A Thread for the Confused and Seeking - Page 3

[livingfree]

a very informative thread! i'd like to come back and share my story, which is still very much in progress.

subbing.

[Juvysen]

count me in. Subbing so I can read later...

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by luminesce

I needed to be able to stare into the wide open in order to find the right paths forward. Instead I was quickly guided through the wild missing all the scenery along the way. When I realized I had gone through much of life with my eyes shielded from my surroundings, I had to stop and come full circle. And that took a long time.

I identify so strongly with this. It was impressed very strongly on the youth in my junior high, high school, and college groups that we didn't have the time or the luxury to just be young and experience life.

We were told that we were in the middle of a spiritual war where people all around us were dropping into the eternal fires, a fate that could be avoided if enough of us were willing to lay aside our own frivolous self-interest and devote ourselves 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to saving souls.

These beliefs really messed me up for a long time in terms of being able to see what we are doing to Planet Earth. It had been drilled into me from such an early age that there was nothing we could do to save the Earth, it was a lost cause according to Scripture, so we just needed to make sure we were on God's lifeboat, and get as many others to join us as we possibly could while there was still time.

It also saddens me to think of how I never felt the freedom to just enjoy new friendships with those who believed differently. I felt like if I really cared about them, I needed to be "witnessing" to them so they wouldn't burn in hell.

It has been so freeing to work my way out of all that. And yet, sometimes I have been kept awake at night by the fear that I may be leading my whole family straight to hell. But my peace keeps growing as I get more in touch with the reality of love and the total joy and freedom of love.

Those fearful views are just totally inconsistent with the radically fearless love that is now unfolding in my heart and life; they feel less and less real the more I get to know this love.

[BarefootScientist]

I just wanted to pop in to say that I am really enjoying reading everyone's thoughts. My own journey is pretty much paused for the moment, since I found out I'm pregnant a few days ago and have been thinking almost exclusively about that, but I am still reading along, and I'm sure I will get back soon to reading and thinking about spiritual matters.

Keep the thread going!

[mammal_mama]

Congratulations, Mel!

That's what it's all about really...life begetting life, forever and ever without end, Amen.

[Tulpen88]

I just started reading this thread, and I'm finding it very fascinating. I've also been struggling with my religious journey and recently gave-up thinking about it. It's nice to read about other people's struggles though, and I'm thinking that this thread might help me to find my path (if there is one) again.

Thanks for the link to the Beliefnet quiz. #1 for me was Liberal Quakers and #2 was Reform Judaism.

I'm going to sub to this thread and I'll come back and post more about me and my journey later.

[mammal_mama]

Neo-paganism seems to be a recurring theme for me. I just re-took the beliefnet quiz and it was #1, and I'm pretty sure it was #1 the last time, too.

Maybe I should learn more about this.

[*farmergirl*]

just popping in quick here- how does one practice neo-paganism? it seems really clear that if your Christian find a church read the bible but what if you don't belong to a group?or have a holy text? what do you do?

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by *farmergirl*

just popping in quick here- how does one practice neo-paganism? it seems really clear that if your Christian find a church read the bible but what if you don't belong to a group?or have a holy text? what do you do?

I guess just be.

I don't really know that much about neo-paganism, but for now I just feel drawn to learn how to really feel the reality of the connection that already is.

I look forward to hearing others' ideas on this.

[mmhinton]

Well, I am really glad I found this thread....and just spent, well, a long time reading nearly all of the posts!

I'll share my story thus far, though, in no way fully realized!
Grew up Catholic - not the german have a beer, enjoy life Catholic; but rather the Strict "you MUST believe every word of the Bible and do NOT question it"... or at least that was how I always felt. Went to church at a Church of Christ with a friend in high school...it really spoke to me at that time as I could *gasp* Question the bible...and SHOULD question it - to better understand it. I was even baptized in the Church of Christ (age 18ish).
Fast forward to present. Met DH - he's kinda non religious, got married (in a, I think?, baptist church... but only for the location of it!), got pregnant. Took a Bradley Birth Class...it has changed my life. That class first led me to question the general medical institution of our society and to see that there ARE other options. That, in turn, led to questioning my beliefs of most other things. I never in my life really felt "connected" when at church - as in not "spiritually connected". I remember, at some point watching a movie that had some line about *church not being about the building b/c then it turns into being about money/power, etc* or something to that effect. And recently read an interview of Jane Goodall who responded to a question about her religious beliefs by saying something like (well, my mom always said that I was x b/c I was born here, but that these people are born there so they are x religion)....that made SO much sense to me. And, I found the beliefnet quiz too.

