The September "Whatever" Thread - Page 3

[AnnieA]

MW: Hope everything works out the way it's supposed to!

AFM: Talked to DH last night. We are definitely trying to avoid this cycle. And I'm o.k. with that. I was really nervous yesterday thinking that we could possibly get pg from when we DTD the night before because I didn't want to create a life that couldn't stick around because my body's not ready, YKWIM? So I'm cool with avoiding this cycle. Now next cycle...hmmmmm...

[MovingMomma]

MW: I was thinking about you & the trying for a girl thing last night & thought of this: In DH's job, it is highly unusual for a guy to return from a combat deployment and have a boy. DH has even figured out the time elapsed until boys happen again. Now, it's a specific thing they're exposed to in their particular job while over there, but maybe your DH is exposed to it or something with a similar effect, too?

[BarefootScientist]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

I am way overanalyzing everything.

Yep.

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

I think the "whatever" thing to do, would be put the information in, and then close the chart, and think about what you -feel- like doing. You mentioned it seeming like forever since you've dtd, so tell yourself not to stress about it, and just go have fun. You won't be able to tell anything until after anyways, and this way, you don't have to worry about making a decision about boy/girl too soon/just right, etc. You're just enjoying your husband, and whatever happens, happens. There's plenty of time next week to wonder and calculate once you've confirmed ovulation.

Wise words right there. Easier to say than do of course.

MW, your chart looks good, I think you definitely have a good chance to get pregnant. Not sure what your chances for a girl are...I'd say 50/50.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

I figure this week I'm fertile. That's that. BD any time this week could result in a pg. I keep trying to look at it from a CTA standpoint, rather than a TTC standpoint. I think this might help you, as well. I've gotten it out of my mind that I "have to bd the day before O" or else I "won't get pg" -- b/c it's not the case. DD was O-2 for crying out loud! So back off the chart, put your temp in, and slowly back away!

This is EXACTLY how I've been thinking about it too! Which I think is part of why I don't really understand the TTC board. All I did was stop using condoms. I think in my head, ok, I wouldn't be safe anymore if we were still avoiding...but that doesn't really change my behavior. I tend to DTD when I'm fertile but that's because I want to. I definitely still have a CTA mindset, just without the actual avoiding part.

Anyway, ladies...I'm CD 11 today and entering that "no longer safe" period. We're going camping for the weekend so I won't be around again till Monday. Happy whatevering all weekend everyone!

[Maine Mama Doula]

I thought my m/c was done, and I still think the major part of it is, but I have been spotting now, just when I wipe (brown), for 4-5 days. Today is cd9 or cd10. We dtd on cd5 and I'm hoping we will again soon. DH and I don't see much of each other and we rarely dtd. Usually once or twice a month, and somehow I always end up pregnant, even this last cycle when he wd.

We're not in a great place financially, but we own our home and we make do. I'm still fairly upset over the m/c. I truly am whatevering, because I can't make up my mind.

[akind1]

MW - glad you are more whatever in your head! I think just go for it, and whatever happens, happens, although I think we are all hoping what happens is a very sticky BFP!

Last cycle, I really did feel I O'd, I am just wondering if maybe because of BF'ing hormone levels there wasn't much lining to shed or something. I will temp again this cycle, and keep on, not just like last cycle where I stopped once I had CH. though I am not starting until after AF is over.

MM: that is an interesting theory, on girls after deployments. It isn't quite the same, but I remember when we were on Okinawa (from which alot of servicemen deploy for months at a time to Korea or Thailand, or wherever for months at a time, but not years) we had a lot of boys, but also a few girls. At least in the CDC I worked in, it seemed we were boy heavy. although, in personal experience of the babes I know were born on the island, I think now that I am trying to count in my head, there may have been more girls, like maybe 70/30?

so maybe you have that in your favor, MW! just a thought

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by MovingMomma

MW: I was thinking about you & the trying for a girl thing last night & thought of this: In DH's job, it is highly unusual for a guy to return from a combat deployment and have a boy. DH has even figured out the time elapsed until boys happen again. Now, it's a specific thing they're exposed to in their particular job while over there, but maybe your DH is exposed to it or something with a similar effect, too?

