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Military Moms: Sept/Oct 2010 - Page 4

post #61 of 263
Hey guys.. haven't posted on one of these threads in awhile but I could use some support! DH is deploying soon (his first real deployment) and it is causing some pretty big issues for us. We had decided I would come home during deployment to pay off debt and because we have 3 kids under 3 and he may deploy before the baby is born. But he had like a MAJOR freak out last month and asked for a separation and a bunch of other crap. We do have our share of issues but this deployment is just throwing everything into overdrive. We have since worked things out a bit (no more separation talk or anything) andI have started going to counseling. Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...
post #62 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...
Yes, that is very common. My dh and I used to fight something awful right before he would deploy. For us it would even happen before he'd leave for a short field op. I think my dh stresses a lot about getting everything ready to leave while worrying about being away from his family. He's not good at expressing any of that so he just acts like a jerk.

What helped us was to recognize what it was and why it was happening and put everything out in the open. Now whenever stuff starts to come up I try to gentle remind him that he seems to be stressing.

The other thing I have learned to do is completely leave him alone when he is preparing for a field op or a deployment. I don't bug him about doing anything for me. I don't worry about him staying up until 3 am. Well, except this last time when I tried to help him fold his bug net tent. I looked the instructions up and YouTube and proceeded to follow along. The tent folded and then the supposedly unbreakable bendy poles snapped apart.
post #63 of 263
I have to admit I am not so good at just leaving him alone... which is something I know I need to work on. I have been a bit better about it though so hopefully he will feel less stress on that end of things? I wish I was there to help him more but with his deployment dates so up in the air it wasn't really possible for me to stay down there much longer...
post #64 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
I have to admit I am not so good at just leaving him alone... which is something I know I need to work on. I have been a bit better about it though so hopefully he will feel less stress on that end of things? I wish I was there to help him more but with his deployment dates so up in the air it wasn't really possible for me to stay down there much longer...
Sometimes I'm better at leaving my dh alone than others. Recently, I've been getting annoyed with him for setting all of his stuff up in the living room and then getting mad at the kids when they come barreling through. Um...if you don't want your stuff trampled, don't put it in the middle of the living room floor. I notice I am better at leaving him alone if he lets me know ahead of time that he's going to be busy one night or one weekend. I get really upset if I think we're going to be able to hang out and he goes off by himself to make sure he has all of his gear.

I didn't realize you were already gone. Maybe that will make things easier for him. He knows that you are safe and settled now so he can totally focus on the mission at hand.
post #65 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Sometimes I'm better at leaving my dh alone than others. Recently, I've been getting annoyed with him for setting all of his stuff up in the living room and then getting mad at the kids when they come barreling through. Um...if you don't want your stuff trampled, don't put it in the middle of the living room floor. I notice I am better at leaving him alone if he lets me know ahead of time that he's going to be busy one night or one weekend. I get really upset if I think we're going to be able to hang out and he goes off by himself to make sure he has all of his gear.

I didn't realize you were already gone. Maybe that will make things easier for him. He knows that you are safe and settled now so he can totally focus on the mission at hand.
I hope it will make things easier for him... though I think in some ways it is harder because he has to like, feed himself and do his own laundry!! Oh well, I know we can work through this. My DH does the same thing with his gear though, puts it in the middle of the living room floor then gets annoyed when the kids touch it! They are 1 and 2... I am not sure what he thinks is going to happen!! Anyway, I am going to counseling and a few books have been recommended to me so hopefully it helps!!
post #66 of 263
Sometimes I swear the military has cameras set up in our house to see the special nights when DH can NOT be late from work without upsetting me... and make those the nights he stays late.

