and delivery staff? Maybe even one or two of the managers on duty (is that what they are called?) and asking them about nurses that are comfortable with a VBAC. So, maybe you can request a nurse that you know will be supportive, not scared of having you as a patient. Your doula may be able to help with this too! I know my last doula was very well known on the unit of L&D so her face alone the nurses knew it was a natural patient. And obviously, someone who was not comfortable with a natural patient would not be eager to take me on...but, there were plenty of other nurses that were excited about the idea of a natural patient. Same with VBAC...some newer nurses (or maybe even really old school nurses) will only thing of rupture risks. Where others will know how tiny small those risks are and instead focus on your goal of a vaginal delivery! Support on the day of will be a big deal...so, besides mentally preparing yourself...I'd say find out from those that will be with you on delivery day how supportive they are too!!!

[MNHall]

Oh yes, I second the chiropractor! My OB is totally on board for trying this since my babies have tended to be in less than ideal positions during labor. He very much agrees that if my pelvis is not in balance that it could cause labor/pushing to be more difficult. So, I plan to start seeing the chiro around 30 weeks preggo to get in balance then stay there!

[Musette]

Thanks for your encouragement, everyone. I am seeing a chiropractor, and did for DS. I will try to talk with them specifically about baby/positioning and see if they can give me more information or recommend someone who knows more. I'll look into the other birthing self studies! The one I was looking at was hynobabies. I am keeping an eye out for it used. Sadly, I don't have many friends here who have kids, and the ones who do didn't do much of anything in the way of child birth. Actually - I do have a connection who knows a lot of area moms who are more wholistic/natural birthers - maybe I'll check with her.

Anyhow - thank you.