Hmm...that's interesting. DS3 was conceived the 3rd cycle after dh returned from a deployment but now I can't remember if that was to a combat zone or just to Okinawa. He's been home from Afghanistan for 8 months now. He was in Oklahoma for 7 months. I doubt that counts unless you consider the Walmart there a combat zone.

Mel ~ Enjoy your camping. I tend to make more of an effort to dtd when I'm fertile because I want to and it just happens to work out that I could get pg then. That's the way nature intended it.

MMD ~ Sometimes it takes a while for the body to heal. Take care of yourself.

Annie ~ Thanks. I know everything will work out as it's supposed to. I tend to overthink everthing, not just this. It's one of my curses. It's what keeps me up at night. I have a really hard time turning my brain off.

[BHappy]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

I think it's really going to help me this cycle to confirm O and stop temping. I always said I wanted the full chart for posterity, but come on, is it really worth the stress?? Who is really going to care if I have all my temps??

i am with you. i think i'll try it this cycle and see how it goes. i've been temping throughout in hopes of more accuracy in detecting O. but after O, i'm putting the thermometer away!

cd4 here. dh and dd return from burningman on sunday!


xo

[MarineWife]

There really is no need to continue temping after O is confirmed. Other than confirming O, temps can't really tell you anything about whether or not you are pg unless/until they stay high for 18 days. I'd guess that most women would be pretty certain they were pg before then just based on how long their lp was. I would probably temp until 4 or 5dpo only because I got burned once thinking I Oed and stopped temping at 3dpo. Turns out I did not O when I thought that cycle. Very strange.

[onetwoten]

Wow! So much to catch up on.

First thing I remember-- there's nothing bad persay about announcing a pregnancy at my work, just the fact that I just started there, and though they don't know it, I won't be going back after maternity leave. So even though I desperately want to be pregnant, I feel bad for them training me, only to tell the a few months later that I'm pregnant, you know? And with my coworker, it's just awkward because no one else seems to know, and since we don't knwo each other well, it doesn't feel right for me to be the only one who knows, especially when she's having so much trouble with it.

And yes, I totally agree that it's definately nature's intention that for many of us, we WANT to dtd more often when we are fertile. I've found that my cervix position greatly dictates how much I enjoy it... and thus I want to dtd almost -only- when we are fertile, not just for pregnancy chances, but for comfort. It's kind of win-win! lol.

MW: Don't feel like you have to apologize, you only have to be as whateevr as YOU want to be. I just don't want you to stress so much that you sto enjoying all of it. If what you're doing now helps you stress less and be happier- then go for it!

Akind: Wohooooo for new cycles! I think I would go insane with a 2 month long cycle.

The method in TCOYF talks about how men in high stress or similiar situations often have more girls, something about the female sperm being able to survive harsher conditions. The boys were supposed to be faster, but the girls heartier. However- I think this was also the method that was disproven...

OPK's-- I am absolutely no help. I haven't looked into them at all, so i don't understand when they register positive, etc.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

I've found that my cervix position greatly dictates how much I enjoy it... and thus I want to dtd almost -only- when we are fertile, not just for pregnancy chances, but for comfort. It's kind of win-win! lol.

I'm the same way. When we dtd earlier in this cycle it kind of hurt and I didn't really enjoy it. I kind of faked it so that dh would hurry up and finish.

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

MW: Don't feel like you have to apologize, you only have to be as whateevr as YOU want to be. I just don't want you to stress so much that you sto enjoying all of it. If what you're doing now helps you stress less and be happier- then go for it!

Thanks. Believe it or not. I'm really not stressing about the general pg stuff. I was stressing over the girl vs. boy sway stuff and using the opks put me over the edge with that. I know my timing is very boy friendly but nothing I can do about that. Any baby will make me happy.

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

The method in TCOYF talks about how men in high stress or similiar situations often have more girls, something about the female sperm being able to survive harsher conditions. The boys were supposed to be faster, but the girls heartier. However- I think this was also the method that was disproven...

