3 year b-day approaching...undecided

[myorianna]

So, I am trying to decide what to do regarding breastfeeding for my almost 3 year old DD. We both still enjoy it, but (1) I am TTC#2 with no luck so far; and (2) I had always thought that 3 would be the time to end breastfeeding- and that it would be easier to explain after a b-day that she is a "big girl" now, etc.

I feel like if we don't do this now then I am on my way to Child Led Weaning, which admittedly, I am scared to do mostly because of society pressure, etc.
BUT at the same time it makes me really very sad to even think of stopping this wonderful relationship...it feels natural, it feels right. And it brings us both a bit of peace.

Soooo anyhow, I know this is always a personal thing/choice, but I feel like I really want to hear some advice from people in this forum. And honestly, I can't even admit that I am still breastfeeding her to anyone else that I know, except my mom and sisters (and DH)...cause my friends started to look at me funny when she was 2 (they all stopped nursing at 1).

[kiwiva]

Originally Posted by myorianna

BUT at the same time it makes me really very sad to even think of stopping this wonderful relationship...it feels natural, it feels right. And it brings us both a bit of peace.

I'd say that since this is how you feel about it, it would be a shame to wean just because of societal pressure. My DD is approaching her 4th bday and still nursing. I don't hide it, but I also don't advertise it among those who don't nurse older kids and then there is no societal pressure on me at all. I know it's not the norm, I just try to surround myself with people who don't think it's odd. Really it never comes up with most people because it never occurs to them that I'd still be nursing at this age!

Have you talked to DD about it at all? That might be a place to start. Throw the idea of weaning out there and see how she reacts. Just bc you thought 3 would be the age, doesn't mean you have to stick to it now that you are there. Don't over pressure yourself.

I do know one mom who weaned at the 4th bday, and that went fine, though her DD totally rejected the idea beforehand. When the day came, she accepted it without much angst, for whatever that's worth.

[Maine Mama Doula]

I have weaned all of mine before a year, and the reason for that was because my supply diminished with each pregnancy and each baby lost interest or wanted to nurse so often that I couldn't take it anymore (at the time, I was working FT).

That said, after each new baby was born, I felt so much like I wanted my older child to still nurse. Even though I had that bond with my new baby, I missed it so much with my older child. I offered to my older children, but by that time, they had disassociated my breasts with comfort.

My advice is to move forward with child-led weaning. I really wish I had.

[myorianna]

Thanks for the replies and support! I haven't really talked to DD about this. I did mention to her that she didn't need as much milk as a baby, that she was a "big girl" and could eat so many things, and probably wouldn't need mommys milk when she got bigger.
I wish it could be easy to continue like this without anyone noticing except that she is still very verbal/vocal/physical about wanting "Tzee Tzee" and tries to put her hand down my shirt any chance she has... And now she also says "I want milk, I want to nurse"
We've talked about the fact that we don't nurse when we are out of the house- only at home, but she doesn't think there is a difference between our home, or any other house.

Her b-day is in one month...we'll see how it goes... I guess I shouldn't worry about the actual day- if we choose to wean I could make a special weaning party just for that I suppose. I wish our society was more understanding - they are ok with older toddlers still needing a bottle at night, or a pacifier- why not this?

[kcparker]

I nursed through my second pregnancy. #1 son is 3 yrs., 2 mos. old and still loves nursing. Tandeming has been nice, actually, though I never thought I would do this. My older is a dedicated booby fan. He always tells me, "I'm going to nurse, and it's gonna be a BIG one!" If you and she are both happy and you are okay with it delaying conception, there's no harm to be done by continuing. If you want to conceive, consider spot weaning, cutting down on sessions per day, or limiting it to only for X minutes at a time. I have found I am grateful for the continued connection, the last vestiges of my son's babyhood, and he'll spend much more of his life NOT nursing, so we might as well enjoy this.

That said, we have limits (put in place when I was pregnant and nursing hurt like a son-of-a-gun) on time of day and place, and sometimes I tell him to stop before he's done, even if he wanted it to be a BIG one. And a friend of mine weaned her son at 3 with a weaning party. He was ready, and she said that in retrospect, she could have done it earlier, but 3 seemed like a good time to do it.

There are no right or wrong answers if you listen to your heart and your girl's heart.

[kcstar]

We mostly weaned about two months ago, for reasons similar to yours. We are sort of trying for #2, and the specialist doesn't generally work with lactating mothers.

I thought we had weaned, and then a week later he insisted on nursing. Two weeks later he wanted a little more milk again. I'm beginning to think that if/when we get #2 we might try tandeming, if he remembers how to latch. He still asks for milk every day. I usually redirect and he's usually okay with that. Last I checked, I still had milk.

It really is a personal decision. As 3 approached, DS was fine with pretty much just one nursing session a day.

[ElliesMomma]

have you considered the benefits of CLW? -- includes giving your child greater trust in people and confidence in herself. i really believe it's true. they can continue to be a "baby" in that one aspect (always returning to mom for reassurance), and yet/therefore go out into the world with the confidence of mom's unconditional love.

here are my thoughts on how to do CLW if you decide to do it:

set some limits.

you can have a heart to heart talk with your daughter about how most kids her age don't get to nurse anymore, in fact, a lot of babies don't even get to nurse... and that she is an exceptionally lucky little girl. so she might want to keep it kinda quiet and not "brag" about it to other kids, b/c they'd be jealous and want to nurse too.

you too might want to (continue) keeping it on the down low. i would even quit talking about it with your sisters, your mom and even your husband if it becomes any kind of "issue." nursing is a relationship between you and your child.

as for me, my DD still nurses at night before bed and on a few occasions during the day -- but i keep it brief. she is 4 -- almost 4 and a half. since her baby brother arrived (and he's about to turn 1 himself!), i've had to limit my DD. because even i can't take it all.the.time.

btw i had no problem getting pregnant and staying pregnant while nursing. i was 40 when DS was conceived and 41 when he was born.

i do credit nursing with helping ease DD's transition into big sisterhood. there was never any jealousy. praise god.

ps: it's really good for their teeth/oral development to keep nursing too. and the antibodies in your milk continue to improve her health.

[kcstar]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

have you considered the benefits of CLW? -- includes giving your child greater trust in people and confidence in herself. i really believe it's true. they can continue to be a "baby" in that one aspect (always returning to mom for reassurance), and yet/therefore go out into the world with the confidence of mom's unconditional love.

I can't speak for the OP, but I know that in my case I had to work with a fertility specialist for DS, and I'm not at all surprised to be working with one again. I have other hormonal issues and would like to minimize the variables (prolactin).

[myorianna]

DD still nurses 4-5 times a day on the weekdays, and more on the weekends since I'm not working. I was surprised that I still had so much milk after convincing her that milk needed time to rest and sleep at night... For TTC, I am ovulating and have regular cycles, but am wondering if nursing still has an effect on implantation somehow.
Regardless, I think I will try to talk to her and see if I can convince her to be more discreet about it- its just that she still seems to need it so much, and its such an easy "fix" for so many of her moods.
At the same time, I know she doesn't really need the milk, its the comfort it gives and maybe we can get it other ways. I initially nursed through 2 because of her milk allergy- she still has it so can't have any other animal milk. Now that I am here, I have grown to enjoy all the benefits...