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Post partum chat - Page 16

post #301 of 408
Oh, and she rolled over this morning. ??? Isn't it a tad early for that? Now I have to worry about where I put her down (like I ever put her down anyway)
post #302 of 408
thats what I was thinking but somehow Mae has managed to roll to her side several times on a perfectly flat surface (back to side, headed for tummy? but cant roll off her tummy)
post #303 of 408
DS started rolling front to back at 3 weeks. DD started at 5 weeks. It is early but it does happen.
post #304 of 408
I have friends due in the next 2-3 weeks already having labor signs and having babies already.

I should be SO happy for them, I mean my baby is here, I'm not waiting anymore, but I feel more let down. I went 41 weeks and instead of my dream birth that I had been mentally preparing for for over 9 months I got a surprise csection.

I did everything "right"

I guess I'm not as over it as I thought.
post #305 of 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by bri276 View Post
Yes exactly- well it's my right side instead of left that's cracked. Except last night, the cluster nursing never stopped so she nursed basically from 5 pm to 7 am straight. I got like 10-20 minute spurts of sleep each hour from 11 to 7. I'm a zombie. She'd actually taken the paci and fell asleep in dh's arms at 9:30 and then at 10 he put her down to change out of his clothes and of course, she immediately woke up and pressed restart on the cluster nursing. I TOLD him not to put her down.
my turn...exactly. Except the part where your dh helped. Dd won't take a pacifier; they make her gag. Sometimes he can calm her on the exercise ball, but nothing doing last night. So, it was all me. And even if he can get her to sleep, he has to give her to me because he sleeps so hard and crazy. He can't even sit on the couch in the late evening and hold her because he falls asleep and nearly drops her!

And now she's sleeping ALL day...which means tonight will be interesting. Oh, and if you nurse ALL night, that sends a certain signal that means Mama is rather uncomfortable ALL day when you won't nurse hardly at all. I've kissed and jiggled and changed and all sorts of stuff. Nursed sorta, three times, since 8. . Betcha I get mastitis or something awful again.
post #306 of 408
I had the meeting with a trauma therapist a few days ago, and it went well. I then went to ICAN.

BIG, FAT mistake. I was fine after I left the therapist. NOT fine after ICAN. So not okay.

I was incredibly anxious afterwards. And it's only built. Yesterday night I was having issues breathing, that's how intense the panic was. I couldn't figure out why I was so afraid, especially so afraid to be alone.

And yesterday night, in the midst of the panic attack, I figured it out.

I am afraid of dying. In both of my c/s, I reacted to the anesthesia in a way that felt like I was dying. Struggled to breathe, felt weaker and weaker. It was like all my energy was being drawn inwards and downwards. And the last time, with the botched epidural, the anesthesiologist wouldn't listen to me and turn it off. No one was there to help me, since they sent hubby out of the room.

I am afraid of being in a position where I am dying, and can't get help. And being alone with my toddler and newborn. Scratch that. Terrified of it. Deeply, deeply terrified of it.

I've told my husband, and he's great. But the moments are still there. I managed to calm myself down some yesterday night and actually got some good sleep. However, now that I'm awake, it's back, though a low level.

I feel really nauseated, weak, tired. And I need to get this out. How do I get this out? I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to run away from it, take something that blocks this feeling. Help, please.

Ami
post #307 of 408
Oh, Ami. It is so hard to fear something that we can't control.

I don't know what to say to help you work through your specific fear, but I wanted to urge you to at least focus on a few things...

Plenty of GOOD food, water, and SLEEP
Take a good multi-vitamin, b vitamins, and iron
And try not to be alone for a while.

And do you pray? Can you give this to God? Can you trust Him to give you what you need and to handle it?

Keeping my body as healthy as I can, and giving the control to someone much bigger than me is the ONLY way I've been able to get through some really tough times. Especially relinquishing the control.

I hope you can get the help you need, and quickly. I'm sorry this is so hard. I'm sorry you are so afraid.
post #308 of 408
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTA Mom View Post
I had the meeting with a trauma therapist a few days ago, and it went well. I then went to ICAN.

BIG, FAT mistake. I was fine after I left the therapist. NOT fine after ICAN. So not okay.

I was incredibly anxious afterwards. And it's only built. Yesterday night I was having issues breathing, that's how intense the panic was. I couldn't figure out why I was so afraid, especially so afraid to be alone.

And yesterday night, in the midst of the panic attack, I figured it out.

I am afraid of dying. In both of my c/s, I reacted to the anesthesia in a way that felt like I was dying. Struggled to breathe, felt weaker and weaker. It was like all my energy was being drawn inwards and downwards. And the last time, with the botched epidural, the anesthesiologist wouldn't listen to me and turn it off. No one was there to help me, since they sent hubby out of the room.

