:( six year old dd - Page 3

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

Well...she's six. Not every six year old needs or wants a lot of (or even one) structured activities. School is enough. Extras are great if a kid wants to try them, but what is the point if everyone is miserable? If she is active otherwise, she has PLENTY of time to decide if she's interested in team sports.

I hear this line a lot - let your kids "be bored". Avoid scheduling too many activities, etc.

Thing is, when my 6-year old is at home, she inevitably says, "mommy, I'm boooooored.' She has toys, crafts, games, all of which I am willing to do with her, and all she wants to do is..... you guessed it, watch TV. She would watch TV all day if she was allowed.

So I think just saying ok, no activities, is too simplistic an answer.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by catinthehat

I guess my next question is, how do I prevent this from being the norm in the future. If I let her quit soccer, she will never forget. Then everytime she is doing something and it is hard, or uncomfortable in some way, she will say..."well remember the time I stopped doing soccer..."
How do I make that distinction with her in the future?
Obviously I won't sign her up for anything structured for a long while, and I will only sign her up for things that she wholeheartedly wants to do. But chances are, knowing her, when it gets a little boring or difficult she will come home and say..."I hate it mom, I want to quit, you let me before..."

Well I don't let my son drive the car but when he's 16 I will. And he used to pee on the change table but if he peed on a table now we'd have a serious chat...

...if you get my drift. I don't think wild inconsistency is great parenting, but I also think that keeping a situation that is not working intact just because in the future you may need to have a different rule is a little bit over the top.

You can always say "you were 6 then. Now you are 8 and I expect..." Or you could discuss the difference between an exception and a pattern.

I'd take a break from activities and then have a good talk with her about commitment and pick one that's pretty brief and have her stick with it and then build it up from there. I'd also not talk UP activities. I'd talk them DOWN and see if her enthusiasm continues and that's when I'd sign her up.

I agree with many of the PPs that this situation sounds like it is just not working for anyone and it is just plain old not worth the hassle.

[Tjej]

I didn't read the whole thread, but would it work to make her a coach's helper instead of a team member? I just gather that since your DH didn't even show up for the practice when you expected him, childcare might be an issue. She'd also be keeping her commitment in one way, but have some responsibilities and might actually step up and behave better because of them (although I wouldn't tell HER that was the idea ).

Tjej

[pregnant@40]

Maybe she is overscheduled?

My advice is to listen to what she is trying to tell you. She is having emotional difficulty with something. Since she can't quit school, maybe pare down all her activities except for that. And let her have downtime to do as she pleases outside of school, and lots of attention from you if she needs it. Starting school is already a huge undertaking for little kids, and the "structure" and expectations can be overwhelming.

Stopping all extracurricular activities will NOT make her a "quitter" for life. It will show her that you're listening, that you care & want to understand what she is going through. This kid needs a break.

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by catinthehat

Sounds like I am in a minority here thinking she should finish what she started! Maybe I wrong.
I feel like people are really coming down on me here though for even coaching her team. I am not coaching her because I am really intensely wanting her to be this awesome soccer player and I have really high expectations for her. I simply wanted to do something to help out in the community. I wanted to teach kids about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and maybe some skills. I am not some crazy hardcore coach pressuring my child to play!
Maybe I am going about dealing with my child all wrong in general. She is really tough. I am the first to admit that I still don't understand her. The thought of homeschooling her terrifies me. She is so stubborn. She won't do a thing that she doesn't want do. So everything would center around her wants, needs, and desires. She dominates every conversation, and demands constant interaction and attention(I know most children do, but she is even more intense about it).
I just feel really frustrated right now with her, with myself, with the situations we are in and the lack of options...
And I guess I was hoping for some support because I don't have any here.

People are supporting you by telling you a truth that you don't want to hear.

Home schooling would be a bad idea for at least two reasons: 1) you need a break from her company (as do all parents from their children), and, 2) she will probably exhibit different behaviors for teachers & other adults, and may need their influence. But since school is a priority, keep it & cut back on everything else for a while (at least a year). See if that changes anything for you.

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Kids do that to the ones they love the best.

So true.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by pregnant@40

Home schooling would be a bad idea for at least two reasons: 1) you need a break from her company (as do all parents from their children)

You effectively wrote that homeschooling IS (and not even just that you believe it is) a bad idea for ALL families. Is that what you meant to write?

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by laohaire

You effectively wrote that homeschooling IS (and not even just that you believe it is) a bad idea for ALL families. Is that what you meant to write?

That's not what she's saying. She's saying it's a bad idea for the OP to homeschool. OP needs that break from her daughter... which is OK to need a break from her daughter, because we all need breaks from our kids. She's not saying Homeschooling is bad for everyone because everybody needs a break.

Homeschooling would have been bad for my family too. My daughter is motivated, but only for someone else. If I were her teacher, she would be sitting in her room right now watching Bones on Hulu, and she'd never even lift a pencil, or read a required reading book.

Plus I need a break from her.

[laohaire]

I just wanted to point out that the way she wrote it, which may not have been the way she intended it (hence my open question), she said it's categorically a bad idea for all families. All parents need a break, homeschool doesn't give a break, thus homeschool is a bad idea. Different from saying "it doesn't seem like homeschooling would work for your family."

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by laohaire

You effectively wrote that homeschooling IS (and not even just that you believe it is) a bad idea for ALL families. Is that what you meant to write?

Absolutely not. I meant for her (the OP) since she is obviously stressed in her daughter's company. She needs breathing room. Why would you think I'm making a blanket statement about HS? Jeez.

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I just wanted to point out that the way she wrote it, which may not have been the way she intended it (hence my open question), she said it's categorically a bad idea for all families. All parents need a break, homeschool doesn't give a break, thus homeschool is a bad idea. Different from saying "it doesn't seem like homeschooling would work for your family."

Lord. I was talking to the OP (who obviously didn't want to HS, but felt pressured by her daughter). The OP wrote: "the thought of homeschooling her terrifies me"...

[laohaire]

I don't think what I wrote called for a "Jeez." I asked if that's what you meant to write. I thought there was a good chance you meant something else and just didn't see how it was worded. I assumed the best of you, I would hope that would go both ways.