Yeah, that's what the Shettles Method was based on, the idea that male sperm are faster but female sperm are heartier. So, the closer to O you BD the more likely you are to have a boy because the male sperm will make it to the egg sooner. The further from O you BD last the more likely you are to have a girl because the male sperm die off before the egg is released. There are a few other things associated with Shettles like position (shallow BD that deposits the sperm further from the cervix favors girls) and maybe a little about vaginal pH but timing was the biggest thing. More recent studies of pregnancies that occurred from BD on certain days around O have not been able to support that theory, though.

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

OPK's-- I am absolutely no help. I haven't looked into them at all, so i don't understand when they register positive, etc.

The rule of thumb is that you should O 12-36 hours after your first + opk. You can O as early as 6 hours and as long as 72 hours after that first + opk, but 12-36 is the norm. I'm going to assume that window is because the norm is to O about 24 hours after the LH surge but when you first catch that surge on an opk can vary depending on when it happens and when you test. A good reference is the timing of IUIs and IVF egg retrievals. They are usually scheduled the day after getting a + opk or taking a shot to push the eggs to full maturity, essentially doing the same thing that the LH surge does.

Considering all of that I can see how, if my surge started later in the day or overnight so that it didn't register on my Wednesday opks but did on my Thursday FMU opk, I could have Oed relatively soon after the + opk. Thinking about it more and more, I doubt I Oed before then because there just wasn't enough time from my last negative opk.

It's all good. If it weren't for the fact that this is a miscarriage cycle, I might even say now that I fully expect to be pg at the end of this.

[Kimmiepie]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

I thought my m/c was done, and I still think the major part of it is, but I have been spotting now, just when I wipe (brown), for 4-5 days. Today is cd9 or cd10. We dtd on cd5 and I'm hoping we will again soon. DH and I don't see much of each other and we rarely dtd. Usually once or twice a month, and somehow I always end up pregnant, even this last cycle when he wd.

We're not in a great place financially, but we own our home and we make do. I'm still fairly upset over the m/c. I truly am whatevering, because I can't make up my mind.

I'm so sorry. Miscarriages are no fun.

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

Wow! So much to catch up on.

First thing I remember-- there's nothing bad persay about announcing a pregnancy at my work, just the fact that I just started there, and though they don't know it, I won't be going back after maternity leave. So even though I desperately want to be pregnant, I feel bad for them training me, only to tell the a few months later that I'm pregnant, you know? And with my coworker, it's just awkward because no one else seems to know, and since we don't knwo each other well, it doesn't feel right for me to be the only one who knows, especially when she's having so much trouble with it.

And yes, I totally agree that it's definately nature's intention that for many of us, we WANT to dtd more often when we are fertile. I've found that my cervix position greatly dictates how much I enjoy it... and thus I want to dtd almost -only- when we are fertile, not just for pregnancy chances, but for comfort. It's kind of win-win! lol.

Okay, gotcha! That's sad for your co-worker. But what do you do, walk up to her and say "I know you're pregnant, wanna talk about it?" Poor girl.

Oh yes, I almost always ONLY want to DTD while fertile. I'm still breastfeeding so I'm pretty "dry" when not fertile and I just don't have the drive. I keep telling dh that we need to try for a girl and he keeps telling me I'm crazy. He wants another one someday, but can't bring himself to purposely try *right now*. When I got pregnant last month he was excited and happy.
It's weird since we're not consistent on preventing/not preventing. I never know when he's going to w/d. So pretty much every time we dtd when I'm fertile I'm holding my breath wondering if I'm going to have a chance to get pregnant. So far no luck this month, he's w/d every time. But really the "whatevering" is up to him, so I just have to be patient. I'm ready whenever he is!

[BHappy]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

It's all good. If it weren't for the fact that this is a miscarriage cycle, I might even say now that I fully expect to be pg at the end of this.

i hope you are !!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by BHappy

i hope you are !!

Thanks. And if I'm not, it will be okay. Being pg now would be ok and good but not ideal for me. My ideal time is December-February. If I'm not pg with a sticky baby by then I don't know what I'll do.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Here's a question for you whatevering mamas:

Do you always act as if you could be pregnant? For instance, do you take prenatals, do you abstain from alcohol, medications, etc?