I am afraid of being in a position where I am dying, and can't get help. And being alone with my toddler and newborn. Scratch that. Terrified of it. Deeply, deeply terrified of it.

I've told my husband, and he's great. But the moments are still there. I managed to calm myself down some yesterday night and actually got some good sleep. However, now that I'm awake, it's back, though a low level.

I feel really nauseated, weak, tired. And I need to get this out. How do I get this out? I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to run away from it, take something that blocks this feeling. Help, please.

Ami

Can you call your therapist? Since you had a good experience with that, I'd definitely bring up these feelings.

Second all of Just1More's advice-- eat, drink, try to not be alone. It's very good that you can talk about this with your husband. Lean on him in this and let him comfort you. Do you have other family that you can reach out to? Not to talk to them about this, if you don't want to, but just to visit, spend time with, so you're not sitting there alone thinking about it?

I hope things get better quickly.
post #309 of 408
Ami. I agree with Kelly1101, can you call the therapist you connected with? I'm sorry you are going through this.
post #310 of 408
Even with Mae being #3 for me... it is still amazing how in-tune with each others bodies we can be.

My breasts start stinging from let-down and a minute later she starts to wake up hungry.
post #311 of 408
My little guy has been rolling over too. I can't believe it. I don't think DD rolled over until 2 months (4 months to roll tummy to back). Though she has low muscle tone so maybe that accounts for the difference.

I'm off to see the breastfeeding doctor again for a follow up. This third course of antibiotics actually seems to be working. I haven't cried out in pain while nursing all week!

Ami-hope you start feeling better soon. Trauma feels so awful but you CAN recover.
post #312 of 408

Baby Clothes Sale!

nak

Just wanted to let you guys know that Carter's is having an online sale through Monday--a whole bunch of tops & pants are $5. I just bought some things for E; also, if you google for a Carter's coupon, you can find a $10 off a $50 purchase code, which is better than the free shipping promo they're advertising on their website.

Happy Shopping!
post #313 of 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by gradstudentmommy View Post
Though she has low muscle tone so maybe that accounts for the difference.
Mae has been so much stronger than her brother and sister were from the moment she was born... she has been holding her head up and by 2 weeks was holding it fairly still. Now at almost 3 weeks it hardly feels like my baby is less than a month old.

Its sort of sad. She might be my last I wanted her to stay tiny! LOL
post #314 of 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
Its sort of sad. She might be my last I wanted her to stay tiny! LOL
Ditto that.

Was Mae born later gestationally than your other kids? My longest gestated baby (41 wks) seemed so UN-newbornish when she was a newborn. I felt very robbed of that newborn phase lol. I was grateful when this current baby was born 3 wks earlier than her. But now that he's 4.5 wks old he's starting to seem more like an older baby. I keep telling him to stay little, but he just won't listen.
post #315 of 408
how are you doing today, Ami?

I second (third?) seeing your therapist again, dropping ICAN for a while, and working through these specific fears with someone you know can help you. I had a lot of dark times after my mother died (flashbacks to the accident, fears of losing my loved ones, etc.), and talking about it with a therapist really helped.
post #316 of 408
hugs to everyone having a hard time.
post #317 of 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by birthjunkie27 View Post
Ditto that.

Was Mae born later gestationally than your other kids? My longest gestated baby (41 wks) seemed so UN-newbornish when she was a newborn. I felt very robbed of that newborn phase lol. I was grateful when this current baby was born 3 wks earlier than her. But now that he's 4.5 wks old he's starting to seem more like an older baby. I keep telling him to stay little, but he just won't listen.
oh my yes, Mae was 41w6d, DD1 was 39w0d and DS was 40w4d!
post #318 of 408
Nothing is going right for me.

And I apologize for the la of letters in my post, you will understand in a moment.

2 months ago, my ipod touh sreen went blan. Oh well, hubby said, we will get you a new one for hristmas.

2 days ago, my husbands phone sreen went blan. And? He goes out and buys himself a brand new android phone. What do I get? An update to my phone that auses it to be slower than it already was!

Fast forward to last night, me very upset over this... and DH sets a bottle of booze next to my mouse then wants to now something about my omputer... I move the mouse, spill the booze on the eyboard.

I an now no longer use two letters. By now I hope you have figured out whih they were as I ant type them =(

so... I have no ipod... a slow phone and a srewed up omputer... and DH has a nie shiny new phone.

Yay. Seriously, does it mean ANYTHING that I just had his hild?
post #319 of 408
hey guys, just wanted to post a quick update. I don't feel up to really participating online right now, and I've been 'banned' from reading about birth/pregnancy/newborns/etc. Too much stuff that I'm just not prepared to deal with right now. But I want you all to know I am ok.

