Military Moms: Sept/Oct 2010 - Page 7

[MommaKitten21]

Made it back home to Ohio safely .... of course, left my heart back with the hubby... but the trip went well.


An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!! He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Katie- I hope things work out!!! I am thinking of your family! Sounds like active duty will be the best thing!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha

Speaking of pt... whoever's hubby (sorry, I had too much to read to catch up on I forgot!) I'm thinking of you guys too!! DH is one big guy, and constantly being taped... I know the cloud that comes with that. However, finally are in the clear in regards to that. He never had remedial pt.... just constantly borderline to not making tape! It was a frustrating time for both of us.

MW- that's kinda crummy about the 45 days turnover thing. I would hate having to start over every time. However, maybe it would be a good thing to try, and see what the first 45 days brought... especially since it's completely off the radar.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by MommaKitten21

An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!! He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha

First... awwwwwww and argh lol (but not a mean argh just a frustrated one) because that is so sweeeeeet but I can totally see my DH doing the same thing to me and me just sitting here bawling because I lost that gorgeous ring he picked out... I would actually do the same if I lost his dog tags that I wear 24/7 or the bracelet he made me while in Iraq that I wear 24/7 as well... along with my ring that is my everyday jewelry and it never comes off.

As for PT... I have been doing EVERYTHING within my physical capabilities to get this child out of me. As much as sex is enjoyable, its doing nothing. As much as walking at least keeps my mind off of it (until a total stranger asks how close I am to my due date and I tell them it was five days ago...) its also doing nothing.

Broke down last night because (and I know its stupid to be jealous over this) DHs cousin out in Cali had her son. She has had a great pregnancy without any problems and isn't even due until the 26th (they were planning on inducing her then). And here I sit, still with my SPD and prodromal labor... with swollen feet and rising blood pressure and the fear that its going to turn into something more than just slightly elevated blood pressure (that is most likely caused by my anxiety as it is) and not only will I not get my homebirth (Id be sad but not heartbroken) but I will end up induced, have problems and end up with a c-section. Which I am terrified of. Surgery and I do not get along.

[MarineWife]

Ah, using a tape measure to determine fitness. Don't even get me started! That is one the most inaccurate ways to determine a person's overall health and fitness. My dh and I got into an argument over that. While he agrees that the way the military determines fitness is grossly inaccurate, he won't even think about doing anything to change it. He told me I could do the research and write a paper on it to submit to the DoD. Yeah, right. By the time I had the time to get that finished, they will have probably made the changes.

, Mae. Does your MW have any ideas for lowering your bp and getting that baby moving? If you're not at 41w yet, you're technically not even at your real due date. I know that probably doesn't help, especially with the high bp and pain that you are in, but maybe it could relieve some stress if you are worrying that your baby is now overdue.

FWIW, I was induced at 41w with my 2nd after having a VBAC with my 1st. I did not need a 2nd c-section. He was born vaginally. If you would be going to the NHCL, you are more likely to get less intervention if you (or your dh or MW or doula) stands up for it than if you go to the civilian hospital.

I'm sorry. I'm probably not helping. I wish there were something I could do for you.

MK ~ Glad your drive back went well and you enjoyed seeing your dh and got your wedding ring back. I have to admit I would be angry if my dh did that to me but then I also would have told my dh immediately if I had lost mine. My dh puts his ring on his watchband when he's at work and a lot of times forgets to put it back on his finger when he's home. I don't usually give him a hard time about it because I'm sure it's a pita to remember to constantly switch it back and forth. However, when he was on leave for a month and halfway through still hadn't put his ring back on, I said something. Most people don't look on a watchband for a wedding ring so most people would look at him and assume he wasn't married. I'm not a jealous person but I do think my dh should wear his ring at all times to show that he is proud to be married. KWIM?

[~Katie~]

Thanks everyone. I think this is the only option right now, as well. There isn't a way to get completely out, and he wants more experience before going to look for a civilian job. I can understand that, as much as I hate deployments and having my kid's equilibrium thrown off and everything else. Worst case scenario is that the NG won't let him go active duty and he'll have to find a civilian job anyway.