I'm still in the early stages, but in the past, I have always continued to enjoy alcohol, etc., until I knew for sure that I was pg.

Just curious as to what everyone else does?

[Kimmiepie]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

Here's a question for you whatevering mamas:

Do you always act as if you could be pregnant? For instance, do you take prenatals, do you abstain from alcohol, medications, etc?

I'm still in the early stages, but in the past, I have always continued to enjoy alcohol, etc., until I knew for sure that I was pg.

Just curious as to what everyone else does?

Well, I will drink a rare glass of red wine, as even my midwife told me to drink it during pregnancy for relaxation. Really though, it's like 1 a month or less. I don't take prenatals, but we have been eating really healthfully lately. If I wasn't I would take the prenatals. I don't take any medications (we're very herbal/natural remedy driven here) so I don't worry about that. However, if I did, I would make sure that everything I was taking would not interfere with a pregnancy just in case!

[hilary549]

hey ladies. i just caught up on the last two days- but got so sleepy that i don't have much to say, just hi and good luck. and to the maine mama, it's a tossup as to whether i act as if i'm possibly pregnant- i take vitamins but not prenatals, don't drink more than a glass of wine at a time, and cut down on coffee, but not a strict pregnancy routine. but they say that it is most important how healthy you are at the time of conception, i.e. your body already should be in prime shape before you get pg, rather than supplementing during pg. so i guess we should all be taking our prenatals and eating our green, leafy vegetables.

[MarineWife]

I have been taking prenatals for about 8 years now because I've either been TTC, pg or bfing all that time so I've just continued that. I cut out alcohol a few months ago but that was for weight loss rather than TTC. When looking at extra calories I could cut, alcohol was an easy one. I just recently started switching from regular to half caff coffee. I didn't drunk much before, maybe 2 cups of regular coffee and one caffienated drink during the day. I'm cutting back on that because of my m/c history. I don't know that I would do that for whatevering without RPL. Medications, I usually don't take any. I actually just started meds again for pg support. So, yeah, I guess I do sort of act as if I could be/get pg at any time.

[onetwoten]

Essentially I do. I am horrible at remembering to take vitamins, but I do plan/try to take one every day, and I figure if I'm going to take one, it might as well be a prenatal. I don't drink really, just every few months a cocktail while I'm out for dinner. So I haven't completely taken those out, but essentially if I'm in my LP, then I won't have it, only if I'm pre-o. Other than that, I eat/drink as I would normally, which is the same as during pregnancy. I don't drink coffee, my lattes are decaf, and I figure the pop I drink evens itself out.

So I guess basically, I do 'act' as if I'm pregnant, but not just because I could be, but because it's kind of how I live my life now anyways, you know?

[MovingMomma]

I take prenatals and rarely take meds. Post O I cut back on my caffeine and don't drink alcohol if there's any chance of pg.

[akind1]

I take my prenatals when I remember to, I am awful at remembering to take pills (which is why I chose the shot, when I was doing hormonal bc meds). I reduced my caffeine while pregnant with DS, from a 20 oz coffee to 16, and have cut waaaaay back on soda. I do drink on occaison, but very rarely, like 1-2 a month, if that. I didn't while pregnant. as far as meds, I take pills for headaches when they get super bad, the same ones I was given post-c-section, (I figure they were given to me with the baby practically latched on indefinitely at the time, so should ok to take while BF'ing). Otherwise, I just try to eat healithily and excersise.

talked with DH and we are avoiding this cycle, which, if it is as long as the last 2 have been (53 and 60 days) means we are ok to not avoid, or "whatever" the next one. He really is aiming for a November conception.

I am looking forward to being pregnant, if for no other reason than to not have to deal with period cramps. they have been worse since having DS. It is awful that I am already in preparing to be pregnant mood, like, thinking, I am going to enjoy sleeping on my belly while I can! and walking without waddling! while at the same time looking forward to feeling the baby move and stuff like that. ahh. seems crazy to me! but exciting.

anyway, looking forward to maybe seeming some September graduates!