To sum up all of the above nonsense, I suppose my beliefs right now are most in line with UU, though with Buddhist beliefs in there too. I don't believe in the Trinity, do believe in evolution and that which has been shown by science. Though I also believe that God is everything (e.g., all of us, all creatures, the universe, etc are all connected...b/c God is everything). I feel most spiritually connected when in a place of nature (e.g., a great open plain, the side of a mountain, etc).

My problem has been trying to overcome guilt - guilt of not believing that which I am *supposed* to believe (per how I was raised). Though, I am overcoming that as I go along my journey and become more assured of what *I* believe!

We don't currently go to any church or formal religious stuff and DH is quite ok with that (having not grown up with it). But, I still feel like there may be a place for a church in our lives (likely UU or similar). At the very least, I'd like by boys to grow up with some sort of idea regarding religion / spirituality and I am by no means up to the challenge of teaching them that (I can barely verbalize my own thoughts!!!). So, right now, I still feel like I am searching, but more for the next step as I am becoming more confident in my own beliefs!

[applecider]

I"ll admit I have not read the whole thread, but I just wanted to subscribe so I can come back later and participate. I was raised Lutheran also and I began having many doubts when I was in my young adulthood. Church was something I "did" and there was really no spirituality about it. I started questioning and came to the conclusion that I really didn't know what I believed but I was pretty sure I was not a Christian. I told my mom and she was devastated but I couldn't lie to her. I wanted her to know the truth. That was at least 10 years ago. Currently I am feeling drawn to being more spiritual and I am really missing a church community like I had growing up. Church was more about relationships and community than spirituality. It's funny I happened to go to this Forum because I generally don't come here (Spirituality). Anyhoo, this Sunday I was planning on checking out the local UU church (by myself) and see what I think. I just really feel like I need some support for creating tradition and spiritual/moral guidance for my kids. That was another thing that I really appreciated about growing up in the church, the morals and values that everyone shared.

I'll try to come back after I check out the church! I am really nervous about going but I am going to try and make myself.

[BarefootScientist]

Bumping this thread back up to recommend a book to whoever is interested.  I recently finished reading The Heart of Christianity by Marcus Borg and I thought it was wonderful.  It really gave me a jumping-off point or a framework for how I could, should I choose to, branch out and follow some of these questioning thoughts and new, more "liberal" faith ideas while still retaining my Christian background.  It talks about a way to be Christian without believing that Christianity is the only way.  :thumb  And it kind of redefines or gets back to the "heart" of a lot of the Christian ideas.

So for anyone who is coming from a Christian background, or even if you're not, I thought some of you in this thread might like this book as much as I did.  :love

[The4OfUs]

I just bought, "Kids Book of World Religions" to start going through with my kids, I'm going to start having a sort of weekend religion time with them so that hey start being exposed to it.  And I have to start doing that nightly prayer I was doing with my son for a while, it went

For rest and shelter of the night

For each new morning with its light

For health and love

For family and friends

For everything that God sends

We are thankful.

I was thinking I might try to work in a couple more rhyming lines about other stuff to be thankful for, but for now I'll keep it at this.  I was just chatting with a friend about how I feel so much better when I'm believing/doing *something*, but that I just can't get in line with any organized religion right now, and even the UU isn't doing it for me still.  So, I'm gonna DIY it for now.  ;)

[Dancianna]

Hi!  I haven't posted for over a year, but when I came back recently and saw this thread I was intrigued.  I just can't figure out how to get the cursor out of the quote box....

 

Anyway, I thought the quote below (I'm sorry, I thought the poster's name would come with the quote!) was really cool!

 

I'd like to recommend a book and a website.  The website is sdiworld.org, the site for spiritual directors international.  It's a great site and also has a map where you can find spiritual directors in your area.  (Most s.d.s are not directive at all, but help the person coming to them to hear the voice of their own hearts, or the voice of G-d in their own hearts - depending on how they conceive of G-d or a name for the holy.

 

The book is If Grace Was True by two authors, one is a liberal Quaker pastor, by the name of Phillip Gulley.  He also just wrote a new book called If the Church Were Christian.  I haven't read that one.  

Best of luck, OP and everyone.

