Being a SAHM with Debt and hopes for school

[Lovumms333238]

So I am a SAHM to my wonderful DD born in April. DH works from home on the weekends on call so we are both SAHPs in a way! Very lucky I know.
Anyways I want to attend school for nursing and I have about 4k in debt. While talking about our finances today he opened up and said he doesnt want to pay for either of those things but he also does NOT want me to work... but i can and will do it if I have to but i love being here with DD.
What am I to do? Am I being selfish for expecting him to pay? What is the norm here if there is a norm? DO any of you go to school being a SAHM?


TIA

[nola79]

I personally did not, but several of my friends went to school while SAHMing.
Have you looked into financial aid? Grants?

[Tigerchild]

I think it's not unreasonable to pay off the old debt before taking on new debt.

Do you mean he won't work on a plan to pay off that debt? If he wants you to SAH and he also won't pay the bills, what is he expecting you to do?

Have you sat down and figured out a debt elimination plan? Is he willing to work with you to start school after that is paid down? Or do a compromise--you can take 1 or 2 core classes that you need (if any) per semester in the meantime?

[newbymom05]

My Dh was outearning me when we met, and he paid off my student loans and car in the first few months of our marriage. I was still working, but then went part-time and went back to school. I don't know who paid for it since we pooled our finances from day 1. Now I'm a SAHM and have been for 6 yrs, and if I go back to school, he'd pay for it. He's always been a "it's 'our' money" kind of guy. I don't think it's that uncommon--my brother is paying off 70K of my SIL's student loan debts, and she worked 6 months and then became a SAHM, and has said that she wants to go back to school for a career change if she were to reenter the workforce. (I know, crazy, right?)

My take (and my DH and brother's) is that SAHP is a valuable contributor to the household and family. Or maybe I'm not reading the OP right. Is this a "his/my/our money" issue, or does he just not want you to go back to school/work?

[NewMoonMum]

Um, well childcare is not free!!
He may be earning the money, but does he really not see where you are SAVING thousands and thousands a year by sacrificing your career and staying home??
I think you ought to address the issue of "him paying for" your education-you are making that amount of take-home pay possible!

If it's more an issue of you being at home, could you start out by doing some weekend or online courses for your more basic degree requirements? Then maybe you can pick up the pace when your LO is in some daycare, or preschool?

[secondimpression]

Er...someone is going to have to pay for that debt or it's going to start trashing your credit and good luck ever getting a student loan after that happens! (ask me, my XH let the house go into foreclosure!)

Would your DH have a problem with you going to school? It's not clear from your post but if he doesn't, you may be able to look into having him sign on a student loan with you. If you shop for the right loan, you won't have to make payments until after you graduate and some can be structured to give you cash back each month (but this also skyrockets your total loan debt) which you could put towards your other debt. It's not an ideal solution, but it could work for you. There's also the very viable option of applying for tons of scholarships and using the extra money (assuming you get enough to completely cover tuition) to pay your debts.

It can be done!

[HeckedyPeg]

Does he expect you to pay off that 4k by yourself without working? I'm a bit confused on that point. I personally think that once you're married, individual debt becomes common debt, esp if he wants you to stay with your LO, and it shouldn't be held over your head that "his money" is paying it off.

I'm in grad school now (on LOA until LO is 6 months old)- many of my friends used their student loan to consolidate other debt so they didn't have to worry about it until after graduation (depending on what your interest rate is that could be a good option). It is possible to go to school, but if your basing it on financial advancement vs. personal fulfillment, you have to ask if the future income is going to be worth the cost of said education.

Check out fafsa.ed.gov for more info on Federal Student Aid. You may also be eligible for grants and scholarships. AND as a nurse you'd probably be eligible for Income-Based Repayment plan, which would cap your repayment at 10% of your monthly income [http://www.finaid.org/loans/ibr.phtml]

Good luck, whatever you decide!