PT - Mine is working at PT as well. He goes through periods of doing really well at his run and not so well. He almost always fails tapings because he's huge (in a muscular sense) and has a really thick neck. Losing weight for him means losing muscle, although he could probably lose a bit around his mid-section.

[MarineWife]

Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.

[MaerynPearl]

I'm not worried about her being overdue (wont worry about that until 42 weeks) just worried about having to spend another week and half in this much pain with no relief. Worried that my body may have forgotten how to birth a baby since I have been having contractions for 10 weeks, painful regular contractions for 3 weeks... and my cervix is still high and closed.

We are keeping my blood pressure down by watching what I eat (lots more protein!), staying hydrated and drinking dandelion and nettle teas. Im not doing the best on hydration the past couple days but making up for it now.

[~Katie~]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.

I asked that question when he first told me about it and he said he isn't sure how it would work. He's supposed to be done with the NG in summer 2014, I'm not sure if/how that would transfer over to AD. If he stays with this unit, they'll return from deployment in summer 2012, so that wouldn't influence his current commission. I think there's a lot in his favor to go active duty so we'll see what happens, he has to look at all of his options.

[~Katie~]

I'm sorry, MP Is there any chance you can go to a chiropractor? Prolonged prodromal labor is often a sign of malpositioning, even if your midwife is experienced with palpation something could be off with how her head is positioned. I started having prodromal with my DD at 35 weeks, her head was ascynclical and I had constant pain and pressure on my right hip. Both of my children have been poorly positioned and preferred to be slightly posterior and turned to my left side. I did receive chiropractic care with my DD, sometimes I wonder if it had to do with my anatomy as well.

I'm hoping you have relief soon and she arrives quickly!

[MarineWife]

That's sort of what I thought, Mae. Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.

Oh, chiropractic is a good idea, Katie. It also made me think about acupuncture. There is an acupuncturist in Jacksonville who says she's experienced with turning babies and had offered to come to my labor to help with pain reduction. Maybe she could help. Although I've been to a couple of chiros in town, there aren't any I can recommend.

Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I think that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.

[~Katie~]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I think that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.

I know that a lot of people start out as active duty and then switch to the reserves to finish out however many years they have left. My DH started out in the NG (not by choice, they forced him prior to commissioning and then realized they took too many officers) and has always been in the NG, they just cut him a deal in the beginning to go active duty for 3 years and then come back to his unit to finish out the final 3 years. His situation is really unique, so I'm not entirely sure how it would work. To put it another way, he'd pretty much be a free agent when he's released from the NG and would be signing an entirely new contract.

[MarineWife]

Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times. )

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.

I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.

[Maluhia]

I need to vent.....I live in my HOMETOWN while DH is an XO on a sea tour (Navy speak) so everyone always tells me how great it must be to have my family nearby. That is totally what I thought, only my Mother has been SO minimally helpful.

Example: My DH is away on deployment, my packers come THIS Wed-Friday for an overseas packout (we are going from Hawaii to Australia) and my daughter comes down with pneumonia. Yes, she can't go to school ALL this week because she is on 10 days of antibiotics which will make her non-communicable by Tuesday but her immune system is so shot that she can't be around a large group of children. The packout will be two-point pickup at our house AND at a storage unit and my Mom is complaining that watching her at her home (with yard, tv, anything) is SO exhausting that she can only say she'll be there for one day rather than two and I might have to take her back.

My daughter is FIVE she can get her own food, watch TV if that is all you can do and I'm stuck preping for a packout WITH a sick kid at home for a week prior (stir crazy) and it is SO exhausting to watch her for me for TWO days so I can superviser packers without a kid underfoot? Oh yeah, so glad to live near family.

My Mom friends WOULD help but I don't want her exposed to other children per Dr.s orders and I could just about roll my eyes right out of my head the next time I see my Mom brag about how much she "helps" me. I know I should be grateful for the one day but right now I'm pouting and I don't want to.

harumph.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

That's sort of what I thought, Mae. Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.

Its okay your comments are heartfelt and at least show that you are trying to be helpful.