Yesterday would have been fine. Tonight? I made him lemon poppyseed muffins (his fav) to make up for all the sleep hes been missing out on when I wake up with contractions (I try not to wake him but hes so worried he is sleeping on alert lately) and I was hoping he would get home while they were still warm. Then, as soon as I pull them out, he texts me that hes going to be late tonight!
post #67 of 263
Rachel.... I could have written your post to some degree a few months ago. I definitely think being near the end of pregnancy makes it much, much worse as well (I was days away from giving birth when DH left for training) I was completely neurotic at times

We also fought a LOT before he left. I remember thinking how crazy we must be for fighting, until others admitted they do it to. It's pretty normal during the withdrawal process.
post #68 of 263
Woo burst of energy

And the thought that a 9/11 baby would be so suiting for her daddy...
post #69 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
Rachel.... I could have written your post to some degree a few months ago. I definitely think being near the end of pregnancy makes it much, much worse as well (I was days away from giving birth when DH left for training) I was completely neurotic at times

We also fought a LOT before he left. I remember thinking how crazy we must be for fighting, until others admitted they do it to. It's pretty normal during the withdrawal process.
I'm glad it isn't just us... I REALLY hope his command approves a week of leave for him this month so we can see him again before he deploys... otherwise we won't see him till RnR!!
post #70 of 263
All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually

I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.
post #71 of 263
Good luck with your trip!
post #72 of 263
Kourtney ~ Good luck and have a safe trip.
post #73 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
Going to completely surprise him actually
post #74 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually

I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.
Good luck and safe travels! Do you have a military i.d. for yourself yet? If not, I suggest you go to the ID card office on post on Monday and get one - it will make life easier for all of you.
post #75 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
Woo burst of energy

And the thought that a 9/11 baby would be so suiting for her daddy...
The day is young, Mae . I'll be thinking of you.
post #76 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually

I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.
You're in my prayers.
post #77 of 263
Today we went to the Beirut/Vietnam memorial... they have a WTC beam there. Brought back a lot of memories of the day...

DH and I then explained 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and why DH and BIL had to go over there, and my brother will be going next year), the Beirut bombing and the Vietnam war to the kids.

And for the first time, the kids were told about how DH had been shot at in Iraq...

They handled it very well... and were very respectful the entire time at the memorial. I'm so proud of them.
post #78 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by chely7425 View Post
Hey guys.. haven't posted on one of these threads in awhile but I could use some support! DH is deploying soon (his first real deployment) and it is causing some pretty big issues for us. We had decided I would come home during deployment to pay off debt and because we have 3 kids under 3 and he may deploy before the baby is born. But he had like a MAJOR freak out last month and asked for a separation and a bunch of other crap. We do have our share of issues but this deployment is just throwing everything into overdrive. We have since worked things out a bit (no more separation talk or anything) andI have started going to counseling. Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...
Rachel, I'm sorry you're going through this. You need to come hang out with us more often!

Anyway, I'm just checking in and subbing. For some reason, I never get the notifications from my subscribed threads at this forum, so I forget about them.

I have been so busy lately and I'm happy to say, that our homecoming is close. Very close!! I can't believe it's almost been a year. I can't believe I survived another one.
post #79 of 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alohamelly View Post
Rachel, I'm sorry you're going through this. You need to come hang out with us more often!

Anyway, I'm just checking in and subbing. For some reason, I never get the notifications from my subscribed threads at this forum, so I forget about them.

I have been so busy lately and I'm happy to say, that our homecoming is close. Very close!! I can't believe it's almost been a year. I can't believe I survived another one.
I know I need to come see you guys more I am hoping to come to the diaper part Wednesday but I need to see if my mom can watch the kids since its bedtime and all...

I don't know what is going on again. He is back to being not sure what he wants, apparently I expect too much of him because I want him to call us more than once or twice a week. Whatever, if he wants to be left alone I will leave him alone. I just hope he realizes what he is going to lose before he actually loses it.
post #80 of 263
DH finally, tonight, found out the plan for the field op. Thanks people, Im nearly 40 weeks pregnant, waiting until now to decide has TOTALLY helped me.

Anyway, they are making him go out to the field tomorrow to help set everything up, but will be bringing him back tomorrow night so he can come home... then he will be back at his normal job all week until Friday. If hes still around Friday he will be helping clean up and come back... but otherwise he will NOT be gone 24/7 this week.
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