Funny Question ~ Figuring out dynamics of unblending?

[Phoenix~Mama]

This is likely me overthinking things again, or being sensitive/emotional from pregnancy and navigating all the crazy emotions associated with a break up, even one that is for the better...

So STBX mentions yesterday that he can't wait until DS is here and he already has ideas for pictures with all three kids and would like to get them done with me around tax time and we can split costs.

I didn't really say anything in response.


And here is where my mega B-ness comes out... One of the thoughts I had when I became single is I finally get to have pictures done of just my kids without STBX pushing DSD on me and making everything all about her. (don't get me wrong, I care for DSD, but if you have read any of my postings under JSMa, you will know that STBX definitely made being a Stepmom very trying, and the obviouness of his favoritism shows in how he will cancel visits with DD, but not DSD).

Anyway... I know DSD is still a part of my life in some way. I don't really see her much, because of how both her parents feel about me. I see her when I pick up my DD briefly, and usually she doesn't want to talk to me.

But she is my kids sister.... so I do think it would be nice for them to have pictures of her and be in pictures with her etc... same with their Dad. He's still their Dad.

But would you really go together and do this? Or just let him get some of the three if he wants and maybe offer to pay for a print to have at your house for your kids?

I just don't want our lives to be any more intermeshed than they need to be.

[Ione]

If he wants pictures of all 3 kids together or with him and all 3 kids, he can schedule the photo shoot on his time. And pay for them himself. If he wants to give you a print for the little ones to have at your house, he can. A gift to his kids. Not you. Not your responsibility to pay for it either.

How old will DS be at tax time? At most, you could--but only if you feel like doing so--offer to go with to help wrangle kids during the photo shoot if DS is really young and he doesn't have visitation alone with DS yet. Or if DS is older and mobile and you think you want to help with the wrangling of your two.

Otherwise, his want, his money, his time. Not your problem.

[spinknottle]

Let Dad get whichever pictures he wants done. Don't split the cost. And then get your own pictures done. Afterwards, give him a nice print of your pics (if you feel like it) And maybe he'll do the same in return.

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by spinknottle

Let Dad get whichever pictures he wants done. Don't split the cost. And then get your own pictures done. Afterwards, give him a nice print of your pics (if you feel like it) And maybe he'll do the same in return.

exactly. i can't imagine my dad asking my former step-mother to have pitched in for, like, my senior pictures, or my wedding, or split the cost of a bday gift for me AFTER they split up (let alone while they were married, actually). it's not like your relationship with dsd is necessarily over, but it is different, and you have zero obligation toward her as a parent. now you just get to watch her grow up from a slightly larger distance, be there for her to talk to when her parents don't get it, and be friends when she's a grown up (if you want).

i strongly suggest that whenever xh starts talking, just let your eyes glaze over and start fantasizing about, i don't know, dancing chocolate cupcakes. because he's not saying anything worth hearing.

[MissLotus]

It's his idea to get the photos done with his other kid, so he can get it done himself and pay for it himself. He has no shame. It sounds like just another thing to engage you in... I would just be bland and "No thanks, just go ahead and take them for photos when the time comes," and when he flails around angrily just hang up/walk away, etc. He doesn't deserve much courtesy.

[candycat]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

whenever xh starts talking, just let your eyes glaze over and start fantasizing about, i don't know, dancing chocolate cupcakes.

That's priceless!!!



I would also do what the pp's suggested. Let him get his own photos, you take yours. If he wants to give a copy to your children, have them put it up in their rooms instead of the public space. Put your photos in the living room or wherever. That's what I would do in your situation.

[DeerMother]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

i strongly suggest that whenever xh starts talking, just let your eyes glaze over and start fantasizing about, i don't know, dancing chocolate cupcakes. because he's not saying anything worth hearing.

This is what I'm going to start doing! Ha!

[Theia]

Dutch! That is a great response.

And the only reason why you might want/need to go with him would be due to DS's age and if his father is not having unsupervised visits at that point. If you do go then, be sure to leave your wallet in your car that you drive separately to the appointment.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

I agree with everyone else - let him do it on his own time with his own money. Chances it actually gets done? Maybe three percent.