Now my family... that's a whole different ballpark. I love how they are telling me just to have her already. Yeah... if it were that easy she would have been born labor day weekend.

[~Katie~]

He has nearly 4 years of active duty and 5 years of total time in service, in March or April I think it'll be 6, so yes your DH would be correct. He was in the reserves in college which counts toward total time but not retirement. The "clock" didn't start ticking on his AD time until August 08 but he was considered AD prior to that (I can't remember the exact month that started). His total time is reflected in his pay, though. As far as his active duty time keeping him from having to serve the three years, it is not reflected in the remainder of time he has to serve with NG. He still have to finish out the last three years with them no matter what, since that was part of the contract he signed, unless of course they approve his paperwork to be released entirely and be a "free agent" so to speak.

Like your DH's situation, there are people who choose to resign their AD commission and go into the reserves when that option becomes available after they've completed a certain number of years. My BIL, for example, has talked in the past about doing exactly that because he wants to pursue teaching.

Originally Posted by MarineWife

Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times. )

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.

I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.

[~Adorkable~]

Maine Mama Doula,

i wanted to back up and do what i think was missed a bit when you said hi...
Hi! and welcome to the MDC military thread.

seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!
it does depend on a lot of factors and you sound like a smart lady, so i'm sure you will know to read between the lines as you talk to folks in and out of the recruiting system about your options.

My DH is army and has gotten to work with a lot of Navy dorctors that were assigned to his mental health (combat stress) unit while deployed. they had shorter deployments than the army folks but yes were more frequent at times.

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.


anyway i just wanted to welcome you and support you in whatever way you need as you look at all sides of this life changing choice.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Thanks Adorkable

I'm back to lurking status here in this thread I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family. And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.

[MommaKitten21]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

Thanks Adorkable

I'm back to lurking status here in this thread I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family. And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.

my DH was in the Army pre-kids... and he just re-enlisted and we have 2 children now (and married obviously) and let me tell you, for us it's been a thousand times harder then pre-kids. Do not take the experience from before and let it trickle into what it could be like this time. With kids, it changes the whole dynamic.

@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a !!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?

[Maluhia]

Originally Posted by •Adorkable•

Maine Mama Doula

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.

My BIL is in the Navy and flies helicopters over Iraq when on "patrol."
The Navy does a lot of secret stuff but I can tell you that while their risks are not on the nightly news (and neither are many other services missions) they certainly are in a lot of "danger" even if we don't hear about it.

In addition the Navy does not give those 1/2 way through deployment breaks and are gone just as much as others, if not more for some areas, when they are "non-deployed." For example when my husband is "in port" aka. home he works 7 days a week from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. I wish I were exaggerating, I'm not. When we went to counseling with a Navy Chaplain about the issues it was causing the chaplain said essentially "well, this is the Navy, our funding is cut to go to the war that people see on CNN but our jobs get more and more....less people same or more jobs = incredible work hours."

Originally Posted by MommaKitten21

@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a !!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?

Thanks! I think I'll read that once I'm on the plane heading the heck far far away from here for our next tour and I'm going to silence her FB updates so I don't have to "hear" about how much she "misses" DD.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by •Adorkable•

[B]seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!

I wasn't passing along horror stories nor did I jump on the bad stuff. I told the truth about what our life is like. I guess maybe that makes my life a horror. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, especially for a parent. I think a parent who has young children needs to really think long and hard about what the actual separation from his/her children will be like.

After reading about everyone else's work hours, though, I guess I should stop getting upset about my dh's. I've never experienced this. He always worked long hours but was at least home most nights for a reasonable dinner time. I thought the longer days were because of his CO but maybe it's just the way things are now for various reasons and I should stop looking for someone to blame.

[~Adorkable~]

I was not talking about any single response, just the overall impression. I was surprised since in the past it seems like we have all managed to be hosest about the down sides in a more balanced way that also included some of the ups.
No one even asked her how much she already knew or what her particular reasons were before going into things pretty heavy. Had we asked it would have come out sooner that her dh used to be in so she probably knows a good bit of it all.

I agree that we should be honest about things, I was just surprised she got no other welcome, just a lapse in friendly that got overshadowed by worries, thats all.