I went in for an appt today because I was still cramping and had a backache and they couldn't find the HB via Doppler. I was 15 weeks along and we heard the HB just fine at 12 weeks. I was sent for an ultrasound and again there was no heartbeat detected. No heartbeat. We are totally devastated. I can't believe this is happening. I am scheduled for a D+C tomorrow but I started bleeding on the way home and passed a small, about 4.5 inch long completely intact baby boy about an hour and a half later. Eyes, nose, mouth, tiny hands, feet, fingers and toes all visible. Amazing and perfect and beautiful. I just can't believe it. We placed him in a little box and will bury him underneath a tree in my parents' yard. We named him Landen. I'm glad I got to hold him in my hands even if it was in the worst of circumstances. With a D+C I wouldn't have gotten the chance to see him.
It's amazing how much love, and then grief, we feel for such a little tiny person who we never got a chance to know. I feel so numb. My boyfriend is faring worse than me, he is a mess. We thought we were in the "safe" zone, especially at 15 weeks. I never thought this would happen to me..
It's amazing how much love, and then grief, we feel for such a little tiny person who we never got a chance to know. I feel so numb. My boyfriend is faring worse than me, he is a mess. We thought we were in the "safe" zone, especially at 15 weeks. I never thought this would happen to me..
I am alternating between feeling ok, numb, anger, and complete sadness. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to get dinner and I screamed at him that no, I just wanted my baby back. I know it will get better with time, but right now I just want him back inside my belly with a strong heartbeat like we heard 3 weeks ago..
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