I had my first meeting with my therapist friday and we worked on relaxation techniques. As much as they helped some, I spent too many days in constant anxiety, not being able to really sleep, with intense nausea, which made me not really eat/drink. I felt so weak yesterday I didn't trust myself to pick up 8.5lb Elias.

I went into the hospital yesterday, where they gave me IV fluids, some anti-nausea meds and prescribed some anti-nausea meds, some anti-anxiety meds and apparently I have a UTI, so some antibiotics.

I am feeling a bit better today, I got some really light sleep yesterday night (I kept going in and out of a light sleep). Had my prescriptions filled, so tonight will be night 1 on an anti-anxiety med. Supposedly it will also help me sleep. It seems that I can deal with the attacks better when I get some rest and make sure to eat/drink something. I am resorting to junk food to keep my calories up. It's hard to find food/drink appealing with the low level nausea.

Oh, and I also came out with a diagnosis of PPD/A with some possible PTSD (ya think??). Tomorrow I get to make some phone calls to see my gyno earlier than my 6wk checkup to get more help.

I am also seeing the therapist tomorrow, Thursday and Friday.

Taking it moment by moment. My family has really pitched in too. My mom took ds2 yesterday night, so all I had to do was tend to Elias. Tonight, after taking the anti-anxiety meds, my mom will take Elias, since I can't bf or cosleep with him while on it. When I get up early in the morning, I'll pump and dump and take him back. I'm going to pump some more milk soon, and we have some formula set aside just in case.

I feel really humbled right now. For once, I am demanding to be taken care of, and really opening up to dh and my family, especially my mom. I think it's helping a lot, because they really seem to understand that it's serious. Usually I'm a type A do it myself sort of gal. I'm a total bf advocate too. So for me to hand over my babies this readily, and not giving one flip is Elias gets some formula is really telling. While I would love to never be apart from my newborn and give him only breastmilk, I think he would benefit more from a momma who is sane and able to do things with him rather than be hospitalized.

All prayers, wishes, etc for this to pass as quickly and easily as possible are greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated.

Ami
post #320 of 408
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTA Mom View Post
hey guys, just wanted to post a quick update. I don't feel up to really participating online right now, and I've been 'banned' from reading about birth/pregnancy/newborns/etc. Too much stuff that I'm just not prepared to deal with right now. But I want you all to know I am ok.

I had my first meeting with my therapist friday and we worked on relaxation techniques. As much as they helped some, I spent too many days in constant anxiety, not being able to really sleep, with intense nausea, which made me not really eat/drink. I felt so weak yesterday I didn't trust myself to pick up 8.5lb Elias.

I went into the hospital yesterday, where they gave me IV fluids, some anti-nausea meds and prescribed some anti-nausea meds, some anti-anxiety meds and apparently I have a UTI, so some antibiotics.

I am feeling a bit better today, I got some really light sleep yesterday night (I kept going in and out of a light sleep). Had my prescriptions filled, so tonight will be night 1 on an anti-anxiety med. Supposedly it will also help me sleep. It seems that I can deal with the attacks better when I get some rest and make sure to eat/drink something. I am resorting to junk food to keep my calories up. It's hard to find food/drink appealing with the low level nausea.

Oh, and I also came out with a diagnosis of PPD/A with some possible PTSD (ya think??). Tomorrow I get to make some phone calls to see my gyno earlier than my 6wk checkup to get more help.

I am also seeing the therapist tomorrow, Thursday and Friday.

Taking it moment by moment. My family has really pitched in too. My mom took ds2 yesterday night, so all I had to do was tend to Elias. Tonight, after taking the anti-anxiety meds, my mom will take Elias, since I can't bf or cosleep with him while on it. When I get up early in the morning, I'll pump and dump and take him back. I'm going to pump some more milk soon, and we have some formula set aside just in case.

I feel really humbled right now. For once, I am demanding to be taken care of, and really opening up to dh and my family, especially my mom. I think it's helping a lot, because they really seem to understand that it's serious. Usually I'm a type A do it myself sort of gal. I'm a total bf advocate too. So for me to hand over my babies this readily, and not giving one flip is Elias gets some formula is really telling. While I would love to never be apart from my newborn and give him only breastmilk, I think he would benefit more from a momma who is sane and able to do things with him rather than be hospitalized.

All prayers, wishes, etc for this to pass as quickly and easily as possible are greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated.

Ami
Oh, Ami, definitely sending thoughts your way. I'm so glad that your therapist is on top of this and your family is supporting you.

We'll be thinking of you. Let us know how you're doing whenever you're up to it, but take your time and take care of yourself.
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