 

-Dancy

Well, some years later I was in a Pentecostal church and I realized that what happened that night was indeed real. I felt really bad for quenching the Spirit, and started opening myself up and asking for another chance with the Gift. So one night it all came back to me.

For me it has just been a prayer language, and never to give a message to anyone else. So ... lately I started realizing that this is actually my key into meditation and into experiencing the reality of my oneness with the whole web and force of Life. Of course, I defined it differently before but the experience has basically stayed the same.

I start out praying with my tongue and just gradually (or sometimes quickly) relax into a state of total peace and joy (Nirvana?) -- and a state of really listening. The other day it was so cool. I started remembering my favorite verse from Tao Te Ching...

[Panserbjorne]

thanks for the book recs!  If the Church Were Christian looks like a great read.

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by Panserbjorne 

thanks for the book recs!  If the Church Were Christian looks like a great read.

You're welcome - I really like Philip Gulley, and If Grace is True is a beautiful book in my opinion, making the case for G-d's grace being for everyone, and there being no such thing as a place of eternal punishment.  

[Panserbjorne]

Originally Posted by Dancianna 

Originally Posted by Panserbjorne 

thanks for the book recs!  If the Church Were Christian looks like a great read.

You're welcome - I really like Philip Gulley, and If Grace is True is a beautiful book in my opinion, making the case for G-d's grace being for everyone, and there being no such thing as a place of eternal punishment.  

Lovely and timely.  I've been talking about this issue quite a bit recently-and was just doing so on Thanksgiving with my father.  Thanks again!

[imperfectpple]

FIrst of all i think it is awesome that you are seeking and questioning these things.  I think it's unfortunatly many of the churches and christians have done a poor job in being an example of Christ.  The God i serve wants you to question, He wants you to seek and ask him to help you find the answers.  He also doesn't hate gays, or anyone else for that matter.  He is the very deifinition of Love and absolutley positivley LOVES everybit of you doubts, questions, and everything. 

I think the quiz thing is interesting but I wouldn't decide something as important as your religion based on an internet quiz.  You are clearly an intelligent person and I know you know better than that just wanted to bring that up. 

Josh McDowell is a lawyer who is also very intelligent.  He set out to prove the Bible and Christianity was all a hoax.  After years of research he realized he was wrong and their was much more evidence to support the Bible than to disprove it.  He wrote several books on this subject but his most famous quick and easy read on his findings is called "More than just a Carpenter"

Again lots of Kudos for your transparency and willingess to find some answers to your questions.  I have a blog where I talk about being "real" Imperfect People is the name of it.  This is not to promote my blog but to let you know about it incase you ever want to see some Christians who talk about being imperfect and not wearing the masks like they have it all together (because no one does)

Thanks for a great thread starter!

[BarefootScientist]

I read If Grace Was True quite a while ago and remember agreeing with much of it. I've been looking for a copy so I can re-read it, but I don't think my library has it.

FWIW, I've read tons of Josh McDowells' stuff.

[Tori19]

Just now coming to this thread. I just got through reading all of the posts and feel encouraged that I am not alone in many of the things that have been weighing on me as of late. I just gave birth to my second and since her arrival (I think it has a lot to do with hormones) I have been plagued by fear and worry at these big questions. I was raised Catholic and abandoned it in my early 20's. During college, I felt very connected spiritually to the world around me through a patchwork of new age beliefs. As I went through my 20's I sort of strayed from all of that - mainly I think because I lost touch with the friends who shared these beliefs. Now here I am - 30, a mother with a loving (non religious) husband and I am yearning to feel that connectedness to something greater than myself once again. I do not want to believe that its lights out when you pass; don't want to believe that there isn't a loving, guiding hand behind us as we make our way through this life. I don't want to believe these things, but the absence of faith inside of me sends shivers down my spine. I have just realized that I need to find that light again but am not sure exactly how to go about this. This morning I attended a UU service with my husband and girls. It was a very open, warm community and I think we will return. I am particularly interested in sitting down with the UU minister at some point and picking his brain a bit. I like that they are focused on helping seekers on their spiritual journey.

I am also interested in many of the practices of the eastern religions such as meditation. I have a question for those of you who practice these...how do you do it? I say this with a smile because I found myself rocking an inconsolable baby on the glider tonight staring at the ceiling and trying to pray to god. Amidst your busy family lives, how do you find the time to step away from it all and sit in solitude and quiet? How do you find the discipline to stay focused in the process?

Thank you all for sharing your ideas and paths. It has made me feel less alone ad hopeful.